Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Flower has the answers - Oilers Game Preview and Open Thread

So the Habs will be playing the Oil tonight at 10 PM EST at Rexall Place. We all know about the Habs' woes, losers of 8 of their last 10. Oilers are fighting for their playoff lives, 10th in the West but just 3 points out of 6th. For a hilarious Oilers read, check out Black Dog Hates Skunks. I don't know who will play, and frankly, does it matter anymore? There are plenty of story lines (Souray!), but most of them involve how much the Habs suck.

Fortunately, yesterday Guy Lafleur spoke to RDS about the Habs', er, difficulties, and he knows what's wrong! He knows how to fix it! Remain calm, all is well! As is our custom, we happily translate Guy's comments for those unfamiliar with the language of Molière Mitsou.

"Le leadership commence au septième étage et descend jusque dans le vestiaire"
This ship is totally rudderless, and we are totally screwed.

"Selon moi, il y a des cliques dans cette équipe-là"
This team is not playing together and they seem to be fragmented. What they really need is a night out at the disco together.

"Si ces joueurs sont incapables de produire et d’aider l'équipe et bien qu'on les change."
Trade Kovy right fucking now.

"On peut les remplacer par ces joueurs dans les mineures qui veulent jouer et qui donneront leur 100% pour gagner le match"
Seriously, Kovy is giving like 15% out there. Back in my day, sure I gave only 15% on some days (mainly when I was hungover), but I had the team to cover for me. That Tremblay prick did whatever I told him.

(re the possibility the Habs will slip out of a playoff spot) "Il ne faut pas y penser!"
I'm freaking out at the thought. Can I bum a smoke?

87 comments:

Perplexed in Montreal said...

Looking back, our problems were already evident in the playoffs last season.


At least the Rangers are in even worse shape than us, as they not only suck but they're saddled with so many longterm contracts that their situation is completely hopeless.

Glen Sather has to be the worst GM In the league.

Limerick Dude said...

Luckily this game's on too late, so I might last 1/2 a period.

The Flower, Big Bird, Roadrunner.

Our problem is clearly poor nicknames.

Koivu=The Minnow (little Fin)
Kovalev=Le Blonde Papillon (man, can he float! - negative, but true)
Price(TFS on FHF) - but must lose the whole Jesus Price tag. It's this blasphemy that's pwning* him. Because "The Price is wrong, Bitch!"
I'm going with Cuke. As in cool as a...

*My boy tells me pwned is the new owned. /end shrug

Perplexed in Montreal said...

pw3nd

Limerick Dude said...

@ perplexed: I'll take your word for it.

Go Habs.

the expos said...

Pacioretty-Koivu-D'Agostini
Kovalev-Plekanec-Dandenault
A. Kostitsyn-Higgins-Kostopoulos
Gorges-Lapierre-Laraque

On defence:

Markov-Komisarek
Bouillon-O'Byrne
Hamrlik-Brisebois


.....


That is all, I'm going to go cry.

HabsFan29 said...

@the expos - thanks for doing my job for me. lap dance for you

those lines are, uh, uh, made up of three people each. well done Carbo!

lawyergirl77 said...

I was just coming over here to cut and paste in the lines for tomorrow's game.

Buh?

Dandy was playing great on D, but I can understand why he's up on forward (he's surprisingly fast).

But Gorges?

On forward?

He's not even a less-than-average defenceman, Carbo you monumental asswipe!!!

If making defencemen that suck at, you know, defence, play forward is his solution, then there are other solutions. Markov - I'm looking at you.

Komo, you ain't far behind.

Well done, Carbo. Well done.

Limerick Dude said...

What scares me more than Gorges as a forward is the Rhino-Cube defense pairing. Yes, Cube showed huge heart last game, but overall he's been atrocious the past month. And O'Byrne, well...

But mostly these lines are a giant WTF!? Must have used the bowling scores to choos linemates.

Habsfan10 said...

I'd rather see Lafleur on that line than Gorges. Hell, I'd rather see Lafleur's sex offender kid on that line than Gorges.

kevincrumbs said...

Ah, and some idiot on Facebook tried to tell me after the Calgary game that it still wasn't Carbo's fault.

moeman said...

You cyberkidz think Kovy has a hot how-to DVD? You ain't been taught to 'tink' and play hockey unless you groove to The Flower.

Forum siren fade out is way to freakin' cool.

http://www.gazblogs.com/habsinsideout-files/flower.mp3

from this (Bonus, check out the nicely suited hf29 boogeyin' with a rose) ;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6SiIUDBXR0

Yes, tonite I am parody-less but I haven't danced like that since 1979.

Go Habs!

Van Hab said...

I agree with the bowling scores forming the lines theory. Maybe that's why Sergei isn't playing. If he's as into bowling as the Puck Daddy interview suggests, maybe he won and earned himself an exemption from the embarrassment that comes with playing for the Habs these days.

I'm going to the game on Sunday with my Canuck-loving girlfriend and I'm worried I won't be wearing the pants upon exiting GM place.

(whimpers) Go Pants!

Perplexed in Montreal said...

A more plausible explanation for Sergei's absence is that he sucks the big one.

But those lines are idiotic.

Olivier said...

Jesus guys, have a beer and relax!

It seems pretty obvious to me that tough the Dandy will line up at RW (with Pleks and Kovy, heheheeee), Georges, Bou, OB and Breezer will share the last 3 spot. Wouldn't be surprised if #71 actually played less than 5 min of ES...

That being said: Higgins at C? I, for one, applaud. It's about damn time. Too bad it won't last.

Oh well, live and learn...

My word is "foori"!

Go Habs.

Noda said...

Go Hockey!
(it seemed to help last year?)

gillis said...

Seems like Carbo did inny minny miny moe (as in moeman).

So Carbo must be on crack. I don't get it. So he was looking for a fourth liner, does he pick SERGEI! or does he pick gorges, the guy who has never skated behind the other teams net in his life. Carbo's dumb.

I guess Carbo finally found out where Brisebois was and while in Calgary, Carbo must have forced Panger to let him out of his trunk. Damn

As if I'm staying up that late to watch the habs suck.

We're fucked.

gillis said...

Speaking of Lafleur, anybody else see this?

Sonia said...

Anybody hear this on CHOM?

moeman said...

FWIW, I did not help Carbo make the line-ups.

If I did Bar Refaeli, Josie Maran and Ali Larter would be my 1st line.

Limerick Dude said...

I haven't posted for a few hours. I've been driving around looking at calendars all over town. It isn't April 1st.
So, I'm missing something. Whoosh! Over my head there Carbo!
I don't get the joke. Really - it's getting close to game time. Dish out the REAL lines. c'mon....please.

rutbut said...

It seems, after pledging not to waste another minute of my time witnessing these train wrecks disguised as road games, once again I'll be staying up past my bedtime and suffering Benoit out of sheer, unadulterated, morbid curiosity.

Gorges? Seriously? For a minute there I thought I was still drunk.

I think Carbo wussed out. He should've taken it one step further and thrown whites on Dougie and Captain Kirk.

Gino Tomac said...

I'm an emotional guy. This hockey team ignites a plethora of emotions from me. But, tonight, as I try to be as calm, collected and as Zen as possible, I have to ask this one question.

Does Carbo suck? And really ponder that for a moment. No "Yeah he sucks!" answers. Let's think about it.

This team roster has been pretty much the same since the lockout albeit a few minor changes. Julien was unable to take us to the next level, but Carbo has....but most notably hasn't at the same time.

So does he suck? Our problem is we're not as offensively productive as we thought we were, and our defense is awful. He has tried every line combination possible, such as tonight's Frankenstein-like stitching of names. Yet nothing has really changed.

This would leave one to believe (and I have no previous coaching experience at all) that the system doesn't work. How about changing the redundant powerplay approach, or the way we poorly carry a puck into the offensive zone, or completely re-structuring our entire defensive zone coverage? Am I just that naive because of my inexperience as a coach?

My biggest problem with the team is that they make the same mistakes, game after game. At practice, they shouldn't be doing laps or taking lethargic shots on goal, they should be learning how to play better.

Higgins should spend his practices shooting at targets on the corners of the net so he stops hitting goalies right in their chest.

Markov should be trying to stop bouncing pucks hurling at him as he mans the point.

Little Tits should spend the day shooting from the slot instead of trying to pass.

O'Byrne and Bouillon should do nothing besides having players charge them one on one until they learn to have proper footing...

Komisarek should not be allowed to leave the ice until he completes 10 consecutive tape to tape passes down the ice.

And Gorges...Gorges should spend every practice shooting at a net that's half the size, So hopefully when he shoots at a real one he might actually hit it instead of sailing the puck 4 feet too wide.

So? If these are not the things that our players are focusing on during practice, what are they doing?

Is Carbo a good coach?

kevincrumbs said...

@Sonia

Ah, that was really good.

PS - Go banana!

Doogie2K said...

Perhaps you should edit this post and add the "...Carbonneau you monumental asswipe" tag. Seems appropriate, given the lineup.

I may or may not actually wind up watching this, because of my torn loyalties. That being said, if you want the Oilfans' perspective on tonight's game, check out the comment thread at Lowetide's. Always good stuff.

kevincrumbs said...

God help all of us with Center Ice. Who the fuck was that rinkside assclown on the Oilers' pay per view broadcast making jokes about how Grebeshkov replaced Visnovsky because they both have nine letters in their names. I would be pissed off if I was an Oilers fan an actually paid for this game specifically.

Doogie2K said...

That would be Gene Principe. He'll be here all evening, tip your waitresses.

We have to hear him 48 times a year. You get numb to it eventually.

Doogie2K said...

Good start; kept the Oilers hemmed in for almost a minute and a half.

perplexed in montreal said...

Good start over.

Sucking resumes.

kevincrumbs said...

Here we go again...

Doogie2K said...

Komi can't decide who to take, Cogs or Gags.

Oh God, this game will kill me.

Word verification: fecessf. You're telling me.

perplexed in montreal said...

These lines are ridiculous. What do you expect the players to do?

kevincrumbs said...

@Doogie2K

I feel really sorry for you for having to put up with him night in and night out.

Doogie2K said...

@Kevin: I have a PVR. I tape-delay most games and fast-forward.

Doogie2K said...

Oh Lord, Gino.

Doogie2K said...

What a play by Hemsky. 1-on-4, made Komi look silly. Wow.

perplexed in montreal said...

Dead to me.

kevincrumbs said...

When will this suffering end!? Jesus, not only are we down two but we also look horrible. Once again, no real offensive zone pressure, trouble cyckling the puck and keeping it in the zone.

Also, Komi is pretty close to becoming my new favourite whipping boy. If he's our future captain, I don't want to know what our future is going to be like.

FUCKING SHIT. CAREY PRICE. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

kevincrumbs said...

Something seriously needs to change. Something, anything besides putting on eight defencemen. Fuck this shit. Fuck it all to hell.

perplexed in montreal said...

Let's emphasize the positive.

We looked good for the first 20 seconds.

Anonymous said...

Wow.

Is Carbo trying to get fired?

And who put butter on Price's gloves?

kevincrumbs said...

Do we win anything if our Habs TV host gal is hotter than their equivalent?

kevincrumbs said...

+1 to Perplexed.

copyranter said...

Pitchers & Catchers in two days...Let's Go METS!

Doogie2K said...

@Kevin: Well you get a little credit, but it's the Ice Girls that carry the day. Does either city have any?

Also, it's more like the first 75 seconds. But yeah, point taken. Yowza.

kevincrumbs said...

Hey, this is progress! No shorthanded goal allowed (yet)!

kevincrumbs said...

4-0. I'm done. Fuck this team, fuck Carbo, fuck Komi, fuck Scary Price.

I'd rather go ogle the girls in the Sears catalogue.

Doogie2K said...

DANDY-NOT!!!!!

Well, that's something for the Habs to grow on, anyway. Halak in the second?

HabsFan4 said...

This is serious.

...


This is serious.

kevincrumbs said...

Even on the Dandy goal, some fuckwit (I can't tell them apart these days since they all suck) at the front of the net even banged the puck against the side of the net before we actually put that chance away.

Random guy on Oilers broadcast claiming that this Canadiens team would come out angry. We've come out looking like we'd rather be bowling.

Also, when all of us see the first goal slip in and think "Not again...", I'm sure the players are thinking the same thing. For those who doubt that Carbo is a problem, I believe it is the coaching staff's job to help change attitudes around.

Doogie2K said...

@Kevin: I thought that was Kovy. Looked like a 27. Still, if that doesn't happen, Roli doesn't go for a swim (WTF), and that goal doesn't go in.

And now I'm listening to Dream Theater's live cover of "Love Lies Bleeding/Funeral For A Friend".

Andrew said...

Kovalev it was indeed

verification ststrugg

Im st st struggling to maintain even a minimum level of optimism

Tom said...

Someone has to tell Carbo that when you have a good shift, you can't follow it with Kovalev's line.

Case in point from the first period: Koivu's line went out, had a bunch of chances. They changed on the fly, on comes Kovy, and we get no pressure, no shots and an offsides call.

Yeesh.

When a line is going, follow it with an energy line.

lawyergirl77 said...

This score is WAY too flattering for the Oilers. We seriously didn't suck that bad and there were some positives...

No, I'm serious.

Which is the problem - it's incredibly frustrating to be down 3 goals when it is a totally undeserved 1st period pasting.

I'm thisclose to giving up. Even when we play with something resembling heart, we get shit luck.

Panger said that it feels like the dark days of the 90's... He's not wrong...

rutbut said...

'Everything is broken' - Robert Allen Zimmerman

That's enough for me tonight. Wake me when we draft Tavares. Reunite him with his buddy PK.

Tom said...

On the bright side, the Oilers have played nine games this year where they've allowed five goals or more (including 10 goals against Buffalo a couple of weeks ago).


So if anyone can lose a big lead, it's this team.

Doogie2K said...

@LG: There's an Oilers blogger named Dennis who tracks scoring chances by hand and he has the period at even: 8-6 Habs at even strength and 3-1 Oilers at special teams for 9-9 total. So he agrees that it wasn't total shit, Price was just worse than Roli (two horrible goals to one).

My feed froze for half the period, so I can't really say.

Gino Tomac said...

Serious? Fuck that noise!
We're awful!!!
Dandenault? Fucking Dandenault?

Fuck Carbo, fuck his system, fuck our Defense, fuck it all to Satan's cockhole. Fuck Kovalev, fuck Komisarek, and fuck the guy that's obviously shooting loads of cum into Carey's eyes.

And fuck Gainey too. Yeah, I said it. Fuck Gainey and his bullshit. Fuck him and his shitty trades and this pussy of a team he's put together. He should be at every practice skull fucking Carbo in front of the other players, telling them that they're next if they play as bad as Carbo coaches....
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

lawyergirl77 said...

Doogie2K - that makes sense with what I saw.

Here's hoping that Rollie's luck doesn't hold...

rutbut said...

@Gino
That was almost as cathartic as watching BGL tune on someone. I feel better already.

Doogie2K said...

Power play.

Doogie2K said...

Roli helped that, but no question MaxPac took his leg out.

lawyergirl77 said...

Fuck this, I'm going to bed.

Doogie2K said...

Rob Brown's on crack. No way that's five; no way that's intentionaly.

kevincrumbs said...

I really can't remember a time I turned off a Habs game early but I can't take anymore of this. I'm seriously going to start folding some laundry instead. That's right Habs, I'd rather fold laundry than watch your shitty brand of hockey.

I hope that when I wake up in the morning, all the hockey blogs are talking about Carbo's sacking.

Doogie2K said...

That was more shitty PP than good PK, but it worked, I guess.

Doogie2K said...

Am I the only one left in here now?

Tom said...

I'm still kicking around. I haven't been able to watch a full Habs game in about a month, and if this is what I'm stuck with, so be it. But I'll watch the whole thing, no matter what happens.

Now, where's all those trade rumours?

Tom said...

Aren't we supposed to be a fast team? When was the last time we had an odd man rush?

Tom said...

Shorthanded? Is the powerplay really this bad? Montreal hasn't even had a shot yet.

chris nilan said...

who's gonna be the next french canadian coach of this team after carbo gets fired? roy?

Tom said...

I say Larry Robinson would be the next coach of this team, although he's not French Canadian. But he's got a Stanley Cup resume as a coach.

chris nilan said...

@ Tom

now that i could live with.

i almost just spent 300 bucks for a ticket to the game in vancouver sunday night. glad i waited to watch this game first.

matt - the collapse was inevitable said...

Gainey has had 5 years...In 5 years this pussy piece of shit team is what he has come up with...I hope Gillette calls him in for a state of the team meeting and just fuckin rips him a new asshole.

Van Hab said...

@Nilan:
I've got a ticket to that Vancouver game... Christmas present.

a sick, twisted Christmas present.

Sleepy said...

This team is too fucking useless to come from a 4 goal deficit. I'm going to bed

matt - Still watching - Even through the obvious collapse said...

I am not even sure if I hate this team less than the Leafs...I hate almost everyone on this roster.

chris nilan said...

@VanHab

i fell for you brother. sell it and head to the no.5 orange and see some real pussy instead of the fake ones in bleu, blanc et rouge.

matt - thanks for the 5 years of hard work Gainey... said...

Gainey should make a trade before the 3rd period even starts...

I can't wait to see the contracts all of the free agents get offered...they are going to be very very disappointed.

chris nilan said...

that should read feel not fell.

fell is used in such terms as... "the habs fell asleep sometime in january and i doesn't look like they're waking up"

Adam Steevens said...

maybe it's a bit too early to say this, but this kind of seems like the kind of game that gets coaches fired. Is this going to be the last straw for ol' GC, or do we have more mindless line swapping to look forward to?

Doogie2K said...

For LG's benefit, Dennis's chances after two:

2nd period chances: 7-3 Mtl; 4-2 EV and 3-1 ST.

After 40 min: 16-12 Mtl; 12-8 EV: 4-4 ST

Oilers don't get a chance on the prolonged 5-on-3 but they do get a SHG and that's fitting for 51 because he's been hitting the ball hard for a few games now.

Oilers are doing a good job killing penalties and their PP has scored two goals so that's fine and dandy. Price had a rough first and both goals from the Oil in the 2nd were GAO: Grade A Opportunities.

chris nilan said...

ah carey is in for the third..

way to kill the kids confidence guy.

Doogie2K said...

Is it weird that I still think, "Craig Ludwig" when I see George Laraque's jersey number?

Tom said...

You think they would learn to not attack the point too much on the powerplay by now.

Patrick Roy said...

Oubliez ca mes amis,

J'repond meme pas au telephone.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

I know Cari made a few poop in net, but that's nothing compared to the watery, rancid dump Carbo took on him by making him play the full 60 minutes.

kevincrumbs said...

Habs suck. I didn't watch this beyond midway through the second but am shocked (or not) to see that Scary Price was in for the whole game. What the fuck was that, Carbo!? Did Carey sleep with Carbo's wife or some shit?

Hopefully Carey stormed off and told Boivin that he just played his last game as a Canadien. Then we can trade him to Colorado for Budaj, some douchebag and some other douchebag.

Good times!

Habs suck. More than the Leafs. I don't give a fuck what the standings say.

I'm flying into Montreal with my girlfriend for the last game of the year and I'm thinking we'd be better off having a great meal at Au Pied de Cochon instead of wasting our time at Centre Bell. Mmm... foie gras.