Monday, May 26, 2008

Breaking News: Americans Steal, Destroy Canadian Memorial (Cup)

Kitchener, Ont. (A.P.) - A rowdy American hockey team invaded Canada disguised in Montreal Canadiens' knockoff uniforms a little over a week ago and today returns to its home in northern Washington State after having deconstructed, destroyed and defiled a 90-year old Canadian institution, the Memorial Cup.

After being awarded Canada's top junior-age championship, the Memorial Cup, so called as a legacy to Canadian soldiers fallen during the Great War, the Spokane Chiefs smashed the trophy to the ice and declared that they had "released the spirits of their ancestors" - adding that their ancestors could kick the Kitchener Rangers' ancestors' asses.

What's worse is that it appears from reports that the American band of raiders was in fact led by a Canadian, namely one traitorous Calgarian, Chris Bruton. Bruton moved to the United States four years ago and apparently hasn't been back since, as he clearly hates Canada and all Canadians, living or dead.

Burton defended his actions by explaining that "it was easier to drink from the Cup that way". Tournament organizers had a better explanation: "What do you expect when you give a bunch of America kids Canadian beer all week? Of course they're going to cause property damage by the time they leave."

(You can check out the video, here. Note the Habs-like jerseys on Spokane. Sigh, at least our uniforms managed to win a Cup this year.)


Habsfan10 said...

I still haven't forgiven the entire WHL for Brent Bilodeau, Lindsay Vallis, and Matt Higgins. Now this!

lawyergirl77 said...

That is some of the funniest shit I've seen in a while... The look on their faces was PRICELESS!

Great find Panger!!

Brian said...

Thank God it was a replica. Next season, they are going to use a replica of the replica in the on-ice presentation. Not going to take anymore chances from yesterday forward. You haven't forgiven the WHL? I'm still pissed about the 1980 draft! The Habs passed on Denis Savard, Larry Murphy and Paul Coffey that year. WTF were they thinking?

Loser Domi said...

Just get some duct tape and super glue, It'll be fine.

Drumlin_Hill said...

We starving fans need some humourous perspective on Lafleurs recent asinine comments re: keeping Kovalev over Koivu.

Sonia said...

The "OMG I just crapped my pants" look on their faces was one for the ages! You can just hear their thoughts:

"Did anybody see this? Can we hide it? Where can we hide it?"

"Wait, wait, I can fix this! Bring me the hockey tape!"

Heather said...

[a href=""]My pretty pretty Chiefs[/a]

How did they end up fixing the Cup? With stick wax so they could drink out of it. I love the fact their jerseys look like the Habs as well.