Friday, November 12, 2010

A Swift Review: Price and the Lilluputians Down Giant Bruins on their Travels (Habs 3 Bruins 1)

Too busy to write a review today folks, so I've turned it over to our Sexy Friday correspondent, noted satirist and famed skewer of Kings, Johnathan Swift, (not to be confused with noted stopper and saviour of the LA Kings Jonathan Quick.) 
  • Yeah, verily, on this most glorious of days (any dawning of the morn after a win versus ye auld enemy the Bruins of Olde Towne Boston is, truly, the most glorious of days, my friends) let us tarry and wax poetic about all that was excellent last evening, the day of Remembrance:
  • Who amongst thou wouldst turn thy noses up at a further five regular season conflagrations, and a further dalliance with ye auld enemy in Ursine colours in the playdowns for that most hallowed of goblets, Lord Stanley's Cup? Not I, forsooth. Give me a veritable plethora of such examples of ice skating majesty and I will turn all the Colonies of the Americas on to this Nordic game of skill and speed in a fortnight.
  • Hath thou every been privy to such a duel of young masters such as that proffered by young Saviour of yon Habitants Carey Price, Esq.,and his counterpart in the Olde Towne Team's gilded cage mask, Mr. Tuukka Rask, Esq.? Fie on those who wish other than to bear witness to a decade of these two premier puck preventers facing off in glorious bleu, blanc et rouge and sinister noire et or, for glory and the challenge of Northeastern Supremacy. I tell you, that pie-shaped Tim Thomas can off to the colonies of New France's Southern ports to play with the Bossier-Shreveport Mudbugs forthwith.
  • Yon former denizens of the Garden State of New Jersey hath thrown off the shackles of their oppressive slumps and both slyly slid the round disk of vulcanized rubber into the vainly guarded goal. Huzzah!! Well taken, Messrs Gionta and Gomez.
  • A jaunty tip of the three-cornered hat and a click of my buckled shoe to others who shone as bright at the sun on the Union Jack last eve, including young Master PFK, whose display of strong armed tiptoeing across the blueline whilst holding off Boston defenders as the East India Company holds back the pirate hordes is a sight to behold; to our brave friend from the Court of Katherine the Great Mr. Markov, who is rounding into top form; to our unsung and brave footsoldiers Darche, Halpern, Eller, Pyatt, Spacek and Hamrlik. A special huzzah reserved for the resurrected Chicken, who is trying to marry his considerable talents to the hardwork of a London dockworker to good results.
  • Sadly, all is not tea and crumpets, as our fiery Gallic saviour Mad Max seems a shadow of himself still. Perhaps a dram of mead and some figgy pudding in the observer's box for a match or two would reignite his passions!
  • Our stratagists often receive the sharp barbs of our whipped tongues, but last night our generals Chocula, Pearn and Muller laid forth a plan that rivals those of Wellington versus Napoleon. Well played, yon goodly leaders of men! Master Julien was right soundly matched.
  • A pair of markers whilst enjoying a rules based numerical advantage? A perfect defense of same numerical disadvantages? A barrage at the opposing goal that resembled the volley of arrows that the Spartans faced at the gates of Thermopylae? Ye Gods, I approve heartily!
  • Wouldst thou like to celebrate Sexy Friday with a Sexy Pirate? Does a Jacobite toast the King over the water?


soperman said...

I hope that is "medical marijuana" that you are smoking. This will be funnier at 10:00 tonight.

Our new strategy should be to bounce pucks off the opposition goalie's head for two periods and then score at will in the third. (kidding.)

HabsFan29 said...

wow. just wow. when did we get real writers around here? correct use of "forsooth"? just wow.

+1 penny-farthing to you, good sir

Habs4Ever said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chenny13 said...

One word is all that is necessary for this post:

Michael said...

Hey, can someone swing by LG77's crib and make sure she's OK? It seems like days since we've read a confident assertion that Mrs. and Mr. are better hockey coaches than Jacques Martin.

Moey said...

Excellent! Laughed out loud on several occasions, but "Mudbugs" made me choke on my ice water.

A hungry pride of tigers can take down an elephant, (saw it on Planet Earth)so a giraffe was no sweat.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Mr. Bernthal, my grade 10 english lit teacher, did not prepare me for this.


GoldenGirl11 said...

Is the laundromat closed today?

Steve said...

The juxtipositon of Satire and Pirates was deeply satisfying. Who are the figures in the blue lapcoats?

Goat and Chocula cant be blamed at this time. But its kind of like being a liberal and having Iggy in charge.

The laffs have layed down the gauntlet. Jihad on ice must be met with Louis, Louis Le Blanc.

Number31 said...

Tiny Tim would fit in well with the Mudbugs. Team Rask!

Lo' do I hear the complaints from Ye Olde Boston Towne. The Seguin and Chara penalties were phantoms! (No they were penalties). Gio scored off a poor rebound! (No it was an incredible Czech Sausage pass by Cammy and a baseball bunt in). The Bears are injured and missing Krejci, Savard, and Sturm! (Cry me a river and meet the Habs of last year who still kicked your asses 5-1-0).

I think I might watch the game again off TSN just to hear how rediculous McSplooge is when Seguin's on the ice.

lawyergirl77 said...


Much like reporters and stopped clocks, even hockey coaches do get it right every once in a while.

When those blessed events do occur, I'm afraid that neither species is immediately handed the Jack Adams Award or a NNA for their efforts.

Moey said...


Martin already has a Jack Adams under his belt, maybe he'll win another one this year. That would be funny. said...

I usually come to this site for my dose of low-brow culture and humor. Imagine my bewilderment!

great job to HF10 who channeled one of my favorite writers form childhood (and GG for the right on pic)

moeman said...

Wow, talk about raising the bard. Well done sir and madam!

Number31 said...

ASG ballot is full of LOL and crap. Niemi? Fleury? Four Leafs? NO PLEKANEC! And half the people on the list are injured anyway. I suspect there will be many write-in votes.

Join me in sending Biznasty to the ASG, everyone!

J.T. said...

@31: I shall forthwith be penning the monikers "Plekanec" and "Biznasty" on ye olde All-Star match ballot. That Cammalleri should be included in such august company whilst Plekanec shiverth in the cold is criminal.

@10: Forsooth, this was a post of such fulsome goodness, I shall host a dram of ale in your honour. Verily.

GoldenGirl11 said...


Steve said...

If you do not play for Montreal and you do not have at least 5 years of solid resume, then you a just a fucking pretzel by a differentness name. Now this Stamkos kid, he may get a wavier, but that is the level of compete you have to break through to earn a place at the table.

moeman said...

Giguère on the ASG ballot? Now that is fucking Pretzel Logic.

Hopefully Pro-Line will let me wager that KADRI! will be an All-Star shoe-in.

Snarkk Panderfest said...

wow get of the plane and play, Rhino gets 24:51 TOI last night. Team wins 5-1 good thing they're not the Nordiques any more.
wv. afflator three weeks without a girlfriend, thinking of buying an afflator

Snarkk Panderfest said...

wow get of the plane and play, Rhino gets 24:51 TOI last night. Team wins 5-1 good thing they're not the Nordiques any more.
wv. afflator three weeks without a girlfriend, thinking of buying an afflator