Monday, February 16, 2009

Habs Offically Suck. Canucks 4, Suckity-sucks 2


Kovy the Kancer sucked, and needs to be traded - or treated with chemotherapy to ensure his attitude doesn't spread to healthy parts of the "team", whatever they may be. Captain K sucked - yeah I said it. HF10's Boy Higgins sucked. Bit Tits, despite the goal, and Little Tits both sucked (well, except if you're Pierre Houde - go watch HF4's TV in the post below). My Boy Chips sucked, especially on faceoffs - you're a centre now, jackass! Mad Max sucked for not growing out his hair again a la Samson (yes, that's a Bible reference. Darwin most certainly does not suck, though). LaWreck sucked for not kicking someone's ass. HF29's boy DOOM sucked (and if he's injured, he sucked for not sitting). Markov really sucked. Cube and Hamr sucked. Price sucked for ... uh ... not getting any good shots to stop? (OK that's just a "retroactive suck" for the Edmonton and Boston games.) Pleks sucked for getting suspended from playing. Tangy and Guimauve sucked for not getting better already.

So who does that leave? Two rookies (Patches and D'ago), a guy locked in my truck (Breezer - yeah, I said it) and two guys who were healthy scratches when the "team" didn't suck (Greek Lightening and El Dandy). And Jaro - well, don't think I'm going to be pointing any fingers at the goalies when the "team" in front of him have given up like 100 shots in the last 7 periods. (I put "team" in quotes because they're really 18 individual skaters right now.)

We suck. So what do we do? Trade 'em all and fire Carbonneau. Riot in the streets if Gainey doesn't trade for Lecavalier, Boumeester and Terry Sawchuk's ghost. Remember that Ottawa - Ottawa - has won 4 in a row under a new coach and feel shame. Declare 2009 "Most Sucky Centennial Season Ever."

[Forget that San Jose and Boston are both currently sucking, and that there is plenty of time to stop sucking before the playoffs. Perspective? Not at FHF. Panic rulz!]

Tell is what you think sucks in the comments. Personally, I think coming into work on a holiday sucks.

...oh, and this review sucked, too.

8 comments:

Limerick Dude said...

The scoop.

Matt Schneider for a 2nd and 3rd round pick.

Oy.

melly said...

Next move: acquire Mike Keane's rights and bring him up from the AHL.

'93 reunion!

Limerick Dude said...

Good idea melly.
I always liked Keane.
What will it take to get Lemieux out of SJ?
Then start wearing those damned pajamas for every game!

ironchefrick said...

Bouillon is probably playing the worst defence of his career... even worse than Komisarek now.... As for Schneider, I think Gainey knows that the PP needs a boost, and without the point shot, it ain't worth a damn... Alot of people will be slamming the trade for Schneider, but I think it's a good one to make....

Limerick Dude said...

Yeah, and I'm sure he'll be making other moves to get picks back. I guess I don't mind this move.

ironchefrick said...

After last night's game, it's done like dinner for Chips... he looked cool with the beard tho... (then he'll be a monster playing in Philly like Leclair the second they move him...)... I'm thinking about who will be re-moved from the Defence to make room for Schneider...

hmmm... not Gorges, not Markov, not Komi, not Hamrlik ... they will probably send back Obye and sit Brisebois...

Then again what the hell do I know about anything

Tom said...

I say bring back Gilbert Dionne!

And Oleg Petrov, because we need more small Europeans.

I just told my wife about the trade. She said "That's it? That's the big shakeup?"

And she doesn't even follow hockey.

Number31 said...

Habs decided to celebrate their 100 years by sucking as bad as their first year? Maybe that's the plan.