Friday, December 12, 2008

Fak You Mentreal!


This week I play great hackey against fenetestic teem the Calgary Fires of Flame. Oh so good game I pley like cousin of God. I too great for Fires of Flame and they try score many goal on me Jaro but they don’t know how to put pack in my net.

And whole crap teem Mentreal come to see me in my net after game and say “Oh Jaro, you so perfect, oh Jaro we ween because you pley beautiful hackey and we so bad teem we cant ween nothing if you not pleying in the net, please Jaro we want to make statue of you in new plaza outside Bell Centre”.

So the next day, I wait all day at home for teem to call me to see me make pose for new Jaro statue. It coud take long time to make big statue and is so expensive becase I only want statute to be in gold. So I wait all day, I don’t take nap and nobady in teem call me to make pose for naked Jaro statue.

I so tired to wait all day and so mad I sleep bad the hole night and dreem all the night of litel Jaros posing naked everywere for litel naked Jaro statues, and that one statue is litel baby Jaro drinking milk from mama Jaro boob.

I get to lacker room the next day and stupid coch say “Jaro, you pley again tomorrow against Toumpa Light”. Great teem Toumpa, with litel ant player Marty St-Louwis who so stupid he no from St-Louwis. You litel player Marty, my name is Jaro Las Angeless, now! Oh litel Marty! I not barn in Loss Angeless! Oh Marty!

Now I so angry for no gold Jaro I don’t want pley good hackey for Mentreal and fat Cari. But coch say Jaro you pley because I decide and I coch and I have power and my doghter is very fentestic.

So I pley game and teem pley so bad again, like Fires of Flame game when I beet teem by my alone self. So this time, I imagine teem come to see me after we ween in game and I pley like hero and they say they make big statue of me. Nat this time Mentreal! I nat wait again for you treeks.

So I make Toumpa great teem look like teem that ween Stanley Cap for seven years every day. And Marty crazy name score anytime he want on me. He also so small when big pleyer Vinny score he put Marty in hand and pick him up and give him kiss like agly giant that kiss small frog at end of movie when giant realize frog is not bad person and a good friend.

Fak you Mentreal, and fak you naked gold Jaro!

12 comments:

Shutdown said...

I love you.

HabsFan29 said...

well worth the wait

lawyergirl77 said...

Is it wrong that Jaro's return makes me almost happy we won last night?? No? Okay...

I'm still giggling about this: "and that one statue is litel baby Jaro drinking milk from mama Jaro boob"

Classic, 4. Classic.

HabsFan29 said...

Is it wrong that Jaro's return makes me almost happy we won last night??

quality slip there, LG

Tom said...

They should make a golden statue of this post.

Van Hab said...

I smell a spin-off franchise!

CVennasty said...

Fuck boys evidently you've landed on quite the meth stash. But in the end, I think we all dream of naked gold statues of ourselves in the Centennial Plaza.

Rips it, scores! said...

I may or may not include the phrase "Fak You (insert noun here)" in day to day conversation thanks to Jaro.


NOTE: I do, as well as proclaiming that goalies "make big poop(s) in net" whenever they concede a goal in any sport. FHF has added to my lexicon and, hell, made me a better person.

J.T. said...

All hail Jaro! Man, I love that guy.

AntolovesJaro said...

Woke up to a Jaro post!
Today's gonna be a great day!
Thank you, 4. Thank you.

Fouto said...

hahaha good stuff. Game of Jaro great success.

Carcillo13 said...

"Nat this time Mentreal! I nat wait again for you treeks."

I have no idea why these particular sentences struck me as so fucking hilarious but... they did. Treeks... Excellent work. Jaro is my hero. :D