Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Habs/'Nucks Preview and Open Thread


Middle-aged Madison Avenue advertising executive Roger O. Thornhill (played here by Carey Price) is mistaken for a government agent by a gang of spies. He gets involved in a series of misadventures and is pursued across the States by both the spies and the government (Trevor Linden) whilst being helped by a beautiful blonde (not pictured, for some reason). As so begins the Hitchcockian adventure that is: NORTH(EAST) BY NORTHWEST showing exclusively at the Bell Centre tonight at 7pm EST/4pm PST

I bet TFS(tm) would have preferred running from government spies rather than continue to tend goal for the Habs over the last few games...

Finally, no more Tyler Myers or Alexi Kovalev or Charles Wang. Tonight the Habs play their first of 2 very special (i.e. league-mandated) all-Canadian matchups with the Stanley-Cup contender Vancouver Canucks. I throw in "Stanley Cup Contender" because there are lots of parallels and links between the teams, but that's not one of them:
  • Both teams' most important players are their goaltenders, who were each prodigies and top-5 picks. Not just that, but each is from the other team's home province. Ooohhh, eerie.
  • Both teams' attacks are led by twins: everyone knows about Daniel and Henrik, but it was recently discovered (not really) that Giant and Gomer are actually fraternal twin brothers from different mothers. While the Habs twin munchkins seem to have lost their traditional chemistry early this season, the Sedins are still rolling along together, as this **actual** photo shows:


    • Both are getting unexpected scoring from late-signed third line centres (Halps and Manny Malhotra)
    • Both have a disappointing veteran D (Jaro-that-should-have-been traded and Keith Ballard, who at least has the excuse of playing hurt)
    • Both have underachieving "agitators" (aka "skating a-holes") in Mad Max and Alex Burrows
    • Both have virtually identical average ages and sizes, and how the teams were assembles is eerily similar
    • Apparently both fanbases are "annoying" - but this is coming from the Centre of the A-Hole Universe , so take it with a grain of salt. (Okay okay, the original article is from EPSN, but whatever - are you against the Leafs or not? That's what I thought.)
    • Both have awesome strip clubs to relax at after games
    • Vancouver is presently 6th overall in the NHL, Montreal 7th
    • Vancouver stole one of the Canadiens nickname's for their own
    • Vancouver stole one of Montreal's ex-coaches for their own
    • Vancouver stole one of Montreal's best players - ever - when they reaquired Trevor Linden (okay maybe not, but I LOVE that guy. Ever since he won the Memorial Cup with the Medicine Hat Tigers I've been a fan, and ever since he got drafted I've had a soft spot for the Canucks)
    Of course, these are all superficial similarities. Where is really counts - like for tonight's game - Montreal doesn't look so hot by comparison:
    • Vancouver has won 6 in row and already scored 8 more goals
    • The Sedins have 5 more points - each - than Turtlepleks
    • Vancouver's "cold" list isn't virtually identical to their top two lines: besides TurtlePlek, all of Gomer, Giant, Squid and Big Tits closely resemble glaciers
    • On the bright side, Vancouver's IR is longer that the Habs': top-4 D-men Dan Hamhuis and always injured Sami Salo are out. Unfortunately, Vodkov is playing like he's still on the IR - or he's just trying to make Jaro-we-should-have-traded feel better.
    • Did I mention that only Vancouver can be considered a legitimate Stanley Cup contender? Oh, okay. Well it's still true.
    • Have I also mentioned that SpaceKadet should have been traded instead of that other Jaro? Yeah well it needs to be said until someone listens, dammit. 
    It's fair to say that this is a measuring stick game. No game 15 into the season can be said to be "key," but the Habs have already made one minor move by waiving Boyd. If they lose again tonight (say 7-1), heads might roll, or the Goat may even pull the trigger. I'm not sure about the last one - are we happy with the CHicken/Gui! trade again now with the "PhD" line and Gui! on the shelf? Whatever, I'm sure everything will be fine once they bench Gomer and promote Desharnais to the top line.

    I just threw up a little in my mouth.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't be the last time I feel sick today. Share your nervous energy about this 'measuring stick' game in the comments.

    118 comments:

    soperman said...

    GYFHG!!!!

    It doesn't matter that the 'Nuckleheads' have the creepiest, ugliest brothers in hockey (sorry Hunters, you are second). It doesn't matter that the 'Nuckleheads' have the second most overrated goalie in hockey (sorry 'greasy bob', you aren't as overrated as 'munchin' marty'). The Habs must win this game. And they will!!

    Michael said...

    Vancouver PP - 1st in NHL
    Montreal PP - 30th in NHL

    'Nough said

    Have fun TMS

    Bill101 said...

    thx soperman

    the habosphere is a little too full of gloom & doom today.

    sigh - bring on a big surprise!

    GYFHG

    Steve said...

    Fearless prediction, Habs 3 Nucks 1. Its very logical, in todays NHL scouting a team and coming up with a game plan is the key to victory. Chocula in a master stroke has created a team that can not be scouted, has no past, there is no fucking video they are screaming in the Nuks war room. Nuks players in BC bud land are not the most swift of mind under the best circumstances, faced with a blank powerpoint, they are fucked.

    Hat trick for big tits.

    lawyergirl77 said...

    Trying desperately to sell my tickets to tonight's game.

    No one wants 'em.

    Even this hockey mad city wants nothing to do with this game.

    lawyergirl77 said...

    And because it needs to be said: outstanding work, GG/Panger. Stellar preview... and the photoshops are killing me right now!

    Chester said...

    If we don't win tonite we are all going to die.

    It's just that fuckin simple.

    and besides isn't it 21,273 rabid muther fucking Habs Fans not that other number .. which prob represents the number of games played since anybody in a Maple Leaves jersey won any thing.

    Where are the boobs ?

    Steve said...

    Outstanding preview, but you failed to mention the cultural significance of the Turtle and the Orca in conflict. Songs will be written, wood will be carved and the game will be part of legend.

    lawyergirl77 said...

    No, seriously guys - I'm dying here. NO ONE wants our tickets for tonight's game.

    Someone who would normally do anything for Habs games begged off because he has a physiotherapy appointment.

    I know.

    Everyone is staying away in fear of the bloodbath. heh.

    L Dude said...

    @LG: Were I in Montreal, I'd buy them in a heartbeat. Even though I have a bad feeling about tonight, the never give up side won't go away. I feel a big victory might be a possibility. /schizophrenia


    Ya know this site is all about hockey, strippers and meth (not necessarily in that order), and I don't want to just come across as some male pig. But it IS possible that the lacklustre play of late is due to the low volume of scantily clad ladies. Sure Hilary Duff can double me down any day, but if you scroll down the main page, the only other skin is those manly strippers from the Bluejackets thread. C'mon, if the one on the right isn't a tranny (NTTIAWWT if you're into tht)...

    Anyway. Swedish twins. Sedins doublemint parody. Awesome. But a simple pic of the Swedish twins we all dream about (hint: not named Hank or Dan) wouldn't hurt.
    Ah fuck it. You guys do an awesome job. I'll grab some Jergens on the way home and check the web later.

    Here's hoping for a great night from the Giant Turtle Squid, Mexican Titty Lapdance, PhD, the Leftovers, Vodkov, Spaceman Spiff, and TFS(tm).

    Speaking of Vodkov, maybe portraying him as 'The Blob' didn't help. Quick, photoshop him in as something good like a bunny or kitten.

    moeman said...

    Mushr00my g00d 33 et GG.

    Moey said...

    Okay,let's stop giving the schmucks er 'nucks too much respect. Firstly, I listen every year about how they are "contenders'. And every year, just like the Sharks they crash ad burn in the second round when Bobby Lu has his meltdown and openly sobs to the media how he's let his team down. Secondly, on the list of the top ten worst fans in North American sports they are ahead of us. Arrogant & obnoxious and they've never won a damn thing. At least we've earned the right to be insufferable. Fuck 'em. In saying that of course they'll probably beat the living tar out of us tonight.

    HabsFan29 said...

    Is the slaughter over yet? Still 2.5 hours til puck drop you say? Damn

    I'm with Moey tho, fuck 'em. What I'd love to see is TFS outduel Lu to a 2-0 Habs win. anything's possible, right? yes, i have had my meth today, why do you ask?

    top notch work GG and Panger! Desharnais, that's funny stuff

    Le Douze said...

    Brilliant work as usual, GG, and Panger, too.

    Funny the way TFS has gone from zero to hero, no? I guess it would be funnier if the Giant Mexican (in hunt of a winger) had shown up after training camp... Fuck, I'd even settle for the Little Giant putting a few of those shots in the net; with Gomer I'm happy as long as his passes go to the right team.

    Steve said...

    @Le Douze, that goes in the lexicon,

    "I'm happy if his passes go to the right team"

    GYFH pass to the CH shoot at the Orca.

    iRiRi said...

    Just the thought of this game makes me cringe.

    HEY HABS, SCORE SOME GOALS FOR A CHANGE!!!

    Where's OUR meth, 29?

    Bill 101 said...

    Geez you guys.

    Habs DID win the last time we played Canucks! Chins up!

    Yeah, Sergei scored and Halak was amazing and.. um.

    carry on.

    Moey said...

    Oh and thirdly, I've made a bet with a friend of mine on FB that is originally from MTL but is now living in Van and a 'nuck fan (turncoat) that the 'nucks WILL NOT WIN the cup. I refused to bet on the Habs because in the words of Forest Gump, they're like a box of chocolates. She bit, so it doesn't matter what MTL does, if Van doesn't hoist Stanly, I get a fine bottle of wine shipped to me via the internet. Silly silly girl, I'm tasting it already. Is it May yet???

    iRiRi said...

    Since they're all slumping at the same time, does this mean they'll all pick it up and start scoring together? FREE WINGS EVERY NIGHT!!!

    A girl can dream, right?

    wv: Canucks are just like the "shark"s

    moeman said...

    @iRiRi "A girl can dream, right?"

    Dream, iGirl.

    iRiRi said...

    @moe - if the habs don't put in a decent effort to tonight, I'm SO whipping up a batCH and gaining 10 lbs in the process. Thanks for the calories!

    HabsFan29 said...

    holy crap Boston cream pie cupcakes.

    /drool
    //munchies

    Moey said...

    My typing errors are a disgrace. I misspelled Stanley. I'm going to burn in hell forever, aren't I? Better run and say a few Hail Mary's before the game starts.

    Howard said...

    @Moey It's ok because it was misspelled in the context of the Canucks winning the cup. In that case, they can hoist as many Stanly cups as they want!

    wv I hope greasy Bob had too much regasto for dinner tonight.

    Moey said...

    @Howard,

    True, and they can parade it through Stanley Park. That's about as close as they'll ever get.

    Number31 said...

    @LG77 - If I had known I would have taken that offer (assuming I could afford it). Too late now.

    Habs owe Price this game, not just for the shit way they've played recently but for pretty much abandoning him while their brains remained in Calgary and embarrassing him in front of his parents last year...

    HabsFan29 said...

    DROP THE F-ING PUCK and get this over with already. the preview lied to me, it's a 730 start not 7. gah

    HabsFan29 said...

    hey i can watch this game on TSN Habs regional coverage because im in that region, right? right?!?

    iRiRi said...

    WHAT is the RDS crew doing ON the ice?! Run 'em over with the zamboni.

    HabsFan29 said...

    i'm scared for the start of the game to see the line combos. someone hold me

    Orangeman said...

    Jeez, guys. Fret much? I'm cautiously optimistic. The PP can't be that terrible forever, everyone on the top 2 lines can't be that cold forever. And Bobby Lu has his off games (not usually against Montreal, but that can't last forever).

    iRiRi said...

    Smile, Carey! Is it me or he looks scared to play this gMe too?

    Number31 said...

    Oh look Chris Lee. So much for that staying out of the box plan.

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    Hitler is on the ice. Cammalleri and halpern look nervous.

    Orangeman said...

    I just thought for some reason: Is Vancouver the most remote team in the league? The closest team is Either SJ or the Alberta step brothers. The only other one I can think of is Dallas, but Phoenix and Denver arent' that far. Off to check the atlas!

    Moey said...

    Methinks Carey has to bring his AAA game tonight.

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    On one hand Vigneault wears the poppy and on the other hand he coaches hitler. Seems a bit hypocritical.

    Orangeman said...

    Have they played more than 10 seconds without a whistle yet?

    HabsFan29 said...

    Vodkov? OMG! im sorry i doubted you

    iRiRi said...

    VODKOV!!!

    Moey said...

    Woot! I just screamed so loud the cats jumped 5 feet in the air. Sorry kitties!!!

    Orangeman said...

    See, positive thinking.

    moeman said...

    @Moey, with all due respect are 'the cats', 'kitties' a nickname for the breasts?

    Moey said...

    Our PP is a comedy of errors. Blech.

    HabsFan29 said...

    good to see we've worked out those PP issues

    Orangeman said...

    Wow, the pointmen really let us down on that PP. Terrible.

    Moey said...

    @moe,

    Kitties, not titties!

    moeman said...

    Merci Moey.

    moeman said...

    Man is Kirk great looking.

    moeman said...

    Tit for Cat

    HabsFan29 said...

    what was that penalty for?

    Moey said...

    @29,

    I don't know, it didn't go over the glass, how can it be delay of game?

    moeman said...

    @29

    parity.

    Orangeman said...

    And that, my friends, is why the rule is ridiculous. But it exists and they had to call it, I guess.

    Orangeman said...

    I'm pretty sure it went over the glass, barely. It hit the netting. But does anyone really think a penalty killer would intentionally do that, necessitating a penalty? Yes, he wanted a faceoff in his zone instead of icing the puck on the penalty kill.

    Moey said...

    Why does Francois Gagnon yell? My head hurts now.

    Number31 said...

    Broiled souflaki smokes up my apartment...should have sucked it up and just used the BBQ in the cold.

    moeman said...

    @Moey, cuz he's tiny.

    Also, I can send questions to Joel?

    Here goes: Hey, Joel, you think you deserve two minutes for looking so goofy?

    moeman said...

    @N31, 'cold'? its freakin' November!

    Also, scalloped potatoes with layers of shrooms (in honour of our opponent and Gillis) and asparagus with nice slices of ham.

    moeman said...

    Dominictrix scores vs. leaf to put them down 3-0.

    moeman said...

    Decline the PP!

    HabsFan29 said...

    4 minutes! double the chance to do nothing

    Moey said...

    @moe,

    Ha! I always maked scalloped spuds with ham.

    I'm making french toast, but I'm putting cheddar cheese between the slices. Yummy. Obviously, Mr. M is out for the evening.

    moeman said...

    Can a team call a timeout during their own PP? The Urologist must be pissing himself.

    HabsFan29 said...

    how can the PP have gotten WORSE?

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    Somebody call a urologist.

    Orangeman said...

    This is embarrassing. No shots on a 4 mins pp? AND you give up, what, 3 against? Everything's been said about this before, but seriously now. This is not an NHL PP.

    moeman said...

    I say piss on the PP.

    Orangeman said...

    And it's not just that they can't capitalize, but when your opposition knows that you can't capitalize (and actually somehow give up more chances against) they have no fear in taking liberties with you.

    Moey said...

    Does anyone think Boyd was put on waivers to clear cap space for Bambi..er MAB? Just a thought. Gauthier has to do something. 5 mins on a PP with no goal is unacceptable.

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    I'm going to prescribe penicillin for that PP infection. 1 capsule bid.

    Number31 said...

    No. Please. No MAB. Spacek and Hamr give me enough pains...

    HabsFan29 said...

    max you useless idiot

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    JM looks like he has acid reflux.

    moeman said...

    Max Laps may be a useless idiot but he is Québecois and CHanceux his name isn't Boyd. Wonder if rds will comment on their own Laps lovin' article.

    Moey said...

    @31,

    Maybe Souray wants to play with the big boys again and is willing to take a pay cut?

    *starts drooling*

    moeman said...

    Run their goalie.

    Orangeman said...

    Penalty how, especially when they're players just did the same thing before and after ours?

    HabsFan29 said...

    score an early goal and hold on for dear life. that's good JM hockey!

    moeman said...

    3rd period tip; lets all hang onto CHokula's ears.

    Number31 said...

    @Moey - SOURAY?! We have enough pylons.... (Though he's a good looking pylon). Also broken hand is a problem.

    How are the Habs outshooting the Canucks when I don't remember what Luongo looks like, never mind the fact they gave up more shots on a 4 minute powerplay?

    Moey said...

    @31,

    They need a laser from the point,there's no replacement for Souray, Streit or MAB.

    iRiRi said...

    You know you have a problem when you generate more offence on the PK than on PP...

    HabsFan29 said...

    hey one of those stupid penalties in our favour!

    iRiRi said...

    *offense

    Sorry I've been drinking.

    moeman said...

    Hamrtime!

    HabsFan29 said...

    PP goal!!!!!

    /faints

    Moey said...

    *falls off sofa*

    Orangeman said...

    Finally! The whole time I was thinking, the bounces are finally going their way! They're getting shots through! THIS COULD BE IT!

    Insurance!

    iRiRi said...

    That goal happened just as I was praying Hamr or Spacek didn't give up a breakaway.

    Number31 said...

    I've died and have gone to powerplay goal heaven.

    moeman said...

    "What I'd love to see is TFS outduel Lu to a 2-0 Habs win. anything's possible, right? yes, i have had my meth today, why do you ask?" ~ 29

    iRiRi said...

    Carey! Carey!

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    That penicillin is quick acting. Just hope it doesn't cause a yeast infection. Those antibiotics are tricky little buggers.

    HabsFan29 said...

    everyone's too tense to comment

    moeman said...

    G

    Y

    F

    H

    !

    Moey said...

    @GG11,

    Penicillin that strong will throw off the PHd line. Yeast infection guaranteed.

    lehab said...

    good call 29... 2-0

    iRiRi said...

    CASH THAT EMPTY NETTER FFS.

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    @moey
    Phd line is smart enough to take the penicillin with yogurt and cranberry juice.

    iRiRi said...

    CaRee!!!

    HabsFan29 said...

    despite everyone's attempt to jinx it, i'm psychic

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    Take that Hitler!

    iRiRi said...

    Low-fives all around!

    Who's the Cup contender now, bitCH?

    Orangeman said...

    See kids, told ya, nothing to worry about. I hope you've learned your lesson(s).

    And what a fucking unbelievable save there at the end. If he would have scored I predict a celebration rating of 6 flaming police cars

    Number31 said...

    A few more seconds (and a shorter Canuck in the way) and Carey would have hit that empty net!

    WOO! Victoly!

    moeman said...

    Sweet predicted win 29.

    Off to beantown for a beatdown of da Bs.

    Moey said...

    Bobby Luuuuuuser!!!

    GoldenGirl11 said...

    Elder! Ahhhhh.

    iRiRi said...

    We should have this kind of widespread pre-game panic more often. Makes a W that much sweeter.

    Orangeman said...

    I will not mock the Nucks as I regard them as worthy opponents. I will not taunt the Bs because that always comes back to bite my ass.

    However, I will mention that Tronna lost again. Shutout! Teehee! Remember when they were the guaranteed Presidents Trophy winners and the parade route was getting brused off...5 games into the season. I said I was waiting for the collapse and here it is. As a Habs fan who grew up mostly in Leaf country this is spanking material for me.

    Orangeman said...

    Apparently the Nucks got 19 shots in the 3rd. Holy merde!

    Stern said...

    nothing like an unexpected W Wahahahaha! Nuck PP 0-4, love that aggressive PK, really played with their heads.
    I can't believe we actually held on to win that one with sheer stubbornness, maybe TFS wanted revenge for the last time. But really, is there any team in the league which has lass offensive zone puck possession? Reminded me of some of the improbable wins from last playoffs.
    Raising the glass to Pearn and his pals tonight! GHG!

    wv bethiest, the Nuck is good but tonight, the Habs were the bethiest.

    Bill 101 said...

    After church, attended a Canucks party - that went quite nicely but there were a few bitter people there.

    Dessert? There was a leaf fan there.

    yum

    jm 101 latin hockey said...

    fucking good hockey game. luckily church is playimg it again on bc time.

    @101
    are you applying 60 grit to those nucks fan

    ti-cul said...

    CAREY!!!!

    ti-cul said...

    uncle bill's done???

    ti-cul said...

    and te lafffs loose too