Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Tits are Broken - Caps preview and open thread

Remember that one game when the Habs had just about a full lineup? Good times. Don't ever expect to see that again at this rate. Both Tits brothers did not make the trip to Washington for this game. They are both described as having lower body injuries and day to day. "Lower body" and "day to day" translates to "we don't have a fucking clue what's going on with these injuries." Sergei was just starting to work hard, and Andrei had really brought his A game to the first line. Now they're out, and we can't score (see the Buffalo game). No worries, I'm sure we won't need to scrore any goals against the Caps.

Waiting in line for a support bra details - 8:00 PM start in Saskatoon. 7 PM start in the other Phone Booth. Habs are o for 1 in 2010. Caps riding a three-game losing streak. The teams have each won one on the other team's ice this season.

I heard the tits in DC are the tits - The Caps Nut predicts that the Habs will win tonight 4-2. Wow, such honesty! In thanks for that, I predict the Habs will lose tonight, 5-0.

Hot like that perfect pair of of 34C's - Jordan Eberle leads Canada with 11 points in the tourney while presumptive #1 pick Taylor Hall has 9. Derek Stepan has 12 for the Americans. Wait, what? Gomez has 9 points in 6. TFS has been excellent in his last 2 games, a .969 save %. For the Caps, Ovie (quelle suprise) has 12 points in his last 6 and Olympic snub Mike Green 6 points in 5.

My, your nipples are erect! Must be chilly - While SuperPleks has points recently, he seems to be a bit off in the last couple of games. Not sure what it is. Anyone seen the Urologist since he moved to forward? For the Caps, Semin pointless in 3, and they have serious goalie issues lately. Won't help us.

In need of some reconstructive surgery - Leading Canadian D Travis Hamonic is out after getting blindsided against the Swiss. STOP THAT. Besides the aforementioned Titses, Rhino has gone to B.C. for family reasons. The lineup should be the same as Sunday, including TFS as the starter.

Post game entertainment - just change the fucking channel to TSN already.

Keep one hand on the clicker and one hand typing comments

151 comments:

Boob Gainey said...

Apologies for the serious post, but why the fuck is MAB (top goal scoring d-man in the league) playing on the 4th line?

He's the only other d-man who can restart the attack, and he's no worse in his own end than Gill, Gorges or Mara.

bea.habs.fan said...

what to do? what to do?
probably TSN wiht he occasional look at RDS. if the game is worth watching, I'll catch it on Canadien express (thank god for that smart piece of programming)

HabsFan29 said...

Perfectly legitimate question Boob

and the answer is

lawyergirl77 said...

Boob - answer is that he's actually doing quite well as a forward... and he plays almost the entire PP as a D man beside Markov.

I actually really like this move. I see him lots (dude's got wheels) but not in the way that I used to see him for all of his defensive fuckups.

hmanpuckfan said...

"Just change the fucking channel to TSN already."

Thank god no one was here in the office to hear me laugh out loudly to that!

+1 29

Habsfan10 said...

Go you fucking Canadian Juniors go! And also, the Habs, I suppose. At least one Canadian team gets to tangle with a bunch of dangerous red-clad Russians over the holiday. No Canada-Russia at a hockey championship just seems wrong.

WV: ferst. I hope Canada finishes ferst at the WJC.

Le Douze said...

@boob - He's also just about the only one of the league's top scoring d-men who is in the minus side of +/-. (Other exception is Atl's Zach Bogosian.) And if you add in assists, he drops from creme de la creme to just creamy. And factor in the "fall on your back, then watch the breakaway" plays, and he becomes creme brulee. (Sorry about the lack of accents, I have a US keyboard).

I'm with LG77 - I like him on the fourth line. He has some serious wheels (at least going frontward, backward it's more like cartwheels), can move the puck, and can shoot. Too bad about the passing, but then again, what the fuck would BGL do with a pass, anyway?

The real problem is that we need Gomez, Big Tits, Little Giant, etc. to draw some fucking penalties, not to take them, so we can get the Urologist in the correct position, which is blasting one timers in past a screen. We may be leading the league in PP %, but we're last by a very long shot in PP opportunities minus PKs. Our small, quick forwards aren't helping us if they are going to be sitting in the sin bin.

- Le12

Anonymous said...

"What the fuck would BGL do with a pass, anyway?"

My keyboard is drenched in coffee!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hot like that perfect pair of of 34C's
Interesting... and thank you.

moeman said...

"Interesting... and thank you."

My keyboard is drenched.

Le Douze said...

@GG -

HF29 is absolutely right about the perfect poitrine, though B's work, too. (not to mention other letters and numbers).

But which is deserving of thanks, the GG photoCHop, or the GG figure? (or both?)

I'm sure there are several commentators (not to mention FHF bloggers) who would be happy to help adjudicate the issue.

My WV: atedibra. (Is Blogger following this thread?).

- Le12

moeman said...

I've already adjudicated and my keyboard is drenched.

WV = wacques (yes I have taken a screenshot)

Anonymous said...

Yikes!

Rumour: Ovie to get the C tonight...

Le Douze said...

@moeman - oh, so that's why it's drenched - I just thought you'd spilled coffee (seems to be going around). I guess I needed Pee-Air McSplooge give me the colour commentary, so I would properly understand the adjudication.

PM: "By the end of the adjudication, Moeman was totally out of gas, just sucking dirty pond water, and GG took advantage of him. She found a seam, and now there's a wet keyboard and the Moe side is wondering how to clean up. Moe needs to be a lot more focused if he wants to stay in the game."

moeman said...

@Le12, nice.

FWIW, I was focused, on GG and what she typed.

Moey said...

@GG11,

I see your perfect 34C's and raise you 36C's. *sigh*, I just have a broader back.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
That would've been my guess as most desirable. I'm sure the boys could further the discussion now.

moeman said...

We Love Tits

We've got Tits, JM knows how to use them.

Big never begs, he knows how to move them.

Small's holdin' on, wonderin' how to feel them.

We'll get behind them, if only we could find them?

He's RDS' Boob B, he's fucking Boob B,
Fuck, Boob B's not alright.


GG's got flair and some perfect 34Cs.

She's kinda jet set, bra matCHin' panties.

Everytime she's thankin', she knows what she's doin'.

Every boy wants to, further the discussion.


GG's so fine, I wish GG was all mine,

Graphic Girl, you got it right.


We've got Tits, JM knows how to use them.

Big never begs, he knows how to move them.

Small's holdin' on, wonderin' how to feel them.


They spin on a dime all of the time,

Use to stay out at night movin' through time.


Oh, we want them, shit, we've got to have them,

The Tits are alright, they're alright.

Le Douze said...

@Moey - raised 36C's could work in the right situation. Just clasp your hands behind your head, close your eyes and thrust out your chest... It's the quicker picker upper.

Do you suppose that would work for SK74?

- Le12

moeman said...

Le12 meant "It's the quicker pecker upper."

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Spit wine through the nose.

Does this start a whole new commando discussion? Carry on.

Moey said...

GG11,

In the absence of the tit brothers, we should take one for the team, board a flight to Washington, drink lots of vino then flash our collective tits and throw Ovie off his game.

moeman said...

Thanks for taking my jest in pun GG. U R da best.

Also, nothing like commandaunaturel.

moeman said...

@Moey, OV is scheduled to strap-on the 'C' so he might already be distracted but Semin might splooge at the free, lovely glance.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
my coat is on and I'm out the door

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
no other way to take it or I wouldn't be here.

moeman said...

Off topic:

Chelios = DUI.

HabsFan29 said...

just got in after some classes and meetings and im settled in with my scotch

what the fuck is going on in this thread? so much tit talk. outstanding

+1 really long beard to moe

HabsFan29 said...

Chelly arrested near "Blackhawk drive". excellent

Moey said...

@GG,

Excellent! A true fan.

HabsFan29 said...

Price was not "batu" Benoit if they didn't score nor hit iron

dipshit

ooh that was close. open your eyes CHicken! be ready

HabsFan29 said...

we have some jump i think

moeman said...

Yup, Habs're buzzin' again, now score for fuck sakes.

Are Moey and GG at the game yet?

HabsFan29 said...

we'll know when they flash the scoreboard camera guy

moeman said...

Wonder if BooB (once he gets an eyefull of our fabulous and bounciful blog babes) will say, "avec ça, j'en ai pas de problème!"

Moey said...

@moeman,

Got held up at US customs for a few minutes, should have told them the purpose was business instead of flashing tits at Ovie. We'll know for next time.

moeman said...

@Moey, did they have those full body scanners?

HabsFan29 said...

and do you have hard copies?

bea.habs.fan said...

am at loss for words as so many threads here usually leave me.
am laughing so hard tears are flowing.

a habs goal would be a nice cherry for the taking

moeman said...

Off topic,

Twilightzonish comment; BooB says Price needs to be intelligent tonight.

HabsFan29 said...

i need all Habs goalies to be MENSA members

moeman said...

Thanks to bea.habs.fan's CHerry-picked comment, I need another new keyboard.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
No problem. Moey and I the test pilot full body scan put on DVD (tip to travelers, don't go commando) and rushing it over to the jumbotron guy in Washington.

moeman said...

Are our gorgeous coat-only gals off the tarmac?

Moey said...

Made it just in time for the second, it's rather nipply in here. Need to warm up a little. Stand by.

moeman said...

Wow, room for both our bodacious babes and two pilots in the, erm, cockpit.

moeman said...

Dem gals R fast! Moey, be careful not to cut the glass whenst facing the Caps.

Le Douze said...

@Moey + @GG

+36/34 for fan initiative. Nice to know that our Canadien fans will stand on guard for thee.

I don't think that Mrs. Le12 would do that for her Laffs.

I guess that's why the Laffs suck. Their PP has been dead since PK arrived.

But I think I'm going to be outvoted and we'll soon be over to NHLN to watch the jrs. (And I fear it will be the US commentators ... the horror, the horror.)

Let me know how it turns out, mes amis (and amies).

Moey said...

Moeman,

Had to resort to private charter, desperate times. That Centurion card comes in handy sometimes, Mr. Moey will go batshit when the bill comes in, that and there's no dinner on the table.

bea.habs.fan said...

@moeman - that CHerry comment was written with you in mind.

might consider investing in voice recognition software to save money on keyboards.
just a thought

moeman said...

@Le12, I imagine that Mme. Le12 looks amazing in her leaf jersey (and nothing else).

@Moey, I hope you get some free CHampagne on that exclusive flight. How's GG doin'? You gals stay warm, even if it means hugging, real close.

HabsFan29 said...

PING!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
All good. Feeling very pumped. Might even show our Obumas too.

moeman said...

Thanks bea, I'll save the pit.

Also, I work in a Language/Linguistics Dep't. Moeyoans and GGroans 'bare'ly register on the voice recog.

Also, yes, we do have sound-proof booths and yes they do live up to the documented standards.

WV = flogl, have fun wit dat kidz

HabsFan29 said...

aw crap

bea.habs.fan said...

whats this automatic penalty for broken stick?

Moey said...

moeman,

The Mumm's was flowing. GG is busy yelling "Ovie, you fuckard, over here!" We're gonna need hooter heaters when we leave here.

moeman said...

WJC is on and buzzin'.

moeman said...

@Moey, didn't your Mom teach you to always pack an extra sweater?

1-0 Canada!

bea.habs.fan said...

canada scores

go pants

HabsFan29 said...

this one hand on the clicker and one hand commenting business i suggested is not easy

Oh Canada! 1-0

moeman said...

@HF29, you need a voice recognition remote.

HabsFan29 said...

"Previous channel"
"Previous channel"
"Previous channel"
"Previous channel"

bea.habs.fan said...

did mcsplooge just talked about speeding elephants to describe canada's scoring line?

moeman said...

"Previous channel" = RDS Habs game
"Previous channel" = TSN WJC Gold Medal game
"Previous channel" = Phoenix University
"Previous channel" = TSN 2 leaf game?

bea.habs.fan said...

what a quick game.
beats habs caps hands down

HabsFan29 said...

TFS saving our ass short-handed over in the pros

PING. crap. we'll never score

moeman said...

Mexican just pinged da post on a PP.

HabsFan29 said...

MY GOD WE SCORED

it's the end times

moeman said...

1-1 Habs, Josh!

HabsFan29 said...

ping me a beer moe

moeman said...

Moey/GG, can we cop a feel as to your whereabouts?

Boob g said...

Juniors much more entertaining.

moeman said...

@HF29, I'll have GG/Moey drop off a case if the Habs win.

HabsFan29 said...

crap crap

moeman said...

Fuck that sucked.

bea.habs.fan said...

belated YEAH
am looking at the next generation hockey.
commercial break during which we get scored on !
FUCK

moeman said...

A 3-way jinx.

Fuck again.

HabsFan29 said...

oy oy

Moey said...

Trying to fight off drunken Cap fans, things are heading south, like our Habs.

HabsFan29 said...

USA just tied it. crap everywhere

bea.habs.fan said...

great and USA scores aftre a turnover
may not watch any hockey whatsoever

moeman said...

Yanks bank one.

bea.habs.fan said...

FUCK
USA up

HabsFan29 said...

Yanks bank a 2nd. I cant keep up with the crap

moeman said...

Moey, be safe.

HabsFan29 said...

Canada ties!

I may just ignore the Habs game now

bea.habs.fan said...

YEAh
we evened it

GoldenGirl11 said...

Heading south like 34C's after 4 kids. Shoulda worn a push up.

moeman said...

Them was four lucky kids.

moeman said...

Has Gord Miller ever cleared his throat?

Moey said...

We never can score more than one goal, so this one is over. Heading out to the downtown bars, got the jet on standby for a late return.

moeman said...

Moey and GG, be safe.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I'm sticking around. Need a vacation from the vacation.

moeman said...

28-13 SOGs and BGL is on da benCH (why even dress him?). Can it get worse?

moeman said...

GG, there must've been a couple of FLA hilites during your vacay? A nice sunset? A cabana boy that winked? Frisked at the airport?

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hey Moey, maybe we should stay and see what happens if we flash our obumas in the third.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Behind Kirk, I mean behind the bench, at the Bank. Beat any sunset.

Moey said...

GG,

I'm in, then we go out and get completely wasted. We've earned it.

moeman said...

Hope you took/filed/backed-up pics GG. Sunsets going down are nice but so are glimpses of good looking guys and/or gals that put a little gird in one's loins.

moeman said...

+100 comments tonight bastages!

bea.habs.fan said...

fuckity fuck

USA pffft

moeman said...

Still 3-1, Hamr gets a penalty.

bea.habs.fan said...

YEAAAH

3-3

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Lots and lots of pics. Lots.

HabsFan29 said...

no seriously i cant keep up

bea.habs.fan said...

freaky right over the shoulder - we'll take it

USA changes goalie for letting 3 of 7

moeman said...

@GG, download and backup that lot.

Ronan said...

Oh FUCK THIS.

Pleks injured, dunno how bad.

bea.habs.fan said...

finaly a canada PP
after wwhat seems like a billion PK

Ronan said...

Thank God Pleks is back.

WV: "might". What the Habs sadly lack.

bea.habs.fan said...

switched at right time.
3-2 for the caps
guess this means that WE can score more than one

moeman said...

3-2 , CHicken!

moeman said...

Habs PP coming up...

bea.habs.fan said...

@moe thank god someone is still following the habs game.
but for you i might not have known who scored that 2nd goal.

so overall good trade wouldnt you say

HabsFan29 said...

seriously i cant kep up!

ths power play is not, uh, powerful

HabsFan29 said...

*keep up. one hand on the clicker typo

HabsFan29 said...

ON NET for gods sake

moeman said...

Vodkov and Urologist assisted on the Poule's PP goal. The current PP sucked.

Less than 4 mins left.

HabsFan29 said...

Carey!

HabsFan29 said...

Fuck that's over.

back to the Juniors

moeman said...

4-2 WAS. No more remote flippin'.

moeman said...

No Tits, no fun.

bea.habs.fan said...

welcome to the juniors.
a much more uptempo game with a chance to see des canadiens on top

moeman said...

FYI/Warning, Gu:( scored but the Wild is losing.

Moey said...

Well GG, fuck 'em, we had fun.

moeman said...

So did we you gorgeous gals, so did we.

Anonymous said...

BGL played 4 shifts for 2:42 TOI. Did he even break a sweat? Why doesn`t he retire already? He must realize he is a nuisance.

I`m not saying the loss was his fault but game after game, it`s like we`re a player short. Frustrating!

GET WELL SOON, TITS!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
Sure did! Now let's go egg the white house and catch the red eye (that was for you Moe).

moeman said...

Thanks GG, I will sleep and dream like a baby tonight.

~~~

Go Canada!

~~~

'London Calling' turns fucking 30 today!!!

Le Douze said...

@moeman (way back when) - personally I prefer the Leafs baseball cap.

GG and Moey - great work, keep up the good work. I'm sure that there's a special spot in heaven with a cabana boy for you when the time comes.

Back to the goaltending duel in the 'toon.

Moey said...

@GG,

Yeah, and stick our Obuma's in Obama's window.

bea.habs.fan said...

you guys will just make him want to cme and visit more often.
do we really need the obama circus to come to town again?

moeman said...

@Moey, watch out for the 'secret service' men.

bea.habs.fan said...

christ
campbell is good

moeman said...

Allen wasn't.

bea.habs.fan said...

fear the collapse?
they look tired and are making loads of mistake

moeman said...

Still time?

bea.habs.fan said...

afraid to watch but can't stop - like a bad car accident

thought i was alone

moeman said...

Boom!

bea.habs.fan said...

WOOHOO

HabsFan29 said...

JESUS CHRIST

oh canada, i love you

HabScot said...

You have got to be shitting me. Im starting to think they do this on purpose for the ratings.

Anonymous said...

Now THIS is exciting hockey!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

They should show this film to the Habs.

Moey said...

So are you guys impressed or what? GG and I find a sports bar on the way to the white house and the WJC is on the telly. After all that screeching at the Caps game we needed to wet our whistles. Go Canada, go tits!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Prepubescent Eberle heard our cries and scored twice in like two minutes. Sounds accurate.

bea.habs.fan said...

i thought you guys had taken the Jet and flowed to saskatoon.

at least the youngins are listening. still wet in the ears and used to listening to their mama

bea.habs.fan said...

godamm

Number31 said...

Habs massive fail but Price had a .930 save percentage tonight. That's for Coach Double-O Martini to chew on. Fuck it. Habs looked like they were slooooooooow and scared of bugging shakey Neuvirth. What's his system? Skate around, back up, and let our goalie deal with it? There's only so much puck fanning and pass failing I can take...

At least there was a real hockey game on. EPIC game, and well deserved by Team USA. They were great. (YAY KRISTO!). Maybe their coach would like to take the Habs...?

Number31 said...

Yea, I'm on the dump BGL train too. Useless entity. Call up Conboy already!