Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The (fake) Tits are home at last - Bruins Game Preview and Open Thread

Well this is it. The 100th season starts in earnest this evening with the home opener. The ring of cock will be unveiled, and the ceremony will be grand. Then the Habs will suck for 2 periods, but pull out a win in the end. You heard it here first. That's gotta be the kiss of death.

Waiting in line details - 7:30 PM at the Phone Booth. Actual puck drup after the ring of honour ceremony expected to be around midnight. Habs have won 400 straight over the Broons in the regular season. This paragraph needs more hyberbole.

Pay your cover charge to - we are pleased to introduce you to the fine folks over at The Jumbotron, a new Bruins blog this year. They suck. Only for being Bruins fans. Otherwise we like them.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - Little Tits has 5 points to lead all Habs scorers. Lots of other players (Saks, Tangy, Markov, even Gui!) with 4 points each. Our goalies have gaudy early season stats, like .960 save percentages. Mad Max doesn't have a point yet, but fuck he's worked harder than anyone out there imho.

Skanky Habs to watch - anybody playing in the first or second period.

Do the lineup shuffle - Habs I/O reports that LaRack will play, taking Steve Bégin's spot. Higgy and Frankie B still out. Chips still fucked.

Hot sexy Bruins to watch - Patrice Bergeron looking good in his post-injury return. Milk Carton Mike has a goal and two helpers on his way to an 80-point season.

VIP room promise - if the fans boo Milk Carton Mike, TMS will rant tomorrow.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - opening night in Montreal means the return of the old stand-by, Club Downtown. They've added a new tag line this year - "It's not a sin to touch." If a website says it, it's gotta be true.

Let's hear your dirty dirty ring of cock thoughts in the comments.

81 comments:

Habsfan10 said...

Bruins? Urge to kill ... RISING!

Limerick Dude said...

Predictions:

Puck Drop time: 19:46 EST
Score: 4-0 Habs
Fights: 3, including LaWreck and Chara
Game Winner: Big Tits
Goal Scorers: BT, Saku, Greek Lightning, Markov
Ryder gets booed: He shouldn't imo , but he will.
Bill Dauterive will frown a lot and shake his head at the refs.
I will mix the leftover Thanksgiving wine, beer and Jamiesons to produce my Habs Centennial beverage - The Instigator.

Heading over to my bro's house (Bruins fan) to watch on his new 60" Plasma. Do they make 60" plasmas? I haven't seen it yet but I'm sure that's what he said....hope it wasn't 16"...

panger76 said...

WARNING: Classic Trap Game.

Home Opener: check.
Surpassing expectations in season opening road trip: check.
Special ceremonies scheduled before puck drop: check.
Playing a team motivated by revenge: check.
Paranoid suspicion that HF29's "guarantee" will come back to bite us: check.

Habs lose tonight, you heard it here first. Or are just making sure karma doesn't kick our ass? We'll see.

p.s. nice rack, err pic, HF29. Schwing.

HabsFan29 said...

@Panger - agree on all points. classic trap game indeed

and it's ok, you can say "nice rack" on this website. we don't judge

panger76 said...

HF29: why will you be upset if they boo Ryder? Seems like he deserves it if only for choosing the Broons.

HabsFan29 said...

admittedly, his choice of teams was not the best. but fuck, it was not Ryder's fault Carbo stuck his ass oin the press box for most of the year. why the fuck would you boo a player who was actually liked when he was here, just because he's gone

Montréaliste1 said...

I will be there and I will boo Ryder. Sorry guys. Fuck him. Why do you care ?

Montréaliste1 said...

He got lazy. We don't like lazy players. You could say the same thing about Mike "fucking pretty boy" Ribeiro.

panger76 said...

I'm with Montrealist1 on this one. We owe Ryder nothing. He had a couple good years but shit the bed last season, and as much as I respect the implication that Carbo fucked with his head, the fact is that he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn on the ice last year, Carbo or no. More imporatntly, he signed with our arch-nemisis. He should know to expect the boos.

Stephan said...

Fuck Ryder; he's going to hear my boos all the way up from the blues. The kid has a hard head - all he had to do was shoot the fucken puck, and he would score! Whatever, no big loss.

- Habs Ultra

lawyergirl77 said...

I think Ryder expects the boos and that the fans will definitely tear, uh, boo him a new one tonight. I completely agree with Panger's post above - that's exactly how I feel about him. Ryder may not have said stupid shit in the media about how Carbo gave him no playing time, but his work ethic has royally SUCKED ever since his rookie season, IMHO.

Tell you what 29 - I will only boo him every second shift, if that makes you feel better.

Oh, and I totally think that the Bruins will come out for blood tonight and that we will probably lose. They're totally going to try and shit all over our party - we would do the same.

Finally HF4 - good to see you on the "other wing" over at Habs I/O!

moeman said...

I've soured on MCM. Plus he's a freakin' Bruin!

Also, that ring' o' dick sure has some raunchy sounding names on it, eg. Elmer Lach.

Go Habs.

Bs suck!

Damion said...

Center-Ice sucks. Not showing the ceremony.

Ryder may or may not suck. If anyone recalls, though, as a Hab, he scored a game winner in one of the games last year against the B's that enabled the current Habs bragging rights, so boo him at your risk.

Prediction: the bigger the boos Ryder gets early on, the more likely the Habs will be facing the same boos in period 3, trailing by 2 goals.

the-jumbotron.com said...

Center Ice could be worse. NESN, home of the Bruins, has flown Mike Milbury in from CBC headquarters to provide analysis.

It's like watching Steve Phillips on Baseball Tonight. The most reviled and most questioned mind in hockey is given a national spotlight to give his opinions on hockey, which everyone already knows are wrong.

-Gabe

moeman said...

Roadrunner!

Shutdown said...

GEORGIE!

HabsFan29 said...

i went out drinking after work. how was the ceremony?

Shutdown said...

Classy.
That's pretty much the only word that sums it up.

moeman said...

Yup. Simple. Class. Habs.

HabsFan29 said...

OMFG. ESPN.com!!! look at the ESPN home page

Shutdown said...

no fucking way. what do we win?

moeman said...

La Coupe Stanley!

Shutdown said...

C'est le motherfucking but.

Pardon my french.

HabsFan29 said...

quality french shutdown. and very apt

not kovy's prettiest, but its a goal

the-jumbotron.com said...

You know, if the puck was in the Bruins offensive zone once in a while, I'd bet they'd score too.

HabsFan29 said...

crash the net night!

moeman said...

Saku!

Shutdown said...

Mad Max

wrap around curl said...

So I just turn the game on and then Max Lap scores three seconds later. Do I get an assist for that?

HabsFan29 said...

who mentioned Mad Max in the preview, eh? well deserved

moeman said...

TFS!

HabsFan29 said...

Wrap you are instructed to go away and come back every 10 minutes or so and turn the game on

the-jumbotron.com said...

I won't be posting for a while, my eyes are stinging with the salt of my tears.

Max Lapierre? Really?

fezworth said...

Woooooooooo!!!

wrap around curl said...

HF29; Well I suppose...

HabsFan29 said...

BTW i didn't get a chance to welcome Gabe from The Jumbotron. i'm sure eventually you'll kick our ass in Mtl and invade our strip clubs afterward

moeman said...

Obama!

msevigny said...

This is a dangerous situation. You don't want to ease off because it's bad karma. But if you score many more goals, Boston might figure out Tim Thomas sucks and put Tukka Rask in, and obviously we would all hope Boston doesn't figure that out for a couple more years.

moeman said...

hf29 knows, lots of gorgeous single moms and hot University gals need the support.

moeman said...

Ease off? Only don cherry would ever suggest the Habs ease off.

the-jumbotron.com said...

@HF29: Thanks for having me. John's been drinking since 3, and he's near incoherent, but I'm sure he would have loved to have been here as well. As far as the strip clubs go, I am far more interested in the Unibroue brewery and the poutine at Shed Cafe on St. Laurent.

@msevigny: It doesn't matter if Tim Thomas gets chased, because it'll be Manny Fernandez coming in, and he will let in twice as many goals as Thomas ever could.

Andrew Ference is being interviewed on NESN right now. He sounds like he's all but given up trying to win this game. I'm not long for this open thread.

Noda said...

anyone else watch the intermission on TSN? Dave Hodge (the original HNIC host from my youth) was pure class in his 2 minute segment on the habs. I'm no usually a fan of TSN but Dave Hodge is great

HabsFan29 said...

gord miller: "tim thomas not the most stylish of goaltenders". classic.

did Kovy just play all 2 minutes of the PP?

HabsFan29 said...

fuck

the-jumbotron.com said...

Anyone read lips? I'd love to know what Komisarek and Lucic were saying right there.

Also, not to threadjack, but can one of you guys give a quick rundown on the difference between the Tits? I know Andrei's older and has put up better offensive numbers, but is one more defensively responsible? Better at not getting caught with those cheap shots that both of them seem to love?

Shutdown said...

Brick Hands: The Maxim Lapierre Story.

moeman said...

Small Tits is a s(l)ick passer, a bit more volatile and his big Bro has Kovyian moves.

HabsFan29 said...

i SO thought Ryder was going to score on that PP

@jumbotron - you cant threadjack an open thread. but to answer your Q, Big Tits is responsible on D, but we havent seen Little enough to know if he is. he barely played half a season last year. Sergei is uglier, thats how to tell them apart

panger76 said...

Little Tits also has a mean streak whic reminds me of Claude Lemieux - but not as cheap.

panger76 said...

Little Tits also has a mean streak whic reminds me of Claude Lemieux - but not as cheap.

panger76 said...

Little Tits also has a mean streak whic reminds me of Claude Lemieux - but not as cheap.

panger76 said...

Ooops...

HabsFan29 said...

is this the second time ive seen a Panger comment come up three times in an open thread or is it the meth?

panger76 said...

I think I'm the first human to catch a computer virus: an electronic stutter.

HabsFan29 said...

alright so like last year, we'll play one good period on the road then maybe won or two at home and somehow win all those games? i'll take it i guess

HabsFan29 said...

what are they booing? Habs' crappy play?

HabsFan29 said...

fuck fuck fuck

panger76 said...

Fear the collapse?

Shutdown said...

fear the collapse.

fezworth said...

Where's ftc when you need him?

HabsFan29 said...

Ryder will tie it, mark my words

Shutdown said...

Oh please don't say that.

the-jumbotron.com said...

On behalf of all Bruins fans, let me just remind all of you of the famed words of one Frankie Goes To Hollywood:

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

Obviously, you will come with joy by the end of this game. Either joy or tension.

fezworth said...

I bet we're all watching the same 2-minute snippets of the debate during the tv time outs.

the-jumbotron.com said...

@fezworth: My roommates hijacked the (my) TV to watch this stupid debate. I'm stuck listening to this game on the radio.

fezworth said...

@jumbotron: your roomates are crazy. There's more suspense in two minutes of this game than the entire rest of the US election.

the-jumbotron.com said...

You're telling me. Especially since all of us already have our minds made up about who we're voting for, and nothing said during this debate will change our minds.

HabsFan29 said...

at least it wasn't Ryder?

fezworth said...

I like how the habs are actually attacking. I still find it hard to believe that we're not just sitting back the way we would have two years ago.

Having said that, shit.

The ghosts are angry. Why are they angry?

the-jumbotron.com said...

Well, I missed the tying goal, but I wrestled control of the remote away from my roommates. I've got video for OT and (possible) shootout.

Shutdown said...

God damnit. Look at those crappy boards.

Shutdown said...

"Shutdown said...

Brick Hands: The Maxim Lapierre Story.

October 15, 2008 8:56 PM"

the-jumbotron.com said...

Well, that was fun while it lasted, guys.

We have Phil Kessel.

Carey Price, the ball's in your court.

HabsFan29 said...

@shutdown - i'll give you that one thats for sure. Mad Max and Gui! on the ice together? hmmm...

HabsFan29 said...

THAT's a shot

Shutdown said...

Oh thank god.

the-jumbotron.com said...

I withdraw my previous comment.

This was fun. See you five more times this season.

moeman said...

TFS!

Shutdown said...

@hf29. i know lapierres a grinder and everything, but jeez, tonight he could've doubled his point total from last year.

HabsFan29 said...

i guess we'll take it, i guess. half a decent period and some TFS.hmmm

Anonymous said...

A bit late on this, but Sergei is way better looking that Andrei. Plus he has all his hair still.