Friday, November 20, 2009

Mr. Pleks goes to Washington - Caps preview and open thread

Yes, I recognize Pleks cannot technically be President due to his not being from the United States and all. But his inspired play this year is earning him mucho respect around here. Hard-working, industrious, diligent, and a good team player. Aren't those all qualities you would want in a world leader?

Waiting in line to get frisked before you go into the Capitol building - 7 PM start at the other Phone Booth. There will be hot McSplooging action. First of four meetings this year, last year Caps won 3 of 4.

Looking for a good tour guide - our old three-way friends Shmee and CapsChick seem to have closed up their respective shops, though rumour has CapsChick hanging out at at Japer's Rink.

Hot like DC in July - the two featured players in FHF pics today - TFS with a .952 save% over the last two games and Pleks with 5 assists over the last 3. Despite our desire to see the Urologist in Panger's trunk, he actually has 4 points over the last 3 games.

Cold like a the wind blowing off the Potomac in February - Scott. Gomez. 0 points in 4 games. Seems totally disinterested. Blech. Gui still pointless in his last hundred games (estimate only) but showed some life Tuesday. Jaro 2.0 pointless in 4.

Sharp like the top of the Washington monument - Let's start with some team stats. Caps lead their division and the Eastern Conference. They lead the league in goals. Second best home record in the league. 2nd best PP. This game will be a piece of cake.

Individually, look for Ovie (duh) who's making his home debut since coming back from injury, Fleischmann on a 10-game point streak and Varlamov who's allowed a mere 4 G in his last 3 GP.

Sign me up for the FBI - With extensive snooping, I have found that there is a Caps weakness! They're only 1-3 in OT. Mix that with the Habs' 4-0 OT record, and it's a recipe for a win! Right? RIGHT? [/end delusions]

Broken like an attempt at a bipartisan bill - Caps aren't much better than the Habs in the injury department, missing Semin and Knuble especially. 2008 first-round pick John Carlson makes his debut in the absence of half the Caps' D. For the Habs, TFS gets the start, and the Habs actually have some returning players! Rhino and BGL are expected to be back in the lineup. Rumour has MOEmaN on the first line. I would tell you what the other lines were at practice yesterday, but they'll be changed by the end of the first by Carbo 2.0, so don't even try to follow. Suffice it to say, those combinations did not include our boy CHips.

Post-game entertainment - head over to my favourite place in DC, the rooftop terrasse of Marvin. Heated and partially covered for your year-round smoking needs. Packed full of young attractive professional types and many Belgian beers.

Let's talk American politics in the comments! Or not.

119 comments:

L Dude said...

Wow, what great service!

HabsFan29 said...

thought you'd like that LD

L Dude said...

I think we need an NHL team in Alaska. There's only one man I can think of that we would need to leave unprotected in the expansion draft (well, more than 1, but specifically there is an important one):
One Santiago Carlos Oswaldo Tatius Tavian (Scott) Gomez. Fucking guy's pissing me off. Sarah Palin could be GM/ice girl/wolf hunter for the team. She could scout Russian players from her porch. It's win-win. Or as my WV says just 'ducki'.

J.T. said...

Well, thanks for the pic featuring my Bounce Back Boy. (I actually own a game-worn Plekaneck, believe it or not.) It's something to look at when my eyes are bleeding from the inevitable Massacre on Ice later this evening. It may also serve to distract me from McGuire's gobbling of Ovechkin's cock...although, in this case, the guy at least deserves to have his cock gobbled, as opposed to, say, Phaneuf or Comicsarek.

wv: riont. There will be a riont in Montreal if the Habs manage to somehow pull off a win tonight.

L Dude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GoldenGirl11 said...

@LDude
Speak to the fellas

L Dude said...

Sorry for the deleted comment. Had some busted links. As I was saying:
GG11, maybe you can use these (or something similar) and do us up a Splooge McDuck graphic. And if you could embed that Donald Duck blowjob audio I'm sure we've all heard ( in case you live in a cave ), that would be awesome. I know 2 different ducks, and now that I think of it, maybe should be saved for a game against said Ducks.
meh.

L Dude said...

I think the embedded NHL TV clips are seriously fucking up my loading. To the point where it just sits for a few minutes with the Carey Price semi-nude pic stuck on my screen when my supervisor walks in. Good news is he's gay. Bad news is he'd rather I not be surfing the web and reading shit about hockey during work hours (I'm paraphrasing and making it sound like he wasn't really pissed!)

HabsFan29 said...

LD, yes, those clips are quite slow to load and they can hang a page load. luckily, i only post them after a win so they only appear every couple of weeks or so

moeman said...

my blues-blanc-rouge parody in two parts ~ Part 1

Wanna tell you a story,
About the moeman blues
I come home this Friday,
Had to tell the FHF ladies I'dn't done my job

Moey said that don't concern me moe,
Long as I get my Malbec this Friday
Now Friday has come, the wine will be spent
And up the cougarish comments went

So I goes to that GG lady,
I said, "GG, you let me CSLide?"
I'll have the parody for you in a few minutes.
Next song I choose, a blues tune I know
So let me slide it on you FHF people,
I notice when I came home this evening
GG's got TurtlePleks and a lady in red for me,
But for his zombie year, Pleks was so nice
Loh' he's now our lovy-dovy,

I came home this particular evening
The FHF ladies said, "moe, got that parody song yet?",
I said, "No, can't find my wine"
Therefore I ain't got no parody to play my FHFriends

lg said "I don't believe you're tryin' hard enough moe"
Said "I seen you online today surfin' lesbian sex,
Cleaning up your cache after that HF29 link"
I said "But I'm testoteroned, I've been wankin' all day"
She said "That don't concern me,
Long as we get our parody this Friday"
Now this Friday has come and I found my Viognier,
And finally clicked publish my comment ...

Part Deux coming soon ...

lawyergirl77 said...

*layin' down the baseline for Moe's parody*

Niiiice!

And you always get the job done, Moe, even if you been wankin' all day...

HabsFan29 said...

@moe - well part one is legen ... wait for it... dary. let's hope Part 2 is more Raod Warrior and less Caddyshack II

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
HILARIOUS!! I officially live in CSLide.

moeman said...

my blues-blanc-rouge parody in two parts ~ Part 2

So I go down the line-up,
MOEmaN's on the first line!

Métro grins "Fuck, our 4th line needs some meat"
Laracques just a vegan, and his back's gone to shit"

Like Rodney, Gu:( never gets no respect
Thats what the chez nous goof at rds says

TFS™'s hair and glove are looking better
That fucking agent has gone silent on Twitter

He said "I don't know man, its kinda funny, you know"
Two weeks later Carey's GAA is better than Jaro's"

OV is back home tonight OMG no!
Hope The Urologist isn't gonna piss in the snow.

Laps said "Yeah?" he said "Oh yeah"
"I scored that winner real nice"
I say "Yeah?" I say "Oh yeah"
Now do it fucking twice.

So I get back online, for more free lesbian sex,
WTF?! one of my cookies says she needs a cheque
She's now a-howlin' with her gal, a PayPal click later,
Says come on in big boy and be a Rhodes Warrior

So I zoom in a bit closer to see her sweet sugar tits,
I'm no Mad Mel Gibson, but I know what women want
A little Sexy Friday foreplay, some oil and a massage
Add some candles and she'll make you take off your pant(s)

Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer

Well we ain't seen Vodkov since we don't know when,
We've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, wine, scotch and beer
Gonna get high on meth we're gonna get loose,
Need another shootout to get that we fucking won juice!
Gonna get drunk don't have no Washington fear
Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer
need more bourbon, another scotch, one more beer

But now I'm sitting at the iMac,
I'm getting drunk, I'm feelin' the smack
I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer
Looking at tsn teevee, I hear fucking McSplooge
Pee-Air said "Look Gord, Carey's a monster!"
Say what you want, he's Bob's thoroughbred.

Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer

No we ain't seen Gionta since the night before last,
He busted his foot, fuck I'm gonna get gassed
Gotta get high man, of injuries we've had enough,
Need us a triple 20 minutes of some good hockey stuff

Gonna get drunk and pound 200 comments in here,
Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer
even more bourbon, way more scotch, lots more beer

Now by gametime I'm usually plenty high,
And I know this parody's a-gettin' dry
Looked down at my keyboard and its all blurry
I says "Look Gu:(, just score a goal to shut up BB"

So what I want tonight?
I said "Please God, no more injuries"

Now the clock on the wall says seven o'clock
Still calls for alcohol, but no more spankin' the ****"

Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer

No I ain't seen a Stanley since the 93 hoot,
Man I got wasted on that parade route
Sweetest sight was Roy giving Gretzky the boot
One wink was enough to make Sandstrom moot
McSorley was drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,
A shaft that long is only good if you're queer (NTTIAWWT)

Sweet BourBon, a scoring ScotCH, no OV beer


~~~

For the kidz,
OV is?/was a popular Molson beer.
Some called it Old Vagina.
It was truly horrible stuff.
Made Labatt's 50 taste like CHampagne.
My Dad use to say it tasted like piss.
I'd say, "Dad how would you know?"
He'd say get me a Red Cap.
I miss my old man.

L Dude said...

Happy 21st to MaxPac. Do something useful you fuck!
Go all you fuckers, go!

lehab said...

@moeman... hilarious again. Instead of watching Ov kill us I'm on my way to watch PK shoot some Moose tonight. Go Habs and Bulldogs!

Chenny13 said...

I'm liking the jump in their game so far tonight. Is there hope after all?

...Probably not. But hey, a guy can be optimistic.

Anonymous said...

@moeman - that part 2 rulez

I'm at mom of HF29 for dinner, thus not logged in. see you all later!

-HF29

oooh look, i get a word verf for the first time! "candable" I hope the Habs are candable to win tonight

fezworth said...

First game this season I've actually been able to sit down and watch!

Ok, I'm actually blowing off a class project, but what the hell?

fezworth said...

and in HD no less! Oh Happy Day!

fezworth said...

well, fuck. Price had no chance on that one. Seeing eye shot.

kevincrumbs said...

I blame the Urologist on that goal. Way to succumb to forecheck pressure, fuck up and then have them pin us in our zone for a minute or two on end.

Chenny13 said...

@KC

Completely agree. If the bum could turn around without stumbling and losing the puck, that pressure would never have happened.

WV; Forking, as in I'd really like to see a forking goal!

kevincrumbs said...

Great fight, BGL...

L Dude said...

So Pebbles is now officially USELESS. John Fucking Erskine?
Price looking good except for the getting continually run over by his own D.

L Dude said...

Are the fucking La La twins even playing?

moeman said...

@LDude, LaLa twins, nice, good description of the two inflated (but not 100% fake) boobs.

Sleepy said...

Watching Roman Hamerliks interview reminded me of Bull Durham. "You're gonna have to learn your clichés. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends."

kevincrumbs said...

(Rare snark free and non-mean spirited comment)

I'm really glad Rhino is back.

fezworth said...

@kevincrumbs amen, brother

J.T. said...

I would like to apologize to Pierre McGuire for assuming he'd be cock gobbling on Ovechkin tonight. It would be impossible for him to do that, however, with his mouth full of John Carlson's cock.

L Dude said...

Dear Panger:

Please prepare trunk for insertion of one useless Urologist.

Regards,

LDude (speaking on behalf of most if not all FHF readers, I'm sure)

moeman said...

1-1

Drink!

L Dude said...

MOEmaN!

kevincrumbs said...

@JT: I just signed on to basically say the same thing. This is ridiculous for even McSplooge's standard. The kid is in the middle of his first NHL game, for fuck's sake.

Wahey! A goal! For the Habs!

Chenny13 said...

MOEmaN!

moeman said...

MOEmaN!

fezworth said...

That's Moen's goal, right?

moeman said...

LDude and CH13, beer me you FHFuckers!

Chenny13 said...

Haha, beaten to the punch. Several times.

And honestly, I just think that McSplooge just picks someone young at random and splooges on them all game. Someone should tell him that it's creepy how much he pines over young men.

moeman said...

Plexe!

Chenny13 said...

Haha, what a comedy of errors!

Atta boy Turtle!

WV: Maste, as in The Habs maste win this one with a 2-1 lead.

kevincrumbs said...

Very, very well deserved by the Habs. Wow, sustained offensive zone pressure actually worked for once, despite AK messing up a couple of times.

fezworth said...

yeah! I'll take a flukey goal made by some hard work.

L Dude said...

moeman: consider yourself beered!

Fucking MAB should have shot when he had the chance. Thankfully he didn't. Nice pressure and a bit 'o luck.

moeman said...

@CH13, good observation on McSplooge's schoolyard/playground unmarked white fan with 35mm mega lens protruding out the window tendencies. NJ's Zach Parise's psychiatrist bills must be huge.

Also, that may be the first time 'protruding' was ever used on FHF?

WV = bentat, as in bentat like Plekanec.

Anonymous said...

i've watched the last 10 minutes at mom's i may have to stay here.

-hf29

Chenny13 said...

@Moeman: You're a gentleman and a scholar.

moeman said...

@HF29, stayin' for da game or Mom's dessert? (why do I get the vibe that HF29 has asked Mom to bake him some cookies?)

kevincrumbs said...

If Patches keeps playing well, he'll get splooged on by McSplooge. I think he even criticised Carlson on that play.

moeman said...

Hey McSplooge,

www.pierremaguirekkake.com is still available.

kevincrumbs said...

Since we're playing so well, I'm starting to wonder in what heartbreaking way we're going to end up losing tonight? Caps tie it with 3 seconds left and then score shorthanded in OT? Anyone have any ideas?

L Dude said...

@moeman: ewww.

L Dude said...

@kevin: Habs don't lose in OT.

moeman said...

@kc, "Anyone have any ideas?" Drink.

@LDude, I know, a bit much but PeeAir keeps reloading.

Chenny13 said...

@KC

We'll bat the puck out of the air and over the glass and lose on a powerplay rocket from Matt Carlson, sending McSplooge into sheer ecstasy.

Chenny13 said...

Sorry, John Carlson. My mistake.

moeman said...

Good period, despite some desperation D.

~~~

Also, what no dave hodge sploogemail? Oh wait, his leaf aren't playing.

fezworth said...

LOL @ max pack!
TSN: "Happy Birthday."
Max: "Thanks a lot"... ... "Finally legal"

kevincrumbs said...

Patches just told TSN he's legal. Does that mean McSplooge is no longer interested?

moeman said...

@kc, McSplooge's small head told his big head he just saved a lot of money in legal fees. (Whilst here, unlike that Levin guy on the late night teevee, I'm not a lawyer).

HabsFan29 said...

ok kids im back at the homestead. if we lose, blame me. mom says hi btw

fez, good to see you

HabsFan29 said...

can we just bench BGL for the 3rd?

Chenny13 said...

Laraque on the ice at the same time as OV8 gives me goosebumps. And not the kind McSplooge gets while watching bantam boys hockey.

kevincrumbs said...

Can we have Breezer back instead of having to deal with the Urologist?

kevincrumbs said...

WHAT THE FUCK? I had no idea that the guys who worked the Ireland/France game were working tonight. Way to miss that cheap shot.

Chenny13 said...

So...Green seems to have mastered the right cross. Shame the officials don't understand the finer points of boxing.

...Oh, this is hockey. I see.

boob gainey said...

I honestly don't understand why we give the puck away so much.

Chenny13 said...

Well, those are two interference calls we just got away with. So, I guess we'll call it even with the refs.

HabsFan29 said...

this is some quality holding on for dear life

Chenny13 said...

Patchesssss. Ugh.

kevincrumbs said...

Oh, Patches...

kevincrumbs said...

Caps fans, there's no point in booing this penalty as the Canadiens won't do shit with the PP. In fact, you'll probably get some SH chances!

moeman said...

3-1, feel McSplooge collapse.

SQUID!

kevincrumbs said...

Woo hoo! I'm wrong!

HabsFan29 said...

do something with a PP for fucks sake

Chenny13 said...

SQUIDDD! A two-goal lead, from a powerplay?! Who the hell are these guys?

HabsFan29 said...

just as i type that. SQUID!!

moeman said...

Is McSplooge 'between benches'? If so, someone shoot the puck at his monstrous bald head.

kevincrumbs said...

Way to ice the puck, Urologist.

moeman said...

McSplooge will give double-head. Stay tuned PeeAir pervs.

Chenny13 said...

Get ready folks, there's going to be some hot McSplooging all over Hammer and Jaro 2.0. His 'Monster' segments make me cringe.

Chenny13 said...

@moeman I nearly spit out my beer. Gold, Jerry, Gold.

L Dude said...

It's official. Coach Martin officially hates a 2 goal lead. 6 minutes left with Laraque and MAB on the ice! Fuck MAB scares me. It's like he's skating in mud and always carries the puck out in front of his own net. And Pebbles, well, what can i say.

moeman said...

@CH13, you nailed it, McSplooge loves sausage.

Chenny13 said...

Great. No Gomez. Must be that ruptured vein in his third finger acting up again.

chris nilan said...

well it took the till 4 minutes left to mention the leafs.

HabsFan29 said...

gomez out with bruised ego

moeman said...

McSplooge should be narrating porn. His slow-mo selection of syllables is simply sexciting.

HabsFan29 said...

dangnabit. just when i was enjoying myself

Chenny13 said...

Wait, don't go anywhere. The Habs may still blow this yet.

And a timely WV: Hangen, as in I might be hangen myself if they lose this one...

kevincrumbs said...

Hm. Well, we'll have an interesting finish, after all. I refuse to panic, though.

moeman said...

At tomorrow's practice;

Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.
Clear the zone.

kevincrumbs said...

Great, a penalty. JM, call a fucking timeout, please.

HabsFan29 said...

NOW we can panic

Baroque said...

Maybe Montreal just doesn't understand the concept of a "regulation win." They think that all wins take longer than 60 minutes.

Chenny13 said...

Wow. Just, wow.

Jaybird said...

I love how the goddamn Capitals can hold as long as they want in the last five minutes because we are dubbed a weaker team but our first offense gets nailed right on...

NHL = Joke

moeman said...

Great fucking hockey action!

HabsFan29 said...

my heart. im too old for this

kevincrumbs said...

If I see Bergeron out there...

L Dude said...

MY. FUCKING. HEART.

chris nilan said...

i just shit my pants 6 times

kevincrumbs said...

Also, who's the clown that does PA for the Caps? Sounds like a WWF match.

Baroque said...

*plink*

Chenny13 said...

Sweet Jesus. Why the fuck can't they clear the goddamned zone?!

Jaybird said...

NHL refereeing is the worst in all sports.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH

Chenny13 said...

Phew. What an exciting game. Despite everything that we didn't do well tonight, I'm pretty damn proud of this win.

moeman said...

What a great feeling to finally beat a better team in regulation time. Off to drink!

kevincrumbs said...

Something about how they're in the entertainment business and how it's their job to make things exciting, right?

WV: keepa. Pleks is a keepa. Please re-sign him, Bob.

Jaybird said...

Thats what I call a massive victory. No other way about it. I have faith in my boys but if there is someone here who expected a win honestly tonight...they are a better person.

GO HABS GO!!!

moeman said...

Here's hoping the Caps unload on the fucking leaf tomorrow as cbc/hnic has decided that an Original Six Habs v. Red Wings isn't worth the national coverage. Go Caps, you fuckers!

boob gainey said...

They totally outplayed us. Their rookie 2nd string keeper gave up three bad goals.

We didn't remotely deserve to win. The last two periods they completely dominated us.

Good game for Moen, Pleks and Carey.

L Dude said...

WOOHOO! We're a .500 team!

Tomorrow:
Caps 7, Leafs 2
Habs 2, Wings 1 in OT

Fuck - you - CBC! Clap clap clapclapclap! Altogether now...

L Dude said...

Sign Pleks 4 years, $20 million and give him the 'C'. Waits for it...

Habsfan10 said...

Fucking hell, that was fun ... if by fun I mean dangerous for my heart. Now for another Harviestoun Bitter and Twisted beer. (Try it. Delicious).

Ovie's gonna be pissed tomorrow. Leafs could have a loooonnnngggg night.

Number31 said...

Fuck yeah! We don't get into the latest (weekly) Ovechkin Highlight Reel on Sports Center yet!

Anyone see Muller freaking out at Martin in those last moments? Was it "WTF IS BERGERON DOING OUT THERE?!" I am curious.

Tom said...

HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK.
I watched the first 10 minutes in a diner on the 401 on my way to Hog Town. Saw the first goal go in and thought shitty shit shit. WTF did we do? Is there light? Do we maybe not suck?
Fuck I gotta get more sleep. Starting to type the crazy I am thinking.
Here is hoping to progress and less suckage.

WV: stint, JM's stint in MTL better yeild results.