Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Golly! It's an old-timey Flames Preview and Open Thread

Who does this floozie think she is?

I reckon the Club Athletique Canadien is having a pretty average National Hockey Association season. While we have some dillies playing, the squad is hovering around the .500 mark. And we are coming off a depressing loss to the Renfrew Creamery Kings. Tonight's match starts promptly at 7:30 at the Montreal Arena. Get yourself all gussied up, catch the #11 streetcar at Craig Street and ride it all the way there.

Our club has some very keen players right now. Newsy Lalonde is tearing up the league at more than a goal per game pace. Didier Pitre is right there with him. Georges "I hope some day they name a trophy after me" Vézina is continuing his outstanding rookie campaign, leading the league in GAA. The rest of our boys - Poulin, Bernier, Laviolette, and Betrand nous font fiers, unlike those English pig dog Wanderers. I do find this English-French divide depressing however. I'm sure one day it will all be cleared up. I can only imagine that some day the newspapermen of the future will applaud the ethnic and cultural diversity this Canadiens team will have, if only the Czar would stop oppressing the Russian players and let them seek their fortune in North America.

But nuts! This team is really getting my goat. We are making a lot of boners in our defensive zone, leaving poor Vézina alone to get fed to the wolves. Maybe the rigours of the 16-game schedule are finally catching up to us. Gee willikers, playing like this, there is really no way we can catch the Ottawa Hockey Club in the standings.

For your post-game naughty entertainment joint, head over to Sammy's in the basement of 231 St. James Street (knock four times and ask for Jimmy). Rumour has it the ladies are exposing their ankles there now.

Are you jazzed for the game? Let's hear it in the comments.

154 comments:

lawyergirl77 said...

Outstanding preview and I'm loving the pic, GG11!!!

Sasparillas are on me!

But, seriously... there is something vaguely and disturbingly Christmassy about these unis. It's bad enough they chucked up the garlands and other Xmas tchotchkas over at PVM on November 1st fer chrissakes - why must my hockey team torture me too? Isn't their playing below their potential pain enough for their fans??

Boob Gainey said...

well done, hf29.

very well done.

HabsFan4 said...

It's when I read little bits like this one that I can sit back and enjoy this blog as a fan.

Best open thread, best short post ever, 29.

HabsFan4 said...

Also, my favorite pic of the bunch too.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
EXACTLY what I said. A little too Christmassy for me. But hey, it's not about hockey anymore it's about sales and this marketing department gets the prize for best whoring/cash grabbing out there. This post makes me almost as sad as the 1970 post. Anything is better than 2009.

@29
Nicely done.

kevincrumbs said...

Mmmm.... exposed ankles...

Moey said...

Oh fiddlesticks, the GMS line is broken up tonight.

moeman said...

Great post and great pic. is that a number 79 on that jersey? Also, a little circa side boob is nice.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Yes. That's Markov. Seems like he hasn't played since 1910.

lawyergirl77 said...

Great find Moe and hee for the reference GG11.

Seriously - I'm with 4 on this one. Best. Preview. Ever.

Habsfan10 said...

She's a hoochie!

(Hoochie! Hoochie! Hoochie!)

I need a new onion for my belt, which is the style at this time.

Habsfan10 said...

"The rest of our boys - Poulin, Bernier, Laviolette, and Betrand nous font fiers, unlike those English pig dog Wanderers."

Bertrand Raymond's grand-pere approves this message.

L Dude said...

A jolly good read 29. I say...jolly good.

L Dude said...

SOOOO, sitting Carle for The Bloodsucker instead of MAB. FUCK.

blaz said...

I wish I had something more constructive to say, but awesome everything.

wv: biersome. what a biersome preview that was.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
I know I already agreed but I have to agree again! If the team was great it's one thing but it's like dressing the big, tall, ugly kid with the big ears in plaid pants and a bow tie. What happened to the classy Canadiens? When did they get braces and zits and plaid pants? When I ask???

wv: lynes, as in I just vaccinated the family at the Mall and there weren't any lynes.

kevincrumbs said...

@L Dude: Spot on. Can we fit the Urologist into Panger's trunk?

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - if we think this is bad... just wait until we are wearing blue and white. No red in sight. *shudder*

L Dude said...

@kev:
Breezby: 6'02" 210 lbs
MAB: 5'10" 197 lbs

Unless Breezer's still there, Panger definitely has room for the Urologist. Even if Breezer is still there, he should be a decaying corpse by now (like MAB seems to be) so fitting the two of them should be no problem. As long as Panger drives something larger than a Toyota Echo, we're good.

Habsfan10 said...

@ L Dude:

Panger is Italian, so he drives a 70's era Crown Victoria. There's enough room for Breezer, the Urologist, Billy Batts, and a whole host of other people Joe Pesci didn't like in GoodFellas.

Noda said...

Anyone know of a Habs friendly pub in Windsor to watch the game at tonight?

moeman said...

Jaro and LeaCH in. TFS™ and Carle not.

Boob Gainey said...

Leach is 30 and has played like 28 games in the NHL.

What the fuck?

moeman said...

Halaklujah

Now we've all read there was a tweeted CHord
That Carey played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for GAA, do you?
Losses go like this
The fourth, the fifth
A Bruins lift, a Tampa fall
Then baffled agent composed Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah
Halaklujah

JMs faith was strong but he needed proof
October Molson points thru the roof
His blocker and glove hand overthrew you
TFS™, Jaro tied you
With #1 goalie flair
He broke your throne, whilst impressing PeeAir
And from agent's twit came the Halaklujah

FHFers we've been here before
We know this team, stuck at 24
I used to CHeer alone before I knew you
I see Youppi and Babs on the blog's logo
But so far we can't plan our victory march
Maybe we need a hot and happy Halaklujah

Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah

There was a time Demers let me know
What was really going on down below
But now he's a fucking Senator for Stephen Harper
Doesn't mean his vocab skillz will be any sharper
Yes our TFS™ love must be put on hold
And with every Jaro win we'll CHeer Halaklujah

Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah

Some took the beloved St. Patrick's name in vain
I say these people don't even know the game
But even if they did, well really, what's it add up to?
A wink of the eye
A Stanley Cup, no, FUCK two!!
BTW, that's something José could never do
Tonight we benCH Jesus Price for some Halaklujah

Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah

I've done another parody, yes I know it isn't much
I couldn't find my victrola, so I used my iPod Touch
I've told the fucking truth, I didn't come to fool you
If I did that this time
I would've ripped off The Who
Leonard Cohen is The Lord of Song
Hope he doesn't mind my tongue singing Halaklujah

Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Halaklujah, Halaklujah
Fucking Halaklujah

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Wow. Love that song. Real and parody.

Just finished opening up all of the bar mitzvah gifts and I feel I need to publicly apologize to the Habs marketing department. Everyone should have the Mike Cammalleri do-it-yourself briss kit. 13 really wanted the 1910 version which comes with a shot of Bourbon but he got stuck with the 1954 anesthesia one. Unfortunately it's final sale. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that for my birthday I get the Matthieu Schneider shabbos candle sticks as they are half price now that he's gone. So marketing dept. keep up the the great work selling our souls to the devil.

L Dude said...

slow clap @ moeman. Brilliant.

HabsFan29 said...

one of my faves moeman. you certainly did it justice

/ continues L Dude's slow clap

Flying Toaster said...

Where can i get a live video feed of the game? Tv in another room with no chairs to sit on...

WV: Noicnesp, as in.... I got nothing!

Moey said...

Awesome as usual moeman.

Ronan said...

@ Flying Toaster
You can't sit on the floor, or bring another chair into the room, or sit on something else? That is the height of laziness... and I salute you for it!
www.atdhe.net
Failing that, try
www.justin.tv/nad_et_pic_4


@ moeman
I don't know how you keep doing that, but by all means continue!


WV: "panch" - AK46 playing on the Pancho Villa line tonight?

Ronan said...

That should be
Atdhe and justin.tv, I messed up the linking.

moeman said...

Thnx for the kudos kidz ... and FWIW, today's inspiration came from hearing about this .

Kudos Claude.

moeman said...

Also, Mme. Witt (and her delicious accent) still makes me wett.

HabsFan29 said...

still in class. how do the unis look?

moeman said...

CzeCH, this, out 2,025-meters!

Tom said...

Just something that deserves mentioning. Those kids with the flags that stand by the doors when the Habs comes on the ice. Most players just go by them without even looking at them. I always noticed that Saku Koivu would tap their gloves and what not before stepping on the ice. I always thought that was classy.

Now that Koivu is gone, I noticed that Paul Mara has taken over that duty. I'm sure that makes the kids feel all excited and like they're part of the team.

Tom said...

Also, the uniforms: Makes them look like the Minnesota Wild.

moeman said...

Whats Minny's record vs. el Flamos?

Also, good catcH on the flag kids getting the Saku love. Like the tykes, I miss Koivu, a lot.

GoldenGirl11 said...

They look like toy soldiers from the nutcracker and their sticks are candy canes. Either that or the worst dressed expansion team of all time. I think I will call them the Alabama Canadiens.

Boob Gainey said...

We bite.

Chenny13 said...

Ugh. They don't really look like they've got much jump in their step tonight, do they?

moeman said...

Un-tilt the fucking rink!

GoldenGirl11 said...

No jump in their step because they ate one too many of Santa's cookies.

Baroque said...

Well, the Minnesota Wild have a Koivu. There is that resemblance.

Why on the planet would a team with iconic uniforms wear anything else? It's just cheap, desperate, and trashy.

Find a color scheme and logo that doesn't suck and just stick with it, ignoring everyone who says it is old and tired and needs to be freshened up for the younger kids.

moeman said...

Somewhere PeeAir just 'sploded.

Moey said...

We bite, suck and blow.

moeman said...

Why does Joel Bouchard keep rubbing his hands? Purell?

Boob Gainey said...

Max Pac still hasn't learned to play in the NHL.

Boob Gainey said...

Best we can do is dump it in their zone and change lines.

moeman said...

Somewhere Carbo is rubbing his hands.

Chenny13 said...

This Bergeron-Leach pairing makes me scared.

Hopefully that scuffle will spark the team...?

Boob Gainey said...

Borderline penalty to Max Pac.

moeman said...

I'm feeling green.

Chenny13 said...

Saw that coming.

Boob Gainey said...

Holy Fuck we suck.

Boob Gainey said...

Kirk Muller has no fucking idea what we can do to win.

Ronan said...

I think Phaneuf is the only player in the league I would wish a concussion on... even Lucic I'd rather just get beat down.


And fuck. Stupid Flames and their 220-lb forwards...

Chenny13 said...

Wow. What a lucky, weak call. Not like our Powerplay will be able to convert though, with the way they're playing.

Boob Gainey said...

Who is our power play coach?

I think it's Pearn isn't it?

NYR had the worst power play last year, when he was in charge.

Chenny13 said...

What a listless first 20 minutes. They're making it hard to cheer for them. Especially since it feels like I'm watching the Wild play.

moeman said...

1st period recap:

Outshot.

Outhit.

Outplayed.

Still 40 minutes to actually play 40 minutes.

kevincrumbs said...

Horrible stuff but sadly not the worst I've seen from our Habs this year. Idiot Flames announcers tried to say that the Patches penalty was a slew foot.

To cheer us up, the Flames probably had the worst local radio station playoff song, EVER.

Boob Gainey said...

Actually, Kiprusoff made more good saves than Halak in that period.

Halak should have stopped the one goal.

Tweet that!

moeman said...

Tabernaqueetmauditcrissedecalissedemerdedechiend'ostiedesaintsicroche, rds, whilst scrapping the bottom of the pure wool barrel, praises HHOFer Brian Leetch for having michel bergeron as his 1st coach.

HabsFan29 said...

just got in from class. fun thread to read (for the comedy, not the results)

i see it's been said already, but damn the Minnesota Wild suck

lawyergirl77 said...

So this is the first game I actually get to attend in over a week. (missed games against thrashers and Tampa).

THIS is what I see? A team that let's it's opponents DO LINE CHANGES WHILE IN OUR ZONE DURING A POWER PLAY????

Fuck.

We suck.

lawyergirl77 said...

Leach isn't as sucky as I had feared tho.

But anything is better than the hot mess that is the urologist...

moeman said...

@lg77, let us know if Joel's pommade holds up his doo for 60 minutes.

HabsFan29 said...

Newsy Lalonde would have buried that chance

Boob Gainey said...

Apparently it's Crosby or Iginla as Canadian captain at the Olympics.

I'm cheering for Russia.

kevincrumbs said...

Phaneuf is a ****.

kevincrumbs said...

@Boob: The worst thing about being an American is that you have to cheer for Tim Thomas in goal.

Boob Gainey said...

I've switched the channel to Tony Bourdain eating his way through New Jersey.

moeman said...

The other Minnesota team is up 4-1 on the monstrous Gunderson.

Boob Gainey said...

@Kevin

Tim Thomas?

Brian Burke.

moeman said...

@Boob, 'No Reservations' is pure food porn. Love it.

Moey said...

Maybe the Habs made a tactical change tonight, they usually come out killing dead things in the first and run out of gas by the third. Yeah, that's it.

kevincrumbs said...

Jaro looks shaky. Carey's agent should fire up his Twitter account.

@Boob: Oh, and Komisarek. Ugh.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
I'm much more fascinated that you're at the game and MrLG doesn't mind that you're on your iPhone. Or perhaps you're in the little lawyers room.

DrGG at the game with 10 year old whose best friend has always been imaginary Jerome Iginla.

Baroque said...

Just because I'm an American doesn't mean I have to cheer automatically for anyone else born in the same country.

I'm cheering for Russia because a couple of my favorite players are Pavel Datsyuk and Alexander Ovechkin, and I want them to win a gold medal.

wv: conkness (You can make your own jokes.) :)

Boob Gainey said...

Seriously, it is hard to see how Komo will end up going to the Olympics. He's having a nightmare season.

Chenny13 said...

Hey, McSplooge, Lapierre dropped the gloves....after he jumped Phaneuf!

HabsFan29 said...

GOSH DARNIT

Chenny13 said...

Ugh, Mexican't couldn't keep the puck on his stick.

kevincrumbs said...

If I was a Flames fan, I'd be pissed my team was only up one goal against this crappy team... and only after Kiprusoff made some big saves.

Chenny13 said...

Well, regardless of the score, at least the second period has actually been somewhat entertaining.

moeman said...

Phanoof goes after Squid and PeeAIr spurts.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think Squid challenged DP to a duel at dawn. And is it me or did they get him the wrong size green helmet? Looks like he's wearing a mens small when he needed the youth xl.

Boob Gainey said...

We're outplaying them.

Bourdain is eating canoli with Mario Batali.

moeman said...

@Boob, "canoli with Mario"

Damn, and all I had tonight were quesadillas with guacamole.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Burn the elf suits with the barber pole pjs. Please.

Moey said...

Why does every goaltender (except ours)we face look like a superstar? I'm tired of this shit.

moeman said...

@Moey, cuz our team just can't fucking score.

kevincrumbs said...

@Moey: I agree.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
Just asked my kid the same question. I'm tired too. Seems we haven't scored since...1910.

moeman said...

Scoring is fun.

Boob Gainey said...

We have had more scoring chances in this game.

moeman said...

Need to pop one in.

Boob Gainey said...

Leafs getting creamed by the worst team in the league (other than the Leafs).

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Are you still talking about hockey?

Boob Gainey said...

Bourdain is now in Saudi Arabia. Next up, Alton Brown.

moeman said...

@GG11, of course I am. @; )

Also, I, miss my boy CHips.

Moey said...

Tomorrow it's going to be the same old crap, we were out-goaltended, we're snakebit...we outplayed them..yada yada yada. Bullshit. Just get the puck in the fucking net.

WV - simile what the fuck is there to simile about?

lawyergirl77 said...

Last time I saw a bunch of dudes unable to score like this with so many chances was at a high school dance at Selwyn House.

Brutal.

kevincrumbs said...

@Boob: The Saudi Arabia episode is crap. You can tell he hates it when he's stuck in some fast food restaurant and has to pretend that it's enjoyable.

lawyergirl77 said...

HUGE cheer in the Bell Center during second intermission.

Why?

'Cause they just announced that Doucharek left the game with an injury. W00T!! At least we still have schadenfreude !!!

Moey said...

@Boob,

It suppose it beats getting creamed by McSplooge. That Detroit win on Saturday was a fluke.

moeman said...

@lg77, those high school dances were scoreless because of the free-flowing Screwdrivers (but Stairway to Heaven' offered a chance for a nice long sweaty hug, until the 'wyno down the road' part ...)

GoldenGirl11 said...

Wyno down the road!!!!!

kevincrumbs said...

Come on, just start running Kiprusoff. It might be the only thing that'll work tonight.

Chenny13 said...

Great moves by Squid, no finish...Starting to have a familiar ring to it.

Boob Gainey said...

Kipper's stealing the game.

moeman said...

Why are Peek Freans Assorted Cremes so fucking delicious!?

moeman said...

heh@GG11

Also, GG, did you check out ffffound?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
Not that I don't enjoy a good schadenfreude as much as the next mädchen but I think I'd rather Douche stay healthy and suck. Injury is too easy.

Moey said...

@moeman,

For the same reason warm blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream is. This fucking team is going to make me fat.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
Are you still talking hockey?

Ffffound didn't open completely. Very glitchy. I think it had personal issues with me.

moeman said...

GG11 knows, best that Dou$harek increase his +/-, stay healthy and showcase his mad skilz on the Olympian world stage. Bonus, Burke's bulbous noggin will burst.

moeman said...

@Moey, that better be fresh, homemade tarte au bluets with freshly CHurned creme-à-glace.

~~~

@GG11, always talking hockey.

~~~

Come on Habs, penetrate and find that fucking five-hole!

Moey said...

Despite the suckfest of last season the only true unfinisher was Higgins. Now the whole bloody team can't finish, not even Squid. We're cursed.

GoldenGirl11 said...

15 year old yelling at the tv "come on 8 million, you can score can't you?!?!?"

moeman said...

In the words of Steely Dan, we "Can't Buy A Thrill".

kevincrumbs said...

No point in arguing with the ref, Jokinen. The Habs won't score.

Chenny13 said...

With this lack of goalscoring, I wonder if Bob and Sergei will kiss and make up. I know I would love to watch a pair of tits.

GoldenGirl11 said...

This game is a total Jokinen

moeman said...

Habs are CHoking their sticks a bit too tight. Need to release.

kevincrumbs said...

Gu:( on the PP? What the fuck, JM!?

Moey said...

Tonight I hate them. I may or may not feel differently tomorrow.

HabsFan29 said...

nice try, goal judge

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
I know, I know. You're still talking hockey.

kevincrumbs said...

@GG11: The goal judge is also a Jokinen.

Chenny13 said...

Haha, well at least the goal judge is optimistic.

moeman said...

I hope Jaro's agent doesn't tweettack me for my parody.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Does anyone have the stats of the games played while wearing pajamas or Minnesota/elf look alike unis?

moeman said...

Time to mothball all circa-jerseys until the 25th Cup is bagged and engraved. Then parade the fuck out of em'.

kevincrumbs said...

God, Bergeron really, really sucks.

Chenny13 said...

Pretty sure I can count the number of clean breakouts in this third period on one hand.

Chenny13 said...

And that's the game. Ugh. Another frustrating game.

HabsFan29 said...

DANG NAB IT this game is over

kevincrumbs said...

Great, we get to be on the PK for the rest of the game.

moeman said...

Turn that frown upside down FHFers cuz in two games our Habs could be back to .500

Moey said...

GG11:

This retro crap has to stop. Another blogging buddy of mine pointed out that the centennial logo at center ice is another culprit, take it away and put the big CH back.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Dang nab it?????

kevincrumbs said...

Fuck you, Kiprusoff. Hope you choke in a first round game seven loss.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Shoulda watch the Ziegfield Follies instead.

kevincrumbs said...

@Moey: The only way to look at the Centennial is that we're living through this nightmare so that our children won't have to. Something like that. Did the fucking New York Yankees go so over the top during their centennial?

Moey said...

You gotta love what RDS shows between commercials, the two times the Habs scored this season.

Moey said...

@kc,

No idea, the only thing I know about the Yankees is that we'll we won't catch up to their 27 championships in my lifetime. Fuck.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Moey re: "This team is going to make me fat"

Ditto - I spent the second cramming fries into my yap as quickly as possible.

Fucking Habs.
Fuck.

moeman said...

@lg77, catsup, mayo, sauce brune?

cottoneye said...

Bleh. Was that the longest (and/or most boring) game ever or what?

I think the worst part is that the Flames played a very average game. Borderline bad.

GoldenGirl11 said...

My kid just got home with a green t! Talked DrGG into buying it. Marketing magic.

orangeman said...

Missed the game but saw TSN highlights. It's a 1-0 game and they didn't even show the one goal! Unbelievable. Not to mention their constant slander against the Habs. Yeah, another cheap shot by another Canadien. Gee, you're sounding more and more like CBC everyday.

Ronan said...

@ orangeman

Cheap shot? Are they referring to the Pacioretty "hit"? The guy was already frigging falling when Patches tapped his back... and he didn't run him in, either. If they want to talk cheap shots, how about McGrattan blind-siding Pleks at centre ice when he was nowhere near the puck?

Gah. It sucks to be a Habs fan sometimes.