Friday, December 19, 2008

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

If you think I'm posting a pic of that waffling bastard when lovely ladies like this exist, you're on the wrong site

Wait, this is what we've been waiting for? Six fucking months of breathless news updates, 50,000 Eklund "the Habs are still in this (E5)" fucking posts, a different Gomez to Edmonton/Vancouver or Rosival to Anyone Willing to Take Him Ranger salary dump rumours every week, and this is the finish? It's the Canucks? Sweet fucking Christ on a bike, that was a fucking waste of time.

I'm not going to rehash any of the "rental player" comments, because Not-So-Welcome Mats will be hearing that one for the rest of his sorta-kinda tainted career and retirement. And if you're looking for the enraged, bitter, "he shoulda signed with us" Habs fan point of view, move on. Frankly, I'm almost blase about the whole thing. Seriously, the Canucks? The fucking Canucks? When it looked like Mats to the Rangers was a done deal yesterday, I sent the rest of the FHF the following email:

"Guys, if Sundin announces today, I got something to say about it. Actually, whenever he announces, I've got something to say about it. Spolier alert: There's a wee bit of cursing."

I was ready to go Mickey Ribs wild on Mats. The idea that he would jerk around so many teams for so long (yes, our beloved Habitants included) and then sign for the Rangers made my expletive regulator blow right off. Not sure why. Now, with Mats signed to the Canucks, I'm strangely zen about the whole thing.

Well, not entirely zen. The breathless, will he, won't he, he sold his house, the Rangers have a deal in place, the Canucks offered him $50 billion dollars and the Sedin twins' sister, Bob Gainey met Mats and cooked him a lovely seafood dinner, CONSTANT FUCKING MEDIA BARRAGE drove me batshit. At the very least, Mats Sundin deserves a massive fuck you and a smack across his big bald undecided pate for allowing this fucking circus to go on for so long, especially considering the countless rumoured deadlines he or his agent put in place all fucking summer and fall. Fuck.

At least now, after the wailing, gnashing of teeth and "love him/hate him" debate from Toronto subsides, and the signing is beaten to death from every angle, we can all expect to hear a lot less about Mats, his vacation habits, his desire for privacy, the rumoured deal Fletcher had in place, blah blah blah. It's over. For fucks sake, it's finally over.

Until his first fucking game. Then it's really over. Until Hockey Day in Canada, which just happens to be the only Canucks-Leafs meeting this year. Then it's really, really over. (Fuck. Ron Maclean and Kelly Hrudey and PJ Stock and Steve Armitage and Cassie Campbell and every other fuck at the CBC are going to flog that fucking dead horse for 12 straight hours ... it will make a Manning vs Manning Superbowl look subdued).

But for now, we can rest, knowing that the Canucks have greatly improved their chances of getting steamrolled in the Western Final by San Jose instead of meekly surrendering in the semis or quarters to Detroit or Anaheim or Chicago. Fucking bravo, Mike Gillis. Fucking bravo, Mats. (Once again, I'll leave the "Mats will go to the place where he has the best chance to compete for a Cup" stuff to others.) [Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough.] It's finally fucking over.

Hey, anyone hear any Kovalchuk rumours?

7 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

it will make a Manning vs Manning Superbowl look subdued

heh. im going out to the fucking woods for that day so i won't have to deal with the CBC. or maybe it should be the week prior, as TSN will be running 24 hour a day features on it

lawyergirl77 said...

I'd rather drags Mats out into the woods (or woodshed, as it were) and beat some sense into the man.

"Not about the money" my ASS.

And truer links were never coughed, 10...

Panic Mode said...

One of your "coughs" mistakenly links to Claude Julien's Bruins.

Must be some sort of virus.

Sonia said...

Ron Maclean and Kelly Hrudey and PJ Stock and Steve Armitage and Cassie Campbell and every other fuck at the CBC are going to flog that fucking dead horse for 12 straight hours

Don’t forget Mike Milbury - the biggest fuck in the bunch. Actually, he and Matts both deserve to be taken out into the woods and be set upon by the South Park Woodland Critters.

Limerick Dude said...

I had to write CBC a quick note saying "thanks for throwing Habs fans a bone with these Thursday games, but if you plan on giving them airtime in the future, please ensure Mad Mike is chained up in the basement or put out to the curb the morning before the game"

I could just imagine him doing the colour for a Habs/Broons game!

"In my books, Lucic is the best player in the game right now. A real compliment to Kessel and Ryder. Why Habs management let the B's sign Ryder for a steal is almost a big a question mark as why Kovalev plays with no heart 90% of the time. Sure he has a hattrick tonight, but tomorrow he'll stink up the joint. etc etc etc

gillis said...

a Gillis could always get the job done

Baroque said...

I think I have an extra throat lozenge, if you need it. :)

The funny thing is that when this whole drama started, the Red Wings inquired about Sundin's interest - why not? - and a lot of people figured they would be the perfect destination because of the Swedish presence. Ken Holland said in an interview when he was asked about Sundin that they were told he had no interest in signing with Detroit - so Detroit just signed Hossa instead and closed the book on Mats Sundin.

There was some chatter that he might need to stay in Canada for some business reason or tax implications?