Tuesday, March 22, 2011
OMG PONIES!!!!1!!11!!! Habs vs. Sabres Game Preview and Open Thread of Happiness, Rainbows, and Sunshiney things
OMG, OMG YOU GUYS!!! SQUEEEEE!!!! The Bestest. Hockey. Team. EVAH is playing tonight!!! And they're playing this team from Buffalo - OMG, it's like the worst. city. ever. And no one can ever beat our super duper amazing team because they're, like, sooooo AMAZING!!!!1!!!! I mean, it's a known fact, everyone loooooooves the Habs, no one ever hates on them!!! So it's, like, totally NOT cool to question anything they ever do, because, you know, everyone involved with the team is like, some kind of genius, especially the coaching staff. I hear that they're even members of this, like, totally cool clique called Messna or something. Weird name, I KNOW!!!
And OH. MY. GOD. Can these guys ever put the puck in the net!!!!!!! I, mean, like, they won their last game 8-1 against a team from, like Minnesota. That team must have been good - I mean, it's like, colder there than it is here, amirite? So, like, it's totally a sign of how the Habs are gonna win the Stanley Cup, like, totally for sure now!!!!!! THIS IS THE BESTEST TEAM EVAH!!!!1!!!!!! EVEN BETTER THAN THE TEAMS IN THE 70'S!!! WOOO HOOO - HERE COMES THE NEW DYNASTY, YOU GUYS!!!1!!!1!!
OMG YOU GUYS THE GAME IS GOING TO BE TOTALLY AWESOME: The game is in Montreal, so, like, for sure the Habs are gonna win. DUH. The puck drops right at 7:30 on the dot (because it ALWAYS drops exactly on time). The game will be on RDS, which has, like the most insightful commentators ever. Especially that Benoit Brunet!!! He's dreamy!!! He's got this face that looks just like my Cabbage Patch Kid doll, so I just think he's amazing!!! OMG - the game is gonna be on TSN, too??? SQUEEEEE!!!1!!!!1!! That bald guy who can say mean things about the Habs is totally gonna change his mind tonight and proclaim them the BESTEST TEAM EVAH too!!!! I mean, he's always screaming, so he's gotta be right, right??!!!
OMG YOU GUYS THIS IS THE BEST HABS TEAM EVER: So, like PK Subban is the bestest rookie ever and a shoo-in for rookie of the year!!!! Everyone loves him so much because he's soooooooooooooooo talented. And Benoit Pouliot is seriously amazing too. OMG and Andrei Kostitysn?? I <3 HIM SO MUCH!!! HE'S SO DREAMY!!! My big brother says that he's at my intelligence level, so that must make him, like, the SMARTEST guy on the team. And there's a cute guy who says he's from Alaska, but, really he's from Mexico.... PFFT - AS IF!!! He's just trying to trick us into thinking he sucks, because he's so good that he has to hide it from, like everyone, including his teammates. I'm telling you, you guys, he's just waiting to EXPLODE like the Mexican Tiger he is!1!!!!! Charlie Sheen says that people with tiger blood are amazing, and, like, he's so funny on that show that doesn't seem to be on the air anymore, so, like whatever he says is totally right, even with all of the slurred words and the fact that he keeps sniffing funny whenever he's giving an interview. Poor thing must be sick!!! OH NO!!!
OMG YOU GUYS EVERYONE IS AWESOME, EXCEPT FOR THAT OTHER TEAM: Did you ever notice that Buffalo seems to have these weird shaggy cows and like, totally lame old fashioned swords on their jerseys? Yeah, I know, right? LAME!!!! Anyway, they totally choked on a two goal-lead and lost in OT in their last game to these weird sabretoothed thingies from a place that never even gets snow. HAHAHAHAHAHA THEY SUCK!!! The Habs would, like NEVER EVER DO THAT. OMG, 2 goal leads are like the best thing to happen to this team because of how awesome the system is!!!11!! RESPECT!!!
OMG YOU GUYS WE'RE AWESOME IN SPITE OF HOW MANY SICKIES WE HAVE: So, like, a whole bunch of our defencemen are off getting bionic knees or something, so they're going to come back in time for the playoffs and be like Iron Man or Wolverine or something. And I hear that Pleky, Halpern, DarCHe and Sopel were at practice this morning so, like, they're going to play tonight and get a hat trick each!!!! STAMPED IT NO ERASIES!!!1!1! Although, I just heard that OMG THE HOTTEST GUY EVER Carey Price just left practice with a problem with his right leg. Pfft - he's, like, totally only doing that to mess with the other team's heads. It's some kind of native voodoo thing. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT CAREY IS TEH BOMB!!!!
OMG YOU GUYS I TOTALLY PITY THESE POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS WITH NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO: The people over at Die By the Blade seem pretty nice, although I don't like how violent their name is. I mean, like, violence has no place in hockey, you guys!!!! I mean, they just totally suspended Matt Cooke for, like, ever, which means that the next person who will be a total Meanie Pants and do something dirty and ugly is totally gonna get the same suspension!! Like, DUH!!!! The NHL is like, totally consistent with things like that!!!
OMG YOU GUYS WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN AFTER THE HABS WIN TONIGHT: So, like, I keep getting emails from this girl, Syndi. She sent me her picture too:
She says that she only just turned 18 and that she totally wants to play with me and, like, hang out and stuff. My uncle Larry says that's she totally interested in being his special friend too, even though he has back hair and looks like a bald Santa Claus with bad teeth. He says that he would be totally willing to have a play date, just the three of us!! SQUEEEE!!! OMG we're totally gonna hang out all together and be best friends 4 EVAH!!!!!!111!!!!!
*reaching for the bleach for mind's eye* Comments? Questions? Are you getting emails from Syndi too? Are you about ready to vomit after reading that? Yeah, me too.... BRING IT in the comments.