Saturday, December 13, 2008

Habs in dire need of medical attention - Caps Game Preview and Open Thread

Hey kidz! How y'all doing on this chilly Saturday in Montreal? For today's preview we'll be doing the long free-flowing paragraph thing and maybe throwing some medical terminology at you so don't be fright- HOLY FUCK THOSE CHICKS ARE SEXY. Sorry, got a little distracted there. 7 PM at the Phone booth and it's on CBC. For the second time this week! Of course, the last one didn't work out so well. Habs and Caps both have 37 points. The last time they played was a Habs suck fest that I traveled 1000 miles to see. For all your Caps needs, check out CapsChick's new digs. OK let's get to the big story for tonight which is the Habs walking wounde- INJECT ME BABY! DO IT NOW!!! Sorry, sorry. So Higgins is out 4-6 weeks with a bum shoulder (how's that for medical terminology?), Saku is out with a foot or ankle issue for at least 2 weeks, Mr. Finish My Shift With a Broken Arm is out for a while, and TFS(tm) has a heavy case of the sniffles AND a lower-body injury, so Jaro will go again. DOOM still out though practising with the team, and BGL's groin is acting up. In response to all this, Habs called up Ben Maxwell to play with Dagger and Big Tits. They wanted to call up Our Boy CHips, but he's injured. That's good irony. Also, Marc Denis has been called up as some goalie insurance. The Caps are going the other way from the clinic, this week getting a bunch of players back - Semin, Poti, Green, and Fedoro- YES, YES, YES, TAKE ANY SAMPLES YOU WANT!!! Again, so sorry. Our old friend Theo tweaked his hip yesterday so we probably won't see him tonight. Keep an eye out for hot-ish Habs Dagger and Lang. I don't think I need to tell you to keep an eye on Ovie. OK that's enough preview, I don't think Medicare will cover much more.

Please talk amongst yourselves in the comments, I'm going out. I have a sudden urge to get a physical.

56 comments:

Cap-Fan said...

Are you guys going to be able to score against us this time?

HabsFan29 said...

im not too optimistic

copyranter said...

I talked to Sonja, the zaftig, full-bosomed Russian woman across the hall from me, earlier today. I asked here if Alexei was going to score tonight. She said, Yes. Alexei who?" So, count on it...

gillis said...

did you guys hear about the caps back-up goalie the other night. They dressed their website producer as a goalie because the AHL call-up was going to be late.

Lets hope B Max has the same impact on the team that Dagger did. He looked pretty good in preseason.

Injuries suck.

Maybe if I keep hating Breezebye he'll keep scoring.

HabsFan29 said...

boy do i have a bad feeling tonight. for the love of god prove me wrong boys

@gillis - web geeks can be athletes too. maybe .1% of them

Lostinleafland said...

Expect Kovy, GBL & Tangy to light it up...if Carbo keeps them together?

Please O'burned again,..pretty fuckin' please, don't suck.

lostinleafland said...

forgot to mention..it's on CBC in Ontario,,on a Saturday. excuse me while I have a moment alone........

HabsFan29 said...

cbc ontario?? did a Leafs plane crash or something?

HabsFan29 said...

woohoo! booing the PP already

Baroque said...

Leafs aren't even playing tonight.

Time (and the center of the hockey universe) is out of joint. :)

Rips it, scores! said...

Are they even trying on the PP anymore?

Ugh.

Bryan said...

atta boy, joshy !!

lostinleafland said...

The Loafs don't play until Tuesday.
Sweet jesus, if their plane crashed I imagine the movie "alive"..Blake would be whinny little bitch stealing the extra chocolate.
I'd like to see Burke try and build the team after that.
ahhh, shit,,goal Caps,,shit

lostinleafland said...

Markov plus/minus watch...
-1.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK!

is it over yet?

Rips it, scores! said...

Great PK, guys. Let Backstrom stand unmolested in front of Halak, that can't possibly end badly.

Baroque said...

That fight seemed to kind of come out of nowhere. Strange.

Looking at all the first-round picks the Capitals have, I wonder how long the team will be able to stay together. A day or two ago Leonis posted that even if the team wins the Stanley Cup in four seven-game series, they would still probably lose better than $5 million. You can only reduce the salary for the employees so much - if you can't figure out a way to increase revenues, then it seems to me a team is a little bit fucked.

Rips it, scores! said...

Habs PP. Sweet. I smell a dominant shift.

Shutdown said...

@gillis

Did you hear that the web designer was also 6 foot fucking 7?

copyranter said...

what an ugly period. the PP was rancid, they got their asses kicked on face-offs, and they didn't test the rookie goalie at all.

Rips it, scores! said...

A PP with jump. I'll be damned.

Baroque said...

Decline the penalty! Decline!

Rips it, scores! said...

Caps: Please stop giving away penalties. Thanks.

Baroque said...

New strategy: Maybe the Canadiens should rough someone up as soon as they get a power play, so the teams will play four-on-four. Do they perform better that way?

HabsFan29 said...

o'burn almost strikes again

copyranter said...

@Baroque: I like your thinking.

Rips it, scores! said...

We all need cheering up. Here, have a picture of P Diddy stepping on dog poo. Gratifying, really.

Baroque said...

Well, nothing else seems to be working. At the very least they could get out some frustration by giving someone a little punch in the head to even the numbers up. :)

HabsFan29 said...

Baroque your strategy worked!

copyranter said...

BREEZER BOMB!!!!!!!!!!

Baroque said...

Patrice freaking Brisebois.

/shakes head in amazement

(word verification: "fooking" - I kid you not!)

Rips it, scores! said...

Nice one Breezer!

Baroque said...

Baroque your strategy worked!

Heh. You know what they say about blind squirrels and nuts. :)

I'm just glad it's a good game after the rough week I had at work.

Shutdown said...

Was that Varlamov's first Goal Against in the NHL, ever?

If so, his career is ruined. The thought of Brisebois scoring on him during his first NHL game will linger in his mind forever, leading him to a lifetime of substance abuse and shitty goaltending.

This kid's career is done.

Baroque said...

Commit a penalty to even it up, you dorks!

It worked last time.

Rips it, scores! said...

Does O'Byrne have banana skins on his skates?!?

Baroque said...

Does O'Byrne have banana skins on his skates?!?

Some of his shifts have certainly been ... eventful.

Rips it, scores! said...

It's official - Kovy will never. ever. score. again.

Baroque said...

Crapitude. :(

Beta169 said...

Hey look! O'Byrne has the least ice time of anyone on the team!

les_glorieux said...

As fucking if that happened. God damn it.

Rips it, scores! said...

That last minute reminded me of the last minute of that game vs Toronto in the 06-07 season. Turnovers galore, never looking like scoring.

9 points behind the Bruins now. Shit.

Panic Mode said...

I want some fucking trades.

I mean it.

Baroque said...

Washington: 1 for 4 with a man advantage.

Montreal: 0 for fucking 7 with a man disadvantage.

Baroque said...

I want some fucking trades.

Kovalchuck?

orangeman said...

Came in halfway through the 2nd. Habs played very well. Then they missed an empty net, completely fell apart in their own zone and allowed a shit goal. As per usual, they then completely gave up on the game.

What a fucking waste of time. Why do I even bother tuning into this garbage?

The Habs offence is dead. Dagger had life in him, but has obviously been dragged down by the sucktitude of the team. And am I the only one who takes up smoking everything O'Byrn is on the ice?

Losing the the Caps isn't so bad, but losing the the Caps after losing to the Bolts? Fucking embarrassment. Bob, please! Stop the bleeding!

Rips it, scores! said...

Just watching the end of the Ott - Tampa game. The linesman has just kicked Martin St-Louis on the face with his blade (linesman was tripped). Jesus.

cottoneye said...

2 goals in the 2 last games. 2 Patrice fucking Brisebois goals. Is anyone else able to fucking score on this team?

Fuck.

Baroque said...

Just watching the end of the Ott - Tampa game. The linesman has just kicked Martin St-Louis on the face with his blade (linesman was tripped). Jesus.

Saw that. Scary.

Also scary - I think Cherry raided Goodwill after I cleaned out my closet. A couple of his outfits remind me of outfits I used to have.

Anonymous said...

2 goals in the 2 last games. 2 Patrice fucking Brisebois goals.

That's fucking depressing

gillis said...

Alright so i guess i should keep hating breezebye and he'll keep scoring. Maybe if I hate the whole team they will all score. But then its a catch 22, cause if I hated them it would mean that I want them to win which means i don't hate them. Fuck thats confusing.

I hate Breezebye.

and Kovalevs gotta work on hitting the open net.

and O'byrne has got to stay on his fucking feet.

And Halaks gotta stop saving OByrnes ass so that he can learn from his mistakes.

And the habs gotta stop sucking.

and stop getting injured.

Baroque said...

Maybe just pick three other players each game? Four goals should be enough to win if the goaltending holds up.

O'Byrne should make a golden Jaro statue himself as thanks for saving his unsteady ass.

gillis said...

Okay then.

I hate:

-turtleplek
-Tanguay
-Breezebye
- and Kovalev

wait, kovalev can't score. I hate Gui!

gillis said...

So this is what I think of the habs season so far:

- They can't play for a full 60 minutes.I've only seen one game this season where the habs played a full 60 minutes (ottawa). Even against Atlanta they had to stop playing for one minute which could've ruined their whole game. The wins have coming, but they haven't been coming easy.

- What happened to "three solid lines this season". I just counted and 8 players on the Habs roster have been playing like a flaming bag of horse shit.
Kovalev: can't score
Markov: has shared his defensive knowledge with Gorges, but he forgot to keep some for himself.
Plekanec: I don't know whats wrong with him anymore. He just sucks.
Higgins: (same as Plekanec)
Sergei: (same as Plekanec)
Latendresse: Can't skate. MUST GO TO THE NET!!
Tom K: Sucks big nuts. Paying to much attention to the man and not the puck.
O'Byrne: do I really have to explain myself

- The Habs like to get injured in bunches.

- The goalies are keeping the team together. If the habs are to lose Carey Price, they would probably drop down the rankings faster then... I cant think of a a "faster then" right now.

- PP sucks: I miss you Streit. Please come play in Montreal. Good thing the habs have a new Swiss embassador on the way. Hopefully he can produce as much as Streit did, but that will have to wait for next season.

I wish watching hockey didnt involve so much thinking. Especially watching the Habs. They stress the shit out of me. Maybe if I were a leafs fan I wouldn't have to be upset when they lose, I could just dream of John Tavares.

I hate Breezebye

Van Hab said...

This team, starting with Kovalev, does not have what it takes to win. too inconsistent and not enough resolve. Like a pretty girl in high school, they're all divas and darlings when things are going well, but one ill-timed spate of diarrhea during that fall talent show dance performance and their reputation and confidence are forever ruined.

The shit-stain that is the Habs' powerplay will not go away on its own. This girl needs to start dating the quarterback from another high school (Bouwmeester?) if she ever wants to turn it around in time for prom.

Didier said...

Man, why don't we ever get one of those big right-shooting centres? You know, with 600 PIM that can also chip in with 60 goals. Why don 't we ever draft one of those? I don't get it.