Thursday, March 24, 2011
REVENGE. BLOOD. WAR. THE BATTLE FOR PATCHES AND THE SOUL OF HOCKEY. These are the themes that are swirling around the sixth and final meeting of the regular season between the Habs and Bruins tonight. At least if you're watching TSN. Blood lust is very exciting! But then we read yesterday that Chara has tried to reach out to PatCHes. What a lovely gesture! Who cares that he has yet to apologize or anything. I'm sure that's exactly what he was trying to do! You always apologize to the guy you almost maimed privately before you do it in public. That's just good manners! And any Canadian loves good manners. So that got us to thinking - a nice gesture, some good manners, maybe there are some things to love about the Bruins. Ten things even! Sure, anyone can list 10 things they hate about a rival, or even 20, but can we find ten things to love? Of course we can! We're drunk and / or high. Anton, drumroll please...
10. Delightful Bruin fan visitors to FHF! Like Cornelius! And Cornelius! And, uh, that other guy! Come back Cornelius.
9. The rise of former Bruins coaches Don Cherry and Mike Milbury to prominent positions at the CBC has granted us precious time to eat and masturbate during intermissions because we have to turn them off.
8. Bruins futility and skinflint ownership long ago forced The Sports Guy to abandon his Bruins fandom. Can you imagine if we had to deal with his pompous ass talking about the Bruins and hockey all the time? Ugh. We've been saved! We love you for that Bs!
7. They've got the second or third best jersey in the league. Sure, their old 3rd jersey was an abomination to mankind, but the original black and gold is solid. And black is always classy, like a tuxedo. Just look at the Raiders!
6. Ice Girls! We love ice girls. Ok maybe they're not Atlanta southern belles or anything, but it takes something special to be one of only two original six teams with ice girls.
5. The TD Garden provides valuable marketing exposure for our Canadian corporations.
4. Mark Recchi! Always nice to see players I loved in a Habs uni remembering to bring up their old club in interviews.
3. Their coach used to be our coach. That counts for something, right?
2. This Bruins Commercial. A giant bear beating the shit out of a Bruins fan and a cute CHick wearing a Habs jersey. What's not to love?
And the number one thing we love about the Bruins...
1. Without them, who we gonna hate?
7:00 PM start from Boston, on the regular blood lust-y TSN. There's nothing to preview, you know as well as I do what's happening, who's good and who's bad and who's injured and who's a game-time decision. Go read a real preview or use the Google if you want actual information. I would just love to see the fucking puck drop already. And for no one to get hurt.
Bring your own drunken-high passive-aggressive love-hate in the comments