Tuesday, February 02, 2010

It's a Lost season premiere preview and open thread! Err, it's a Canucks preview and open thread.

So I freely admit that I've done this preview before. But it's the premiere! Of the final season! A bittersweet moment for all us Lost fans. And when I look back at what I wrote last year, it pretty much still applies. Let's see it with a comment and a fix or two:

Seriously, this team is Lost. Wayward. The sky is falling. The Black Rock is sinking. You know the metaphors (ed: all still true). Anyway you slice it, I only wish the Habs could flashback to the mid-70's (ed: ahh, the good old days, when Bob was just a great defensive forward). Here's a preview for those of you who will be watching the game, while I'm watching to see if the Oceanic 6 get back to the island setting off a nuclear bomb can make everything right.

You see? the Habs are exactly the same team they were last year. There's even an eerie injury similarity, as around this time last year we lost our leading goal-scorer (Lang) to injury. So this preview writes itself. Goddamn I'm a lazy bastard. But I've got cooking to do before my guests arrive.

Waiting to see who Jacob's nemesis really is details - 7:30 pm start at the Bell. Habs riding a wave of mediocrity, 3-4-3 in their last 10. Nucks, on the other hand, are good. First in the Northwest division, and riding a 7-game win streak. Oy, not again. Nucks embarrassed the Habs 7-1 in their only other meting this year. Nucks are playing game 2 of their epic Olympic-mandated 14-game road trip.

The war is coming and we're on the good side - Nucks Misconduct is an outstanding source for everything Nucks.

Hot like the fire burning Jacob's body - Pleks has 5 points in his last 4 games. Of course, he has no linemates now. I guess Jaro is still pretty hot. For the Nucks, Alexandre Burrows has 8 points in his last 4, and Henrik Sedin has 14 points in his last 7, putting him first among the league's point-getters (really that's true, I checked).

Cold like John Locke's dead body - name your poison for the Habs - Gomez has tailed off, Little Tits has done nothing since his return, and we're starting to worry for TFS. For the Nucks, well, see 7-game win streak note above. Though Luongo was chased by the Leafs Saturday night before Raycroft took over. But just mentioning Luongo now means he'll shut us out.

Damaged like Dr. Pierre Chang's arm - all eyes and ears are on Dr. Mulder's office today, when Squid's prognosis comes down. There was a report yesterday of 6-8 weeks from a damaged MCL, another report of 6 weeks from a sprain only, but the truth is until the Habs say it, there is no report. Big Tits long-term, and Mara and Jaro still out too. Newly-called up Dagger has the flu and is questionable. So we have what, 3 forward lines and 2 D pairings? Canucks are notably missing Alexandre Bolduc and Sami Salo, though the latter may make his return tonight.

Post-game adult entertainment - Video of Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet) kissing Angelina Jolie from the movie Gia. Oh Juliet, how we'll miss you. Why'd you have to go and blow up a nuclear bomb in your own beautiful face?

Please make the comments spoiler-free for those watching hockey and PVR'ing Lost. Though I have no idea why anyone would do that.

97 comments:

Kmaxx said...

Thank you 29 for a great start to the day - I'm referring to the Angelina link - the news on the Habs front is fuckin' dire. I'm just praying for at least one period with double digit shots...but then again that's probably a bit much to ask...or is it? Go Habs Go...?...please...


wv - antivere - as in what I'd like to smash over the heads of those antichambre assholes when we get beat up again tonight

Habsfan10 said...

On the plus side, it appears we only have the 2nd worst GM in the league. Daryl Sutter just spent two days cementing his claim.

Boob Gainey said...

Those Sutter boys were never known for their brains, let's be honest.

Still, there are worse GMs:

Don Wadell in Atlanta. Atlanta started life with four number 1 or number 2 picks in 1999-2003 and never won a single playoff game.

And then there is Glen Sather, the undisputed champ of bad GMs.

Pat said...

I'm not even bothering with the game at this point. We've got the full-blown Suck AIDS now, with no Magic Johnson Secret Rich Guy Cure (read, Kovalchuk) in sight.

Jacob will turn out to be the "bad" one. Calling it now. I also wish Ben Linus were our GM. Sawyer can be captain, for the simple reason he's banged both Kate AND Juliet. Name anyone who's ever done anything that awesome. You can't, right? Because it's fucking impossible.

PaulCH said...

This is my lowest point as a Habs fan. Because when they sucked even worse 10 years ago, I couldn't tell because my Oleg Petrov boner was poking me in the eyes. So now with no more nubile young Russky-boy I have clear suck-vision. And I see a lot of suck.

Melly said...

How much would it take to convince Réjean Tremblay to take a page out of BR's book and retire already?

His latest: Cammalleri's a selfish pig and la Sainte Flanelle will be better without him.

All very vague, of course. Some players, off the record, etc. Convenient. Must be really nice for Tremblay to be able to slam Squid like that, without being held accountable for what he writes.

Habsfan10 said...

@ Boob:

"And then there is Glen Sather, the undisputed champ of bad GMs."

Sather got Gainey and Sutter to take Gomez and Kotalik off his books. When you get fleeced by Glen Sather, you have to be ranked below Glen Sather. If this was "spend money like an idiot and hand out awful contracts like candy" GM rankings, I agree Sather might still be champ.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Melly
You can read all about it in Tremblay's upcoming autobiography 'I was a Teenage antianglo/antisemite'. Chapter 6, Cammallnacht.

Boob Gainey said...

@HF10

I like Gomez. He's overpaid, but he's not bad.

HabsFan29 said...

six weeks, no surgery. could have been much worse.

bea.habs.fan said...

@Melly.
I think there is a law somewhere that says that no more than 2 pure liane can retire in a given year.
BR was first and will be followed by the Senator at the end of the playoffs.

we need some left to poke fun at. Where would l'antiCH be otherwise?

RiRi said...

I also questionned Sutter`s bone-headed moves but then realized that alot of those players` contracts expire at the end of the season... so he`s left with a bunch of cap space.

Quick Poll: Who`s for the rebuild?

P.S. GoHabsGo!!!

Boob Gainey said...

Giguere starts tonight against NJ.

I hope the Devils light him up.

Does that make me a bad person?

kevincrumbs said...

@HF10: Don't worry, Sather will do something really stupid in due time.

I could care less about Lost and sadly, I find myself almost feeling the same way about this team.

RiRi said...

@Boob - I hope Brodeur gets the shutout. That would be fun to watch!

hockeyzombie said...

Watching LOST will keep me entertained and happy.

Watching the Habs makes me bitter and depressed.

Easy choice.

dwgs said...

PaulCH, you sure you meant Petrov and not Valeri Bure?

L Dude said...

I can't stand LOST, but I understand those diehards who need to stick with it to the end. I did the same with Prison Break and that was pretty much fucked after the first season.

I have a feeling Halak will steal the show tonight, giving the Habs a 2-1 victory in OT or a shootout, even though he'll face about 50 shots and the Habs will toss about 18 at Bobby Lou.

Then BG will trade Price for Huet...with others thrown in to even out the money.

Pat said...

@dwgs:

Nope, Petrov was definitely the mayor of Suck Town in 00-01, leading the team with an astounding 47 points.

moeman said...

Question for the lawyers,

Is it libellous to call someone a fucking racist (on a blog)?

~~~

WV = metrosit

soperman said...

@moeman

Don't ask them, ask Bertrand Raymond.

moeman said...

@soperman, bert won't respond to my emails anymore and its his BFF réjean tremblay that I want to call a fucking racist.

Also, funny.

wannabelawer said...

you could call him a pequiste...

Robbie said...

@moeman go ahead and and call him anything you want and then claim temporary insanity (well 17 years worth) simply plead that the Canadiens drove you to it.

Ronan said...

The sad part is that it's win-win for Tremblay - Habs win and he can claim it proves his point; Habs lose and he gets to write more drivel about what a terrible GM Bob Gainey is.

gillis said...

The habs need a sex machine to replace Squid. I think the molson's should by every fan one to keep them from getting to depressed.

Robbie said...

@Ronan. No the really sad part is Uncle Bob is a terrible GM.

Moey said...

Love listening to audio bits of some of our guys today, the usual "well we'll all just have to step up" and Cammy "I have a lot of faith in these guys", in other words, we're fucked without kisses.

GoldenGirl11 said...

A sex robot. Kind of like the Habs. Has potential but it's just not quite the turn on you hoped it would be...

"Hi Roxxxxxy, I'm your new owner" (hehehe) "How do you like your new home?" (hehehe)

"I. do. not. compute. please. repeat."

"Oh, Roxxxxy, let's chat"

"for. chat. to. talk. in. a. casual. manner. say. English. for. chat. little pussy. say. French."

"how bout fooling around?"

"fooling. to. joke. knock. knock."

"no, no, Roxxxy I mean, you know?"

"ooooooo. baby. who. is. my. daddy..... feeling..... weak..... must..... charge..... battttttt"

"Roxxxxy? Roxxxxy?"

chris nilan said...

please please please beat these cafucks.... i live in van and the fans here are even worse than toronto..... smug as fuck...... think they rule the hocky world and have so much history....retired numbers linden an stan smyl???? one finals apperance? and my fiance is a nucks fan too! fuckin fuck!!!!


please please please!!!!


yeah i'm jealous.

Boob Gainey said...

Vancouverites are also pretty smug about Vancouver. A bit like us Montrealers in fact.

Don't get me wrong, it's an absolutely wonderful place but come off it: it ain't exactly Paris or Rome, culturally speaking, and it rains like 350 days a year.

RiRi said...

Gionta and Gomez acknowledged/tapped those kids near the entrance... Hopefully,all this talk about stepping up is true.

Who am I kidding? The only way they win tonight is if Jaro gets a shutout.

RiRi said...

Lil` Tits!!!!

orangeman said...

Titties!

Ronan said...

Itty bitty titties!

RiRi said...

Pouliot with the assist: Chicken Breasts!!

lehab said...

little tits with a chicken feed

lehab said...

@riri...heh

orangeman said...

lame ass goal on lame ass penalty.

RiRi said...

Where`s OUR powerplay?

Ronan said...

Hey, I thought the refs were supposed to hate the 'Nucks?

orangeman said...

Watching the Canucks feed. I think there's been about 7 different features on Vancouver players past and present yet only 2 replays of important plays, both being of the Nuck goal. Oh, here's another one. Fabulous.

RiRi said...

The chicken breasts were great but how about some czech sausage? (wink*Pleks*wink)

Ryan said...

Awful penalty from Hammer Dick.

RiRi said...

Where`s Stephane Auger when you need him?

And who`s the fucker who pushed away Plekie`s stick?

orangeman said...

Shouldn't moving Plek's stick like that be a penalty? Like, an automatic penalty? I know the Nuck announcers are calling for a penalty shot for their team. For some reason.

RiRi said...

Yapierre!!!

orangeman said...

Hazah!

Ryan said...

@orangeman

I think they were saying that he threw his broken stick at the Canuck player. When in fact the announcers forgot that when an object is dropped on the slippery surface this game is played on, called ice, it may move a bit.

And much needed secondary scoring, thank goodness.

Ronan said...

Holy shit, is that a goal from the 4th line?!

Chenny13 said...

Cue The Empire theme. An Assist to Vader!

RiRi said...

What was Maxwell`s nickname again?

Number31 said...

Sergei and Lapierre in one night? I might pass out from the shock! Maybe Sergei was sick of people fucking up his perfect passes and just decided to fucking score himself?

lehab said...

5 on 5 goals?

lehab said...

@ riri...agent 61

Boob Gainey said...

F***ing Lemaire starts Yann Danis against the Leafs.

Now they'll think the Burke era is off to a great start.

RiRi said...

Phaneuf looks even more like an oaf in his Leafs jersey.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hey I have an idea for a system! How bout cycling the puck for like 5 minutes at a time and then shooting on net like Vancouver. Too bad we don't have their coach.

RiRi said...

Do they even have a shot this period?

orangeman said...

@Boob,
We want them to have hope so that when reality sets in again it'll hurt that much more. Like when Kessler scored a few goals and Leaf fans started sending in their Hart trophy votes.

orangeman said...

Oh god, not the ole song. It'll be 5-2 within 6 minutes.

RiRi said...

Have they ever spent so much time in an opponent`s zone all season?

RiRi said...

The crowd is going crazy!

Chenny13 said...

This is actually exciting. I don't believe my eyes!

orangeman said...

Good job Hammer. You moron.

RiRi said...

Yikes!
To say Hammer is having a bad night would be an understatement!
Good game tho!

P.S. RJ is winning...

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think they heard me! That was actually fun(ish) to watch.

orangeman said...

I feel like a PP kill here would really lift the team but a goal will destroy them. Looks good so far. JINX

lehab said...

agent 61 missed it by that much

orangeman said...

That would have been an awesome goal. I forget, do they still award points for 'would haves'?

RiRi said...

Still no powerplay... They said JM spoke to the refs about Sergei being tripped twice and no call. I don`t think he was very effective. Sigh.

Moey said...

I really want to hate them so badly, but of course the Phoenix rises from the ashes, well for one night. Maybe they were being lazy peckerheads and letting Cammy do all the scoring.

WTF? Leafs are beating NJ 3-0? The planets are out of alignment tonight.

Ronan said...

Please please PLEASE no defensive shell.

orangeman said...

A MTL PP? I'll alert the media!

orangeman said...

I don't understand how it can be a tripping AND diving call. I'm sure Kessler will say the ref hates his family or some such after the game.

orangeman said...

put...it...in....YEAH!

lehab said...

more chicken feed

RiRi said...

Pleks!! From the chicken breasts!!

RiRi said...

@orangeman - shhh! we`ll take all the calls we can get!

RiRi said...

FUCK.

orangeman said...

You didn't need esp to see that one coming.

Ryan said...

Worst game from Hammer Dick I have seen in a long, long time.

RiRi said...

WTF? Is Sergei made of glass?

Nevermind, he`s back!

Ronan said...

Take that you smug bastards.

orangeman said...

Thank you Burrows. Can't wait to hear you blame this time!

RiRi said...

We`re now in 7th!

Chenny13 said...

A win? With 3 even-strength goals?! Who was this team?

Wait, we got outshout 47-28? That's more like it...

lawyergirl77 said...

The shots on goal, while huge, don't tell the whole story. We missed the net a lot...

That being said... HOLY SHIT!! Another great home game. I guess that stretch where we sucked at home and rocked the road games has been flipped around.

It's games like this that make it impossible to lose hope. Fuckers. They won't even let me wallow in peace. *sigh* Why can't I quit you????

RiRi said...

Ugh. JM looks like he`s giving a eulogy. SHOW SOME FRIGGIN` EMOTION!

chris nilan said...

thank you thank you thank you.

gillis said...

GO HABS GO!! PLAN THE PARADE!!! WHO NEEDS CAMMALERRI? WE GOT MAD MAX!!! WOOOO!!!!

ps. i'm drunk, do not take me seriously

FireGainey said...

@ Boob Gainey

"I like Gomez. He's overpaid, but he's not bad."

I like Nissan Altima's... but I wouldn’t pay 7.35 million for one.

His salary is what makes him a TERRIBLE signing. Bob could have easily found a 4'2", 35 point, -1 player for a lot less than 7.35m.

What makes it even more embarrassing, Glen Sather (who in his own right is also a shocking GM managed to get Bob to take Gomez, and his salary. And... just for a laugh he managed to get Bob to throw in one of our former 1st round picks (Ryan McDonagh).

Im glad to see you and Bob both like overpaid average hockey players.

*7.35m is "Franchise Player" territory.

Give your head a shake,

Fire Gainey

gillis said...

No offence Fire Gainey, but I find you are a bit pessimistic. To make it more optimmistic, please follow FHF's simple rules:

comments MUST include either profane language, links to pornography, or a reference to the Leafs or Bruins sucking.

gillis said...

ps. I love altima's

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

...or at least throw in a decent recipe, for fuck's sake.

Kmaxx said...

Well...I prayed for "at least 1 double digit shots period" - we had 10 in the 2nd so I guess some prayers are answered...still a lot of work to do but a win is a win mutherfuckers!

soperman said...

Freaking Canuckleheads! he he.