Sunday, December 12, 2010

Game Review - Heroes vs. Zeroes: Leafs 3, Habs, er... well... GSP! GSP!!

With apologies those of you who couldn't shive a git about the UFC, I'm also a MMA fan. It just so happens that last night, 542.3 kms away from the ACC, another one of Montreal's heroes, Georges Saint-Pierre was taking on another loathesome douchebag opponent, Josh Koscheck. This is the guy who, after he WON a fight at the Bell Centre last year, told the crowd that the Penguins were going to kick the Habs' ass in the playoffs. He seems to be trying to model himself after a Heel in the WWE, but he's unfortunately not smart enough to do so.

Ah, Koscheck, a total idiot poseur, asshole to all, loved by only the truly delusional...

... Remind you guys of anything?

Yep.

The hated Leaf.

Making fun of the Leafs just isn't as much fun as it used to be. I mean, it's become kind of like mocking the kids on the "Special Bus". Sure, they're wearing helmets, water wings and innertubes on dry land, but they can't help the fact that they were born that way. It just doesn't seem particularly sporting or kind to make fun of them.

A pearl of wisdom from this Mensa candidate to the fighters he was "training":
"The harder you train now, the later you reap the rewards."

But when the special needs kid actually kicks the hero's ass, well it's just humiliating. The hero is tarnished somehow, going from Superman to, well... Bryan Singer's version of Superman.

The Habs played a boring, listless game that they deserved to lose, notwithstanding Squid's spark of life late in the 2nd. To quote Moey in yesterday's game thread: "What's irritating about this game is we know the Habs can skate circles around these douchebags but obviously they can't be arsed."

And, to top it all off, they got bush league reffing for the second game in a row, this time, against a bush league opponent.

All in all, a terrible night of hockey, as forgettable and painful as the bullshit "Homecoming" ceremony/circlejerk that opened the game at the ACC.

Pointing out the fact that JM's system may not be the Bestest, Smartest System Evah (TM MSM) seems to be a major faux pas according to established media groupthink for Habs fans since last year's playoffs. I'll therefore settle for asking three questions:
  1. JM's devotion to short shifts leads to the Habs dumping the puck into the opposing team's end for a line change on almost every shift, thereby allowing their opponents to pick up speed and set up their offence with ease. Wouldn't those types of line changes necessarily kill a speedier team's attempts to build any momentum from shift to shift? (See especially, the first period of last night's game.)
  2. How much of JM's "genius" comes from the fact that, since March, he has been blessed by otherworldly goaltending?
  3. If PK has "learned his lesson" and has renewed his commitment to playing within JM's defence-first system, why does seem to be broken? Shouldn't he be learning how to take wrist shots first?
Mercifully, Montreal won't need a collective prescription for anti-depressants thanks to GSP! GSP! GSP!!!

Winning by unanimous decision, he made Koscheck's face look like badly ground beef after 5 rounds of punishment. After the fight, it became clear that all Joshie-Poo needed in order to get some class and lose the douchey attitude is to get the shit kicked out of him in front of an "olé oléing" and "hey, hey goodbying" hometown crowd of the "French Canadians" he so loathes.

Habs, take note of this phenomenon. We think it MAY apply in hockey too. Your next assignment against the hated Leaf is on February 12th at the Bell Centre. We'll be ready to uphold our end of the bargain.

Don't shit the bed next time.

31 comments:

Moey said...

Great stuff! Thanks for the shout out, my in-depth hockey analysis is pretty mind boggling, no? LMAO.

You bring up some good points, yes the dump-ins do allow the opposition to get their offense too organized.

Martin has had great goaltending on his side, but he's cleaned up the defense nicely too. SOG are way down from last year. Another huge plus is the ability to win games without Markov, you have to give Martin/Pearn credit for that. That's huge IMO.

I think we need to wait until the end of the season to see how things play out concernig PK. Hab fans tend to rush to judgement and 9 times out of 10 we're usually wrong :)

Orangeman said...

Great and accurate review, LG. After seeing the reaction of leaf fans I can't help but shake my head at their delusion. The Habs totally didn't show up and Tronna won by one goal (the EN not withstanding). But according to the Great Delusional Blue Ocean (including the media) this somehow proves that they're essentially the same team and the leaf will be in first by the end of the week.

The Habs didn't lose due to the officiating, but it was another obviously biased game for the bad guys. I'm really not a fan of fighting and whatnot, but it bothers me that no Hab went after McArthur after what he did.

And you're right, PK did look broken out there. I felt all the Dmen did. Everytime the puck approached the point, they would back up instead of trying to keep it in. You know, I'm all for defence, but when you're down sometimes you have to take a chance, especially when it's not that big of a chance. And I couldn't agree with you more about the dump in after dump in after dump in. I mentioned that to a friend and once I did he realized the Habs seem to make a change every time they gain posession which is pretty stupid on such a speedy and great tansitional team.

The next 9 games are a big test for the good guys and I hope our Christmas season will be merry instead of punchy. Boston is only 2 points behind them now with a game in hand. We need to beat them and the Phlyers this week.

Anyway, I keep the faith. Because I have nothing else.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Way to go, LG. I'm a little put off by the actual hockey analysis but WOOHOO!!

HabsFan29 said...

Great work LG! We'll extend your trial period by another day. great work GG too. can i just write "great work GLG" from now on?

so I guess we don't count empty net goals in the scores now?

the Maritimer said...

Good analysis LG77. The Habs always seem tentative when they play Toronto. They have to know they are superior to them, but it seems they are just waiting around for something bad to happen, which usually does.
About the reffing, it shouldn't matter really. If Montreal plays TO THEIR CAPABILITIES, they should beat Toronto 9 times out of 10. I don't know why they won't just "go for it" and play wide open, pedal to the metal hockey against the leaf, fuck Chocula for one night.

Also, just so you know, the excellent Christopher Nolan will be producing the next Superman movie. After Batman Begins and the Dark Knight Returns blockbusters he produced, I have high hopes for a better Supes.

Did I mention I'm feeling depressed today? Think I'll go have somes waffles...

HabsFan29 said...

Bulldogs vs Marlies right now on CBC. maybe we can win this one god forbid

Orangeman said...

@Maritimer: Couldn't agree more. The reffing didn't make the Habs lose, the Habs did as I said. However, being forced to watch Leaf games growing up in Ontario I can tell you it's a pattern and it will irk you if you have to witness it for years while their fans, coaches and GMs continue to whine about not getting calls. Now, thankfully, I only see the leaf when they meet the Habs and I'm reminded of the fact. If you, god forbid, visit leaf blogs and sites you'll see all the complaining of the reffing and the CBC's bias against them. They're so used to getting their way and having the media trip over themselves jerking the team and fans off that any perceived slight it blown out of proportion. Not all leaf fans, mind you (there really are intelligent and realistic ones out there), but as a whole.

And that's my rant against Toronto. These things just write yourselves now that exam season has hit.

Orangeman said...

*they write THEMselves. My brain, it hurts.

ti-cul said...

The only good part of last night game was when Phaneuf got leveled in the first and the hole acc cheered up. That was waffle material right there.

Not so surprisingly, the dogs game on cbc is all about the marlies.

moeman said...

Unanimous decision goes to, LG.

lawyergirl77 said...

Shit - forgot the empty net goal. Frankly, I may be suffering from PTSD as I have forgotten most of the game...

I'll fix the score tonight when I get home from yet another Christmas concert? Is it January yet??

Many thanks for all of your kid words, peeps!! Y'all are the bestest!!

lawyergirl77 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lawyergirl77 said...

FUCKING AUTOCORRECT FUCK.

^^^ KIND words.

Sigh.

Number31 said...

Bulldogs currently beating the Marlies 4-1. Jacques Martin is there taking notes on how to coach young players (example: how not to destroy Bonneau for stupidity), and how to set up the powerplay. Oh and Pacioretty has 17 goals now. And Desharnais is just insane on the point streak. Oh and CBC is blowing the Marlies at every fucking turn...it's sickening.

Conboy got a goal 'cause they put the puck into their own net. Mwahahaha!

Number31 said...

QuebecPleks Fortier just got a hat trick!

Number31 said...

And here's CBC's response, by Brad May.

"On the 5-on-3, Fortier was poking at the puck. He should have been in the box serving a 5 for fighting. The Marlies should have engaged him in a fight and he shouldn't have been on the ice to score that 3rd goal."

Fuck off... THREE Marlies were mauling Fortier for playing hockey, he was smart enough not to engage, he gets the goal.

the Maritimer said...

@31,
Leave Pacioretty and Desharnais where they is, for now. Big difference between NHL and AHL, let them win down there.
If Gauthier seriously wants to win THIS YEAR, he needs to upgrade in two areas, top 6 forward and mean, nasty defenseman. Good luck Goat.
As far as CBC and all things Toronto, don't really care anymore. When and if Rogers buys ML$E, CBC and HNIT as we know it will become a page in history. If Montreal fans want the same kind of love that leafs get, someone (Bell?) has to start a regional English network for Montreal like Rogers has for Ottawa, Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver. That means prying the exclusive rights from RDS' hands in a couple of years. Hmmmmm...maybe time to write a letter to the Molsons.

wv = oeyff...what I said after that sad display last night.

Number31 said...

I don't watch Pacioretty called up soon but it may be out of necessity. Desharnais may need to be recalled if Gomez is out longer. Boyd can't take that spot...and for Halpern, it's a short term fix, regardless of how awesome he's been... Also Desharnais is pretty damn good on faceoffs.

Number31 said...

Awww CBC so sad Marlies lost 5-1.

iRiRi said...

Great analysis LG!

I don't know what to think about JM anymore. After a win, (usually against a powerhouse) I start to believe in "the system". But then after a L (usually by shutout), I think he's clueless.

I'm definitely no expert but I don't get how such a speedy team has such a hard time scoring. Also, why can't they EVER come back from a deficit? WHY, JM, WHY?!

Steve said...

Lawyergirl that was a great hard hitting analysis, and GG I have never seen the Leafs captured in such a perfect light. The problem for Mr Molsen is that we are winning, and if we can go two rounds in the spring then joy will fall from the heavens, and Chocula can give you that, he did it in Moscow, and he does it here, so hail the soviet habs.

Breaking PFK is a war crime, he should know that,

Number31 said...

Pacioretty was just recalled. HILARIOUS timing. Now, don't you dare wreck him, Chocula, but hell SOMEONE with hands needs to give us net presence.

moeman said...

Hope Max Pax makes the best of it. He said he wanted to play in Hamilton all season but the big club calls. Mex's injury worse than we know? Showcasing Max for a future deal? Big, smart, strong kid. I say keep him Goat.

the Maritimer said...

Keep Pacioretty, trade Big Tits.

Get Brad Richards to set up squid.

Habs got cap space, use the advantage Goat. And, don't wait until the deadline. Boston is coming hard.

moeman said...

Whilst here, WhyTF? was hnic pissing all over the shootout, specifically the Oiler's Omark sweet spinorama goal vs. ex-Hab dan smellis? The previous week they collectively cummed a waffload over their own pre-destined superfuckingstar kadri's goal vs. Boston. Disgusting.

Orangeman said...

@moe: Last night I accidentally left the sound on CBC during the 2nd intermission and was too busy cooking to turn it off. But I heard the guys basically saying that those 'in' hockey hated it and the fans LOVED it. They seemed to agree that if you have something as ridiculous as the shootout to begin with, you have to expect that sort of thing. Personally I totally agree. Isn't that the reason they introduced the shootout, to 'entertain' the fans and get ready-made highlights handed to them? Besides, I really don't even see the big deal. The spin move didn't actually do anything and he scored so suck it up. I'm all for modesty, but look at the NFL, NBA and even the MLB.

As for Richards, I say when the Habs are in Dallas in a couple of weeks Muller offers to 'take him out to dinner' and BAAM in the back of the head, into the trunk and the next thing he knows he's in the Bell Centre singing Oh Canada. DONE.

the Maritimer said...

@orange: love the Richards kidnap scenario, don't if Buttman and sidekick Daleyrobin will buy it.

Know any good lawyers who could defend Kirk?

ti-cul said...

towonto waffle leaf?

moeman said...

@ the Maritimer, stay away from the lawyer who defended 33.
The bailiff snuck a sneak pic of panger and his lawyer.

Number31 said...

Never trust the Caps to do you any favours. And not even picking up a point in either of those games, Habs sure didn't do themselves any favours in the standings.

Pacioretty is called up because Moen needs to play in his actual role. It's getting ridiculous. Cammalleri isn't Crosby and can't put up points with those guys... That or Moen stays, Cammy plays center, and Patches is his wingman.
Or Eller gets promoted with Cammy and Patches for wingers, which sounds more than likely (except Cammy is SUPER soft on the boards). Stop thinking about this "showcasing" garbage...Pacioretty isn't going anywhere. I think if they do make a trade, there will most likely be "future considerations" involved, not prospects like Patches.

moeman said...

N31, with all due respect, I suggest 'showcasing' because if The Goat has a big deal going down it would likely include a very good prospect going the other way as part of a trade. Habs don't play til Wednesday and the next two games can use the size and skill of Max Pax, if used appropriately. I like your idea of Squid-Lego-Pax. Man, line nicknames are getting harder to have fun with.