Wednesday, December 08, 2010
As reported on this very website yesterday, I was delighted to be accompanied by my mom to witness the Habs-Sens snoozefest in person. Mom was on fire with the quotes, so I stole a pen and wrote down some of the shit she said. These are (mostly) actual quotes. Mom was so astute, they should really put her on the TSN panel. She's way better than Ray Ferraro.
Pounding down ribs and booze at Baton Rouge, mom had some choice words about Chokula's decision to bench PFK for a third straight game:
"He's fucking with his head."
"The old guys are gonna drop dead."
"There's no more low fives with Carey at the end of the game. That givez me a sad."
Mom gets a bottle of water from a vendor (she knows how to prevent hangovers). The vendor removes the cap before handing it to her:
"Why thank you very much! That's very kind of you to open it for me. Can I have the cap, please?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, I am not allowed. They're dangerous."
"What kind of shit is that?"
(about halfway through) "I remember the last time we went to a game together, there was passing, and passing, and passing. I'm not seeing the same thing."
"We can't even carry the fucking puck!"
Near the end of a craptastic 5:00 PP:
"They don't know where the fucking puck is!"
(re DarCHe being on the PP) "He's dropping dead out there"
"This is reason enough to bring PK back"
"PK! PK! PK!"
"How pathetic was that???"
(end of the period) "How pathetic was that???"
(on Halpern's goal) "Fucking beautiful!!!"
(14:00 left. The quotes dry up as mom is too busy bopping her head to the Ramones' Blitzkrieg Bop over the P.A.)
(11:00 left. The scoreboard flashes the game stats which were about even at the time) "I'm looking at the stats, they're ridiculous. Aren't Ottawa a crappy team?"
After Gio scores to make it 3-1:
Me: "NOW we can go ahead and play some JM defensive shell."
Mom: "No! You know 3-1 isn't enough."
(6:00 left, Cage aux sports ad on the scoreboard) "Never mind the fucking free wings, but at least get one more."
End of the game
"My oh my that was just a delightful contest! Sure we sucked in the second period, but overall that was so much fun. Thank you so much for going with me, 29, that was so wonderful. Now go make me a fucking grandchild already."