Thursday, March 13, 2008

Kill all the Lawyers - In re: Guimauve Latendresse

Kill all the Lawyers is the newest feature at FHF wherein we invite lawyer Habs fans (besides us) to write special comments, full of inside lawyer jokes that will drive everyone else crazy. Today, regular reader and commenter Damion files this appeal.

In the matter of the appeal concerning Gui!:

I respectfully submit the following evidence in support of my petition to release Gui! from the purgatory FHF condemned him to: Gui! has scored 15 goals, admittedly low, in 66 games. However, 13 of those goals were at even strength. That puts him fourth in team scoring for even handed scoring despite only averaging about 12 minutes a game, which is the 18th lowest on the team. Prayer for Relief:

1. Clarification of Gui!'s contribution to the team in a future FHF post; or

2. In the alternative, abstention of criticism until his play (reasonably assessed) causes either (a) the team's detrimental movement in the standings (e.g. he turns over the puck to Darcy Tucker in the final game against Toronto who scores the winning goal, thereby costing us the win along with a drop to fifth place and losing home ice in a series against the Rangers); or (b) a loss in any single playoff game.

Respectfully submitted,

A reluctant Gui! fan.

Consider your prayer for relief answered.


Bob said...

If only Guimauve could show a little Sergei grit …

HabsFan33 said...


themindset said...

I'm not sure why you say he's the "18th lowest on the team". Isn't he just "18th on the team"? In fact, wouldn't it be more accurate to say "18th highest on the team?"
Bah, you're lawyers, you should appreciate the minor clarification.

HabsFan29 said...


"18th lowest on the team" to "18th on the team"

Habsfan10 said...

Motion granted.

Moot point, because overall petition denied.

Accused also still under investigation for smuggling fridge on back.

PPP said...

I am surprised it took this long but...


But, he does make a good point. According to behindthenet:

Gui has the 3rd best even strength scoring rate (0.94 goals/60 min) on the team and 6th best points rate (1.54 pts/60 min).

Is that considered a friend of the court filing? sorry I don't know lawyer speak beyond 'the accused' and 'the guilty party'.

Damion said...

The first amicus filing! Awesome.

themindset said...

Regardless of all that, the key fact is that his +/- is at -4, if he was playing twice as much it would be -10 or worse. This isn't just some pie-in-the-sky statistic, he's SLOW (with the opposition often skating around him like a pylon). It's like the other team is on a mini-power-play whenever he's on the ice. Me no likey.

Montréaliste1 said...

I respectively submit the following pieces of evidence in the defence of Damion's petition.

It is to be considered by this that a 15 goal production is a significant contribution to the Montreal Candiens' succes, considering that Mr GUI! is playing as a member of the fourth offensive squad.

Prayer for relief:

1.The defending party, by the entremise of HF10 and HF29, shall assist to a game of their choice before the end of the current season and shall follow these strick conditions:

1.1 The defending party will bring a 103 cm X 46 cm cardboard on which will be be written clearly one of the following sentences:

1.1.1 "I Love GUI! #84"
1.1.2 "Marry me Gui!"
1.1.3 "I'm pregnant Gui!"

1.2 The defending party shall make this cardboard visible to all everytime the play stops.

I respecfully submited.