Thursday, January 14, 2010

FINALLY some fucking hockey today, so let's just jump to the Stars preview and open thread

Jebus we were suffering serious meth-level withdrawal there. In this crowded schedule season, four days without a game is like a week. No matter how middling-quality this team is, we need our fix.

So, Dallas! Feel the excitement! The Little-Fuckity Fuck comes home! What's that? Recently out of the hospital and out 4-6 weeks you say? Hmm, well that sort of puts a damper on the whole excitement thing. Also sort of puts a damper on my whole "players leaving the pressure cooker of Montreal and being successful" theme for the preview. I had a real nice rant about it too, in the best HF10 tradition. Too bad for you. I hope you commentors can entertain yourselves all day.

Waiting in line to get your Leclair #17 jersey changed to a vintage Murray Wilson - 730p at the Centre of Bell. It's the teams' only meeting this year. If you look at the last 10, Habs are actually 6-3-1. Really? I thought we were worse than that. Oh look, 1-2-1 in the last 4. That's more like it. Though admittedly we may have deserved better in that OT loss. Stars are mediocre at best, 4-6 in their last 10 and a dismal 1-8-3 on the road lately. Even their best Rocky impression didn't help them in Philly Tuesday.

Ready to welcome Habs castoffs with open arms - The Other 6 Seconds tells the truth about their own team's suckage. We like that.

Hot like, well, like Gui! right now - How about that CHicken? He got his own John Loo TSN feature, with Gio comparing him to John Leclair. Oh the irony. GMC is keeping our asses alive, whatever asses we have left. Both are goalies are just fine too, excellent save% and GAA all around lately. For the Stars, I swear I never heard of Loui Eriksson, but apparently he's pretty good.

Cold like the Montreal media to the player who came back in the trade after he sucks for 2 periods - Well, it's come to this. I'm forced to put Pleks and Squid here, as they are both pointless in 4. Look, I understand they are being forced to play with Generic Underperforming Young Winger Who Should Be On The Fourth Line #1 and #2 since Tits went down, but fuck, give me something guys. For the Stars, their goalies' recent records are jokes that write themselves - 0-1-0, 3.45, .861 for Auld and 1-3-0, 3.69, .876 for Turco. And apparently Olympian Brenden Morrow sucks since he was named to the team. Go Canada!

Hurt like the little fuckity-fuck's feelings when he felt he was being treated unfairly - oh Tits, how we miss you. And more Tits. The lesser Tits did skate yesterday, though in sweats. On the plus side, BGL is back! Problems solved! I have no idea who is starting in goal. It's fucking six in the morning.

Post-game adult entertainment - Well since this post is up all day, that technically makes it an open thread of love, right?


Have a nice day, commentors!

111 comments:

Jaybird said...

Possibly Price in tonight.

Giuiuiilllaume will cool off eventually. The thing that grinds me is watching him stick his nose in the dirty areas which is all we wanted from him. Thanks for using your frame once you got traded!

Le Douze said...

Yeah, what is it about how underperforming Habs players seem to thrive when they go elsewhere? Can't understand it; the fans and media here are so supportive and engaged - how could it be that players don't benefit from it? I guess we can file it under "strange things to ponder when porn is unavailable". Meanwhile I'll be busy looking at your snap of GG11 and Moey snogging in your post (thx for that - GG you are well preserved for 44).

Apparently the Laffs just noticed they suck. I admit that I was missing my regular fix of Toronto [fill in pro sports team name] Locker Room Dissension" stories. And even Ronnie W is starting to talk about how Burke is gonna have to fire his ass one of these days. (memo to Ron: circle March 1).

-le12

Anonymous said...

Hey heres a topic that should spur debate: Kovalchuk.

What should the Canadiens offer? Heres a possibility from Habs Eyes on the Prize: The Brothers Kostistyn, Pacioretty, Weber, Fischer, Kristo, and rights to Perezhogin and Yemelin.

soperman said...

Kovalchuk has been playing in Atlanta for too long. He is good when no one cares, but put him in a CH jersey and he will crack under the pressure.

Maybe they will will take Gomez for him, straight up?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LeChaim
Little nip, little tuck, lotta botox.

Chenny13 said...

Price starting tonight.

Don't get me wrong, I love TFS, but if the team collectively implodes like they usually do when he's between the pipes, I'm going to have to start calling him Hara-Carey.

kevincrumbs said...

@Anon: Well, it'd also have to be with a guarantee that he'd actually sign here. Also, with what fucking cap room would we sign him with?

Anyway, if Kovalchuk wants out, the Thrashers will garner a lot less than that. Hossa left for Armstrong, some other guy and Esposito. So basically we'd only need to give up Patches, Metro and Desharnais or something. Don't forget that Don Waddell is a complete idiot and can probably be fleeced.

Anonymous said...

@kevincrumbs

What, you mean we could "pull a Sather" on Waddell?

L'Chaim said...

@GG - do you think I should suggest that to Mrs. Le12? She's mid-40's, too, although she is a Leafs fan, so it might not work so well for her.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LeChaim
Are you suggesting that there isn't enough help out there for a leafs fan? And for the record, I'm last woman on earth to munch rug.

Back to hockey

Moey said...

By day - Wearing turtlneck, hair tied up with giant clip, super comfy in my jeans and Uggs.

By night - semi skanky lesbian lingerie model.

Cool.

Le Douze said...

@GG - if you put it that way, yeah, I guess that's what it means. And sorry if I gave the wrong impression - I just assumed this was an outtake from your pre-period 2 warmup at the Washington game. I would never assume that you would settle for anything less than the best.

As for hockey, here's how the trade could work, KC:
From MTL - To PHX: the Mexican and $33 million cash in small unmarked bills, plus Guido "the Knife"'s phone number:
From PHX to MTL: Shane Doan's voodoo doctor and a ton of cap space.
From MTL to ATL: Little Tits, Mad Max, and a one year's supply of BGL's alcoholic sports drink.
From ATL to MTL: Kovy 2.0 for 2 months.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LeChaim
All good. Just tell Mrs. LeChaim she looks great...and I'm taken.

moeman said...

Have I mentioned how much I love our FHF gals.

Le Douze said...

@GG - Thanks, I will tell her that she looks great in her Leafs baseball cap, and besides, the golden girl with the perfect 34C's on FHF won't have me.

WV: puriums - is this a Jewish holiday snack?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LeChaim
Close. A holiday. Eat ear shaped cookies filled with prune, wear costumes and get drunk.

Moey said...

Can't the Ducks catch a break? They're finally starting to climb out of the gutter and now Selanne is out with a broken jaw. He might not be able to play in the Olympics with Saku either. It just plain sucks.

Le Dooze said...

@GG - I always thought that was Purim... Anyway, you wanted to talk about hockey, so I thought you might like this hockey player ... a Broon, but a pretty good one, from what I remember, though I remember him wearing somewhat more equipment.

HabsFan29 said...

fuck fuck another half hour before the game starts. i suppose i could watch the Leafs on TSN while i wait

hahahaha

moeman said...

WatCHing our hot detectives

Nice FHF girls, not one with a defect
Cellophane shrink-wrapped 'em, it's so correct
This blogs got some hot legal eggs
lg looks so good that I'd get down and beg

I'm watCHing our hot detectives
"Ooh, GG's so cute"
I'm watCHing our hot detectives
When they shoot, shoot, shoot, I shoot!!!

Tits are beat up and my teardrops start
But Small-Tits can't be wounded 'cause he's all heart

Long shot at that fucking playoff sign?
PP shivers running down my spine
Cut to our D.C.'d babes taking their sables off
Close-up of the sign that says "34+36 = 70 Cs!"

She glances at you and you light her cigarette
Our gals pull the eyes out of your face like a magnet
I don't know how much more of this my pants can take
FHF gal's filing their nails while we're CH**ing the s*ake

You think you're alone until you realize you're logged in
No fear here, just stay, FHF love is here for a visit
They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit
Someone's scratCHing at the window, I wonder who is it?

Our babe detectives come to check if you are one of the FHF gents
You are ready to hear the best about their hot appearance
Though it won't take a miracle to get you to stay
It only took Moey's little fingers to blow you away

I just like watCHing our hot detectives
I won't get cute
It's just like watCHing our hot detectives

WatCHing our hot detectives
It's just like watCHing our hot detectives
WatCHing our hot detectives
WatCHing our hot detectives

hfotwc said...

and watch some blue jersey get pounded!

moeman said...

heh, leaf goon goal disallowed. McSplooge must reload. What a fucking leaf lover he has becum.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I. Love. Elvis.
Outstanding!

kevincrumbs said...

@moeman: Wow. I did that song (well, not the FHF version) at karaoke once at the whole crowd cheered at the "it only took my little fingers to blow you away" part. Perverts.

HabsFan29 said...

fuck moe that was outstanding. god i love the backbeat and bass in that song. it's in my head now. i'm happy

@hfotwc - good point. that would be fun

moeman said...

Thnx kids, the parody is an hommage to our FHFabulous gals.

HabsFan29 said...

nice message from Boivin about Haiti

Moey said...

moeman,

You never disappoint. Unlike Mr. Moey who doesn't appreciate me slaving over a hot stove to get HIS dinner ready and trying not to miss the game. *sigh*

moeman said...

Wow, that was a nice message from the CH and Monsieur Boivin.

HabsFan29 said...

HOCKEY FINALLY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

moeman said...

Moey, make Mr. Moey do the dishes and enjoy the game. Go you fucking Habs!

HabsFan29 said...

i think that's 5 shots against already

HabsFan29 said...

ooh that was the first time i saw Higgy on Ribs. yikes

Moey said...

MM is now happily stuffing his face, are we sucking yet?

moeman said...

ack

HabsFan29 said...

we are now Moey

oh Carey. that hurts

hfotwc said...

phaak

Moey said...

Oh man, did that goal blow. That shit is what is keeping Halak in nets.

moeman said...

I'm with Coco.

chris nilan said...

well theres careys weak goal of the night out of the way early. he should be great for the rest o' da game.

why can't this team score in front of this guy though? are they sick of him blasting the garth brooks in the locker room?

HabsFan29 said...

sweet

moeman said...

Gio!

moeman said...

Vodkov in the blue paint. More of that SVP!

HabsFan29 said...

aw crap

Ronan said...

Mandatory ex-Hab payback.

moeman said...

Was away taking some crème brûlé out of their bain Marie, what did I miss?

Also, Olé, already. Fuck dat!

hfotwc said...

ole fuck, that's what it is

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
moeman said...

Is GG inviting Moey over (too)?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Jacques Martin
How many striped suits can one man own? Branch out JM. Try a solid or a herring bone or maybe even a polka dot to shake things up.

Watching this team is like Groundhog Day. Just got a new tv. Maybe Mr. Moey wants to come and fall asleep on the remote.

Moey said...

moeman,

Creme brule....mmmm.

GG,

He's being fed and watered in his man room, so I'm left in peace for the time being, but I'll gladly send him over when he's done.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
It was only in order for him to sleep on the remote so I wouldn't be able to watch this crap.

moeman said...

rds asks, robidas or Urologist for hardest shot?

Methinks some of our gals would've swoonishly answered Souray.

HabsFan29 said...

BGL heartfelt and eloquent in that interview

you know BGL will be good behind a mike. he should retire now and replace BB

HabsFan29 said...

it's BGL's night

moeman said...

B G L !

For Haiti!!!

hfotwc said...

hf29
you mean someone who can say something else than, moi la

talk about big George!!!!

Moey said...

Georgie!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Sheldon hands down. Upped his shot every time a young lady yelled "harder Sheldon".

hfotwc said...

bgl for fuckin mayor!

Anonymous said...

I don`t think I`ve ever seen anyone more happy after scoring a goal!!

moeman said...

Have I ever mentioned how much I love our FHF gals!

moeman said...

Boivin should do a 2nd period intermission clip and offer an extra $100K to Haiti for BGL's goal.

Massive Tits said...

Holy Shit!
Does that mean he isn't entirely useless now?

kevincrumbs said...

WTF? BGL?

chris nilan said...

holy fuck i just switched back to the game... BGL? really? its not april 1st is it?

i hope they replay it!

BGL! my god!

HabsFan29 said...

Quick hands CHicken!!!!

moeman said...

3-2, CHicken!

boob gainey said...

Take that Latendresse.

kevincrumbs said...

I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight...

Anonymous said...

On his first shot of the season no less!

moeman said...

Baste me HF29.

HabsFan29 said...

did they just say Gio to the dressing room?

i cant enjoy myself for one fucking minute

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Kev
Now that's funny. Thanks for putting that song in my
head.

hfotwc said...

that's what Pierre said. Bunette said ga duh ga

kevincrumbs said...

@GG: That's the first thing that came to my mind. You should thank American television. I don't even remember what product they were hocking, though.

moeman said...

Gio is back HF29, you can breathe.

hfotwc said...

breath hf29 gionta's back

kevincrumbs said...

Look, and advertisement for chicken wings on RDS!

hfotwc said...

GEORGES!!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HabsFan29 said...

BGL has more ice time in this period than in the last month combined

aw FUCK FUCK

moeman said...

oh boy

GoldenGirl11 said...

I feel like chicken tonight

Moey said...

HF29,

It's funny but if you check out George's blog he was complaining about not enough ice time and how much he wanted to score his first goal with the Habs. Maybe JM read it.

orangeman said...

I'm cheating on my job right now, saw BGL listed as a goal scorer on my hidden game tracker and had to come here to confirm. I can't speak for the people of Haiti, but if it takes a catatrophic natural disaste to get BGL going, then I'm all for more in the future.

Too soon? Sorry, I've learned to deal with the shocking injustice of life through bad humour.

Also, isn't I feel like chicken tonight for shake and bake? And Beetlejuice?

HabsFan29 said...

RDS doing a nice job putting up unicef.ca all night

ok boys, win it in the 3rd for fuck's sake. for BGL.

HabsFan29 said...

NICE save

boob gainey said...

Dallas have the 3rd worst road record in the league.

They have lost 11 straight or something on the road.

In case anyone thought we didn't suck the big one.

HabsFan29 said...

damn right that's a penalty

Moey said...

@boob,

It's meaningless. We didn't suck against NJ. On any given night.....

Moey said...

Can we please solve the case of the missing PP at home.

moeman said...

Gio feels like CHicken tonight!

HabsFan29 said...

why do we even need two refs to miss that shit?

woohoo! Gio!!

hfotwc said...

giant chicken of a goal

HabsFan29 said...

Aww what a chance!

Aww what crappy reffing!

Massive Tits said...

I think the refs went into the Habs' locker room, before the game, and told them "You made me look bad last game..."

HabsFan29 said...

good kill

HabsFan29 said...

woohoo! quick whistle for us for a change

HabsFan29 said...

SQUID!!!

i may cry

moeman said...

Did by Squid!

HabsFan29 said...

nice soccer playing!

moeman said...

CHicken wings at La Cage?

orangeman said...

Woot, just tuned into the announcement of that goal. SQUID!

WV: "ratedr" Nice.

moeman said...

Gio, CHicken, Squid. Babs' moves are workin' out tonight.

moeman said...

Sens and Rangers back 2 back this weekend, must sharpen my parody pencil.

hfotwc said...

fuck'n hey

HabsFan29 said...

i enjoy winning. it's like, so much better than losing, you know?

orangeman said...

@29, yes but don't worry. There's still things to complain and worry about. We're Habs fans, afterall.

hfotwc said...

fun, fun, fun,fun!
especially bgl

hfotwc said...

1 more game like this and it's the big G