Thursday, September 17, 2009

Stripperriffic Preview: Road Trip Edition - Mike Cammalleri

Who the fuck are these new guys? How the fuck are we supposed to know? They're new to us too. So we've taken the lazy-ass blogger way out, and turned to the best bloggers out there (or those that answered our emails) to help us out. We hunted down bloggers from the player's team last year, and told them they could write whatever they wanted, to help us get to know the new guy better. Then we let GoldenGirl11 loose with the Photoshop and a new web series was born.

Today we are honoured to welcome the King of the Flames Bloggers, Kent Wilson. Kent is so prolific he writes at too many blogs to mention. He spends most of his time at Matchsticks and Gasoline, but he is also one of the founders of Five Hole Fanatics, the other FHF of the interwebs. Though we're probably the other FHF, since they started way back in 2005. 2005! Holy Fuck. They had the internet then? Anyway, the floor is yours, Kent...

If you travel to Flames fan message boards, you'll probably hear more negative than positive on Cammalleri: he's not very big, he didn't "bring it" in the playoffs, he relied on Jarome Iginla for his points.

Sour grapes.

Cammalleri was full-value for Calgary last year. He was, far and away, the club's most effective PP player. He was the only guy to score more than 5 points/60 minutes of ice with the man advantage. He has a quick release, an accurate shot, finds holes in coverage and is tricky with the puck on his stick. He can also play both center and left wing, which can come in handy.

That's the good news for you guys. The bad news is: unless he improves a whole bunch, I don't know if he'll provide value for that 6 million large he'll be making every season as a Hab. That's getting into bonafide star-to-superstar range and Cammalleri isn't good enough at even strength (yet) to qualify. Not to say he was bad at 5on5 for the Flames last year, he just wasn't consistently beating up his opponents (despite some good line mates and favorable circumstances). He's never going to crash-and-bang or fight anyone either.

That said, I'd take him 10 times out of 10 over Alex Kovalev.

40 comments:

eyebleaf said...

That picture is fuuuuuuuuucked up.

L Dude said...

@eye: agreed. Is that a midget stripper? (mind wanders creepily)

Off topic, but after reading lots of hockey shit today here's two words I don't wish to hear anymore:

Regarding the Habs: jell or gel

And now officially my most hated word in the english language(and I didn't know I had one until now):

truculent/truculence

HabsFan29 said...

yeah, WTF is up with that truculence crap? it's like they're proud of being goons

That picture is fuuuuuuuuucked up.

biggest compliment you can give GG11

GoldenGirl11 said...

@29
Holy fuck! In retrospect we probably shouldn't have done those mushrooms before ok'ing that picture. Sometimes I think to myself "can I go any lower?". Well, apparently yes. Yes I can." Wow, I love it here.

Habsfan10 said...

Good God, what will we see when it's Gomez's turn?

WF: reially. I'm reially disturbed by that photoshop.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@29
Btw, glad I went with the alias. You know, just in case social services reads FHF. Yom Kippur here we come

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - as I was telling 29 earlier, you are my new hero.

Seriously - If I were into mormonism (NTTAWT), I would beg Mr. LG77 to make you his second wife.

On second though, fuck that.

I would gladly be second wife to your brilliance!

In the interim, may I join you in the gutter? I have a roach infested apartment down here, but your place seems so much lovelier...

(And no need to worry about Social Services... I gots me some contacts there.)

bea-habs-fan said...

In didn't think it would be possible for me to enjoy this site anymore than I already do (1st site I check every morning even off season).

that picture is Hall-of-Fame worthy if there was a HoF for I-never-will-look-at-fried-or-breaded-calamari-the-same-again !!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG
As I told 29, my mind may be completely in the gutter but I also know my hockey and I look forward to getting premenstrual with you and setting the men straight (not in the gay way - nttawwt - but in the smarter, more efficient, female way) over the course of the season.

As for hooking up with Mr. LG77, I appreciate the offer but I can barely handle Dr. GG11. I might consider a trade, however, where you have to also take at least one of the fucktards and pay for their private hebrew school education. On the plus side you gain a gyno.

memyselfandi said...

Fucktards, midget strippers, and hot mormon lesbian action. I love this place! Oh yeah, and the hockey too.

Boob Gainey said...

Is this turning into an échangiste website?

TH-TO said...

@boob:

HF29 would have to change the masthead, and he's busy doing his...*ahem*..."Masters" (In what, or whom, we are not sure..), so is otherwise occupied. :-)

Oy. I'm going to get it in three weeks...

moeman said...

Yup, two of the worst words snowballed (look it up at the urban dict kidz) from Burke to the CotU media, truculence and belligerence have infected the hockey scene.

Reminds one of 'grit and determination'. The leaf always thinks it's cornered some kind of linguistic superiority and with a blowhard (pun-uendo intended) like Burke spewing, the idiotic descriptive terms that never live up to their definition (on or off the ice) will continue to do so.

Funnier still is how the leaf media swallows it, almost, and happily splooges it all over their radio shows, fishwraps, websites, podcasts and eventually the hoard of gapping mouth blue and white lubricated fans. Burke must be laughing himself to orgasm with how lemminglike his media following is.

The only question unanswered is 'is it salty or sweet'. My guess is its sour. NTTIAWWT.

moeman said...

La Fleur du Québec.

moeman said...

Too fucking funny.

"Carbonneau will work with play-by-play man Bob Cole"

http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/Carbo+hire+good+move+HNIC/2002470/story.html

Hey Bob, try pronouncing Guy's family name (my guess is Cole will call Guy, Jocelyn Thibodeau). Listening to this fantastically weird duo may be too good to see if its be better than picking up the remote and check if The Comedy Network is airing some craptacular show from a hack like Dane Cook.

moeman said...

Purewool Putz Pierre Péladeau wasn't even close.

HabsFan29 said...

@moeman - one last time, F.U. PKP!

South Shore Habs Fan said...

It's so weird to hear a Habs powerplay without the names Koivu or Kovalev.

HabsFan29 said...

first goal - Gomez from Squid and Jaro 2.0

Bob's a GENIUS

moeman said...

SCORING SUMMARY
1st Period 18:24 MTL Scott Gomez Tip-In - Assists: J. Spacek & M. Cammalleri
PENALTY SUMMARY
1st Period 00:42FLA Dennis Seidenberg : Cross checking - 2 min 08:10MTL Andrei Markov : Hooking - 2 min 11:13FLA Kenndal McArdle : Elbowing - 2 min 17:20MTL Brock Trotter : Tripping - 2 min 17:56FLA David Booth : Hi stick - double minor - 4 min
SHOTS ON GOAL
1st FLA › 7 7 MTL › 17 17

moeman said...

A 3min late beer me to HF29.

moeman said...

'The Office' season premiere in 23mins...

HabsFan29 said...

mmm beer

moeman said...

The leaf has won the Cup!

~~~

Also WV - fanch as in fanCH.

moeman said...

CAMMI!!!!

moeman said...

Babs is a genius!

Oh wait its only pre-season ...

South Shore Habs Fan said...

First Ole Ole Ole =D

moeman said...

Oh man, the OLÉ already? eesh.

moeman said...

TFS™ gets a shutout! (I know, 30 mins of pre-season but still!)

moeman said...

Daggs! 3-0

moeman said...

Just for fun.

According to these guys/gals;

http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/blog_cuss

Us FHFers rate HIGH!;

http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/blog_cuss?b_url=http://fourhabsfans.blogspot.com/

(This is not my site but) keep it up for fuck sakes!

HabsFan29 said...

i think their fucking math is faulty

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Lats hurt? Fuck. Why the hell is Florida playing so dirty tonight?

In other news, O'Byrne wins a fight?! Who the fuck is this guy wearing Rhino's sweater?

moeman said...

RDS has hilites of the first 3 goals. Cammi's signature knee-on-ice move=goal will ring in many OLÉ's.

Also, RDS' rabid antiCHamber still houses, way for it, dave fucking (adding to the cuss math fuckers) morrissette lives, eesh.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

I thought we got rid of the whole get-a-lead-then-fuck-around-for-the-3rd-period strategy with Carbo?

moeman said...

@SSHF, must be the steamés.

moeman said...

RDS sinks lower than imaginable by bringing on the disgusting michel langevin on as a couch warmer (he sits in his own piss). Their NewNordicks cannot come any sooner for these Fuq Tards).

gillis said...

I just saw Doucharek in a leafs jersey. Then i threw up in my mouth a little. then i puked all over my new carpet. I feel a bit better now.

Number31 said...

Bah. Komisarek and I are done professionally. Let's go PK! Let's go Head Pigeon! Hockey's back woooooo!

matt - ftc said...

Moeman, you were on a roll in this thread.