Tuesday, October 02, 2007

No Sex in the Champagne Room: The FHF Season Preview Presents Cristobal Huet

FHF, in conjunction with Telefilm Canada and StripperCorp, is pleased to offer our Habs season preview with no cover charge. For FHF virgins, you may want to review our trademarked Stripperriffic Rating System before tipping the bouncer.

Likely the biggest reason for the success or failure of the Habs this season, FHF analyses the Canadiens undisputed No. 1 goalie (at least entering the season), Cristobal Huet.

The tits – He plays arguably the most difficult position in the NHL in terms of pressure, so the fact he isn't easily rattled is good. Goaltender of the Year in both the French and Swiss leagues, and was named MVP of the French league as well. And as HF10 pointed out, that international experience will come in handy against Frolunda in November. Decent size at 6ft./194lbs. Technically and positionally sound, and is a student of the game, as he seems to be constantly working with Rollie Melanson to refine his technique. Always seems to have a save percentage well over 90%, which is huge given the Habs seem to perennially lead the league in shots allowed. In the latter stages of the 2005-2006 season, he showed that he is capable of elite level play. Top notch nickname in "Cristo-Wall".

The cellulite – Seems injury prone after suffering major injuries in each of the past two seasons. Not athletically gifted, thus has to rely on positioning so doesn't often make the miraculous save that other elite 'tenders do (except that ankle save on Marian Hossa a couple of years ago – check this out, about 35 seconds in). Not a great puck-handler. For all the awards in his homeland, we should point out that the last great player to come out of France was Phillipe Bozon. Showed flashes of elite form last year, but it wasn't sustained so there is still plenty of doubt about his true upside potential.

Also I'm not a hugh fan of his mask. I like the nod to Habs lore with the ghosts, but it's far from an intimidating ghoul - it looks like the fat ghosts in the live action Casper movie.

The armpit hair – Did he set the bar too high after running Theo out of town? At that time there were comparisons with Kiprusoff, but Huet didn't quite have the follow-up season that Kipper had. He might be very good, but it appears 'great' in the Hall-of-Fame sense is unlikely.

In the VIP room – Even my 95 year old Italian immigrant grandmother who only speaks some Italian dialect knows that Huet is keeping the crease warm for Price's arrival. He's a UFA at the end of the season which will provide some motivation to have a big year. This also means there is a possibility that he may get traded if Price (or Halak) step up and seize the job – just like he did to Theo. However, given Gainey's trade record, I doubt that will ever come to pass – we'll just lose him for nothing next summer. But I'm sure Eklund will start reporting rumours of a trade to Tampa by November. We're finally getting Lecavalier! Right.

Chez Parée bound? – He may not own the place like he did in 2006, but the ladies still know his name and his "preferences".

Lap dances – with Breezer penciled in as the #4 D, I think I have to give him at least an 8.

Signature Song – Let's hope it's not "Can't Stop" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

4 a.m. Smoked Meat Sandwich:

HF33 - Cristobal, c'est à toi que je m'adresse. On doit se parler, Cristo. Le petit Carey va vouloir te déloger, et bientot. S'il réussit l'exploit, l'équipe sera dans la merde, la merde Cristo parce que ça aura coûté une quinzaine de matchs à Bob avant de décider qu'il prèfère confier le boulot à un petit qui n'avait presque pas de poil sur son zizi il y a à peine quelques années. Déconne pas Cristo, préserve ton poste.

HF29 - Goalie of the Year in the Swiss and French leagues are dubious honours at best, but I think Panger's "positionally sound" is not adequate to describe his skills in that area. He's NEVER out of place, which makes him the very solid goalie he is. I'm not booing, I'm shouting "Huuuu-et."
[Panger response: if he was never out of place he'd never give up a goal. Trust me, I know something about giving up goals...]

HF10 - He could win 30 games by himself. He may have to.


levonrules said...

To live by Huet and to die by Huet. That will be the story of the season.

Habsfan10 said...

You goalies are all alike, Panger. Next you'll tell us when it hits the post it's because the angles were covered perfectly, not because the forward missed the corner by an inch. (Perspective changes whether you're guarding the cage or blazing down ice with the top shelf in your sights ... the odds are both guys are partly right).

The only goalie who could stop everything by being in perfect position would have to be four feet tall and six feet wide, dammit!

vjldun said...

If you look quick, you could mistake the ghosts on his mask for rolls of toilet paper...