Friday, February 13, 2009

Ten Things I Hate About ... the Colorado Avalanche

Hate you and you and you and you and ...

First, we hated the red-headed stepchild of the Original Six. We decided to direct some bile towards our most hated of rivals. We took a look at the evil that lurks in Pennsylvania, and HFF33/Panger reserved a special hate for the city he currently toils in. After the events of this week, we could hate on a million things about this year's version of the Canadiens, but you all seem to cover that nicely in the comments. So where does one put all that hatred? Why, towards our former blood-feud cousins who moved out West and struck it rich, that's who.

10 Things I Hate About the Colorado Avalanche

10. They used to be these guys.

9. Colorado Avalanche sounds like a goddamn MLS name. The Avalanche and Lightning need to go. Now.

8. Pierre Lacroix, the smug, pompous, agent-turned GM who slimed and sleazed his way into a stunning run of success and then slinked away to become Avs president just before the wheels came off. His every press conference made me want to take a shower.

7. Colour scheme? Terrible. Jerseys? Ugly. Logo? Uninspired. Bigfoot print? Pointless. The one time they almost got the jerseys right, they just copied the Rangers ... and then they promptly stopped using them.

6. Paying Darcy Tucker a living wage? Reason enough for a hate list.

5. The Hit and the stupid, overblown rivalry that resulted. You would have thought that Detroit-Colorado was the first and only rivalry in hockey history the way it got discussed. Claude Lemieux was, is, and will always be a prick, former Hab or not.

4. I hate the beating they are going to put on the Habs tonight. This would be higher if the losses weren't so frequent lately. I'm getting kind of numb to them, sort of like the Houle days.

3. The appalling lack of respect for the origins of the franchise. You reissued the retired numbers of Peter Stastny, Michel Goulet, Marc Tardif and JC Tremblay, but the stellar, monumental, 128 game (including playoffs) Avalanche career of Ray Bourque warrants a place in the rafters? What a slap in the face to the Nords, their fans, and to the actual Avalanche legends who should one day rightfully go to the rafters, (Joe Sakic & Peter Forsberg, for instance). [For the record, the Hurricanes have also neglected their heritage in this way; of the relocated WHA teams, only the Coyotes continue to honour the Jets retired numbers. So Carolina sucks too. We'll get to them someday.]

2. Trading for and winning a Cup with Bourque drove me crazy, but what made it worse was the year-long "16W" campaign, making it seem like it would be a Shakespearean tragedy if poor widdle Ray retired Cupless. Listen, no one has a divine right to get their name on the Stanley Cup. Plenty of superstar players went their entire careers without winning a Cup. The whole "win one for Ray" crap was so overblown and nauseating I actually cheered for the fucking Devils in that final. Fucking Lou Lamariello and the Devils, people. Think about that.

1. If you aren't sure what I would hate most about the Colorado Avalanche, you're on the wrong site.

6 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

Nords' leader Ron Hextall! That poster is outstanding. as was this post.

I'm getting kind of numb to them, sort of like the Houle days.

oh god no, we've come to that??

rufus said...

Lacroix trying to screw the Habs twice with the Theo trade. How'd that one work? (At least Abescher made less money)

Olivier said...

"3. The appalling lack of respect for the origins of the franchise. You reissued the retired numbers of Peter Stastny, Michel Goulet, Marc Tardif and JC Tremblay, but the stellar, monumental, 128 game (including playoffs) Avalanche career of Ray Bourque warrants a place in the rafters?"

Being from Québec city, I can only say this: Dude, they won the frickin' cup by fleecing the habs right after they bolted from town. Last thing I wanna see is those greasy fucks pawing around Stastny, Gou! and the others (err... Tardif? Tremblay? err...)...

They got the best years of Sakic and Forsberg. And now they have the talented son of Peter. Who scored his first NHL goal against the habs. Did I mention they are greasy fucks?

Jackasses.

My last word will be my verification word: Romen.

Gino Tomac said...

You also forgot to mention bloodthirsty. Patrick Roy wasn't enough for them, they had to take Mike Keane too...animals.

By the way, Chipchura just got called back. Maybe Carbo will put him on a line with Youppi and Gillette.

gillis said...

@Gino: No, Chips is starting in nets and Price is going to be playing on a line with Koivu and D'agostini. Brisebois will be playing with Kovalev on the second line and the Tits Bros. will be the first D unit.

Van Hab said...

@gillis
Tits bros on D eh? There's a joke in there...

"She was so hot, I wanted desperately to put one in her net but I couldn't get past those Tits"