Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Suckfest Habs vs. Suckfest Pens. WHO YA GOT? Game preview and open thread

In honour of the biggest Steeler fan on the internet, Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolber, and in recognition of the Stillers' glorious win, we, uh, borrow Ape's awesome WHO YA GOT? format for the game tonight. We've got two teams in the midst of total suckitude, so WHO YA GOT?
Contestants

Montreal Canadiens____Pittsburgh Penguins

Aptly Descriptive Team Nickname

Nos Glorieux____Mario's debt

Kick-Ass Team Bloggers

4 out of 5 Finnish hockey bloggers agree that FHF kicks ass____The Pensblog rules the internet. Just ask them.

Statistical Proof of Suckitude

Losers of 5 of their last 6____Mired in 10th place in the East

Cause of Suckitude

I don't even know where to start____The crazy yelling guy in the photo above

Gratuitous crotch shot to distract you from the suckitude

Don't worry, it's SFW

Disastrous Injury Team May Never Recover From

Robert Lang____Sergei Gonchar

Lingering Question

How can a team picked to contend for the East suck so much?____How can a team picked to contend for the East suck so much?

Finishing Move

Firing the coach?____Firing the coach?

So who ya got?

46 comments:

Don said...

Are we being too hard on the Habs?

I mean, they only have 4 less wins than the Red Wings and they're being crucified.

I know they look inconsistent and I don't believe they can win the Cup with the lack of motivation they have been playing with, but they weren't even in the playoffs 2 years ago and already they're expected to win the whole thing.

HabsFan29 said...

ooh Don, a voice of reason! I like you

i do not expect them to win the whole thing. i expect them to give an effort every night, that's all i want. i'm not getting it

Montréaliste1 said...

I miss Tanguay. When is he expected? Looks like Jorges could play tonight.

"Henry being less than average defenseman does not make him 4th line forwards Carbonneau you monumental asswipe"

hockeyzombie said...

I thought the Habs played pretty good against the Broons. It's just the Broons played better (I HATE saying that.) They played a tight physical game and kept the pressure up.

Some buds anf I were discussing the east playoffs at a super bowl party and if the habs face the Rangers in the first round then they should make it to the second round.

The team that worries me is the Flyers. But if the Habs can play physical and be strong in the corners then maybe they can take the Flyers as well.

So I guess that is what I am looking for in the Habs. Stong physical play with disipline.

lawyergirl77 said...
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lawyergirl77 said...

Hockeyzombie - unfortunately there is NOTHING in how the Habs have been playing that remotely resembles "strong physical play with discipline". This is not a good sign for the second season/playoffs because that kind of play is what wins cups.

Don - I agree that the Canadiens are being crucified, in spite of being 4th in the East. I definitely think that this is a case of overblown expectations. Shocking, really, to see this in Mtl. [/sarcasm]

That being said, I am with 29 in the fact that it's the WAY that they're losing that is really pissing me off. I call them a bunch of brain dead fucktards not because they can't seem to find the back of the net (although that is certainly the case lately). I'm calling them a bunch of brain dead fucktards because they don't even seem to be willing to TRY. And that's the problem...

moeman said...

• I believe the pre-game talk will be given by Guy Lafleur. The Flower will hand out duMaurier's to every player, even fucking TFS™

• I believe Sid da Kid will not fist a Hab player.

• I believe Kovy will score a hat trick in a 3-0 win, all assisted by Saku and O'Byrne. AK27 and The Real Captain will share the game's 1st star and hug at centre ice. Réjean Tremblay will go into spasms but no one will notice.

• I believe the Olé song will be replaced with a de-pansified version of YMCA, lead by Y-Grecque Lightening.

• I believe Carbo will not make line-up changes but will change his briefs.

• I believe Bob Gainey has a surprise signing to announce. He will be sending Gorges and Pacioretti back to SJ for Claude Lemieux. The morons at TQS' 100% will hail it as a genius Pollackian move.

• I believe Pittsburg will not ice a French-Canadian goalie. Did the Pens ever have a non-French-Canadian netminder?

• I believe that due to the economic downturn and despite great ratings, that RDS will announce layoffs. Fortunately Benoit Brunet and Joel Bouchard will be let go. They will team up as a new wrestling tag team and use the sleeper hold as their main weapon of choice.

• I believe Mr. Gillette will start writing a blog called One Habs Fan.

• I believe that Stephen Harper, after much experimenting, will legalize meth. Ignatieff will support the government's move whilst Layton and Duceppe buy Phelps' bong on eBay and puff their dragons away. (Buy stock in Frito-Lays).

• I believe Chez Parée (Google it kidz) will provide intermission dance-à-dix. Hey the player's are already sitting on their asses. Ovetchkin will hear about this and demand his mother find a way to get him traded to Montréal.

Montréaliste1 said...

@ LG: "bunch of brain dead fucktards". Quite apporpriate.

@ Moe: brunet and boushard will announce theire comeback in the AHL somewhere on the west coast.

perplexed in montreal said...

I don't think the Broons outplayed us. The key moment was the inability to score on the 5 on 3. Other than that we easily matched them.

Remember the Habs have had incredibly bad luck with injuries. Last year they had good luck.

Don't give up folks.

GO HABS GO!

Moey said...

How much more shite can the hockey Gods pile on us? Glad to see the Kovy/Pleks/AK46 line re-united. Kovy just gave up on that Boston game. I'm sure he said to Carbo, WTF do you expect? Look at my linemates.

Sonia said...

Breezer's in Panger’s trunk tonight

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Carbo's School For De Coaching

Salut kids. So you want to have wonderful career as a two-way centre for the greatest team to wear le CH in all of sport and den ruining legacy by become coach of greatest team to wear le CH in all of sport? Take my course, ensemble we cover things such as

1) Juggling of the lines (x4-5 games)
2) Putting of the lines back de way dey were before
3) ????
4) COUPE STANLEYYYY

*please note, this program does not substitute actual coaching experience, nor does it include play-drawing, puck-control, the ability to motivate, a basic understanding of power-play execution, or many et-le-buuuuuts

bob said...

How to get out of a suckitude down fall.

Have faith, the fucking Leafs are on their way.

$5 says Sissy Crosby will be whining to the refs at least twice tonight.

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman , @TGTTGFYB - +1 for each of you.

moeman said...

God loves us, keep those letters (email 4 U KIDZ), cheque$ and prayers coming.

"A lower-body injury will keep Patrice Brisebois out of action for the Canadiens tonight. He did not participate in the morning skate today."

kevincrumbs said...

This probably passes for optimism around here but at least this isn't happening right before the playoffs, right? Right?

Time for my pre game nap, although if I've learned anything over the past couple of games, I'm better off sleeping during the games.

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman - forget prayer, that's just good old fashioned hard work on Panger's part with the lead pipe

moeman said...

heh @ hf29. Brings back memories of the horsetooth'd Kerrigan's Why!?Why!?Why!? Does Panger have friends in low places or did he gillooly Breezer in Brossard?

moeman said...

Josh est de retour.

Merci Mon Dieu.

moeman said...

I gotta pray more (after having seen Kovy say he knows his place, in regards to Coach Carbo).

Imagine if I went to confession. Coupe #25?

HabsFan29 said...

is it over yet?

maybe Kovy has some jump after his little "talk" with coach

so none of you could tell me my gratuitous crotch shot link was broken?

oh FUCK. not a good beginning

HabsFan29 said...

ooh i like using the glass for balance. good fight tactics. if only he had thrown a punch

Perplexed in Montreal said...

How did they score? How did no one think of stopping them?

Montréaliste1 said...
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Montréaliste1 said...

Colisse. The 6 habs on the ice were in a 2 meter radius helplessly looking for the puck. Kostopoulus looked like kosto-pas-là

moeman said...

Hammer!






(brunet takes credit for the goal(

HabsFan29 said...

im happy to benefit from a weird play for a change

Van Hab said...

Fuck!
Why so FAST?!?! Please give me the dignity of warming me up before you fuck me in the ass!

Or are you just gonna punch me in the dick, you backwards dick-puncher Crosby?

moeman said...

I thought bobcole made shit up. pierre houde sees the game from a weird angle or he has a megameth habit.

HabsFan29 said...

i say we move Markov to forward

HabsFan29 said...

i can live with that period

moeman said...

I say RDS moves houde (and his smarmy 'I quit smoking for my daughter' ads) to cbc.

moeman said...

Nice sweater-vest bouchard.

Werd-verif = gouse

lawyergirl77 said...

I can definitely live with that period. Habs were hitting, backchecking, and just generallybplaying like they give a shit. Let's see whether they start to choke.

Nice cheer for Lang during player introductions.

And the fucker behind me won't stop hitching about how much Koivu sucks. Asshole.

HabsFan29 said...

oh that's gotta feel good for Higgy

Perplexed in Montreal said...

The Pens suck. They remind me a bit of us.

Perplexed in Montreal said...

Nice pass by Max-Pac.

HabsFan29 said...

a 2 goal lead???

/uses the paddles to revive

lawyergirl77 said...

29 - CLEAR!!

I can't believe that we have a (long) shot at chicken winging. The Hell??!!

HabsFan29 said...

so far so good...

HabsFan29 said...

spoke too soon

lawyergirl77 said...

Man, I love Carey as much as the next puck bunny, but he's just not making the key saves for us...

HabsFan29 said...

w00t!

Anonymous said...

w00t w00t in the b00t

HabsFan29 said...

well it's a start

melly said...

Toodles, Therrien!