Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Try not to get injured getting a lap dance - Bulldogs-Pens preview and open thread

Come back GG we miss you!Remember the old days when FHF just used to post pictures of random strippers? Good times. Well, those days are back for a bit as GoldenGirl11, in solidarity with the Habs, has gone on IR with Photoshoppers' wrist. We wish her a speedy recovery.

So yes, injuries. They're mounting up the wazoo. If the weekend's loss of Jaro 2.0 and Gomez wasn't bad enough, today we learn that Big Tits, finally starting to play like an actual NHL'er, was seen this morning walking with crutches. That's thanks to the dreaded lower-body injury suffered after blocking a shot (I'm sure that was accidental) last night. Kill me. To replace him, your next Hamilton bulldog with the big club will be David Desharnais. In 7 games this year, he has 4G 6A. Hey, that's alright. He's like 5'7" and 150 lbs soaking wet, so he'll fit right in too.

I'm just too depressed from the walking wounded to give you any creativity in this preview. I'll tell you that the game is at 7:30 at Mellonhead Arena in Pittsburgh. Earlier this year, Habs got crushed by Sid's hat trick in a 6-1 loss that hopefully will be the low point for the season. Pens still lead the Eastern Conference. You already know about the Pensblog, so check out The Sidney Crosby Show, if you can stomach it.

Pleks, Squid, Price, Sid, Evgeni, MAF, etc., etc. On the good news front, I have discovered that Habs actually have a better power play than the Pens. I really don't know how that's possible, but the interwebs never lie.

Carey is getting the start again. Damn fucking right. Ride that streak baby. HI/O reports that Big Tits is actually a game-time decision despite the crutches. Total bullshit JM, stop covering your ass, I'm sure he won't play.

FUCK! A lamp just dropped from my office ceiling and landed on my blogging arm. Preview over. Medic!


Boob Gainey said...

AK46 is limping.

Well, we already knew that big tits eventually turn into big limp tits.

moeman said...

Get well GG and thank God that lamp didn't fall on HF29's wankin' arm!

Chenny13 said...

You know, the amount of injuries we've accumulated is almost comical. Almost.

GoldenGirl11 said...

: )

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

Good lord not GG11 too!?

This really is getting out of hand. We need an exorcism or some kind of bloody ritual sacrifice of Youppi. Rest up and get well soon, GG11. The team needs you.

(Although this probably isn't the first time GG11's photoshop work has resulted in undue strain on someone's wrist...)

L Dude said...

Love this from HI/O:

The Canadiens were concerned that Desharnais might get hung up with plane connections on the busy U.S. Thanksgiving weekend – you can't get here from there at the best of timees – and they hired a limousine for the six-hour drive from Hamilton to Pittsburgh.

Fuck, I hope they hired a hooker or 2 to travel with him too!

soperman said...

if you need a good lawyer to sue for the falling lamp, call my buds at Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. They have the sacred phone number -
Beliveau,Harvey,Rocket-Lafleur,Roy aka 429-1033 though some wags say that Harvey,Rocket is actually Dryden.

Habsfan10 said...

Dammit, just as the big showdown with the acknowledged big boys happens, and we're battling injuries. How the hell are we supposed to take on the photoshop might of the Pensblog without GG11?
I guess the wit and genius of our writing will have to hold the fort.

We're fucked.

moeman said...

For GG11.

WV = subses, as in lotsa subses playin' tonite.

Shutdown said...

I don't know why, but I lost it when you wrote "my blogging arm"

Gold, Jerry. Gold!

moeman said...

Habs (fall like) Dominoes
for the healthy Squid, a Van The Man aficionado

Don't wanna discuss it
Think it's time for a CHange
We're not quite disgusted
Startin' to think our line-up is strange

Even our GG11 has gone under
Get her some heavy rest
Be careful for falling lamps
And come back with your very best
(GGet it)

Oh Habs Dominoes (it's not all right)
Roll Big Tits over, Dr. Mulder, there you go
Lord, have mercy
I said oh-oh, Habs Dominoes
Roll the Mexican over, Dr. Mulder, there you go
Say it again
I said oh-ooh-oh Habs Dominoes
I said oh-ooh-ooh-oh Habs Dominoes
(DiGG It)

(HF29 Instrumental with his other arm!)

There's no need for arGui(ment
There's no arGui(ment at all
And if we never hear from him
That just means Renaud didn't call
Or fucking vice versa
That depends where RDS' love is at
(Not right)
And if they ever stop loving Gu:(
Might just mean Pouliot is phat

(FHF-Hit it)
Oh oh Habs Dominoes
(Not right)
Roll our small Giant over Dr. Mulder, there you go
Lord have mercy
I said, oh oh Habs Dominoes
Roll Vodkov over Dr. Mulder, there you go
(Get, all right)
Say it again
Oh-oh-ooh-ooh Habs Dominoes
(Hey, FHFers, hit it)
I said oh-ooh-ooh Habs Dominoes

Well, Dr. Mulder I just wanna hear
Some good news, no more blues
On the Habs I/O
I don't like to go
But Pat Boone does know

Uh-uh, all right
Uh-uh, all right
Uh-uh, all right

Hear the band

(HF29 Instrumental with his other other arm!)

One more time

moeman said...

Rumour has Big Tits has a fractured foot.

HabsFan29 said...

i really enjoyed your 4:34 comment moeman

your 4:47 one, not so much

lawyergirl77 said...


This is getting ridiculous... What are their skates made of? Paper mache????

lawyergirl77 said...


RDS reporting via twitter that Little Tits twisted his ankle.

The Habs may only dress 19 players tonight.

*cue hysterical laughter*

Send in the clowns, peeps! It's the only solution!!

moeman said...

BTW, I meant Mike Boone. Sorry Mike, must've been the white hair.

Michael said...

Pat, Daniel, Richard, Bob, Aaron, Debbie .... whatever. If I want accuracy I'll read my own fucking blog.

Anonymous said...

RDS is reporting that both tits will be missing action tonight. Habs will dress Halak at first line winger.

HabsFan29 said...

+1 to Michael for some good self-awareness

RDS' Twitter now reporting 53% of the Habs salary cap is on Team Clinic. I've seen HF4's quick hands in front of the net and he's got size. we should sign him

lawyergirl77 said...

RDS Twitter now reporting that Little Tits is going to try and play through the pain.

Good for him, but he's setting himself up for an even worse injury... I twisted my ankle before a playoff game, laced it into my skate anyway and played the game.

MONTHS of physio before I was able to walk on it again semi-normally...

Moey said...

Only one thing left to do for tonight's game, pray to St. Jude, the patron saint of hopeless and desperate cases, maybe he'll have mercy on our Habs, or maybe not. I haven't been to confession in thirty years, oy vay.

lawyergirl77 said...

Moey - I'll put in a good word for you... St. Jude was frickin' AWESOME to me today!! [/bragging]

topic? I'm really bummed that I won't get to see this game.

Other topic? Do you think that David Deharnais asked his limo driver to pull over at the Starbucks every few miles when he was driving to Pittsburgh? Or Taco Bell? (Seriously - I've made up a zillion stories in my head about what happened during that drive...)

kevincrumbs said...

I want to smack all eighty-four of the people on Facebook who liked the Canadiens' announcement that AK is out of action tonight.

L Dude said...

@lg77: I know. I was thinking the same thing. I imagine pulling up beside people at traffic lights asking if they have any Gray Poupon. I've never seen the guy, but as part of that image I imagine a young Macauley Culkin barely peering over the bottom of the window while asking this question.

Fuck. A 6 hour ride from Steeletown to Steeltown (see what I did there - I put the extra 'e' in the first one to signify it's Canadian) for your first trip to the big Show to play against Crosby, Malkin et al. Good news is he's just joining the Bulldogs, so it's not a big shock.

L Dude said...

@crumbs: Get in line - me first! I imagine those same 84 also had their heads explode when learning of the Gui trade. So, actually not worth the potential sore knuckles.

gillis said...

Well this poll by CBC made my day. (on right of page)

I'm gonna have to go with the H1N1 option

kevincrumbs said...

Pens TV crew is one of the worst in the league. Makes me miss McSplooge.

HabsFan29 said...

Makes me miss McSplooge.

i find that hard to believe

man that lineup graphic is confusing

kmaxx said...

Not a bad start! At least we are getting some shots. TFS looks one has gone off hurt...yet

HabsFan29 said...

i agree with Pierre and BB. we've played well. except for, you know, giving up the goal

orangeman said...

Considering this is the Bulldogs back-up team on the ice, I'm pretty satisfied with the effort thus far. Of course, now that I've said that.....

Also, the Pens have a player named Lovejoy? Really? Awesome!

kevincrumbs said...

It'll have to take a 20-0 shellacking for me to be mad at this team tonight. Who expects anything out of these guys?

@HF29: Pens announcers compared possession hockey to a football team that runs the ball a lot. This is in Pittsburgh, not fucking Nashville or Atlanta. Oh and continually ripping on Carey for his glove side play. Also the same two dolts who claim that Brodeur is overrated.

HabsFan29 said...


how about a holding the stick penalty there refs

HabsFan29 said...

could've been worse

chris nilan said...

@kevin as far as the announcers go. that the reason i shell out an extra 2 bucks a month for rds. apparently they suck too but i can't understand them anyway.

good period considering its the bulldogs vs the champs.

HabsFan29 said...

nice PK

and... FUCK

kevincrumbs said...

@chris nilan: I'm in the States, so no RDS option for me. Considering just watching the games online next year saving my money instead of crappy announcers night after night on Center Ice

Carey should've had that goal but I can't bring myself to get mad at himself.

This crowd sucks. It's like a fucking morgue at Mellon Arena.

Chenny13 said...

Hey KC:

It's about 10 sec behind the action, but it's decent quality.

HabsFan29 said...

alright i give up

we're overmatched

kevincrumbs said...

@Chenny13: Yeah, I've watched that feed on occasion but since I've already paid for Center Ice, it doesn't feel right watching an internet feed.

This scoreline is misleading. Canadiens haven't played very poorly and we should have at least one goal.

God, I hate Pittsburgh.

kevincrumbs said...

Hey, a PP!

HabsFan29 said...

quietest open thread in weeks

kevincrumbs said...

@HF29: The game is a bit boring and tonight seems hopefully to most but the most deluded Habs fan.

I bit the bullet and am watching online now. That's how bad the Pens guys are.

Patches! Finally! Poor guy has been snake bitten for the past two weeks or so. Glad to see him pot one.

kevincrumbs said...

Whoa. I meant "hopeless" not "hopefully". Sad thing is that I'm not even high or drunk.

kevincrumbs said...

Great save by Fleury on Rhino.

HabsFan29 said...

we're trying to make it interesting at least

orangeman said...

I don't know, they're making it a game. If not for that ridiculous glove save by Fluery just now it's a one goal game. And that was SH. Maybe I'm just being delusional because I haven't been able to watch a game in weeks.

WV: mardi. Wrong day, computer god. Keep practicing that French, though.

kevincrumbs said...

Patches limping.

HabsFan29 said...

good effort?

kevincrumbs said...

Well, the most important thing is that no one got (severely) injured.

orangeman said...

Maybe Patches? Hope not. Cheap hit, btw.

Not disappointed by this effort at all. A healthy line-up got killed by the Pens last month. Let's just hope Ovie still isn't completely healthy by Saturday.

Boob Gainey said...

Ovie is healthy but should be suspended for a cheap shot. He got a game misconduct tonight.

Oh wait. It's a star player and he plays for an American team. Scratch that.