I mean, even when the Habs suck enough to let the Bs actually win a game or, horrors, a playoff series, we know it's only a temporary setback and that soon, the Natural Order of Things will reestablish itself. I think that was why the 2009 playoffs were so painful. We were worried that maybe our domination had come to an end.
So, here's to you, Bs. You are the Newman to our Jerry. We hope to continue our kickage of your collective asses (8-1-0 in our last 9 games vs. Boston) tonight.
But even if we don't, we know it's not forever and we'll get your black & gold asses and your shaved gorilla next game. It's only a matter of time...
If Newman were to have a career in broadcasting, would he work for TSN or RDS?: Game starts at 7:00 on RDS and TSN. Seriously not sure which feed to watch - both aggravate me to no end. Why can't we just get a channel with the noise from the rink and that's it? I think it would be more informative than Benoit's bullshit and McSplooge's, well, splooging...
Climbing trees like a "ring-tailed lemur" (a skill they learned in the Pacific Northwest): Wait a second, the Habs could pull even with the Bruins in the Northeast with a win tonight? Whoa. Crazy. And PK is on a 3-game point streak, so apparently he's not as much of an "asshole" as some moronic (and likely racist - yeah, I said it) scabs would have us believe...
Hiding bags of mail in the storage locker: Well, the Habs didn't suck on Saturday, but they laid a big 'ol turd on Sunday. So, while no one will go into this column, yet, you're on notice... Habs.
Broken, like a bar code reader on Publisher's Clearing House Day: Marc Savard has a concussion. Again. Dude, for the love of humanity, please retire before you're sucking all of your meals out of a straw for the rest of your life. We keep getting teased that Squid will be making a triumphant return back into the lineup, but, at this point, I'd lay better odds on the Tooth Fairy ringing my doorbell and offering me some money for my wisdom teeth. I'd talk about missing Markov and Gorges, but it still brings a tear to my eye.
Newman-esque proportions: I would post a link towards fat chick porn, but a) I'm grossed out by what I'm seeing with my Google search and b) Habs don't need a slumpbuster right now after having served once again as the Devils' perennial slumpbusters on Sunday.
Besides, I'm not in the mood after hearing that the NHL only gave Cooke a 4-game suspension for his ridiculously dirty hit. Does someone have to impale another player's head on their hockey stick in order for the League to wake the fuck up and protect its players, already?? Why isn't the NHLPA doing anything about this, dammit??
Okay, kids - have at it! Give us your super-sized thoughts about nemeses and all things hockey in the comments.