Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Weekend Open Thread of Stripperriffic Hal Gill

Hellooooooooooo! Guten tag. This is the last weekend without real hockey! Can you fucking believe that? W00t!!!!!!1111!!!

But we still have some work to do. The last of the Road Trip previews are trickling in, so let's do one! What can you say about The Pensblog that hasn't already been said? I love those formatting-challenged assholes. Those guys rule the internetz. You know it, I know it, they know it. And they'll tell you that. And that's why we love them. They don't hold back, just like us. Go read the third period of their review of of the Habs-Pens earlier this week for a taste. Or, you can just read their opinion on the USS Hal Gill:

Hal Gill is who you think he is. Slow, sometimes bumbling, trying to make it through life in a post-lockout NHL world. Why did he win a Cup and consequently become an overpaid free agent? Because his defensive partner, Rob Scuderi, ALSO won a Cup and consequently became an overpaid free agent. For Gill to succeed in Montreal, he has to be partnered with your best stay-at-home d-man. What we saw out of Gill all through the playoffs was him making mistakes and being too slow to compensate for them. But Rob Scuderi was there. Habs are gay.

We love you too, dickheads.

Alright on to the open threading. Last night I was busy watching the Als crush the Tabbies, but apparently Toronto beat the Wings. Tronna now 5-2 in the pre-season. Gustavsson finally played and stopped all his shots. Maguire is still wiping up spilled semen. Theo Fleury's comeback is cut short by the Flames. Habs play Buffalo tonight in the pre-season finale, and it doesn't seem to be on TV. To your AM radios everyone! There's also a full weekend of football, golf, the other football, baseball pennant races (not that anyone here cares), and I'm sure many other niche sports. Talk movies, TV, recipes, anything your little hearts' desire while you have the chance. Because next weekend, it's all Habs all the time. It's about fucking time.


Moey said...

The bottom line is Gill is OUR pylon now. I haven't really noticed him, which is probably a good thing. He's not a spare D so locking him in Pangers' trunk won't be an option. Moeman posted an interview with His Douchness last night, now it's up at HIO. McGuire better stock up on the paper towels.

lawyergirl77 said...

Moey - I have noticed him. And what I've seen ain't pretty.

Gill is the worst of O'B (last year) and Breeze, put together.

Not. Good.

gillis said...

@moey: I don't think Panger would be able to fit him into his trunk.

@LG: He makes terrible outlet passes and steals purses?

Moey said...


Maybe he was signed to just be a pylon to block Price, no skating required? Or Bob knew we needed a new whipping boy now that Breeze has hung them up? Probably a combination of the two.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Maguire is still wiping up spilled semen.
That pretty much ruined my day.

Moey said...


That pretty much made my day(eeewww, not the visual) but the implication. It's so true.

moeman said...

maguire swallows.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Agreed. Tough to get that cleaned up too. It was just the visual of him getting up off the stool in the cupboard and dropping the cup as he removed the rope from his neck. Eeeeeewwwww is right.

Moey said...

@GG11, and the swearing that must have ensued after he spilled some on Komo's poster. Eeeeeewwwwww.

I've been meaning to ask, I know you and LG77 have formed a co-op, she has all those lovely roaches at her pad, and you have all kinds of depravity going on at yours. Can I join? I only have a few silverfish to throw in, I know it's not much but I can learn. Girl power, oui?

GoldenGirl11 said...

The more the merrier! And on Sunday I will go down to the water and swing that chicken for all of us (see Wikipedia Kapparos or Crazy Jewish Chicken Rituals). Welcome aboard.

William J said...

THat photo is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Montrea said...

"Maguire is still wiping up spilled semen."


Fucking Toronto Douchebags. Losers.

GoldenGirl11 said...

First time listening to CJAD since last year. It's AMAZING! I have no idea what's going on in the game but I'm pretty sure that I've quit smoking and will lose 20 pounds in 10 days. That hypnotism stuff is AWESOME! Do you think it's dangerous to mix listening and alcohol? I wouldn't want to end up in a coma in the second.

Fantastic interview with Ryan O'Byrne about his beard. Wow.

GoldenGirl11 said...

You know what really doesn't work on the radio? The CJAD guys trying to be Michael Landsberg.

your first nightlight?
Star Wars

your favorite jello flavor?

Advil or Tylenol?
actually Motrin

Sinatra or Bennet?

extra lean or extra fatty?
lean? you mean girls? what?

Harel or Tremblay?

Daylight savings or... not daylight saving?

lawyergirl77 said...

I'm not quite sure what to make of this game. We were poo ass in the first, penalty prone but good in the second. Dare I hope for more in the 3rd?

Moey - you're always welcome in my + GG's den of iniquity... The more the merrier!!

lawyergirl77 said...

GG - please stop listening to CJAD. you're neither a war vet, nor a shut in. It may be decreasing your IQ - and I derive great pleasure from your warped brilliance!! Think of the rest of us, man!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@LG and Moey
This is going to be fun. I've got my urban wikionary downloaded and I'm ready for Thursday. Even the gyno was surprised at how many words there are out there for vagina. (HEY O'BYRNE! WRONG NET! PUT DOWN YOUR PURSE, GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR HOO HOO AND PAY ATTENTION!!!!... just trying it out).

GoldenGirl11 said...

It's all good. We're winning and I think Abe and Murray just solved my insomnia. Unfortunately the side effects are that I really want to do a jitterbug and bake apple pie.

Is it a wonder Wilson's name is spelled incorrectly on three cups?
His monotone voice probably put the engraver into a hypnotic state.

GoldenGirl11 said...

and now the post game show...
Hi long time listener, first time caller.
Well hello Pete. How old are you?
I'm 12 and I'd like to ask some comments about the Habs... they did good tonight but I don't think they should've traded Kovy becau...
Well, Pete, that's old news and we're trying to move on... click
Hello Dave you're on the air?
Ya hi, I think those fucBEEPin midgets are awesome
Hey this isn't that kind of
Pierre? Hello?
Yes, I think that Maxime was robbed of da first star and that Koivu should've been kicked out...

Thank god for 82 televised real games.

Number31 said...

I missed it 'cause we were drinking and being social. Then I caught the highlights and saw Rhino pummel someone. I...think I'm in love.

And I missed Stewie's goal dammit. Oh well, hope he gets a real one. Kid deserves it. These don't fucking count.

Sounds like a better one than the snorefest mailed in crap I witness last final pre-season. Got to see the Wild practice the trap on us live and in colour. Thank god it was free.

I hate CJAD. The Bulldogs' guy needs to come up here and call some Habs games. He's fun to listen too. Like a cross between Rick Jeanneret and Ned Flanders. Oh ya, lunch time from Scotland it's the Dogs vs Marlies for the Gardiner Cup so GO DOGS GO! (I was hoping the Scots team would upset the Marlies, but they didn't).

Olivier said...

So, at this point, what we want to see is pretty clear:

O'Byrne against Komisarek. Let's get it on folks!

Moey said...

GG11 & LG77,

I only listened to the first period on CJAD. It's the last Saturday night that the other half and I will be in the same room. He'll be a hockey widower come Thursday until next June. The other really annoying thing on CJAD is when they mix advertising in with calling the game. "This is your Chrysler/Dodge/Walmart/Tampax powerplay on CJAD." Damned annoying.

GoldenGirl11 said...

No wonder I found myself sleep walking outside Walmart looking for Tampax!! Damn those guys are good.

As for the hockey widower, I skipped a medical internship dinner thingie for a playoff game in 1989 and he still married me. They adapt.

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11/Moey - or they're as obsessed as you are. Aside from our wedding day, I think that the day that we got the phone call telling us our number was up for season's tix was the happiest day of our lives.

Need me to send Mr. LG77 over to talk to your significant others about the joys of watching the love of their lives flinging bottle caps at the TV (Warning: they may dent your teevee) and shouting obscenities at the Habs defence corps?

He claims it's a turn on.

I think he needs help, but I won't tell him so...

GoldenGirl11 said...

Dr GG enjoys watching enough but the coolest thing is I spawned 4 fucktards who are equally insane and are not ashamed that their mother stands ON the coffee table during the playoffs and wears Levys from 1993 when we need to rally. #4's first words were Mama and Kovy (oh and WTF but I don't want to brag).

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - I would comment about what a fantastic parent you must be (no sarcasm, trust me) but I can't get over the fact you still fit into jeans from 1993.

Not sure we can be Inteweb BFFs anymore due to my jealous rage... (I keed, I keed!)

GoldenGirl11 said...

I wear them as a scarf!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Oh and yes, my kids tell their therapist all the time what a fantastic parent I am. I run a very tight extremely dysfunctional ship.

Moey said...

@GG & LG,

I kinda like the fact that he's not a fan, we have separate TV rooms, it works for me. I still rag on him for falling asleep on the floor in front of the TV and accidentally rolling on the remote and changing the channel when the Habs were in overtime during the 1993 finals. I grabbed the remote, frantically switch it back and the Habs had scored. Since that time he's not allowed within 200 feet of the remote when the game is on. Can you even imagine anyone falling asleep in overtime during the finals? Pathetic.

True confession, I STILL wear Levi's (mens), girl jeans just don't fit me properly. I tried some on yesterday, no luck. Any suggestions on brands?

lawyergirl77 said...

29 and the others are going to be hella pissed if we hijack this thread to discuss girl jeans...

*rubs hands together in glee*

I'm cheap. Very cheap. I will NEVER pay for designer jeans... Sometimes, believe it or not, Reitmans has decent fits. My favourites, however, are the ones I got at Cassis last year. It's a new clothing chain, made for women who aren't pneumatic stick figures like the ones that are so lovingly featured on this fine blog.

Best part - when they have sales, you can get 50% off the sale price, so my awesome jeans cost me less than $30. hee!

And, every once in a while, Old Navy makes some decent fitting jeans.



Who do you think is going to start the first "Kumbaya" singalong at Teen Ranch Canada now that Breezer has retired?

GoldenGirl11 said...

FELL ASLEEP ON THE REMOTE????? I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty that's grounds.

All this estrogen must be freaking out the men. If you can stomach the prices Premium on Greene for jeans.

HabsFan29 said...

It's OK ladies, I'm currently in the man cave having some beers and watching football pre-game shows. Carry on.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I can just picture the camp fire with JM starting the singsong and Cammalleri off in a corner singing Kol Nidre.

Moey said...

@LG, BGL, he's gone all peace and love, non violence, tree hugging, protector of seals, cows etc. Wait, if you are a vegan, can you eat veggies? They're living things too, in fact so are all plants. What the hell is he eating?

Don't worry about hijacking the thread, HF29 said to get it all out and discuss anything, next week it's all hockey. Anyway, he's just lucky we're not discussing feminine hygiene products, oh wait, Tampax was already mentioned.

I'm cheap too, I love a good sale. I'm a magnate to the 9.99 racks. Thanks for the jean tips, I'll check them out.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Twenty five impressionable 15 year olds on their way over to my house to watch the game. Oh joy.

lawyergirl77 said...

GG11 - I'd rather be doing that... Am currently stuck at the office, trying to ignore the raging migraine and actually get work done.

I've posted here three times in the past hour.

It ain't going so well.

Baroque said...

He. I have the opposite jeans problem - my waist is so much smaller than my hips, and I have high hipbones, that if they fit my hips they are too loose in the waist and if they fit my waist they are too tight in the hips.

After a few years I've finally started wearing pairs out, so thank goodness I found some that fit from L.L. Bean - they call it "curvy fit." I love the bagginess - so comfortable.


Moey said...


I'm not into the baggy...yet. I don't have thunder thighs so I might try out the skinny jeans. Well, time to go and do something productive, like laundry. Bleh.

Boob Gainey said...

The store called xchange (or something) in the Cours Mt-Royal has the best jeans.

It's an outlet store, with mostly Italian brands. There's nothing sexier than D&G jeans, for men or women.

Number31 said...

$20 for jeans at Stitches. Yea I'm almost 30 and I still shop there. It's cheap!

Teen Ranch - I expect Price to do some rodeo and rope some Kostitsyns. Most likely the elder Kostitsyn, while the younger one sits on the fence and laughs.

1-0 Bulldogs so far in Scotland thanks to everyone's favourite Brrrrrock Trotter! Nielson tried to punch someone but the Zebras stopped him much to the ire of the Scots in the crowd.

moeman said...

Jesus Saves.

~ ~ ~

Also, WV = butort, as in yeah! these old jeans still fit me but my butorts a little, maybe I have gained a Kg or 2.

Number31 said...

Bulldogs win the Gardiner Cup. Suck it Marlies.

GoldenGirl11 said...

So glad the testosterone is taking part in the jean discussion on football day. Hey guys, join the 21st century and invest in jeans with 1% Lycra. You don't know what you're missing.

moeman said...

Small Tits to enjoy the Hamilton night life.

HabsFan29 said...

someone alert the Hamilton mafia

in all seriousness, I'm a little disappointed. his last game was a really good one.

Boob Gainey said...

He's clearly better than Stewart or D'Agostini. He was 1st star against the Broons on Thursday.

I guess they want to teach him a lesson.

GoldenGirl11 said...

New coach Jacques Martin is also in the process of changing the system the team plays to more of a puck-control game....this team, which jettisoned 11 players from last year’s squad and has seven new ones on the roster.

How long are we going to have to read that? Shouldn't there be a time limit on talking about "The Menopause Season" (that's the year of the BIG change). It's like saying happy new year in February. Enough already. Everyone knows and it's really boring to read.

And btw, this isn't really GG11, she's in synagogue praying and not blogging on the most holy day of the year... or having a nosh. Really.

Number31 said...

It really has nothing to do with his play, just that he doesn't need to pass waivers. Also he needs to play games instead of sitting in the press box, and Guy Boucher is perfect for him. He's still coming off a shoulder surgery and was noted as "out of shape" (which isn't surprising considering I can't expect him to have worked out much while recuperating). So instead of hanging out at the ranch, he'll be playing actual hockey.

Man... I think Boucher will turn him into a better powerplay quarterback too. Bet he'll be back by Novemberish.

Oh, yea, I hate the stupid waiver rules.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Kumbaya my coach, kumbaya
Kumbaya my coach, kumbaya
Kumbaya my coach, kumbaya
Oh coach, kumbaya

Some were drinking last year, kumbaya
Some were hanging with mafia, too, kumbaya
What the fuck is kumbaya?
Oh coach, kumbayah

Don't let Carey go riding, kumbaya
Halak rigged it so Price gets thrown, kumbaya
he wants to be number 1, kumbaya
no matter what it takes, kumbaya

let us repent for last years debacle, kumbaya
let's sacrifice a lamb my coach, kumbaya
BGL will kill us if we harm an animal, kumbaya
ok fine where's Calamari, kumbaya...

eyebleaf said...


Excellent use of the 1s.