Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This week in Habs goalie sacrilege: Habs 3, Evil Phucking Piece of Shit Goon Squad 0

I know how much you all enjoyed last week's sacrilege, so here we go again! Look, it's not my fault I'm slated to write up these tough Tuesday night games and TFS goes out and plays with poise to a shutout. You take what's given.

Before we sully this post with tales of Philadelphia goonery, let us recall the simpler times of George Hainsworth. Now there was a goalie! They always talk about statistics and sports records that will never be broken, but that 1928-29 season was something to behold. He played every minute of every game. Suck on that, fat Marty. Out of his 44 starts, 22 of those were shutouts. Fifty fucking percent! Suck on that, Jaro. You know how many games the Habs won that year? 22. Talk about a lack of goal support. They say his glove hand was magic. Take a look at the trapper he had to use. That's right, he didn't even fucking have one! How badass is that? This guy rules. You know who has the Habs' record for most career shutouts? GH. Lowest career GAA? GH. Lowest season GAA? GH. Lowest career playoff GAA? GH. God I miss Robert L.

What was my point again? Oh yeah, I'm a rambling old man and Carey Price is a great fucking goalie.

Since GH was all about the numbers, let's use some digits to recap last night's action:

41 - shots faced and turned away by TFS. Didn't seem like quite that many, and there weren't a lot of quality chances I thought, but maybe it's because he's just making shit look routine now. He almost looked bored on a night of 40 shots. Or maybe it's the poise.

20 - shots faced and turned away by TFS in the 2nd period. Definitely felt like that many. And some quality ones too.

1 - number of head boo-boos to Jeff Halpern after a semi-head shot with a semi-elbow from semi-behind (I'm being kind on all 3). Into the boards. While defenseless.

3 - points for Gio last night, and number of straight games in which he's scored. Remember when we said once Gio and Gomez get going, we might really have something? Well once Gomez gets going, we might really have something.

15.7 - % success rate of the Habs PP today after 2 more PP goals last night. Up to 19th in the league! Andrei who?

Indeterminate - time of Vodkov's absence.

6 - epic PKs by the Habs (out of 6), including some 5 on 3 time. Habs now 89.3%, first in the league.

13,495 - number of penalty minutes given out in the 3rd period. Estimate only.

432,579 - number of Philly cheap shots not called by the refs. Estimate only.

1,378,365 - number of attempts on PFK's life this season. Estimate only.

45 - jersey number of goon Jody Shelley, sent out by Peter Laviolette on the power play with 2 minutes to go in the game in order to goonishly goon. Plus ça change...

0 - number of punches thrown by Mad Max in his first fight since taking boxing lessons this summer. But his form looked good! And he stuck up for his teammates and went after the guy (Powe) who killed Halpern, so I guess that's something.

10 -  number of games since the Goons had lost in regulation going into last night. Suck it, Goons.

10 - douche level on a 1 to 10 douche scale of Chris Pronger and his petulant "let's steal the opposing goalie's shutout puck" business. Phucking Pronger.

3 - more games this season against the Flyers, including next Monday in Philly. Phuck those phuckers. All of you people who argued in the comments yesterday for the Goons as which team we hate most now have Exhibit A.

5:55 - running time of these long-form video highlights after a win.


B B said...

Great headline, great post.

Avery would fit in nicely with the Phylers. He too, picks his when he fights. Nothing admirable about the way Filadelfia carries themselves. Powe should be gone for a few games, but I'm Collie will ignore the matter. However, Collie will see the Preds are on the PP all night Thursday.

Don't which is the biggest zero, Laviolette or the their score...

soperman said...


Good Photoshop, but you were helped because Price's head looks very comfortable on Hainsworth's body. He seems to be thinking, "Where are the doughnuts?" This is the old Carey Price, not the new highly tuned athlete.

YOU PHUCKING PHLYER GOONS. Mad Max may not be Mohammad Ali, but he did what he should do, unlike the pests on some other teams. Good for you, Mad Max! Earn that name.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I see your point but I was thinking that the nude flapper girl who stole his cap was making him grin. The old Carey would've already been smoking a cigarette and calling the gyne for the morning after pill.

moeman said...

29 FTW, great post. Its not like the TMSs just write themselves.

11 Nice wok GG. Lucky for us there's lots of great Habs goalies.

0 class by the mike richards lead goons.

Le Douze said...

On the question of whether the Phlyers can be as hate-worthy as the 'Ruins or the Laffs, I started hating them in the Seventies when every time we played them ('specially at the Spectrum) we ended up with a good player hurt. The team of Bobby Clarke/Dave Schultz I hated because they were goons. The 'Ruins I hated because they were good.

Not sure my opinion on the Phlyers has changed much over the years. The 'Ruins, not so much all the time. But definitely hate worthy for the tradition of it all. With the Laffs, it's more disdain than anything.

iRiRi said...

"I'm not saying I'll do it, but something might happen to (Subban) if he continues to be that cocky."

Richards on Subban (in French)

Mike Richards needs to STFU.


PFK has a mouth and a half but he's got the goods to back it up. I don't see how threatening a rookie is captain material but maybe that's just me. Can you imagine Gio saying such a thing?

Sorry for the rant but these assholes irritate me said...

I agree with 12.
It's hard for me toget my hate-on for the bruins for any recent reasons - justout of habit.
but Philly and their constant crap send me into tailspins of vindictive fuck-laced bitching.

the laffs just makes me laugh or makes me feel better when we're not doing well

moeman said...

Anyone think collie will fine Richards for his threat?

Kmaxx said...

From last night (and yesterday's comments) I now take a couple of points on board - firstly - The Phucken Phyers are very worthy of our hate on levels equal to that of the Laffs. Second - Powe's early hit that got him an elbowing penalty was (IMO) clean. Replay shows that he didn't actually make contact with the elbow. The seond hit on Halpern was nasty but Halpern's injury might have been compounded by the fact his helmet came off before his noggin smacked the ice - still - it wouldn't have come off it the hit wasn't so dirty. Lastly - I phucken love PFK! He's a rookie like the Habs haven't had since...since I can't even remember the last time the Habs had a rookie who so much as spoke about - never mind stand up for his teammates! Mike Richards - you exude the same amount of class as the rest of your piece of shit organisation - Fuck You!

ezzeloharr said...

Watching these highlights... It's such a great feeling to see the Habs winning. And not just winning - outplaying their opponents. It's great to see young, drafted talent playing well.

It's also upsetting that teams like the Phlyers can still play the same brand of hockey they did 40 years ago and get away with it. How does Giroux (I think?) get away with slashing at PFK's ankle like that? I wasn't even born yet, but I immediately thought of Kharlamov vs. Clarke.

Kmaxx said...

@29 @GG last time I took exceptionto TFS in Dryden's pose - it touched a nerve because he is one of the Hockey Gods to whom I pray. GH was before my time and there his "classic" pose doesn't register in the same way. I fully value his contribution to Habs lore and recognise his magnificance, it's just that I'm much better with TFS's head on George than with it on Ken's shoulders. Excellent job btw!

swarkles said...

Wow iRiRi, you're right. You'd never hear Gionta or half the other captains in this league say shit like that. But the Flyers? I'm not surprised.

I have a feeling PK can take care of himself in a fight.

Steve said...

This is a really great team, far greater than the sum of its parts. With the exception of TFS, and Vodkov the star power is not blinding.
So is this because of Chocula or despite Chocula?

The ghosts of the past and the lesson of Jaro have transformed TFS. He fills the net, combining Jaro efficiency of motion with crazy cat like animal thrusting. Props to the goat. And shit on Cherry, remember him saying Price had to get out of Montreal.

GYFH Phuk the Phlyer x infinity, Bruins and Laffs, start buying riot gear cause there is going to be a hell of a parade.

Chester said...

Did you see the spit flying out of Laviolette's mouth as he protested the penalty when Josh got blindsided. Great baluga whales Aquaman what kind of fucktard is he that he spits when he screams for a cheapshot like that. He fits right in with this organization. After seeing that I'm not going to complain about Chocula's lack of emotion.

Oh .. just a small programming note ... there is a distinct lack of boobage lately ... I hope this isn't a trend.

Bill 101 said...

@swarkles - sure but, sadly, it wont be a fight, it'll be a calculated dirty take-down from behind by an expendable player.

*reaches for half-empty glass*

soperman said...


Holy Crap! I am so desensitized that I completely missed the nude flapper! She is really hot in a "eeeeew, she's probably dead now" kind of way.

GoldenGirl11 said...

That's hilarious. Did your grandson stick a peanut butter sandwich on your computer screen? And a dead flapper can't be any worse than picturing her in that same pose at a wrinkly 110 years young.

iRiRi said...

Richards is still crying about earning respect. Wanna talk about respect? Respect is PFK praising Richards and Co. after the game.

You know, it was thoughtful of Laps to stick up for his teammates but who gave him those boxing lessons this summer? Malibu Barbie?

You know who would be useful right about now? Not BGL.

Habs will just HAVE to win again on Monday. Answer those caveman comments with a W on the ice, where it counts.

P.S. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not over it yet.

moeman said...

There is an undercurrent of racism in richards' comments and odonnell's takedown of PFK.

glenn healey said PFK should STFU or he will be killed, he said at least 5 players have told him so.

don cherry repeated that on hnic.

richards says that PFK must be dealt with.

What did PFK do wrong? Did he goon it up as a fucking flyer would? Is he a re-incarnation of asswipes like clarke, tucker, domi and other neanderthals? Of course not.

He was cocky? The CotU media loves them some of that kadrikockiness.

Habs play the disgusting leaf on Saturday night. hnic will be a hatefest.

Stay classy PFK. We love ya kid!

Steve said...

If PFK was playing for the Rangers he would already have a restrain order against Madonna, and Yoko Ono would have given him the rights to Ticket to Ride. Avery would be saying oh thats what mans penis looks like, and Bloomberg would be giving KFC a wavier on transfat.

PFK dont change, Chocula change to adapt to PFK.

kevincrumbs said...

NHL and the old boys club: trying to keep the black man down.

Don Cherry and Mike Richards should go fuck off to Antarctica together.

L Dude said...

Loving the Phlyer hate-fest. Keep it up until Monday. But then go to your doctor.

@Chester: regarding the lack of boobage, I'm thinking with the first EVER Tits vs. Tits tomorrow night, we're bound to see some sort of mud wrestling theme or something along those lines.

What's the nickname for Richards? Dicks. nuff said.

Steve said...

Tits vs Tits a tit twister for sure. Will Chocula play boyd?

With Vodkov out, maybe forever I call on the Goat to do fucking something before the playoffs, or by Thursday.

We have a real shot at the cup, so I a say get Kabrele from the Laffs. He only mails it in in Torana, under the hands of a master motivator he would be sperm on ice. Much as I would like to give Mex, we are winning and he is something.
So what would Burka jump at, a first round draft choice (first time in generations laffs get a pick), a couple prospects (Boyd, Shultz) and a bag of pucks. Get to the phone Goat.

Bill 101 said...


Let us not encourage the lingering stink of leaf in the Habs dressing room.

the Maritimer said...


Give the stinking laffs NOTHING!!!!!

No picks, not even the Mexican/Alaskan. I want them to wallow in mediocrity or less forever.

I'm sure the Goat is fishing even as we speak.

iRiRi said...

"The media scrum had come and gone Wednesday, and Subban was sitting at his stall, shaking his head. As I was walking away, he said: "I never expected to have a bounty on my head 20 games into my career."


Orangeman said...

Great poost all around, esp. that pic up top.

Just read and listened to Richards' comments. Unbelievably classless and ignorant. I'm not big on fining players for what they say, but when a captain of a team utters a threat against a player he and his goonsquad already tried to harm and will face again in less than a week the League needs to make a statement.

And I have to agree with moe here. 'Cocky' and 'uppity' are standard racist codewords. It's likely more subconcious, but the undertones are there. I remember hearing similar things about Anson Carter a few years ago as well. It's all in the idea that PK should 'know his place' and submit to other players.

If anything happens to PK next week I swear we should Richard Riot the fuck out of the place.

Steve said...

My apologies, I never considered that blue and white disease has no cure, leaf stink, oh the horror! so if not Kaberle, what to do?

Hammer, Gill and Spacek can not play the big minutes without performance ranging from plyon to penalty. Fucking Rhino handling comes to mind, so bringing up Weber is out. Maybe let PFK play without a partner 4 or 5 mins a period. No one has ever tried it, Chocula might think it was brilliant.

dragonwind2000 said...

I think we need to call up Mr. Alex for next game. We can put a little "Ow Henry" into Powe's diet.

Oh yeah, Leafs suck (don't want to get booted by the moderator).

High Glove Side said...

MAB to Tampa?!?!?!?

soperman said...

Nah, I'm not allowed to look at FHF when he is in the house. Mrs. soperman would freak if she saw it on our Wii favourites. Stale flappers, I imagine they would truly be 'flappers'.

moeman said...

PFK, we love ya kid.

"We know what we can do in here," Habs rookie blueliner P.K. Subban said after one of his electrifying nights. "Last year in the playoffs we discovered a lot of things about our team, about the guys in this room and what we can do. It's carrying over to this season. There's a lot of veteran players on this team that have experience and have won, that have been top players in this league for a long time. They're the guys leading this team and commanding the guys to show up every night and that's what we're doing right now. "We know in this league things can turn around in a hurry," Subban said. "But with the guys in this room, honestly, consistency hasn't been a problem because of the leadership. We're going to keep working, I promise you that."

Steve said...

If the NHL does not come down hard on Richard, lets goon it up baby. Bring up half the bulldogs with tinfoil knuckles and play them as starters, beat the living shit out of Phylers, and then the NHL will realize that Montreal always has the Nuclear option in hand,.

Ronan said...

re: Kaberle
The guy put up Gonchar-esque offense (and probably better defense than Moen's favourite pylon) on a shit team in a city that irrationally hates him. Hell, the fact that Toronto hates him should be reason enough to go after him.

And it's not like Toronto gets anything for their players anyway. They traded Kubina for an AHL defenceman and a scrub forward, and they let Antropov go for a second-round pick (in other words, Antropov = Moore in value).

Plus he has a nice cap hit (less than the Hamr).

Ronan said...

Scratch that - I hear Seabrook may be available at some point? Markov-Seabrook would be fucking orgasmic.

Flying Toaster said...

OMG I LOVED last week's POISE post. Instant classic, one of my all-time favs. I read it out loud to a few of my non-hockey-fan friends and they were laughing their asses off. It really was hilarious. And anybody know how we could get GH's ghost to possess Price for the season?

WV: Every time I see Pronger I want to bularf.

Orangeman said...

Canes win in Ottawa 7-1. 6 out of their last 7 games has seen a team score at least 7 goals, oddly they are 3-3 in those games.

Poor Jaro 1.0 has another tough night. After starting the season allowing only 25 goals in 14 games, STL has now given up 29 in the last 5.


Number31 said...

I've seen PK fight a few times. He can throw 'em. But I'd rather see him on the ice then in the box. Saskatcheplow seemed to enjoy smacking Leino around (which keeps him quiet), perhaps he should change targets.

Collie Campbell is too busy checking his email to do anything anyway but if it were Lapierre doing those hits that Powe did he'd probably be suspended 4 games. Yawn.

moeman said...

NB - Not a single media outlet has challenged the NHL HQ to call richards on his vile comments.

moeman said...

blob mackenzie just defended richards and cherry for 'challenging' PFK. These people are sick.

Flying Toaster said...

Guys, if you go on broad street hockey blog on, you're probably gonna be tearing your hair out. I figured i'd read their comments about last night's game and PK Subban, and by GOD are they lobotomized psychopaths! It's insane!

And i really can't stand the league-wide hate on PK Subban. They're basically having the same reaction to him as they have been having on Crosby when he first started out. Face it, the kid's good, and they're just frustrated little pansies throwing a hissy fit because the guy does a triple spin-o-rama around their D.

"They guy is too cocky" "He hasn't earned respect" "He's just a rookie in the league"

And? Seriously, where are they headed with those arguments? The kid's a skilled player and sure, he flaunts it. But talking about it like it's a lack of respect, coming from hockey neanderthals is a complete joke.

/rage rant