Saturday, February 26, 2011

There's a Storm a Comin' - Habs/WhalerCanes Preview and Game Night Open Thread

A Category 4 hurricane... No reason why I picked that level... Nope, none at all...

Okay, so there has been lots of hand-wringing in FHFland over the past few days, nay weeks, about the fact that our beloved Habs seem to be on the verge of collapse. Some people believe in our prophesies, others treat us like a bunch of Cassandras (no, not that one, this one) and wish to share their Kool-Aid with us in order to help us see the light.

Wanna hear something nutty? I was GIDDY when Chocula was announced as Carbo's successor. I still think he's responsible for Canada's gold medal at the 2002 Winter Games. The reason why I don't like him anymore is because I think his system is antiquated and stagnant. I would rant about the dump-in line changes, the inability to recognize that two-line passes are now allowed in the NHL and the utter lunacy of having a team of small guys standing on the blue line while their slower and less mobile D-corps brings up the puck, but, hey, I'm a girl. Apparently I should just shut up and go buy a pink sparkly jersey.

I firmly believe that, while Chocula is arguably doing well with the decimated team he has, we're settling for mediocrity. He will never produce anything more than a "meh" team UNLESS he's blessed with a goaltender playing on his head. Anyone else remember that we were down 3-1 to Washington in the opening round of the playoffs last year until Jaro decided to drink some Gummiberry juice?

I think it's high time that the Habs' upper management wake up from its stupor and realize that generations of meh will inevitably sap the life of their franchise/cash cow.

For now, all I see on the horizon is a WhalerCanes team that is 4 measly little points behind us... and I'm worried that they're simply the outer bands of a potentially devastating storm that is about to make landfall.

******************************

Waiting in the basement storm shelter: Game is on at 7:00 tonight on RDS, probably the CeeBeeCee, who won't even talk about the game in front of them, but rather about how brilliantly the Leaf played on Thursday night. I give up.

Waiting out the storm with us: The good people at Canes Country have a comprehensive blog that puts us to shame. Shaaaame. But that's why they're members of SB nation and we're just a bunch of foul-mouthed and horny assholes using Blogger.

Winds picking up speed: I'm still putting DDD in here, even though he only plays 5-6 minutes per game. Squid was looking good in Thursday night's game too. Welcome to the Habs, Mr. and Mrs. Sopel... We'll put you in this category for now, but only because your blogs and twitter accounts are rather endearing. We'll see how long it takes for the Habs Media Censors to get a hold of you and indoctrinate you into the groupthink. NHL.com tells me that Jokinen, Cole and Harrison have been carrying the load offensively for the WhalerCanes.

Downgraded to Tropical Storm status: I'm getting sick and tired of writing the usual suspects' names in here, so I've come up with a limerick instead:

There once was a player named Gomez
Who seems to have lost his cojones
While he used to be great,
Now he can't shoot or skate
Can we please ship him somewhere else, RIGHT FUCKING NOW-EZ?

Already evacuated to the emergency shelter: While I don't usually like cheering for injuries from other teams, THANK YOU JEEBUS that Eric Staal is injured. Although, that could play against the Habs by lulling them into thinking that the Canes are a beatable team and that they can take them lightly... So, I expect to get a text from my RDS mobile app any minute now, telling me that Auld is in nets.

As for the Habs: is it crazy for me to think that, yes, the injuries to Markov and Gorges and the rotating lineup of people in the infirmary have screwed the team up... but that the biggest loss of all has been the absence of DarCHe in the lineup??

Keeping yourself distracted while the storm is howling outside: I've already linked to something deeply NSFW above... But, speaking of Kool-Aid...


Comments? Concerns? Insight regarding how much this preview sucks? Doomsday predictions about the Habs' playoff future? Unshakable belief that the future is made of sunshine, roses and tiny fluffy kittens? Talk about 'em in the comments...

121 comments:

moeman said...

lg calling 29 horny is the funny and who knew she was quadrilingual (EN, FR, MEX, FOULMOUTH)

As the KoolAid guy loves to say OOOOOOOOH YEAH!!!!!!

GYFHG!

Orangeman said...

Nice preview, LG. Your pic reminds me how stupid it is to name your team after a deadly natural disaster. Yeah! We're that thing that killed your dad, flooded your house and obliterated your business! Might as well call 'em the Raliegh Rapists.

Remember 2 weeks ago when the Habs were tied in points with the Bs and had a chance to pass them? I said every time they get close they collapse. 2-5-2 in their last 9. Thank Allah most of the teams below them are also sucking.

I liked the effort they had against Toronto, they totally dominated 5on5 and even got a couple of PPGs. Too bad they were on the PK for one thrid of the game (not even exaggerating). The loss was entirely JM's (with special consideration to the officials). I just hope I understand why the whistle is and isn't blown tonight. Basically I just want to see a hockey game instead of politics on ice.

moeman said...

Hold on FHFers, TFS™ is said to be down and out with a cold/flu.

Sopel on a rope (SOAR) is playing and will be lined up with Yukon CHornelius.

johnnybertolo said...

I'm sad now!
:(
Fuck JM and is stupid system, I can't believe you gave him props for winning the 2002 Olympic Gold Medal. FOR SHAME!!!

Thanks for the Koo-aid porn, I trust I'll be getting that 'funny feeling' every time I open a fresh pack or when I hear 'Oh Yeah!'

(P.S. If TFS is out, we're done tonight!)

ti-cul said...

It'll be AA redemption. GYMFHG!

Michael in the Gazette this morning:

"FAN OF COACH'S CORNER?

The ridiculous costume, the manic speaking style, the rambling and disjointed discourse ...

Don't even try to tell me Moammar Gadhafi has never watched Coach's Corner."

whoa ha ha.

Number31 said...

My brother HATES Eric Staal very very much, and not just because he took out Markov but because he's a "diving whiny cheapshot puke" (actual quote!). So while we were glancing at the scoreboard the other night during the Bulldogs' game (and going LOLWASHINGTONWTF) he growled that he wished someone would give EStaal a taste of his own medicine, and the perfect karmic irony would be an elbow to his head by his other brother. Well running into Niskanen was close enough I guess. My brother has powers.

Too bad Price is sick. I swear that wasn't my brother's doing. (Wiz has a bad cold, looked ready to pass out and/or vomit during an interview, probably his fault). Lysol that fucking locker room!

moeman said...

Rejoice as Craig 'Waive Goodbye' Rivet is now a Blue Jacket. Hope Ohio is hit with a huge snowstorm.

Bill101 said...

exciting to see FHF & commentors gelling for the stretch run & very much hope players follow suit. Eighth place does not look like a comfortable spot this year

'Canes get a special hate spot in my tiny brain (Saku's eye) so I'm really (glug glug) hoping for a (*insert hockey slang term for a game in which no goals scored against*) I think it would do us all a world of good

"shiny happy people blah blah..."

GYFHG!!

Moey said...

So tell me, if HF10 has quit the team until JM goes, does that mean no more epic rants? That would suck more that Forrest & Gomez combined.

And also, I don't know if I'm welcome here anymore *sniff* because I don't hate JM. *gasp*

But I have a huge hate on for Forrest and don't even get me started on number 11. *grabs tissue* Will that do?

Anonymous said...

@LG77: Me likee, you are rantalicious. But to you and all.... who the PHuck in there right mind would take Mex at that kind of $ hit? We can't dump him and eat part of his salary and get go out and get what with the remaining cap space? Might as well let him carry the puck up the ice and make a weak pass or shot or miss the net completely, but I digress.

@ ti-cul: Ever notice how you never see Cherry and Ghadafy, Kadaffy, Ghadd^%#@ however the PHuck the media is spelling his name this week, at the same time?

@31: Have you're brother think very bad things about the PHucktards 'cause if 8th place is our destiny we are going to need a miracle.

Mr.natural said...

@all, previous anon post is mine, mistake, apologies.

ti-cul said...

@ Mr. Anontural, Gadhafi=Cherry alter ego?

Mr.natural said...

@ti-cul: quite possible, they both ramble on incoherently as their regular way of speaking.

And now that I'm thinking about it... both are responsible for a lot of gas and are surrounded by yes men lackeys.

GYMFHG!!

Die PHucktards die!

Orangeman said...

@mr. anonymous: yeah, but even Gaddafi's people jump ship once they realize what a douche he is.

Headline from TSN:
"Canucks look to cool off red-hot Bruins in Vancouver"

Given, the Bs on a 3 game win streak (2 of which came against the mighty Isles and Sens, but still). But that was after a 3 game slide and they're 4-4 in their last 8. Of course this is the site that claimed the Bs were one of 4 elite teams in the NHL. Like I keep saying, it's a strange relationship the leaf and bs have, including their media.

The Baruch said...

Great rant LG. I never liked CHokula, and still believe Muller did all the important coaching during last year's run. Any time this team has gone beyond itself this year, it was always when Muller was leaning in yapping at them. I am thinking particularly of that win against the bs in january. blah blah... but sadly, every recent trip to the bell centre on reinforces my impression that Bettman has successful turned Hockey into a brand-merch hawking sideshow, not much removed from lacrosse, where it matters little what happens on the ice as long as you belong to some stupid 'nation' or 'sea of'.

The kids don't know anything about how hockey used to be and, bless them, they don't care, as long as they get their Mike Cammalleri-brand habs triceratops with their plate of stinking transfat nachos they're smiling (btw wtf are nachos doing at a hockey game?).

The answer to Gomer Pyle of Shit was hinted at in that WSJ article they posted over at HIO, send him to the bus league where he can play against Sheldon Souray, Mike Leighton, Wade Redden, Mike Commodore and all the rest of the bad contracts. Forrest Lump of Shit might still bring us something in a trade, I heard something about Stephen Weiss, which sounds good for ethnic reasons.

L'chaim and GYFHG!!!

Number31 said...

Don't worry Anon, we got the full voodoo chant going on the PHucktards. I heard Pronger took a puck off the hand and is questionable for tonight. It starts!

Mr.natural said...

BREAKING NEWS: Just heard Gadda... Khada... PHuckPHace in Libya has fled the country and was refused entry into Israel so Canada has taken him in and he will be behind the Habs bench tonight, usurping CHocula. He will be doing a between period interview to comment on what ever Cherry says between the 1rst and 2nd.

Should be interesting.

moeman said...

The zero integrity cbc/hnic pukefunnel barfs one out. Vile bile.

iRiRi said...

Official: Price out. It's going to be a long night.

moeman said...

hnic's leaf hard on is dark purple. No blood left in their big head.

Also, Cassie is back!!!

moeman said...

No Yukon CHornelius. He's scratCHed.

moeman said...

Wondering if mad mike will call the Canucks cockroaches.

Orangeman said...

Just tuned in to hear Burke say "Lots of teams do things at the deadline just to do things" or something like that. This coming from the guy who thinks any trade is a good trade.

HabsFan29 said...

Great job 77! Kool Aid porn AND real porn! yoou know what I like

CMON YOU FUCKING HABS WIN A GAME FOR A CHANGE

moeman said...

joel bouchard likes burke. Must be a hair thing.

Orangeman said...

"If I would have mentioned the maple leafs and playoffs together you would have laughed at me" It didn't stop you, though. Repeatedly.

moeman said...

Go Sens.

Go Pens.

Go Nucks.

G Y M F H G !

moeman said...

Nice tribute/work by the Sens for Luke Richardson's daughter and the horror of what is teen suicide.

HabsFan29 said...

bob cold. ugh.

moeman said...

One of the sick things about nhl.com is that they don't post the refs names until the puck is fucking dropped. They know they have shit to hide.

We get McReally?

HabsFan29 said...

let the penalty box parade begin!

Orangeman said...

Have I mentioned I hate Gomez?

iRiRi said...

Thank you, Gomez. He better score one on his way out if the box to make up for this. HAHAHAHAHA *sobs*

HabsFan29 said...

say gracias to your teammates Mexican

HabsFan29 said...

oh Alex, that was pathetic

Orangeman said...

I think I'd rather have a sick Price than Auld.

HabsFan29 said...

ok let's get Curtis Sanford up here

Orangeman said...

Story of the season, great dominating 4 min PK, then give up a goal like that.

le sigh.

iRiRi said...

I giggle everytime Pyatt approaches the net with the puck.

Orangeman said...

I thought Gomez had been benched since his penalty, but then I heard "Gomez gives it away" and I knew things will never change.

moeman said...

"Jour de la marmotte" ~ joel

moeman said...

Barffalo spanking Wings 2-0.

HabsFan29 said...

SQUID!!!

Orangeman said...

I am so happy Squid is back.

iRiRi said...

Squid!!!

moeman said...

Squaweed!

LeBuuuuut said...

The atdhe feed isn't working tonight. Perhaps it's a blessing?

ti-cul said...

nice fucking goal! Le BUUUUUT! We watch the habs channel here.

ti-cul said...

@ lebut, cbc.ca or atdhenet.tv

moeman said...

T I T S !

iRiRi said...

Lego!!!

HabsFan29 said...

le buuuut!

that was all TITS btw

ti-cul said...

gros tetons!

moeman said...

TO LEGO!!!

LeBuuuuut said...

I can't watch the CBC.ca feed because I'm not in Canada. And the atdhenet link isn't working. I'll just keep refreshing this and I'll build an imaginary game out of your comments.

Orangeman said...

@buuuuut: You can try www.myp2p.eu or listen at cjad.com.

Orangeman said...

Also, you should check out atdhe.me, although tonight there seems to be technical issues and only soccer is available for some reason.

iRiRi said...

From Arpon Basu: "AK46 has spent two games and one period off of Gomez's line and has three points"

Translation: Gomez' line is the Bermuda Triangle of hockey.

@Le But - did you try justin.tv? exou09 channel

wv: lesse Mex por favor

LeBuuuuut said...

I found one. Just in time to watch The System go into effect.

Orangeman said...

Crotch's Corner just showed Rhino getting a skate in the face resulting in 100 stitches, but he toughed it out and finished his shift on the PK. Glad we traded that away....

Orangeman said...

Ladies and gentlemen, THE SYSTEM.

HabsFan29 said...

everyone get ready for 40 minutes of the System

FUCK. some system

iRiRi said...

FUCK.

moeman said...

PleXXXe!!!

HabsFan29 said...

PleXXXe!!

iRiRi said...

PleXXXe!

Orangeman said...

Making up for the miss. I like that!

Orangeman said...

Bob Cold sounds more depressed than usual after that goal. Almost speechless. I love it.

Orangeman said...

Eller, who has a goal, and Chicken both have about half the TOI as Gomes who was in the box for 4 mins. Just sayin'.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

Orangeman said...

Ca-rey Ca-rey Ca-rey!

moeman said...

CHapter 3: High. Blocker. Side.

iRiRi said...

FUCK.

Have we had a PP yet?

Orangeman said...

By this time last game there had been 11 PPs. And I don't really think the action has been that different besides a lack of a couple of post-whistle scrums.

moeman said...

'Le Coin du Bluet'? Really RDS?

moeman said...

mad mike "I wouldn't want to be Joe Nieuwendyk". Pretty sure Joe wouldn't want or won't be you, you fucking lameass cockroach.

Orangeman said...

Another Mike gem: "If my mother wasn't dead I would have killed her!" That's...nice. Y'know, the Sens are having a mental health awareness night. Just letting you know.

HabsFan29 said...

good job looking perturbed there JM!

Orangeman said...

Yet the Canes have played a 'perfect' game discipline-wise. Right.

iRiRi said...

CBC puts up a "Gomez: 1 goal in last 20 games" under the score. Is this our version of the Ke$$eltracker?

iRiRi said...

ABOUT FUCKING TIME.

Orangeman said...

So it took the ref at centre ice to call that instead of the ref standing right in front of that NFL tackling move?

HabsFan29 said...

nice quick whistle

Orangeman said...

The whistle went first, but why the fuck did it go? Ward didn't have it!

iRiRi said...

Ugh. That's why video review would be useful.

moeman said...

Tits!

Orangeman said...

Whistle that dead you pieces of shit!

TITS!

iRiRi said...

Big Tits!!!

*faints*

HabsFan29 said...

le buuuuuuttt!

iRiRi said...

Habs are 6 for 12 on the PP against Carolina this season. Did I hear that right? Hmmm.

Orangeman said...

Dear lord, if you prevent the SYSTEM from taking over I will dedicate my life to the benefit of others*.

*offer not valid in Quebec

moeman said...

Why the fuck is rds trading away Hamr tonight?

HabsFan29 said...

HANG IN THERE SYSTEM 2 MINUTES

iRiRi said...

Never stop spinning, Subban! No matter what JM and Perry Pearn tell you.

PK! PK! PK!

Orangeman said...

This team cannot score empty netters. Why pass?

HabsFan29 said...

SHOOT on an open net for fucks sake

Orangeman said...

Think PleXXXe has gone veggie and doesn't want us to have wings?

iRiRi said...

I want wings, dammit!

moeman said...

PFK!

HabsFan29 said...

WHEW. nice dive PK!

Orangeman said...

PK had a fantastic game, esp. on the, uh, PK. Eller and Cammy, too.

Orangeman said...

Oh, and PleXXXe of course. duh. But I have no idea why he passed there. Does the EN scorer have to buy dinner on this team?

moeman said...

Who is this PK you FHFers mention?

Go Pens! Go Sens!

Orangeman said...

the leaf with a nice PP late in a tied game. Just kidding, that really was a penalty....this time.

iRiRi said...

Just because they won doesn't mean I haven't forgot about how much Mex sucks. There. Needed to get that off my chest.

GYFHG!

Bill101 said...

Big Tits with a game winner against the Canes

"SUNSHINE

LOLLIPOPS

AND RAINBOWS..."

go Canucks go!!

Bill 101 said...

and sens beat phucktards (!)

and PK is so fucking incredible

and Eller scored

and Auld survived



happy sigh

Moey said...

GYFPG!!!

Moey said...

Kovy!!!!

iRiRi said...

Leaf loses. Heh.

Bill 101 said...

and Kovy beats the leaf

must masturbate

Orangeman said...

Kovy with the winner, nice! Kessel misses: "It's because there was snow on the ice!" Whatever CBC.

moeman said...

Kovy reams reimer.

Go fuck yourself cbc/hnic.

iRiRi said...

And now, GYFCanucksGo! Man, being a Habs fan is a lot of work.

Steve said...

What the fuck is going on, you guys watched the game, fucking pikers. Some fucking boycott, with fans like you Mubark would still be running Eypt.

Steve said...

Great night to be a Habs fan, I was going to say something about Kovy and shoot outs and if there was any chance we might need a sure goal in one but nah! Fucking Philty is doable the parade is back on, Chocula is no worse than hemmorids on your honeymoon, and Sunday morning I wont wake up on the sidewalk for a change.

lawyergirl77 said...

Hooray! I finally get preview a game we win!! HUZZAH!!

Number31 said...

My puppy loves hockey. He's so awesome. Even he growled at Pleky not shooting on the empty net.

Haha I totally called Kovy scoring on Reimer in the shootout. Suck it, Leafs.

Number31 said...

OK seriously? What the fuck is up with Mitch Melnick?! His latest gem: MLucic back home in Van leads Btn to huge win. Think Habs r done as result.


...did the Habs with Vancouver-boy Price in nets not win TWO games against the supposed Cup Champs of Canada 2011 this year or not? Habs are done because a whole gamut of penalties weren't called on one sequence coupled with a whole big fail in front of Luongo that got Lucic a lucky goal? Who slipped some Glenn Healy in his coffee? The guy has become one cranky curmudgeon.

Moey said...

N31,

Re: Melnick

Take your pick:

A. Andi is leaving
B. He was punched in the head by
Lucic
C. He needs to get laid

Could be all of the above.

Anonymous said...

4 points out of 3rd, 6 points out of 2nd -- boy, you folks get depressed easily, don't you?

GHG!