Thursday, February 03, 2011

Game Review - Mr. Bauld Banishes Boredom... Sorta: Habs 3, Lap Cats 2


Wha? What? Oh, the Habs played a hockey game last night? I vaguely remember something involving ice and a puck, but, honestly, a gigantic wave of sleepy hit me at about 7:41 PM and didn't let up until this morning's coffee.

What I do remember from my lap cat-induced coma is that the game did pick up some steam after the end of the dismal first. And I seem to have hallucinated something involving cleaning products... Could it be??!!

Mr. Clean gets rid of listless playing/And helps score in just a minute!
Mr. Bauld will clean your whole team/And all of the players on it/Mr. Bauld, Mr. Bauld, Mr. Bauld!
Why yes! It seems that the stench emanating from this game after the first period was effectively eliminated through the cleaning power of Mr. Bauld!!!!

Behold the Magical Cleaning Powers of Mr. Bauld: He makes a crazy wraparound save on Cory Stillman. Less than a minute later, on the rush created by this save (and excellent rebound direction/control), the Habs put pedal to the metal and never looked back. Heck, the Habs actually managed to get two points out of a dismal, boring-ass game, even though they NEVER win those...

While I wouldn't say that Mr. Bauld is singlehandedly responsible for finally scrubbing the Mexican-American rust off a certain tiny captain-like organism, the Gio-Pleks-Patch line is finally showing promise that maybe, just maybe, the Habs may be developing the kind of Number One line that we've always dreamed of seeing on the ice.

Of course, that will end once the Habs go on a two game losing streak (Superbowl Plague Weekend of Death is right around the corner, everyone) that makes Chocula hit Control-Alt-Delete on his line combos... But for now, I'll enjoy wins on back-to-back nights.

Thanks to the power of Mr. Bauld, no one will care come April that two of our points came while we (the fans and, for a time, the players on the ice) were bored to tears when they were earned.


lehab said...

It would be totally unfair to trade moeman, although the replacements we may get in exchange are very favourable, with or without Clooney. I know moeman has not been producing lately, but others have taken over some of the songwriting parody skill. Give him a little time and he will come up with another a+++. Besides, although I am a retired chef, I like his ideas and recipes he shares for pre game meals.

iRiRi said...

Great pic! Great review! Great tags! An all-around A+!

Who decided to put back-to-back afternoon games? I'd like a word.

P.S. Where is moeman anyways?

HabsFan29 said...

outstanding work LGG!

"look ma no f-words" just KILLS as a tag. was your mom the Anonymous dedicated reader from yesterday?

soperman said...

What the fuck???? Mr. Bauld is yellow in Nova Scotia.

Very funny stuff.

Steve said...

Its crunch time for the goat. Are they going for the cup or waiting? We need a power foward, someone like big tits with a good coach.

the Maritimer said...

There is speculation that the Goat is cookin' up a deal with Dale Tallon. I think Chocula is heading back to the Cats for Peter DeBore...think anyone will notice?

lawyergirl77 said...

@29 - Nope, wasn't Mom77. She will NEVER know of this blog's existence...

No idea who Anonymous Dedicated Puritan was, but I appreciated the challenge. Glad you liked the tag - fuck, that shit was fucking hard when I was talking about fucking Chocula, fuck

Mr. natural said...

If you don't like the content, then do not consume it.

Turn it off, turn the channel etc.

One of my pet peeves is censorship, if I don't like something I will not watch, read, pay etc. but I PHucking HATE when songs have a word beeped out, or a movie has a scene removed or spots blacked out.

If you find it to offensive for your station then don't PHucking play, play something else and leave the artist work alone.

OMG I saw David in Firenza las tSeptember maybe I should have complained until they put a fig leaf or diaper on his wee wee.


What about a pantscast you lazy PHUCKS!

HabsFan29 said...

Mr. n seems angry today. well, more so than usual

Kmaxx said...

So where is Moeman then and what's this about a trade? You guys or the Habs? Sorry - shit happens so fast at FHF I sometimes have trouble keeping up. And my recent parody song wasn't even in the same league as Moeman so no one get the wrong idea - I was simply experimenting with a "moment" stolen from my lost youth...

HabsFan29 said...

@ everyone - moeman himself wrote the trade rumours in the sidebar. no worries, he'll be back soon. he's just away for a week or two for some North Korean-style "re-education"

Steve said...

there is way to much chocula mclovin in the air. Fuck him his clipboard and his incomprehensible notes. My plan is to set up Muller with a gaggle of French dancers until he can do both the Venus butterfly and speak French without thinking.

Anonymous said...

Creative writers don't need to swear. We all know that. Those words are fillers for you. You CAN be funny without swearing. You are in overkill mode. Just ain't funny anymore.

LeBuuuuut said...

If I ask for more swearing do I get a dedicated post?

lawyergirl77 said...

Fine, as you can see, I gave in to your demand today in my post. Unfortunately, your repeated insistence regarding the ills of swearing are having the perverse effect of making me want to swear even more (am holding back now, big time). Considering the fact that this is ostensibly a hockey blog about an often frustrating team that we all love for some odd reason, casual swearing (and repeated, emphatic swearing for emphasis in rants) is kind of expected by our readers. Kids and the easily offended are NOT our target audience. 

Yes, we swear in here. Obviously, with apologies to Mr. Boone, if H I/O is a daycare with a liquor license, FHF is a daycare with a liquor license with a meth lab and brothel in the back. Unless other commentators feel as strongly as you do, however, the swearing is here to stay. 

HabsFan29 said...

@LeB - fuck yes. or just go read any TMS rant in the archive

HabsFan29 said...

fuck yeah LG! you go girl

Orangeman said...

Rangers, Thrashers and Canes all go down in regulation tonight. Broons win again. When's the last time they lost for fiddlestick* sakes?

*there you go anon.

Orangeman said...

Holy mad rush to post at 10pm. Poopy!

lawyergirl77 said...

Apologies for the verb tense problem in my last comment. I would go back and edit now, but a pain in the ass on my phone.

"repeated insistence regarding ills of swearing IS"

Sigh - proofreading. From Hell's heart, I stab at thee.

Mr. natural said...

Language is always evolving and the use of what you anon consider to be "vulgar" is in the eye of the beholder.

Seems to me that in the current moral decay of western society, your own puritanical sensibilities are more out of place than a colorful word.

Words are not dirty or bad or offensive, they are what you take them to be.

I can tell someone to PHuck off and we are both fine with it and I can tell that same person to PHuck of the next day and as long as my intent is clear, the distinction in the meaning I wish to convey, be it a message of camaraderie or hostility will be clearly understood. It's not the word itself.

Don't like it? Go read something else, the internet is endless.

P.S. Die PHucktards Die.

P.P.S. It's like US censorship, they beep out the word ass on the Sopranos on A & E but in the same scene show a guy getting shot in the face.

As the beholder it's up to you to decide if one offends you. For me censoring the word ass is beyond comprehension.

the_smithers said...

is it me or is this season all a little 'too easy'. Seriously the top 8 in the east have been all but set bar the Carolina/Atlanta debate since late November. Habs are cruising for a playoff spot and whether its 3 or 6 who cares, we'll probably be playing Boston and beat them in 5.

As for the Top line we've all dreamed of here, surely there has been some good top lines... what about the famous Higgins - Koivu -Ryder line of a few years back?

Anon sequitur said...

wow this is even more interesting than the 'tits' skirmish

dear anon, I kinda agree with you a little bit except for the sticky matter of the phucktards.

drools morningslough said...

@LG you are right @ all you other prissy fuckwads from Don Cherry's school of upright and fastidious fuck off.
Sports is a fucking harsh business and I don't like that, I wish sports was about the beauty of the game, but its not, its only half about that, barely and then there's the fact the Trudeau isn't in power any more, not that he was so fucken great either, and, very related, Mulroney sold hockey to the states. If you want some rigid ass corrupt fucken hockey talk got to fucken or TSN, as GG if you want to play nice in the kindergarten go to HIO with Booner and CHokula popsicle suckers. What's with the adulation of the Sysdoom anyway over there?
Go you FHFucking Habs Go!!!11

Anonymous said...

My comment, Lawyergirl, was a reply to Habsfan29 when he said: "...look Ma, no f-words...". Sorry, I suppose I should have been clearer.

As for your post, Lawyergirl, the absence of profanity was a nice change. Look, I don't mean to sound arrogant with my comments. I'm simply trying to put across to you that your material stands fine without the f-bomb everywhere.

It may take a while for you to get use to it but think of how much typing you will save! Honestly, a "fuck" here and there is fine but when it's numbers outweigh the adjectives and nouns, it makes it hard to read and just looks like you're trying too hard to be funny.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Anon: I was the one who posted the "look ma no f-words". Check the tags.

While I understand the point you're trying to convey, I feel fairly confident in speaking for my fellow writers when I say that we don't say fuck in order to be funny. We say it because that's the way we speak... especially when talking sports.

The fact that you're lauding the time-saving merits of the absence of profanity is deeply disturbing and is making you think that you're either the CFO or the managing partner of my law firm.

And that is more disturbing than words, be they f-bombs or inspired by the Puritans, can possibly convey.

I'm glad you think our writing doesn't need the swearing, though. We would beg to differ, but I'll take the compliment, however backhanded it may be.

Now get a name already, or else you're going to be lumped in with Homophobic Anon and he's a creepy bastard!!

Kmaxx said...

@LG77 - Best post ever in response to Anon - I would suggest that he/she refer to the rules for posting comments and if that doesn't make it crystal clear then he/she should fuck off back to read Jack Todd or H I/O where you can barely get the "tits" that is Kostitsyn past the censor. Now about this weekend of afternoons - from a UK based standpoint I love it - but the Habs don't usually perform that well during the day - do they?

Anonymous said...

Well, now I'm really confused. You mean to tell me that Lawyergirl77 = HabsFan29? Well, okay then.

If you perceive my remark as backhanded then there is nothing I can do about that. What's that old saying? We perceive things as WE are, not as they are?

So alright, you don't use profanity to be funny - fair enough. Just be aware, and this is coming from a sincere place and not an arrogant place, so don't attack me on this...when every word you type is followed by a curse, (and no I'm not a Puritan) it makes it tedious to read and many times I end up giving up.

I'm sorry that my comments offend you. You seem to be on the defense with what I say, rather than taking it in as constructive criticism.

Using the 'anon' button is fine for me. Who cares who I am.