Thursday, February 24, 2011

Never fuck with a winning streak - Leafs preview and open thread


Look, if a wet shirtless actor stud was responsible for victory the last time we played the Leafs, I am not gonna be the one to step on the streak here. Apologies to you ladies if this is not to your liking, but from the reactions of my female friend I used to watch Lost with whenever Sawyer appeared shirtless, this should be alright.

I would replicate the style of LG77's preview to really not fuck with the streak, but Josh Holloway's resume is pretty thin compared to Hugh Jackman. We'll have to make do with the old-fashioned stripperriffic format.

Waiting in line details - 7:30 PM start from the Bell, on TSN-Habs and some Sportsnets, but who knows which ones and what blackouts will be in effect. Possibly on in other places, but you didn't here that from us. Tronna 6-2-2 in their last 10, they're the GREATEST TEAM IN THE UNIVERSE. Teams have split four so far this year, with the home team winning all the games. According to TSN/CBC, the Leaf is in the playoffs and will win two rounds before an illegal Flyer hit takes out the best Leaf player (TBD) and robs them of the Stanley Cup. In all seriousness (ha!), they really are only 6 points out of 8th in the East with a game in hand. Ugh.

Pay your cover charge to - We've barely had any interaction with PPP lately. Sometimes, mommy and daddy just don't love each other anymore and grow apart.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - Hysterically, the Faceoff preview page lists absolutely no one as hot. I'm really not one to argue, though plenty of Habs (PFK, DDD, TFS, TITS TITS TITS) played well against the Nucks.

Hot sexy Leaves to watch - James Reimer is the GREATEST GOALIE IN THE UNIVERSE. Ke$$elTracker says Phil is the GREATEST FORWARD IN THE UNIVERSE. Brian Burke is the GREATEST GM IN THE UNIVERSE.

Skanky Habs to watch - PleXXXe pointless in 3, but he ain't no skank. I guess we'll see what Mex does tonight. He's always a candidate for skank.

Skanky Leafs to watch - Grabs pointless in 3, meaning he's sure to have a big breakout night tonight.

Not dancing due to too many vodka Red Bulls - Literally TFS, as his late night drinking has him benched in favour of Big Bald Alex Auld. This preview says Jaro 2.0 has gone on IR. Is that true? News to me. DarCHe is nursing a tweaked groin. With Jiggy and Gustavsson both hurt, GREATEST GOALIE IN THE UNIVERSE will start. Colton Orr is concussed.

Post-game adult entertainment - to make it equal for the guys, here's Sawyer's love (well, one of them) Kate taking her clothes off in the water.

See you bitCHes in the comments

109 comments:

Steve said...

To get ready for the Bruins there must be payback against Luke Schenn for his late cheap hit last time. Half the fucking Leaf team are goons, fucking ape knuckle dragging cement heads. The rest are soft mama's boys who think the dirty area is where you use toilet paper.

GYFHG

iRiRi said...

Maxwell traded. Nobody knows for what and where yet. Must be huge!

Nice pic and preview!

Chester said...

Holy Ship, Kovalove to The Large Flightless Birds for a conditional seventh rounder ... oh how the mighty have fallen.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's... a lot more than I thought we could get for Maxwell.

We have a Nigel, we have a Nigel!

iRiRi said...

Maxwell and a fourth for Brent Sopel and Nigel Dawes.

Carry on.

Anonymous said...

maybe good news

Dawes (all 5'9" of him) goes to the net and Sopel might have some gas left in the tank on the back end

Steve said...

Like this trade, some Cup grit, and a guy just like me, 5'9ish and 200lb ish.

Steve said...

The Thrashers want TITS as badly as the guy in Midnight Express expressed through the glass, what the fuck is goat doing, Shea Weber is a CH.

Oleg Petrov said...

Brent Sopel - does he still have the worst haircut in hockey? I always found him uncomfortable to look at. Fair enough rental for a 4th rounder.

Dawes and Maxwell seem pretty equivalent. Puzzling.

Habsfan10 said...

Dawes is a UFA this summer, I believe, and it looked like Maxwell was never going to climb over all the guys in front of him on the depth chart.

So now that they have Sopel, does Eklund finally take the Habs out of the running for Kevin Bieksa?

Regarding Lost, how did the fat guy stay so damn fat? Did that island have a secret twinkie oasis or something?

Steve said...

If Lost had ended with them all going to heaven it would have been a massive waste of time, it still on CBS under a different name, although they really seem to have lost the plot and writers and any semblance to a TV series. When your really high it still brilliant and impossible to figure out.

lawyergirl77 said...

Never fuck with a win streak, indeed. My apologies to those of you who loathe the beefcake.

mmmm... beefcake.

So I'll be schmoozing with clients tonight in a loge and trying to pretend that I'm not paying attention to the game and that every blessed worth out of their mouth is the most interesting/important thing I've ever heard.

Basically, I'll have to suck up to them, McSplooge style.

Oy. Pass the whiskey.

Anonymous said...

Steve Said, fucking google

@lawyergirl this is how I see your evening playing out. The Belurussian scores, you shout "tits", then everyone tries to score.

Kmaxx said...

I gotta google these guys - never heard of them...in the meantime - GYMFHG!!!!

Pension Plan Puppets said...

Awww...mommy and daddy are just in a good place in their relationship.

Hot sexy Leaves to watch - James Reimer is the GREATEST GOALIE IN THE UNIVERSE. Ke$$elTracker says Phil is the GREATEST FORWARD IN THE UNIVERSE. Brian Burke is the GREATEST GM IN THE UNIVERSE.

See, you're still reading our site too!

Uhhhh Fuck the Bruins.

Moey said...

Happy birthday GG.

I don't like Auld being in goal tonight, last time he played against the leaf they won. If it's even remotely possible I think they take it as an insult and try harder.

moeman said...

G Y M F H G !

moeman said...

Have fun lg. My gal once again says thx 4 da tix.

moeman said...

reimer rhymes with reamer.

Anonymous said...

Testicle Phil doesn't have the balls to be a 40 goal scorer.

moeman said...

FUCK DA leaf!!!

the Maritimer said...

I hope they take these fucks seriously. I don't want to feel gloomy on a Friday.

G H G!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Steve said, sell your Google stock now

The leafs are the Canadian Taliban.

Case in point, their leader is named Burka, their savior is Nazim Kadri, and the Kessel tracker if you upload it to your GPS always points to Mecca.

Orangeman said...

Happy birthday GG!

@10: regarding Lost, they were actually only on the island a short time (like a few months). Then Hurley (the fat guy) went back to LA before coming back again for just a few months, and then he was in heaven or sideways world or whatever. So, actually, Hurley staying obese was the most realistic and sensible thing on the show.

Also, fuck the maple leafs.

HabsFan29 said...

FINALLY a puck drop

HabsFan29 said...

dirty leaves already?

Number31 said...

GYFH!

So I come out of work to meet my brother and he goes "Maxwell and a 4th for Sopel and Dawes. Still want to see the Bulldogs tomorrow?" OF COURSE I DO!

Pleky and the Caveman really don't like each other.

Orangeman said...

Cheeze Whiz gets a penalty for having his stick held. Not that our PP was anything to talk about, hence me not talking about it.

HabsFan29 said...

love Auld's #29 mask. not sure why

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

also...a nice (oven) mitt save by 29

LeBuuuuut said...

Le buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!

HabsFan29 said...

Hamr? Halpern? who cares!

Number31 said...

Mazel tov!

HabsFan29 said...

Komi you goon

HabsFan29 said...

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK

orders are in from the NHL head office

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

FUCK YOU REFS AND THE LEAGUE AND EVERYONE.

grrrr

Number31 said...

Hey Jackson, STICK LIFT MOTHER FUCKER. LEARN IT.

Orangeman said...

BUUUUULLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHITTTTTTTTT. I know I complain about the reffing alot, but that is fucking ridiculous, not least because a leaf full throttle tackled a Hab 2 seconds before the whistle.

HabsFan29 said...

ARRRGHHHHHH

CALL SOMETHING YOU FUCKING REFS

grrrr

HabsFan29 said...

i'm trying to out-angry o'man apparently

Number31 said...

Leafs idea of defense is to glomp and hold the other guy.

Leafs idea to defense an on-rushing forward is to latch on and trip him.

Orders received. Hope the Leaf get into the playoffs and become the ultimate punching bag for the Flyers. DO IT FUCKERS!

HabsFan29 said...

sorry, why are we on a PK now? wtf???

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

im in hell

Number31 said...

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

HabsFan29 said...

ugh

Now i'm REALLY in hell

ca-rey! ca-rey!

Orangeman said...

Auld had pretty bad game last time he played the leaf. Price shut them out. Let's play Auld. Now that's coaching!

Number31 said...

Poor Auld.

Orangeman said...

Ok, you have to try not to put it in there. Come on.

Habsfan10 said...

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. What a fucking shitshow this is.

Price should have started in the first fucking place, Martin. You fucking moron.

Two cheap penalties, two Kessel goals.

Number31 said...

Leafs need 4 goalies to stop Halpern.

Orangeman said...

I'll take this opportunity to say that after the Hab goal Sportsnet replayed the icing before hand along with an irate Wilson (is there any other kind?) insted of the actual goal. Meanwhile I've had to see all three leaf goals 6 times already.

iRiRi said...

So... What'd I miss?

iRiRi said...

*catches up*

Brett Fucking Lebda?!?

Number31 said...

Grabs sure likes to grab eh? Dave Jackson might return home to find egg on his house.

Habsfan10 said...

Oh, fuck me. Seriously? God I hate this fucking league.

Orangeman said...

Are you fucking kidding? How are the fans there not throwing shit on the ice? This is fucking stupid. It would be nice to have a coach that fucking said something about this dumb shit.

Habsfan10 said...

And that's why Price should have fucking started, Martin. YOU FUCKING MORON.

Number31 said...

Pleky on a shorthanded rush, gets hacked and slashed and grabbed. Yawn.

Steve said...

Fuck the Leafs have the refs, WTF

and BTW Auld sucks

Orangeman said...

Broken record warning!

4 PPs for a shit team against a fast skilled team. What's the point of watching the rest of the game? The league has decided who will win. I actually think our guys are playing well. Must be tough knowing you're allowed to be hacked, tackled and attacked while not allowed to look at your opposition the wrong way.

the Maritimer said...

Well looky here. the leaf brought their own referees with them.

Is Martin under a gag order or something?

This isn't unexpected. Coming off a huge win over the Canuckles, they once again underestimate a shit team with nothing to lose.

Orangeman said...

Anyway, anyone else notice how Komisuckadick started that last mix-up only to hide behind the ref once Moen shows up? What a fuck.

Habsfan10 said...

The worst part is, I still have to review this fucking bullshit tomorrow. WF: culta. Brian Burke's culta personality is a big hit in the NHL head office.

Kmaxx said...

The fuckin' ref sucks leaf balls and I can't believe the Sportsnet commentating team. What a ridiculous load of nonesense! Fuck bettman and fuck the bullshit that is the leaf nation - they should all die!!! Seriously die mutherfuckers!!!

Steve said...

Just saying Geoff, google Mark Cuban

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

I am currently reading a book entitled "The Fix Is In" by Brian Tuohy. It explains everything. Fucking NHL Fucking Refs!!!!!!!

Orangeman said...

I appreciate the guys' effort. Despite getting screwed all period and having to kill of FOUR FUCKING PENALTIES, they still outshot the fuckers.

the Maritimer said...

I'm watching one more period. If the Habs get fucked over by these dickhead refs anymore, I'm switching over to curling to look at Jennifer Jones.

Dave Jackson is an asshole.

Orangeman said...

SQUID!

Oh god we're going to pay for that.

Number31 said...

Classic Cammy.

Orangeman said...

Who called duing intermission?

LeBuuuuut said...

So that's what happens when we get calls...

Orangeman said...

the BIG CHEEZE!

I love being rewarded for believing in this team. Not to mention unrelenting complaining.

Number31 said...

Wiz!

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

I am currently eating squid sauteed in cheeze whiz!

HabsFan29 said...

man you go to eat and masturbate and you miss everything

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

ok i'll go back to eating and masturbating

Orangeman said...

Jesus christ, 29. get out of here.

Number31 said...

WTF defence was that?! Going for a coffee break around the net the wrong way?

iRiRi said...

I'm the o-man of Tuesday night. Have yet to see any of the goals scored tonight.

Orangeman said...

Halfway through the game and there's already been 9 non-coincidental penalties. That's insane. And there's another.

Habsfan10 said...

I honestly have no idea what constitutes a penalty anymore. Of course, neither does Dave Jackson. Problem is, only one of us is directly fucking with the game.

Orangeman said...

How is that icing if Cammy touched it first? Sigh.

iRiRi said...

Seems everytime we cross their blueline, there's a whistle.

Orangeman said...

Even the sportsnet guys are baffled how that wasn't icing. So not only do we not understand penalties anymore, the most basic and obvious parts of the game are beyong our comprehension in this league.

Orangeman said...

Everyone give up already?

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

if the red team shoots the puck in the blue zone before they reach the red line it is icing. if the blue team shoots it in the red zone from anywhere it is not icing.

if the red team knocks down a blue player it is interference. if the blue team knocks down a red player, the black and white stripes show their white canes.

Now do you understand?? It's all in the book.

the Maritimer said...

Fuck the stupid officials.

Jennifer Jones sure is looking good.

Kmaxx said...

These fuckin' commentators on Sportsnet are deluded. They talk like the leaf are going to make the playoffs - plan the fuckin parade. And BTW - WTF is this Sportsnet feed - it really sucks - lags like a muther and all I get to watch is replays about how fuckin' awesome the leaf is. Can't even find me RDS tonight. Oh yeah - the refs are fuckin corrupt - how much are Burke and Bettman paying them?

Moey said...

FFS, can we at least tie this game?

Orangeman said...

WHY IS GOMEZ ON THE ICE ALL THE FUCKING TIME??!!

Sorry, I'm tired of him.

iRiRi said...

FUCK.

iRiRi said...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IDIOT JOTTING DOWN NOW?!

Anonymous said...

Gomez??!!??!!

iRiRi said...

They're waiting for the last 2 minutes to tie this up, right?

Orangeman said...

I'm not even joking. Gomez has been on for every minute of every PP for the Habs, and probably about 10 mins of this period. I'm at a loss for words. We can't seem to get rid of Mex, but we can get rid of JM.

Number31 said...

What is this madness of Hamr on the FULL PP with Wiz when you need a goal?!

Orangeman said...

The Habs actually dominated this game 5on5. This loss is solely on Chocula. Starting Auld, being comatose on the bench while his team gets jobbed, Gomez on the ice longer than a polar bear in Nanuvut.

iRiRi said...

PatCHes!

Number31 said...

Hilarious Patches goal.

Orangeman said...

Gomez not on the ice for 2 seconds and BOOM we score. Expect to see Mex for the final 2 minutes.

Number31 said...

I'm terrified they might pull Price for an extra man...

iRiRi said...

WTF is this?!

LeBuuuuut said...

What a horrible ending. Pinned in our own zone, finally get out and throw it away, pinned in the zone again, icing.

Orangeman said...

Wow, that was the worst last minute and a half in a one goal game I've ever seen any team in any circumstance play.

Number31 said...

Hope they send Dave Jackson some flowers. Or at least a card.

Orangeman said...

Well, what can you say. Yeah, the got jobbed by the refs and yeah Auld shit the bed, but they worked hard to get close only to give up in the end.

20:07 TOI for Gomez. Twenty minutes and seven seconds of the Monreal Canadiens organization spitting in my face.

Number31 said...

I blame the fog monster.

Orangeman, that's not the worst of it. Hamr played over 28 minutes. THAT should never happen.

moeman said...

Was at the game. Had a bit of fun, in the first minutes of the second.

Takeaways;

Habs dominated the game. Let the leaf think this is their Cup.

Lots of missed chances (which do not equal good saves by the miracle leaf goalie (thats what they call him)).

Refs dominated the game.

Not as many leaf fan as I expected but most of them were obnoxious, key word noxious. Their idiot band even had fun slagging the Habs whilst having their blue and white dicks in the hands in the can. Piss on them.

Merci Montreal, city of beautiful women.