Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Habs Sucked in Plain View: Preds 2 - Habs 0

My first thought goes to Guillaume Latendresse who owes a big bag of gratitude to the ailing Brian Gionta. Gui! was penciled out of this one against the Preds, and we all know what kind of music he would have faced back home as a result of this intended benching.

Unfortunately, Gui! came about as close as one can get to have as much impact on the face of a game as a healthy scratch. The open net in the third period that he couldn’t wrap his brain around didn’t help his chances to avert another imminent decision to keep him on the gallery.

My next thought goes to the rest of the team, sans Price. I would bench them all for the next game and call up every Bulldog.

Ensuite, the shots. It read 24-4 in favor of Nashville after one period. At this point, the numbers are so staggering that you just start to cheer for the math, hoping the trend will continue and leave the Habs on the wrong end of a 72-12 total. 55 shots. That’ll do.

One of the best games of Price’s career. Turns out the rest of the team couldn’t be bothered. The stage was right for a performance to remember in Nashville for the young country music loving cowboy, but a fortunate son he wasn’t. A great save by Carey in the early moments of the second period and another on Legwand midway through the third made it obvious that without TFS in nets the score would have pointed to how badly Montreal played on their night off. No, thanks to Price this is a game you had to watch to seize how terrible Montreal was, otherwise the close score could falsely conjure up unsuspecting thoughts of a tightly played game.

Does Big Tits want to play in this uniform? How does hockey sense just vanish? The flashes aren’t there. The effort is gone. It’s like a silent protest. It’s high time to send Andrei to wherever Gui! will be going for the next game, and that means nowhere near the ice.

Gomez is officially slumping. He’s not creating anymore. He doesn’t look like he’s taking time off but the jump is MIA. Like a kangaroo that’s been amputated at the knees.

The Lapierre experiment on the first line was a total bust. That won’t be happening again soon. Mathew Broderick and Helen Hunt had more success with a monkey in Project X. If the chimp’s still alive, get him fitted for a pair of skates.

As GG said: Fuck are they bad. No goals in Nashville. Wow.

The boys better take a very deep breath and give those muscles a deep stretch because the coach is going to run them to the ground at the next practice. No pucks, sand weights at the ankles, lots of cookies and no milk, type of practice. There will be puke.

What a crappy Saturday evening. Even SNL sucked.


boob gainey said...

Maybe those pundits who said we're too small were right. The team is banged up and out of breath.

I say we try for the first draft pick, if only to keep it away from the Bruins.

GoldenGirl11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GoldenGirl11 said...

Like a kangaroo that’s been amputated at the knees.
That's 4 mill per hacked off paw.

I think I want to be the girl in that last SNL skit. The one who hasn't seen a tv show since the Trapper John MD finale. The show ran from '79 to '86. That would have me cheering our 23rd cup right about now. Yup. That's who I want to be... only funnier.

moeman said...

I'm rarely at a loss for words but puke defines last night's fucking bilious stink.

Anonymous said...

i ended up playing nhl 2010 for a majority of the game...and no i did not choose the habs to play with

Number31 said...

"Yvan Ponton prends des notes!" was the call of the night on Price's amazing PK foot save then juggling glove save circus trick on Sullivan and Weber repectively.

Oh sorry, were the Habs playing? I thought it was Carey Price vs the Nashville Predators. Silly me!

Yup, like how Glumac needs Desharnais to score goals, Gomez needs Gionta. Same for Andrei Kostitsyn...needs his little brother, who's doing damn right fine in the Bulldogs. (But, then again, Maxwell also needs Sergei. Oh dilemma!)

Ronan said...

I don't care whether he brings up lil' Tits or Darche or someone, or trades for a scoring winger - hell, I'd even settle for signing some fossil who used to be an offensive force, just as long as Gainey does SOMETHING. 'Cuz this offense ain't anemic - it's fucking comatose.

Of course, now that I've said that, he'll probably go out and pick up a #8 defenseman off waivers.

gillis said...

the wings scored seven last night... that makes 16 in their last two games. The habs have 16 in their last eight. (lets hope my math is wrong again)

boob gainey said...

What can Gainey do?

Trade our bad players for some good ones?


Trade some draft picks? Not while we have a real chance at Taylor Hall.

Bring up the next Evgeni Malkin from Hamilton?

Robbie said...

Is it just me or do you ever get the feeling that the rest of the team really can't stand Dollar $ign? It seems that every time they have a chance to help pull the retard out of the garbage disposal they choose instead to fucking completely abandon him. It has happened for the last two seasons. Last year i was struck by how many times opposing team members were allowed to plow into the whale, knock him around and just generally get under that whale blubber and get away with it. There were so many times i thought to myself fuck can someone atleast take a punch for that poor fucker.

Now this year it continues. In Van, In Boston and last night in country town. In Boston he manged to hold on but last night was just to fucking much. I am on the record as a non supporter or fan of the ''$ign'' but lets call a fucking spade a spade and not a shovel. There can only be two reasons for the seemingly total abondon by his team mates.

1. He is a little fucking prick head who hasn't yet grown up enough to earn the respect of those he showers with (no not the 16 year old girls).

2. They just don't really give a fuck about him and his unearned saviour status

Either way he's fucked. He played a great game last night and showed glimpses of why uncle Bobby wants him as his number 1 guy. But in the long run none of that matters if 1 or 2 of the above is actually in practice chez les habs

Number31 said...

It's called "we just suck right now, and we gotta work to fix it".

moeman said...

N31 knows. Lotsa work to do.

Robbie said...

Totally agree with 31n's statement but the harsh reality is you need guys who you can actually work with. The giantmexicansquid project gets at best a 'B' and thats generous given the total stress on the cap the little experiment is costing. The french connection (minus 1) of Tenderness and Mad Max gets a 'B-', the defence gets a what? A fucking 'D' and the goalies excluding maybe 3 outings get a 'B' and don't forget all the collective call ups who get basically a 'C'. The only guys ranking up in the B+ or A- are Plex, Metropolit. Hence the probelm with ''lots of work to do'' is i don't think collectively these guys can be an A.

And here for good measure is the real kicker, there is nothing much that can be done about it, as mentioned here there are no 'Miracle solution trades' no Lafleur ''wanna be'' steaming around in the minors and the guys we got just don't have it. I don,t want to write off this team but the sad fact is they did it for us and no matter what gets said the only thing standing between us and the ''Maple fuck'' fans is the ability to be realistic about it.

Fuck it sucks to say that!

subdoxastic said...


Yes, the thing to take away from last game is that Price is responsible for our team's goal scoring woes.

I can face the reality that our team was atrocious last night. But my reality does not include your enhanced version of Price's nefarious influence on the team.

And Laps and Lats a B- (grading on a curve?)

I'm not seeing it, man. I can agree with you however, that it feels pretty shitty to be a fan of this team after games like the most recent.

Let's hope that within our players lies some dormant spark, a "je ne sais quois" that ennergizes them to greater heights of glory like say, beating the fucking Nashville Predators and their ilk sometime before the new year.

I'm looking in your general direction Carolina-- please don't choose Tuesday for a good game!

moeman said...

Price, with or without the TFS™ label has been one of the better Habs so far this season. Jaro, Pleks, Squid, Gia! and Gorges round out the half dozen that have actually played worthy hockey. Coach Martin needs to shake then stop stirring the fucking lines. I agree Bob needs to find the corn kernel in the shit that is this team. Sergei?

Also, the HNIC's leaf sucking harder is still worth a barrel of monkey laughs.

Robbie said...


I am in no way blaming Dollar $ign for any of what ails the Habs right now. If you noticed touched on all aspects and positions in my statement. There is no doubt in my mind that he is what he is and that is average at best (exception last night) the reality is the performanc eof this team gets spread equally and fairly throughout its ranks and that also includes the coaching.

moeman said...

Apologies as I failed to mention MOEmaN and yes Métro! (and like Mme. Moey, I too indulged in their Prime Rib special of the week, as I enjoyed mine rare with a nice blue cheese sauce).

boob gainey said...

Want to feel a bit better?

The "Monster" has allowed 7 goals in his last 35 shots.


GoldenGirl11 said...

Rumour has it that the habs will be wearing these centennial helmets for the Dec 4th centennial game against Boston. It's one night before the centennial party and hours after the centennial nap the fellas like to have on a centennial game day. Centennial. Centennial. Centennial.

J.T. said...

Ptuh. Ptuh. Ptuh.

wv: undis. I'd rather see them skate in their undis than in anymore Centennial (ptuh) crap.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Did you catch the "ptuh" in the Dixie Chicks pic?

Moey said...


Blue cheese sauce? Mmmmm...please share, that's a lot more interesting than our Habs at the moment.