Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Habs try to avoid royal ass kicking - Kings Game Preview and Open Thread


Fresh off a capitulation in Philly that would make Vichy France proud, the Canadiens try to regroup and hold on to Fortress Centre Bell with a visit from an array of Kings. Throw down the red carpets and rose petals!

Royal Invite Says: Tonight, at Fortress Centre Bell. On the RDS at 7:30. Habs coming off the big collapse in Philly, Kings got royally screwed in Ottawa on the same night.

Serfing the Habs: Price is still hot. Mad Max scored two goals so here's hoping it's a trend. Gomez is troubling everyone. Pleks, Big Tits and Cammy are cooling off. Gio is back on form. Defence is still a mish-mash. Weber might sit for an actual forward on the fourth line (Darche). Habs are amongst the lowest scoring teams in the league and that can't continue if they want to keep winning.

Since we don't see the Kings and their royal retinue very often, let's take a few moments to review this majestic lineup:

Forward thinkers: Kings have an outstanding group of youngsters up front, with vision, leadership abilities, and hip-swivelling moves. Young center Jesus (King of Kings) Christ makes the apostles on his wings better men with his do unto others assists. His ability to take unholy amounts of punishment and shoulder an immense workload despite his smallish frame inspires this team to greatness. Speedy young winger King Tut has the golden touch, making smash and grab raids all up and down the wing/Nile. Sometimes his youthful exuberance gets the best of him, so he is best paired with some veteran advisers. Flashy King of Rock Elvis Presley dazzles with his swiveling hips, matinee idol good looks and nose for the goal. Only his conditioning holds him back.  Whispers about rampant substance abuse continue to dog Presley, despite the efforts of  LA GM Colonel Tom Parker to nip them in the bud. 

Defenders of the Realm: Big bruising defender of the faith King Henry VIII will be ready to take on Montreal despite a festering leg wound; something about the French language always gets the big Tudor fired up. Henry is a ruthless leader on the blueline, and unsuspecting opponents often find themselves looking up from the ground after the notorious headhunter lays into them. The wild card on the Kings defence is the madcap Burger King; after years as a quiet, stoic leader, often overshadowed by more successful rivals, Burger has unleashed a wild side that has made him a cult favourite with Kings fans. His game has expanded greatly from the days when he was only known for his Whopper of a slapshot; now he has a number of different options to throw at you any time of day.

This Gilded Cage: Lanky stopper Charles, Prince of Wales hasn't even fully grasped the reigns as a King yet and already there are those clamouring for him to be passed in the succession line by youngster William Wales. Charles is seen by many as a decent enough caretaker, but fans are drooling over the potential for greatness they see in blond-haired, blue-eyed Will. Those fans will likely be disappointed for the foreseeable future; Kings management is unlikely to flout thousands of years of succession planning on a whim. However, if Charles abdicates and becomes a free agent, the Kings could really reinvent themselves behind Will's charisma and youthful vitality.

Royal Bards:  Up-to-date info on your favourite Kings gets proclaimed from the highest ramparts by Battle of California and Jewels from the Crown

Got any royal proclamations to make?  Anyone hosting a future-king wedding party on April 29th?  Let us know in the comments

54 comments:

L Dude said...

Hopefully the Habs jump out to a big lead and LA sends out their enforcer, King Kong, who grabs the Mexiskan, climbs that crazy Big 'O' tower and tries using the dome as a trampoline, dropping Gomer in the process, who is caught by King Kong Bundy who says, I will love him and pet him and call him George. And he'll live out his life in peace in a cave with KKB. Will that get his cap space freed up?
Failing that, scoring a few goals will also reduce my quest for vengance.

soperman said...

Whew. I thought they had actual hockey players and not some out of context caricatures.

Funny Stuff.

Steve said...

Choucla goes Hollywood unleashes HD line Lego,DarchVader and Chicken.

I expect a Habs blow out. 5 to nothing, and Mad Max will continue the streak, he was seen earnestly practicing that dribble shot.

Steve said...

FUCK LCD makes HD

Orangeman said...

The sky is falling in Korea. Despite the cold it's days like today I am incredibly happy to be Canadian (and in Canada). God, Buddha, Allah I love you all and please keep everyone safe. And to take another Simpsons quote (it's the only way I can convey sincerity) PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

And GYFHG! Let's beat those Kings Jong Ils.

Steve said...

@orangeman, Little Kim is to the ROK what Gary Betmann is to the Habs. Irritating little fucks with there hands on our balls and nothing we can do about it.

Anonymous said...

Kings sending the Quebec goalie against us tonight.....I've seen that before. With Martin exploding and calling out Gomez zzz zzz zzz if they don't win tonight, when is it supposed to happen?

Go you fucking Habs!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Let's just hope they don't bring King Achashveyrosh although it might actually inspire Halpern, Cammalleri and Judah the Maccabee

iRiRi said...

Love that pic!

Prediction: Mex FINALLY gets it together, scores a hat trick, dishes surefire goals to Squid and Gio, posts a shutout, cures world hunger (he can afford it. ZING!), delivers a baby during the second intermission and calms tensions in the Korean peninsula. Just like that, all is forgiven. You wait and see.

GYFHG!!!

Kmaxx said...

Hey Hey Bitches - living in the UK looks like it has its advantages for once! We all get the Easter holiday on Friday then again on Easter Monday, then work 3 days, then we get Friday off for the wedding, then we get Monday for the Bank Holiday - Banks get a shit load of holidays over here! So at least that helps!

So let's go YFMFH!

moeman said...

CHeck out those Royal tomatoes!

High Glove Side said...

Is that Marcel Dionne?

Orangeman said...

Sylvie Frechette will be Canada's assitant chef de mission for the 2012 Olympics. She's been through quite a bit, so that's nice to hear. She'll be assisting Mark Tewskbury. Does the fact that I remember these people getting their medals make me old? And no, it's never too early to get excited about the Olympics.

WV: "polyhow! Mex got a hat trick!"

Orangeman said...

Hey, just noticed the royal wedding is the due date for my niece/nephew. This should help my push for the name Prince.

Are the Habs going to party like it's 1993?

Moey said...

GG,

We'll have to make a date to go hat shopping.

Oops, silly me, did I just spill the beans? *tee hee*

iRiRi said...

Just made up the word "Squid" on Words With Friends.

It's a sign.

Steve said...

@orangeman getting execited about the olympics. I was in Seoul for the para olympics and got a front row seat by acting what they thought was somebody who should get such a seat, and you know how easy that is.
Now my bone to pick is with Flo, and Carl Lewis, and all the fucking taxi drivers that spit on me when they said Ben Johnson. We had a labratory gap with the Americans, but Ben won that fuking medal fair and square.

Orangeman said...

@Steve: It is interesting that alot of proof has come out that most/all of the US track team from the 80s-00s were on something (Marion Jones basically says so in her new book) yet none of them were caught at the time, and still go uncovered. But whatever. Runners go for roids, snowboarders for pot and tennis players for crystal meth.

Steve said...

I am hosting a nuptial party. I will double up the $11 per year every Canadian taxpayer contributes to those better and more deserving of a Subway sub with the works.

I am going to buy some black market DDT and if not eliminate, give a headache to every parasite in sight.

Then I look forward to the princess on sexy Friday, cause you know in these tough times they are going to be selling everything to keep gas in the Range Rover.

God save the Queens

Orangeman said...

PPG? Huh?

soperman said...

BIG TITS!!!!!

iRiRi said...

Was it a nice goal or garbage? I missed it.

Flying Toaster said...

You like some PFK with those Tits?

WV: Sometimes it seems like Chocula's brain is in offula.

iRiRi said...

MEX?!

Orangeman said...

While I enjoy this, I see a pattern.

iRiRi said...

Close enough.

soperman said...

@FT

Yeah, one of those sandwiches with deep fried chicken instead of bread - Atkins would have loved them if he were still vertical.

@iRiRi

They are all beautiful once they hit the twine...

soperman said...

No pattern - Mad Max didn't score them

iRiRi said...

@sop - True dat!

Flying Toaster said...

So we got mexican tits and PFK deep-fried squid... Sounds like a fun night in a harbour strip-joint.

iRiRi said...

8-0-0 when PFKing gets a point.

Flying Toaster said...

You'll jinx it iRiRi!

Orangeman said...

Some interesting contact there with Price. I'm just being paranoid, I guess.

iRiRi said...

PleXXXe!!!

Orangeman said...

That's how you react to giving up a goal. Let's just forget the Philly debacle.

iRiRi said...

Squid, take the PP and run!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Is Moen filming a porno on the side? That mustache is 70's-elicious.

iRiRi said...

For Lars' sake, I really hope they kill this.

Orangeman said...

GG: I heard his porno name is Tre Moan.

Orangeman said...

There you go LEGO!

iRiRi said...

DANISHES ALL AROUND!

Steve said...

Lego Scored, fuckin aye

iRiRi said...

Still 5 minutes left and crowd is singing that Goodbye song. Cocky.

Orangeman said...

I'm happy. A statement against a good young team from the West. Goodnight iRiRi and GG, and perhpas Steve. Not as busy as the Philly game for some reason.

iRiRi said...

Much better. Team effort tonight! And Price matches last year's total Ws!

Triple Low Fives All Around!

iRiRi said...

Sweet Dreams orangeman.

Chenny13 said...

Nice game from the CH. Looked good pretty much all the way around, some great passing and team defending. Lego was all over the ice, happy to finally see him pot one.

WV: Cries. Well that's just too easy.

GoldenGirl11 said...

That was fun. Why can't all the games have a score like that?

HabsFan29 said...

Just home fgrom the Prudential Center. May i first say, great work GG and 10!

Lego scored? Am I dereaming?

HabsFan29 said...

*dreaming. i have no idea what dereaming is, but it sounds kinky

and the Devils are terrible. i mean really fucking terrible. they're worse in person. and they WON the game. imagine how bad they'd be if they lost

Oleg Petrov said...

If PFK, CHicken and Tits combine on a goal one day, I'm really hoping GG has a deep-fried chicken breast chop waiting in the fridge. It won't even be clear who is more closely tied to the image - it's like they're meant to be together.

Number31 said...

We are totally amused!

@29 - You actually saw that crap live? Ouch.

soperman said...

I had a meltdown after the Kings scored but I am all right now. It looked too much like the Phucking Phlyers game.

the Maritimer said...

Habs looked like they were in control all night long. To be honest, I don't get the hype for the LA Kings. They have some good young players, but they are no threat to win anything. The Philthy's would eat them alive.
Price was one interference non-call from another shut out.

I still say the Habs are one power forward and one mean nasty SOB defenseman from being a true contender.

BTW, GG what do you know about 70's porn?