Sunday, November 07, 2010

Muddled thoughts on a middling weekend - DarCHe Vader the Kosher CHicken 3, Sabres 2; Kovy over some random crappy team

Good morning Habs fans! I'm sure you're all as hungover as I am from the HIO summit, so I am not sure we can coherently digest the weekend that was. All I've got is a bunch of muddled thoughts about two games that are muddled in my head. Or maybe they're middled. Middling? Meddling? I need to buy a dictionary. On to the lazy-ass bullet points, TMS-style!
  • I think everyone on the internet who is fighting over the intellectual property of the name "PhD line" should chill the fuck out. Oooh, you took the three letters of the last names of the players and put them together. Aren't you clever!
  • The line does deserve a name, however, given they were the only forwards that showed up for the weekend. DarCHe and The Moyle just work and work and work. And it's rubbed off on CHicken. They single-handedly (triple-handedly? single-wingedly?) won the Buffalo game. Mazel Tov indeed;
  • They were the only forwards who showed up, but Ca-rey! was there all weekend, making key save after key save with both opponents and his own players crowding his crease and crashing into him. He's also playing behind a "defense" that can charitably be described as crap right now. They were a bit better against Buffalo, but c'mon, it's Buffalo. They are ahead of only New Jersey in the East;
  • Speaking of New Jersey, I just found out I am going to the Meadowlands for Devils-Flames when I go to visit my American relatives for their thanksgiving. I'm sure even that game will be more entertaining than the first 55 minutes of last night's game;
  • Yes, the last 5 minutes of last night were its only highlight. Where the fuck was that team for the first 55 minutes? They skated circles around the Sens, they went to the net, they found each other with crisp passes, and FUCKING HELL GIO SCORED A GOAL. Too little too late, you fuckers;
  • The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist was, uh, artistic last night. Blame the Habs fans at the Bell for booing him. It's the only thing that can motivate the guy;
  • Is 4 games enough time for me to start complaining about Vodkov? Well I don't care what you think, I'll say it anyway. He seems like a shadow of his former self. He's not right;
  • Count Chokula has become Carbo-esque in his line-juggling. I don't necessarily blame him, he had to do something to our moribound offence. But I saw more lines over the weekend than at a Charlie Sheen hookers 'n blow party;
  • Don't forget we turned the clocks back last night. I don't want you showing up to work early tomorrow. This has been a public service announcement from FHF;
  • The Mexican was a disaster in Buffalo. He's one of the the fastest skaters on the team, and as he broke in on odd-man rushes he would SLOW DOWN or TURN BACK AWAY FROM THE NET. WTF? He was admittedly somewhat better last night, but it didn't really lead to any offense as he couldn't recognize his wingers on any given shift;
  • The "PP". 'Nuff said;
  • I'm not sure when the last time I heard a play by play guy say "Maxim Lapierre";
  • Squid taking a slashing penalty in the OFFENSIVE ZONE while the Habs were on a 5 on 3 wins the prize as the stupidest thing of the weekend, and that's saying something;
  • While Chokula is busy juggling the forward lines, he's juggling the defensive pairings too. Sign him up for Cirque du Soleil;
  • Habs have now lost 3 out of 4, and were it not for a third line early Hanukkah miracle, we'd be in some real tsuris on a four-game losing streak.
In conclusion, it's a good day for some football.


GoldenGirl11 said...

Nothing like biting into a piece of chicken and getting the kosher tag by accident. It's extra salty so you think "mmm, that's good" until you realize "eeeewww! that's a printed piece of metal for god's sake!".

Schmerz Pöckelthorp said...

at least the metal is kocher, but really, looks like lackluster Habs performances brings out the genius in you GG, kitchen shears with senators cap cracked me up, in my books one of the best FHFGGPSs ever.
PhD moniker is bleh. I like the "KoCHer CHicken Vader" (or seder?) line.
HNIC fucken sucks the hockey bag. Kevin Weekes? It must be a ploy to get all anglophones to move out of Montreal. First they instantly make TSN and RDS and everybody fucking else vastly cooler by dropping the theme song which accompanied all die hard Habs fans happiest moments (especially that mysterious part after sign-off, so mysteriously delicious after a win...). Second they don't have any balls or taste to get some a real replacement composed, instead subjecting us the the most vapid corporate, very ontario-flavoured harmonic gnashing, they don't even probably call it music, which just announces "here's yet another broadcast of a meaningless somewhat provincial competition featuring men with sticks, rightee oh!"
Then, humiliating us further with fucking homers Barf Lee and Kevin Mr. Congeniality Weekes nattering off the same tripe from the same half page game-briefing sheet on the Habs all night. "this is the line they call the PhD line, it provides them with all their offence" for the whole fucken game. At least Weekes knows about hockey, even if he doesn't know about any of the non-Ontario teams, but shit that was a load to bear. A load, I have, alas, finally, unloaded, on you, dear Mitleidenden here.

GoldenGirl11 said...

especially that mysterious part after sign-off, so mysteriously delicious after a win

I know exactly what you mean and thanks. Fun one. I hope I-AM-YOUR-kosher-chicken stays together long enough for a Chanukah extravaganza.

Moey said...

I'm hungover from a dinner party last night, does that count? I missed the game last night, no big loss by the sounds of it. We should cut Marky some slack, he hasn't played in six months, he needs to shake the rust off. I hope that's all it is.

lawyergirl77 said...

Moey - While I'm willing to cut Vodkov some slack, I'm NOT willing to cut JM any slack for putting a clearly rusty Vodkov out for last minute and a half last night.

His preference/obsequiousness/blind devotion to veterans has gotta stop.

See also fact that +1 Spacek is still playing (yes, I know, 2 points last night yadda yadda) while +7 WITH FEWER AVERAGE MINUTES Picard is benched.


WV: Salia, as in: "Hey, Spacko, don't let the Puerta de SALI(d)A hit you on the ass on your way out of town!"

Ronan said...

Putting PFK with Hal Gill was a stroke of genius that needs to be mentioned, too.

"Hm, so I got here a flashy, creative rushing defenseman who might be the only damn person on the team who could provide an offensive spark. Maybe I should pair him with the one guy who won't be able to cover for his rookie mistakes. Yeah, that'll get him going."

Also - Laps and Boyd over Eller? Yeah, Eller wasn't spectacular against the Sabres, but I think he'd be able to get it up against the only other Dane in the NHL. Fuck, the Sens played both Neil AND Ruutu last night, and the only time I saw Laps all night was taking a stupid penalty five minutes in.

One last thing - I love you, Cammy, but goddamn, we get it. You wanted to be captain. You didn't get it. Man the fuck up and start playing hockey.

Number31 said...

Men With Sticks! Is that a new CBC series? Anything has to be better than Men With Brooms the Series.

I thought the prize of "stupidest thing of the weekend" was giving up a shorthanded breakaway to Mike Fisher while on a 5-on-3. Sob...

Steve said...

When your down and troubled, and no PP is going right.

Just look in the newspaper, and the old reliable leafs lost last night.

They dont arguably have a top 6 NHL player in the line up, but at least they have a genius GM.

moeman said...

Like Moey, I was out last night at a Spanish wine tasting extravaganza. No hockey allowed but fun to see the 5 people that had iPhones get game time results simultaneously. Sounds like most of the game was meh. Next three games could be telling.

Anonymous said...

Fucking frustrated. That could have been a piece of cake but no one can score a goal to save their life.
-Where the fuck is Cammy? Right, taking penalties in the offensive zone on the PP. You're on the right path!
-Gomez once scored 33 goals? I want proof of that shit. His salary...ah, fuck it.
-Boyd? WTF? Should not be playing next game or for a while.
-Eller? Did he touch the puck? I didn't think so
-Moen on any first two lines makes as much sense as Moen on a first or a second line. Did he touch the puck? I didn't think so.
All in all I am fucking frustrated that the Habs on a SECOND Saturday night in a row offer such a crappy performance n front of their fans in the 514. Goddammt it, Wait the fuck up!

Thanks guys, I feel better now.


Number31 said...

lol Anon, Eller wasn't even playing. Which sucks 'cause last time we had a Marmaduke hit on his fellow Dane.

Sure, Jacques. Sit the KID but not the wheezing old guys on the back end. Whatevs.

the Maritimer said...

It's a long, long season. It's a good thing we can come to this site for some much needed humour.

But let's face it. The Canadiens top 4 forwards are Plekanec, Cammalleri, Gomez and Gionta. Are any of them really A list players? Michael fucking Leighton shut them out 3 TIMES! in a 5 game series.

Myself, I think until they can acquire an A list player/game breaker, the Habs will never be an elite team like Detroit, Washington, Chicago, etc. They will probably never be bad enough to get the 1st overall pick in the draft. So, how do you acquire such a player? Fucked if I know.

lawyergirl77 said...

@the Maritimer - I wouldn't want a first round draft pick with this coach (or, frankly, any coach since Julien). We inevitably fuck them up.

But, until we get a coach who is good with the Kidz, we're doomed to try and build a roster with veterans...virtually impossible in the salary cap era.

So, bottom line? We're fucked/doomed to mediocrity for the conceivable future. Happy Sunday night, everyone! *

* - this whole being doomed thing might actually not be true if our top forwards start producing. Which I'm sure they know... But, still, add me to the WAKE THE FUCK UP chorus.

Steve said...

@lawyergirl - Patrick ROY ROY,

The laffs are in full panick mode, what works better for that than Tequila, call up Burka, get Kabrale. Ride Chocula to the lottery.