Thursday, December 02, 2010

Hell's KitCHen - Preview and Menu

~ Welcome to Hell's KitCHen ~

May we take your fucking coat? Madame you are looking mighty fine tonight. Can't say much about the Mexican sCHmuck accompanying you though. Garçon, quit pinCHing that sweet JWoww! ass and seat our guests at their fucking favourite Meadowlands table. Enjoy the view of the swamp and our Stanley Cup parade parking lot.

Cocktail ~ No Virgins Bloody Mary, served on ice at 7PM by RDS, goes nice with Montréal Steak Spice, try the mouth burning BR horseradish version for an extra $1.01

GAAppetizers ~ RataTFS™ ~ this dish features a nice mixture of winning ingredients; 4 fully ripe shutouts, 14 hot peppery wins, 2.04 gloves of GAA, some salty .932 SV%, sorry no longer served with Herbes de MoustaCHe ~ Deviled Eggs Brodeur, CHoke on one of these New Jersey fart inducing specials, guaranteed to make you feel bloated, add some Sean Avery Hot Sauce for extra fun, served on a bed of sister-in-law cabbage

Soup du Jour ~ Watered down Pea Soup, a blend of Québec's own Pois de Lapierre and Franco-Ontarian CHicken broth, served with a side of Angry Squid rings or dense SaskatCHewan whole wheat Moen rolls

Entrée ~ Jacques' Beef Surprise, CoaCH Martin's every-other-day Special, if you want it rare we serve it well done, sometimes its medium, gillis calls it meh, it comes wrapped in a very delicate pastry that crumbles easily but will also melt in your mouth, tastes even better with a side of sweet CzeCH sausage, we're out of low five frites so have some House of Gio gravy

Dessert ~ Carlo da Cake Bosses' Own No Icing All Butter Cream Devil's Lava Food Cake!, a sampler of New Jersey's best butter cream cakes, made with real oozing butter cream, no icing cuz we use fondant and butter cream, its buttercreamy Cake!



Whine ~ Maison de McSplooge, CHeap Table Wine, a piss yellow, fruity yet loud 2010 Vintage Ripple made from really sour grapes crushed by young Pants!less boys in a cedar hot tub

Ovenmitt O.R. ~ The health inspector says Zach Parise cut him self with a dull kitCHen knife and Dustin fell into the Boydabaisse soup, Vodkov has disappeared into the meat freezer, or the wine cellar, we can't find him

Whilst in New Jersey, 29 recommends, Tony Da Caneca's.

Hot Babes in wheelCHairs allowed, if you wear just your underwear. Or not.

We also sell Kosher Salt.

~~~

GYFHG!

66 comments:

moeman said...

Off topic but Pat bURNs was both a Devil and a Hab, so ...

Some of the stolen items have been recovered.

Good start Montréal police. Fucking douchebags still at large.

Whilst here, did anyone else catCH how gorgeous the Montréal police communications cutie was?

Habsfan10 said...

BrodeuRamsey looks like Dr Zaius from the Planet of the Apes. Creepy.

iRiRi said...

You've outdone yourself, moe & GG! Great preview!

GYFHG!

BTW, I'm over the PFK scratCHing. He'll probably come back and beat the Sharks himself on Saturday.

lawyergirl77 said...

Okay, that picture of the ass and the cake is fucking disturbing. Not in the good way, either, but rather in the "ewwwwwwwwww now I need bleach for my mind's eye" way.

Dear Habs, I would rather not have to reach for the said bleach for the said mind's eye tonight, but I will have to if you lay another fucking stinky turd on the ice.

moeman said...

lg77, its not an ass, its a buttercreamed butt.

lawyergirl77 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lawyergirl77 said...

@moeman - while the illustrious Sir Mix-A-Lot once stated "I like big butts and I cannot lie", I find that I must decline to follow his example.

This ass, however alliteratively you may portray it, gives me the heebie jeebies...

... and I cannot lie.

Post above deleted and then posted here in order to tidy up spelling. Yes, I'm that anal retentive.

moeman said...

Merci for the honest opinion lg. Hopefully you still like me and we can share our distaste for all things mcsplooge.

HabsFan29 said...

@LG - anal, heh

Fat Gordon BrodeuRamsay frightens me. top notch work FHF'ers

oh and fuck Chokula, etc., etc.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Moe - bein voyons donc! Do I even need to answer that?? I may not appreciate your taste in cake-smeared butt pics, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the other stuff!! :)

@29 - yep. Saw that. Could have said detail-oriented, but that's too mild an adjective for me...

GYFHG!

moeman said...

♥ ya lg.

Moey said...

Love the description of Maison de McSplooge, laughed out loud at that.

Breaking news!!! I finally bought new oven mitts, bright red.

I agree with LG about that frosting covered ass, eeeewwwwww.

I predict we lose tonight and beat San Jose on Saturday.

the Maritimer said...

I think I'll take a pass on the inevitable Jersey swamp clusterfuck. They'll probably win if I don't pay attention.

Have to agree with the ladies, the butt frosting, not too appealing. Now frosting on some cleavage, then we're talking...

Steve said...

Maybe when you play in the NHL you always need to think what if I fail.

I was listening to Bobby Hull on his book tour and he said thats all he heard from his coaches, and he said fuck failure I want to score a goal.
And thats what fucking hockey is, its not the fucking NFL were people dance cause they prevented something, its not the fucking gay beanpole league they call the NBA, were everyone wants to be light in their loafers and its not MLB where women could play. So fuck the fucking play it safe and play fucking hockey, and thank God in this holy time you have a PFK who for some reason does not have the will to live squeezed out of him.

Fuck you chocula your making a big fucking mistake cause your counting the pennies while the dollars slip away. FUCK YOU

Steve said...

I got so emotional and upset I closed my download of Stargate Universe, and my mom yelled at me from upstairs when I cursed.
http://www.vureel.com/video/21095/Stargate-Universe-S02E10

iRiRi said...

Gio

Caught it by a second!

iRiRi said...

Eller!!!

Is this a dream?

moeman said...

WTF!

Wow!

GYFHG!

Orangeman said...

oooooooh, just in time for the penalty shot!

moeman said...

PeeShot (just imagine mcsplooge and his nubile party boys)

Orangeman said...

Aaaaaand, my jinx continues. I've never seen a Hab score on one of those.

moeman said...

PeeShot Missed(just imagine mcsplooge crying and shaking uncontrollably)

iRiRi said...

Other commenters! Yay! Was beginning to think it was gonna be just me tonight.

Orangeman said...

iRiRi: misery loves company! Joking of course. Up 2-0 before I even tune. Now I get the joy of watching 50 mins of protecting the lead/giving up 2 late in the 3rd. Gee, maybe I really am Jewish.

Hey, MSNTV just wished us a happy hanukha! Mozel Tov!

moeman said...

Let's hope 29 went out for dinner or to the laundromat to clean his ovenmitts. That cat and his mitts have cost our Habs a good 2 points!

moeman said...

Despite Swiss Mister's good play, I miss PFK!

iRiRi said...

This Weber kid looks pretty good

moeman said...

Anyone know whats ailin' Josh? Missed practices and less than usual effortless/rugged play.

moeman said...

3-0 bitCHes!

iRiRi said...

Pie?!

bea.habs.fan said...

does anyone think that a 3 goal lead is enough to win a game for tis team.
I'm expecting them to sit back and fuck it up

Orangeman said...

Count it! It's in!

moeman said...

@iRiRi "Pie?!"

Cake!

moeman said...

EDM kidz Eberle and Hall, slappin' da leaf. Talk about icing!

iRiRi said...

Let's hope they keep the foot on the gas. Do it for Subban!

iRiRi said...

@moe - Cake?! You mean iCe Cream, right?

moeman said...

Mex!

iRiRi said...

MEX!!!

bea.habs.fan said...

holy shit
MEXX

moeman said...

iRiRi, methinks ice cream at FHF is a mirage, so maybe meth or buttercream cake will do. Cake!

bea.habs.fan said...

i love Vader in front of the goalie.
" this is not the puck you're looking for '

moeman said...

CHicken wings for all! Esther will go crazy!!!

iRiRi said...

CHicken Wings!!!

Orangeman said...

Couldn't save some of these goals when I was at the Devils game last month?

I kid, I kid. Apparently the Habs' PP is up to 30% over the last while.

bhf said...

YOOHOO
CHicken wings
freeeeee

Orangeman said...

Oh my!

HabScot said...

I much prefer when we play the Devils and they don't have brodeur

iRiRi said...

I hear ya, o-man.

iRiRi said...

HAHA DEVILS SUCK

Orangeman said...

Nice!

WV: 29 is out buying a new 'ovenm'....what's that? The Habs scored again?

Moey said...

Sid gets a hattie.

TO getting beat, again.

Do you think 5 goals is enough? Better pot a couple more just to b safe.

Orangeman said...

In other news, Russia is awarded 2018 World Cup, Qatar 2022. Hope everyone will be fine with a booze-free tourney! I'm sure it'll be fine in the average 47c desert heat.

Orangeman said...

Son of a bitch. Way to go D, fuck over Carey again.

moeman said...

ack.

Oh well, at least no fucking bob cold to mention the shutout.

moeman said...

Bs slappin' BouCHer's team hard. Saturday night in tronna might be bloody, good.

Orangeman said...

No, the MSG guys were doing that enough.

YOU KNOW, PRICE LOST A SHUT OUT WITH ONLY A FEW MINUTES LEFT!

PRICE IS JUST ONE SO BEHIND THOMAS!

SHUTOUT SHUTOUT SHUTOUT

iRiRi said...

HOW does Mex miss that?!

iRiRi said...

Oilers up 5-0 in TO!!

moeman said...

Will burke blow a gasket? (crosses fingers)

moeman said...

Save to type ... HF29, come back!

bea.habs.fan said...

oooff

we held on.
a minor miracle the way they've been playing.

on to Sat where if we maintain our pattern, we'll lose either by shut out or getting too cocky with a lead.
lay down your bets FHFers

iRiRi said...

I predict a W. Put me down for 20. They've gotta string 2 together sometime.

Orangeman said...

The game on Saturday is at 2pm. Yay! Afternoon drinking!

HabsFan29 said...

just got in. what'd i miss? :)

Lego!!! WOOO!!!!

moeman said...

@29, "just got in. what'd i miss? :)"

Cake!

the Maritimer said...

Ha! I'm not watching these fuckers for the whole month! Should make for a good winning streak.