Last year's 100th Anniversary celebration was a disaster for any number of reasons. What were they? The FHF has no idea and no time to figure it out. What we do have, however, is connections. Connections to hockey brilliance. Connections to a man who has his finger on the pulse of the team, the people, dare we say a nation. Connections to a man who gracefully agreed to help what he thinks are four young, PQ votin', French speakin', descended from the first guys off Champlain's boat bloggin' fools (shhh.) So we present an FHF exclusive: The Bertrand Raymond 110% Pure Laine Awesome Preview!Today, it's Part 5: Pure Laine Glorious Leader Maxim Lapierre
Overview: According to reports from reliable Pure Laine sources, last year's edition of Les Canadiens was a dressing room of cliques, a team imploding from the inside due to rudderless, grim, unworthy leadership cabal that compounded all the team's problems with it's stoic and pig-headed refusal to embrace the language of the dressing room and the people. Among the only bright spots was the fiery emergence of a true, Pure Laine heir to the role made famous by Bouchard, Rocket, Beliveau, Pocket Rocket, Cournoyer, Savard, Turgeon, et Damphousse: Maxim Lapierre, the true Captain of Les Canadiens.
Pure Laine Glorious Leader: Maxim Lapierre
Nom: Maxim Lapierre
Lieu de naissance: Saint-Leonard, Quebec
Strengths: Forged in the fires of Saint-Leonard, educated in the proving grounds of Cap-de-la-Madeleine and the Montreal Rocket, Lapierre is a Pure Laine warrior from the brave East-End of Montreal. A natural leader of men who inspires all Quebecois in their chosen walk of life, he is the divinely-chosen successor to great Canadiens captains past, a Tricolour Sun King destined to lead the Canadiens back to their rightful place as hockey's premier franchise. A life-long fan of Les Habitants, he reads The Hockey Sweater each night before bed and truly gets what it means to be a member of the team. He is a good Francophone and prays to Dieu, Mary Reine du Monde and Aurel Joliat for strength in battle against nefarious Maudits Anglais and their sympathizers. Although he is continually misused in a defensive role in favour of inferior, heartless Maudit Anglais and Communists, he has a goal-scorers touch and excellent vision like all Pure Laine players. He has good size, a willingness to battle in traffic and has a budding rivalry with overrated Maudit Anglais NHL poster boy Sidney Crosby, who had to improve his mediocre skills by playing in the world's most difficult hockey league the QMJHL, but was never good enough to best Lapierre. He is so talented, it appears an entire magazine is devoted to the betterment of men through the teachings of Maxim, with instructions in recreating the awesomeness of Maxim Lapierre in grooming, attire, and dating sexy women.
Weaknesses: Sadly, there is only one Maxim Lapierre, and until the Canadiens realize this, he will be forced to lead and cover for the mistakes of a number of weaker, less-skilled, heartless Maudits Anglais and Ethnic players who could never match his desire, strength, ability to inspire and world-class talent. His faceoffs also need some work.
Tommorrow, Part 6: Pure Laine Superstar Guillaume Latendresse