"Ladies and gentlemen, on stage for your dancing pleasure, the Carolina Hurricanes" - Game Preview and Open Thread (Special 10% Season Awards Edition)

So we are playing the Carolina Hurricanes AGAIN. Shit that's annoying. I've already previewed them twice. So here's the quick details - 7 PM in Carolina. It's on RDS. Habs on a 2-game win streak, and Kovy is playing his 1,000th career game tonight. Carolina is second only to Ottawa in the East, led by Cam Ward's 1.85 GAA and Eric Staal's 7 goals. Now you're ready (well, once you've had some beers).

Since I am not doing a full preview 'cause I am annoyed, I have something special for you. With 8 games in the books, the FHF is pleased to present the earliest season awards in the history of sports - the 10% Season Awards. Yes, I know it's only really the 9.8654% Season Awards, shut the fuck up you math geeks.

The tits (offence) - Kovalev. Hands down our most consistent offensive player through the 10%. And he's done it with rotating linemates (thanks, Carbo) which makes the feat all the more impressive. I cannot believe I just wrote that the Enigma is our most consistent offensive threat. Armageddon is upon us.

The tits (defence) - Huet and The Hamr (tie). Sounds like a bad sitcom, but they're both deserving. The Christo-Wall has been stellar, with a GAA under 2 and a save % of .934. He's kept us in games we had no business being in. Comes up with the big save when needed. Unflappable. I haven't heard a "Ca-rey!" chant yet while he's between the stripper poles. Hamrlik, after a bit of a slow start and a gaffe or two, has been our most consistent defensive D by a mile. He's +2, and it's always hard for a Habs D to be on the plus side. He's chipped in on the scoresheet too, with 5 points through 8 games. As I've mentioned many times since I went to my first game, seeing him live is the only way to really appreciate his play. Like a 45-year old stripper, you can't really look directly but you have to appreciate the veteran savvy.

The cellulite - Breezer. I know, I know, I pile on. But while he has possibly delivered some veteran presence on the blue line, he has definitely delivered some of the gaffes that made him famous. I've seen them. In his own zone, in the offensive zone, in the neutral zone. He would make gaffes in the end zone if hockey had them. Please god don't have him on the ice in any critical situation.

The armpit hair - Michael Ryder. One (crappy) goal through 8 games. I know he scores in bunches, but he better get going soon. He's supposed to be the goal scorer on the first line; he needs to start acting like it. Get some Screech in him or something. Dishonourable mention to Tenderness, who needs to get his ass shipped to Hamilton for a wake-up call. Good luck finding a decent strip club there, Gui.

Watching the game? At the game? Listening? Imagining the game in your head? Let's hear your dirty, dirty thoughts in the comments.