Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Tex-ass Whooping ~ Road Trip Diary Game 2 ~ Stars 5 - Habs 2

Famous bush-league 'Decision Points' quotes
that best describe how "unprepared for war"
the Habs were in a second straight
(and 5 out of 6! PANIC!) loss.

~ "You teach a CHild to skate, and he will be able to pass the blueline, except if your CHicken. Tie your fucking skates!"

~ "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect the lines to the PP effort."

~ "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being a Habs GM."

~ "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties, um, is Vodkov ready yet?." 

~ "I don't think anybody anticipated the breaCH of the defense."

~ "I know that Josh's stick and TFS™ can't coexist peacefully."

~ "They misunderestimated me." ~ Tits from the press box

~ "This is an impressive crowd -- the Habs and the Habs mores. Some people call them elite -- I call them irate."

~ "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the powerplay." Killer Kirk Muller

~ "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one."

~ "You forgot Pouliot."

~ "I don't know where Dustin Boyd is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."

~ "I trust Goat speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job."

~ "We found their weapons of mass destruction."

~ "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this fucking system."

~ "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our players learning?"

~ "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for PFK to remain as secondary on defense."

~ "Fool me once, twice, three times, fourth time, WTF! a fifth time shame on --shame on you. Fuck FHFers-- we just got fooled again."

~ "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our goalie, and neither do we."

~ "CHocula, you're doing a heck of a job."

~ "Crêpes? My answer is bring them on."


Steve said...

Great Report, the Habs look like they have reverted to the stem cell phase.

Why is Choucla trying to destroy the Tits brothers. Does Chocula hate players who can score. Its obvious he likes Squid because he is at the ideal height and weight for a Hab.

Steve said...

Holy Fuck Batman has anyone else read the Rhino report in the Gazette. Proof ladies that Chocula and Goat do not know how to develop players. Rhino is a fucking tree of life in Av hands. said...

the only upbeat thing about this road trip from hell and another fucking loss are the diary entries.

brilliant contribution.
I feel that it truly reflects the way things are run at Habs central.

Hadulf said...

How's The Urologist looking now eh?

WV : This report is very similar to beracca bama's.

Number31 said...

The Urologist can fuck off to the Spengler Cup. Or not, according to his agent. Even the dregs of Team Canada doesn't want his squirrely defence.

Apparently there's a flu going around the room. Can't tell because Pouliot has always looked that inept and lazy. I wonder, upon leaving Big D did they leave him behind because it required too much effort for him to pull out his boarding pass from his bag? Please say yes.

Fishfeet said...

That pic is making me nauseous. That last goal too: Three defensemen on ice, and still their second-best scorer gets left alone in the deep slot. Coupled with Jorges' oopsie, this game is one crazy defensive circus.

I'm kinda hoping we can blame the flu. At least an infection is temporary. As long as it's not the dreaded J1M1, or some form of the Goat Flu.

Steve said...

Little Tits has 5 goals and is a plus minus 0. Mex has 4 goals and is a minus 3. The question is how much does his 6 foot 210 lbs count against him?

Hadulf said...

For those who understand french...found this on utube...kind of funny/weird/i don't know...

GoldenGirl11 said...

Those pictures are making me sick... literally.

Let's be VERY clear that a gastro had me on IR yesterday.

moeman said...

NB - GG is not responsible for disembellishing and/or sourcing those pics, I am. They go with the theme of being made sick. There is no sicker sicko than gwb.

b said...

What we are seeing is a loss of confidence in the system. The pattern when this happens is lots of yelling, a few bag skates, etc. Sooner or later somebody has to go visit the coach at home. Chocula believes that standing still in critical spots creates impassable pylons. Other, smarter coaches are figuring out where and how to work around those pylons, and where to pounce on the clearing shoves. Without adaptation, or Vodkov we will need Vodka to cope. This all feels far too familiar. Guy ! Guy! Guy !

Steve said...

b dont diss plyons, as I found out last year the ladyfolk love em.

I agree with your assesment. Chocula is a great systems coach, but that and a hot goaltender will get you two rounds into the playoffs. To break on through to the otherside you got to let the scorers score and let the waffles fall where they may.

trophy hockey said...

Chocula is very bitter thats why he hates every player who can play & can score better than him.

Number31 said...

Chocula is an old goalie. Goalies are vindictive of scorers and stress defence.

Other than that? Mmmm...waffles...

Mr. natural said...

Waffles!? WAFFLES!? We don't need no stinking waffles!

Nothing different than in other years, the pre-CHristmas through all star break collapese.

It's a seasonal even festive occurence.

*Dances gaily around a maypole*

At the risk of repeating myself and coming off as being slightly psychotic: it's an 82 game season, all teams have a meltdown of some kind, it's just that you can set your clock by ours, all we need is to make the playoffs (and maybe score a few goals).