Saturday, February 12, 2011

Habs need a slumpbuster... Habs vs. Leafs Preview and Open Thread


Wow? Three losses in a row, eh?

So much for consistency... This whole great-month-followed-by-shitty-month pattern that they're setting is really starting to get on my last nerve.

So before things get completely shitty like they were before the December Road Trip of Death, behold the Habs slumpbuster for tonight's game.

The way I see it, they need all the help they can get. A fourth defeat in a row, at the hands of the Fugly Leaf no less, would be unacceptable.

But, if it happens, at least I can stare at the pretty that is Hugh Jackman...

*drool*

Oh... right... a preview... Okay, let's set this shit up.

IMDB information about the lovely Hugh: Puck drops after 7:00 at the Bell Centre. Game is probably on CBC, but why would a non-Leafs fan subject themselves to that dreck??

Hot like Hugh in Wolverine (Terrible movie, but he brought the purty. And the nekkid): Pleky has been playing like, well, Pleky, with four points in his last five games. Much as it pains me to admit it, Grabby the Bitch has been playing well for the Leaf, although "not being a minus in the past 7 games" seems like a pretty dubious accomplishment.

Cold like Hugh in Kate & Leopold: Losing a one-goal lead 3. Fucking. Times. To the worst team in the league? THE REST OF YOU BITCHES ARE ALL IN HERE. Especially you, Gomez. And you, Saggy Tits. What's worse, though: having them underperform for us, or trading them to another team where they will inevitably have 30 goal seasons? Hmm...

Injured like Hugh on Oprah: Apparently both Gill and Darche are out right now. Darche hopes to be back on Tuesday. Squid is still out. Either way, this means that our top 3 d0men Gill, Gorges and Markov are out of the lineup. In some ways, a prolonged losing streak seems inevitable.

Oh, and speaking of Markov - watching the Nos Canadiens featuring him yesterday was hearbreaking... in spite of how friggin' boring that guy seems to be. I mean, painfully shy Pleky (and his crazy hot and intelligent girlfriend) looked like a prize winning orator compared to Vodkov. Very sad.

Nekkid male celebrities (that still aren't as hot as Hugh): This is my gift to the ladies. Men, tolerate this. The male strippers worked last time against the Leaf... And we should do everything in our power to halt this slide before it gets truly scary.

Celebrity crushes? Hot Hot pic links to share? General bitching about all things Leaf? Talk about it all in the comments!

112 comments:

Orangeman said...

What's going on here, is everyone still ogling the naked men?

Tyg said...

Lawyergirl77 is my HERO! Yes I am still ogling the naked men. I apparently will be for some time to come. Will try to be finished in time for the game tonight...

HabsFan29 said...

well i came here to change the Sexy Friday header back but obviously Sexy Friday never ends

the naked man against the Leaf is a classic at FHF. IT BETTER FUCKING WORK

Steve said...

lawyer girl 77 I understand because we are playing the leafs all the homoerotic refrences, but I do not think the men will respond, so a loss to the leafs is your fault.

Moey said...

LG,
I concur, it's hard to beat Hugh in the hot department, but I'm still drooling over my boy Eric from True Blood. Oh how I miss him...

Althought I'm happy for a Saturday night game, the only reason we didn't get stuck with the afternoon slot is because we're playing the leaf. That kinda sucks.

kevincrumbs said...

Puck Daddy had a stupid thing about how the Habs need to beef up. The first two comments on that post are pretty much spot on.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Steve - the male stripper slumpbuster is a tradition at FHF headquarters (well, as much as anything around here can be a "tradition").

If the Habs suck tonight, it's no fault of mine. They are perfectly capable of sucking donkey balls all on their own with no help from me.

Chenny13 said...

I thought it had been established that the naked man only worked in 1 of every 3 times?

Steve said...

@lawyergirl 77 what you say may have been true in the past, but nothing, nothing can defeat the system, sacron blue.

Orangeman said...

@kevin: Agreed, I'm pretty tired of hearing about the big bad Broons and how we can't take them. It was ONE game. Boston wasn't even physical, that's not why we lost, they were goonish after the whistle and sent out thugish kids against old non-fighters at the end. But in the actual game, they weren't throwing us around or taking us off the puck. Philly, on the other hand, is a real physical team that uses it to, you know, score goals and play defence (aka play 'hockey'). And judging by their record the Habs aren't the only team that has trouble with them.

But alas, most of the media out there are old buzzards who think thugs attacking non-fighters in the last minute is hockey and using your elbow pad in a fight (and having your daddy protect you) is toughness. I'll be honest, seeing it the first time was entertaining. Seeing it last night on Long Island was depressing. If this is what the Old Guard wants the NHL is doomed.

But I'm sure Cherry will speak out against the breaks in the 'code' (ie punching guys while down, using equipment in a fight, attacking older guys, sending out thugs in the last minute) tonight. He's a sincere and up-standing guy, right?

Steve said...

I am reading endless prose about how we need a tough guy to nail Pretzel Logic. I agree its a good theory but not logic. Even though PL ended KomiIsucks career its like Osama, the cure is worse than the disease. We need a coach, and some refs who know that they can make calls.

Number31 said...

Sick of hearing about that toughness crap. Habs lost not because they aren't tough but because they didn't play defence all night (especially Gomez's line) and are on the last leg of Old Man Defence. Pens are pretty tough, aren't they? They got a bunch of tough guys, no? Tough guys don't make up for missing Crosby/Malkin. Injuries are catching up with our boys, so they have to start playing smarter.

It's a win/lose pattern with the Leafs. Leafs won the last one so GO YOU FUCKING HABS!!! Or is that GO YOU FUCKING BULLDOGS!!!

Orangeman said...

TSN has a nice video on their site of the Subban brothers. That's right children, there's 2 more of 'em.

Orangeman said...

Another vid on TSN: "Two teams heading in different directions"
Toronto is tearing it up by winning 4 out of their last 6! BOOM!

"Everyone's bunched up in the East all the way down to 13th". The Habs are 14 points ahead of the leaf. Right on their heels!

Not saying it won't be a close game, they always are. But the delusion is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's the meth.

HabsFan29 said...

ok kidz sadly I won't be with you this evening as I've actually got a social engagement! look at me!

be excellent to each other, and DIE LEAF DIE. DIE CBC DIE. FUCK DON CHERRY. FUCK THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, etc, etc.

Habs Q said...

I still value this blog. But in an effort to be more inclusive the core focus in no longer there. I get the slump busting man thing, but there has been a ton of it in the last year.

For me, seeing panger head as a breast was funny yet disturbing, and I haven't had to replace my keyboard once this year. MILF's and Sienna are far and few between. I respect the artistry of the photo shop work, but I miss the old days.

The part I miss the most is the timing of the updates. Before you could wake up and the review was up, now it happens later in the day.

It sounds like I'm complaining, but I just miss how it used to be, and still think its a great blog, but its lost something along the way for me.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I agree with Habs Q

moeman said...

- hnic will 'track' kessel, your harper tax money at work

- nice Hudson Bay blanket sweater ron, doesn't make you more Canadian no matter how hard you try, you're a leaf fan, not a hockey fan

- cool use of the cap PFK! wear it, ditCH it, love it.

- for you young FHFers foster hewitt was as bigoted as cherry

- sooby doo, STFU! quimm

iRiRi said...

They can't lose to the lowly leaves. They just can't.

GYFHG!

Moey said...

How heartwarming, little boy asks Cherry if he can sign their jerseys. "No I can't kid, I have to go on television." Geez, at least say something like, "sorry son, wait for me after this." What a dickhead.

moeman said...

Nice tuques on da tykes.

iRiRi said...

"Toronto still talking playoffs!"

Orangeman said...

Just tuned into "They're ONLY 8 points behind Atlanta with TWO GAMES in hand! Big game!"

Nevermind the 4 teams between them and 8th.

Orangeman said...

"LEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

"Lots of Leafs here tonight!"

moeman said...

heh, bob cold

Orangeman said...

"Here's more of the skill set of Kessel!"

Am I missing something? Is Kessel actually an elite player? He has 36 pts and is -18. Am I the blind one?

moeman said...

hnic is 'tracking' kessel. Someone call FedEx.

Orangeman said...

Jeez guys.

They tend to kill half their PPs with their Dmen doing spins in their own zone. PASS IT UP.

Orangeman said...

Is tere only one team on the ice tonight? That's all I'm hearing about.

moeman said...

There's only one team at hnic. There's.

moeman said...

cold just reminded us the Habs are playing the leaf. eesh. Also funny was when galley and cold were waxing leaf dominance, heatly says its 8-2 SOGs.

iRiRi said...

After every whistle, all I hear is some positive about a leaf.

Habs get called for a penalty and Cold's voice goes up 2 octaves. Ugh.

iRiRi said...

8-2 SOGs? That's 2 POWERFUL shots by the leaf and 8 UNBELIEVABLE saves by Giguere in Cold speak.

Orangeman said...

There were two obvious offsides there by the leaf one before the PP, the other just after. Neither were called. Interesting.

moeman said...

Despite what cold says, loopedall did not get one in.

iRiRi said...

"This is the fourth meeting of the season, leafs have won two.". As opposed to both have won two a piece.

PFK!!! And they say we have no toughness!

Orangeman said...

"LUPUL GOT ONE IN WHEN SUBBAN WAS GOING DOWN!"

There's something to be proud of, Bobby. Oh, now they're finding some excuse to hate on PK. I'm shocked.

Orangeman said...

I'm intentionally going to watch Crotch's Corner to get angry. My therapist would be upset with me.

Orangeman said...

"HOW ABOUT LUPUL!!!"

Didn't he get his ass handed to him?

Also, isn't there something sick about watching teenagers wail on each other?

moeman said...

Does there kesseltracker shoot fireworks if her scores? What a bunch of fucking dolts.

Orangeman said...

Holy shit, all jokes aside, I'm fucking sick of hearing about Kessel.

moeman said...

there = their

moeman said...

You gotta believe that mlse/burke are paying hnic for this kessel bullshit.

Orangeman said...

But I assume her=her

Orangeman said...

"It's the one area the leafs have struggled this season"

Considering they're in 13th I would guess that they've struggled in other areas as well.

moeman said...

CHicken!

Orangeman said...

EAT IT!

iRiRi said...

CHicken!

Number31 said...

BAWK BAWK!

Orangeman said...

ooooh, CBC sounds angry. hehe.

moeman said...

Gio!

Orangeman said...

The Cap'n!

iRiRi said...

GIO!!!

moeman said...

Cue the leaf thug.

Orangeman said...

Chocula could ruin an orgy on the moon.

moeman said...

Love how the Habs are cueing in on the next great blue and white dope.

Zdog said...

Orangeman ... awesome!

moeman said...

heh, hit a leaf, get a penalty. A shove? These are the same wads that drool for fighting.

iRiRi said...

"Speaking of Phil Kessel..."

WHEN ARE THEY NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM?!

Orangeman said...

Seriously, if they show another Kessel montage tonight I'm voting for the Conservatives and their anti-public broadcaster policies. I'LL DO IT!

moeman said...

Look at him!

iRiRi said...

BLEED PLEKS BLEED.

moeman said...

Nice move Céline.

moeman said...

kesseltracker!

moeman said...

gary galley, ex bruin. STFU!

iRiRi said...

Hand on the puck, much?!

moeman said...

Dou$harek can't even cuff the puck properly.

Also, saw on some other site that they call him Domisarek.

Orangeman said...

@moe: At least Domi was good at something

moeman said...

Why are cbc hacks always looking to find answers for the(ir) leaf?

moeman said...

@ Oman, Belinda and his wife left him.

moeman said...

Double D!

iRiRi said...

DD!

Orangeman said...

I didn't even realize there was a PP because the CBC failed to mention it until 15 seconds in.

DOUBLE D!

moeman said...

More kesseltracker please.

moeman said...

kesseltracker!!!

Orangeman said...

That's it. I'm officially a Conservative. Hell, I'll be a Communist if it shuts the CBC up about Kessel.

iRiRi said...

Kesseltracker strikes again!

moeman said...

... and there you have the unmentionable 'shutout' comment, by a fucking goalie.

moeman said...

My 3 Stars;

1. DD

2. Hamr

3. TFS™

moeman said...

Another 'shutout' mention.

Healy already mentioned shutout, he's a kesseltracking liar.

lawyergirl77 said...

@O-Man: Harper is a Leafs fan. And IMHO the CBC has gotten worse since 2006.

lawyergirl77 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Orangeman said...

Shoots the puck at PK. Classy. Oh, and he's a rookie. I'm sure the media will be all over the 'lack of respect' there.

moeman said...

Someone shoot the puck at bob cold!

Orangeman said...

@LG: yeah, but he's anti-public funding for the CBC. Now I have to clarify, I support a public broadcaster. I was being facetious. I can't even vote, being an ex-con and all.

lawyergirl77 said...

Well... Anyone else wanna complain about the nekkid men? ;)

Orangeman said...

Lord, we needed that win. When I say 'we' I mean Habs fans. And the shutout. Perfect.

5th place baby!

iRiRi said...

Nekkid men FTW! Literally!

Also, 29 needs to stay away :)

Number31 said...

Second time they shutout someone while I was drawing this mask for that contest. Does this mean I gotta draw one every game or just when they need a slumpbuster? I'll print out more blanks...

Zdog said...

I am ok with having naked men posted on the front page every game day if that's what its going to take. Seriously. I'm willing to be open minded about this.

(But this doesn't mean we can't celebrate the next day with scantily clad stipper ladies)

Carry on.

Kmaxx said...

Fuckin A - it's 2.45 am in the UK but who gives a shit - I'm hammered and we just shut out the leaf. Fuck you cbc. Suck on that! I loved PFK and TFS at the end of the game. Low 5's muthers! Wiz was much better tonight - as was PFK - I might have been dreamiong but did the Mex get a shot? I think it was in the 2nd. BTW - Could the CBC have done anything more to try jinxing the shutout tonight - Come on!!! And let's talk more about boston again. Well done Ryan - tell thnat fuckin' weasel to fuck off. That's my bit for tonight - more SoCo awaits! GYFHG! Night all!!!

Steve said...

Can we play the Leafs every time, I love the Kesseltracker, and now he is at tim hortons, oh a double double and a double ductchie

Kmaxx said...

Forgot to mention - my feed tonight was ESPN America/CBC/HNIC - but ESPN overrules the lot - all night they run promos with fuckin' Bruins and Flyers to promote hockey - fuck off and get some real people!! - Like Habs fans you muthers!!!!

Orangeman said...

y'know, for a populist 'man of the people' Cherry really looks uncomfortable around other humans.

Orangeman said...

Seriously, these guys live in Whitefuckinghorse, Yugoddamnkon and are glowing with pride and excitement to be on HNIC right now and Cherry looks like he's fallen into a den of hungry grizzly sharks covered in poo. Won't even look at them. But you keep championing those populist causes to prove you're a 'real' Canadian.

Kmaxx said...

When did Wendel Clark get out of rehab?

Moey said...

Mr. Moey said shutout three times in the final two minutes. I was having fits. I think he's reversed the jinx.

iRiRi said...

Did the leaf win?

Orangeman said...

@iRiRi: Ha!

Orangeman said...

Philosoraptor'spost-game thoughts.

Number31 said...

TSN headline: "Silencing the Leafs" BOOM! Now go back to playing Reimer on fellow non-playoff teams and re-plan the parade.

Orangeman said...

Wouldn't "The Silence of the Leafs" be better? Plus it's way more leaf-centric, so we both win.

HabsFan29 said...

I'm home. What'd I miss? How did Phil Kessel play?

scorewatcher said...

go wings go!

msevigny said...

The two guys who replaced PJ Stock on After Hours, recapping the night's games, informed me that the "controversial" PK Subban was so insufferable the Leafs were forced to fight him and shoot pucks at him. Apparently this was his fault for being a bad person, although they didn't mention Boyce being a rookie too. Maybe he got Mike Richards' blessing during an intermission.

It's especially a bummer because usually After Hours is relatively watchable since all the major CBC "personalities" have gone home and there's no pressure to suck up to Toronto since it's West-only. I guess we should expect more stories this week about PK.

Orangeman said...

Pardon me children, sorry to wake you. I have midterms this week so I'm up late studying. And drinking and whoring, if that fits my persona better. Who am I kidding, no one's listening at this point.

Anyway, just saw TSN's recap of the PK fight. So after bitching all season that he won't put his mitts where his mouth is, he does. Only now it wasn't good enough. Lupul gives the vague interview that "I don't like him...cause everyone told me not to in the media". Maybe that's because he kicked your ass? Just guessing. Oh, he didn't give you time to take off your helmet. I...see...He didn't take his off either. Didn't realize you needed a waiting period.

It's just like the haters who say "Wow, they beat the leafs. Anyone can do that!" What, so we're supposed to lose? I don't get it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. The only way PK 'wins' in that fight is if he submits to the white guy...I mean 'other' guy. Oh, and the guy who shot the puck directly at him (and will likely receive no discipline)? A rookie. Less games than PK. Where's the respect?!

No one's reading this. I'm graphing inverse logarithms with a dollar store ruler on a Saturday night over here. 29, I know you read this shit. Just mention the generic term 'fruit' tomorrow in TMS to let me know I'm not insane. I will divide your ass by zero if I have to.

Great now I get the WV bonbumm and it's wasted like a condom at a melissa Etheridge concert.

Number31 said...

It's 3am and I've not seen a montage of things Kessel has done over the past few games. Should I be worried?

Orangeman said...

@31: I believe that's the first sign of the apocalypse, just before the seven horsemen and the leaf winning the Cup.

Anonymous said...

Hate to be picky, but I think it's only four horsemen...

Fishfeet said...

@29 : For anyone following the amazingness of the Kesseltracker, he was at an astounding -1 last night. This is my surprised face.

@The O-man : Here is a little song for Purnell Fucking Karl Subban that should be appropriate for the following week. Now, to get it to play during his interviews ...

HabsFan29 said...

give o'man a break anon, it's hard to keep track of the apocalypse at 4 AM

your reports of media on PK violence mesevigny and o'man is no surprise, but fucking annoying. i'll add that this morning the only story TSN got out of the game is a visor in a fight. it's obviously the most important thing ever. grrrrr. that Lupul interview was pathetic

HabsFan29 said...

teaser for the TSN.ca video highlights of the game:

"Not only did the Habs blank the Leafs, but P.K. Subban may have added to his list of enemies."

Fuck you TSN