No Sex In The Champagne Room: The FHF Season Preview - Tomas Plekanec

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Let’s start with a moderate bang. Tomas Plekanec, part of the Habs core of the future. And the present. Well, based on half a season.

The tits – really solid two-way player. Talented (enough) on O, responsible on D. That, his speed, his hockey smarts, and his work ethic earned him major time on both the PP and PK last year by season’s end. Durable – played 81 games in ’06-‘07, sidelined only by the nasty boogie-woogie flu that killed us last year. Averaged about a point per game over the second half of last season, even as he played with like, a dozen different wingers. Followed that up with great play at the 2007 IIHF Word Championships for the Czechs.

The cellulite – he’s a Habs center, so duh, it’s size. Listed 5’10” 196 lbs is generous, though he’s not quite a Smurf. Throw in possible lack of strength and toughness.

The armpit hair – his actual hair. Look at that photo. It’s like his rookie-hazing shave is still growing back. And the whacky accents in Tomáš when written in Czech

In the VIP Room – for this HF, Pleks has our eternal gratitude for providing a reasonable facsimile of a second line center, allowing Habs to get rid of our nemesis Mike “I’m injured so I can’t get up, no wait I can get up I was just being a self-centered pussy” Ribeiro. We love the way he never complained last year when thrust between 2 lazy Russians whose lazy play got Pleks a ticket to the 4th line. Pleks is changing his number this year, reverting from 35 to his old favourite 14, made possible by the departure of Radek Bonk. He’s on the first year of a two-year, $3.2 million deal after earning the league minimum last year. Still a bargain imho.

Chez Parée bound? In a limo. If the last half of last season is any indication, we see 60-75 points and a key role in the Habs’ Hunt for 8th Place.

Signature song – Workin’ Hard for the Money.

8.5 lap dances (out of 10) – we’re talking relative scale to the Habs here, not the league, so don’t freak on me. And half a lap dance is possible – it’s that first song that already started so she doesn’t dance or charge you, but sits down and puts her hand on your thigh and talks.

The 4 AM Smoked Meat Sandwich - looks like I was too nice:

HF10: Pleks was a pleasant surprise last year, but on a contender he isn't a number two centre. He's a good little player but more suited for the third line, where his speed, talent, and defensive smarts remind me a little of two former Habs, one of whom is his current coach.

Unfortunately, the other one is Sebastien Bordeleau.

Panger: Ditto FHF 10’s comments. Plus, what's with that ever-present turtleneck? Does he have a mal-formed adam's apple or something? I wonder if he'd wear that turtleneck to a strip club?

HF33: If he had the tits all year round, he'd be a Sergei Fedorov in the making in that he can play both ways. But both ways, beside meaning offense and defense, also means good and bad and that relegates the team's second line, yeah the one he centers, to a taste of the ordinary.