Wednesday, May 05, 2010

(Bettman's Muppets) 1 + (Pittsburgh) 1 = Pens 2, Habs 0

Well, this series might have been fun if it was a fair fight. But it's not. The Habs are down their best player, the Pens are up two refs, a couple of linesmen, a schedule maker, a couple of US tv networks and a runty little Napoleon string-puller in the NHL's throne room. (Removes tin-foil hat). Thoughts jotted down while watching last night, with some sober second thoughts provided as of this morning:

Thought from last night (TFLN): Hey, Andrei Kostitsyn is alive! Oh, wait, no he isn't. Christ, fire puck deep, Simple Jack! Puck! Deep! You!

Sober second thought this morning (SSTTM): Since Sergei isn't busy on game nights, he should probably pack both Tits brothers bags for Avangard Omsk or AK Bars Kazan now. I can't for the life of me see either Kostitsyn being long for this city.

TFLN: Chicken looks ... looks like a fourth overall pick sometimes. Big, strong skater, slick moves. Then it all falls down at the last hurdle. He's going to tease two more teams who trade for him thinking they can help him put it all together before washing out of the league.

SSTTM: Nope, stand by that statement, unless Guy Boucher gets here ASAP.

TFLN: PK Fucking Subban makes plays falling on his ass. PK Fucking Subban is making a Markov trade a distinct possibility in two years or less. Mini PK Fucking Subban HF10 will be the name of my next kid.

SSTTM: Okay, that's probably not true, but still. He's awfully fun to watch.

TFLN: Marc Andre Fleury looks much better this game. Uh oh.

SSTTM: Fleury has a real Grant Fuhr vibe about him (minus the cocaine addiction). He may never blow you away with his stats, although they are often very good. More often than not he just lets in one less goal than the guy across from him, and doesn't care if he wins 6-5 or 1-0. I hate that. Just when you think you have him on the run he slams the door.

TFLN: Oh goody, somebody cattle-prodded Malkin back to life. Just what the Canadiens needed.

SSTTM: Oh goody, somebody cattle-prodded Malkin back to life. Just what the Canadiens needed. (Gulp).

Tinfoil Hat Back On For the Fucking Cheating Fuckers Portion of our Review:

So let me get this straight. End of period, Crosby falls down, slashes Gorges. Malkin drops his gloves with Gionta and pulls his jersey over his head. Crosby tries to punch Hamr, gets into it with seemingly everyone on the ice, knocks Gomez's helmet off. Hamr and Kunitz get into it. Letang wrestles Gorges to the ice. And the end result is Malkin and Crosby scot-free to start the third on the powerplay? As Orangeman said last night "Bettman, your puppets are showing".

Not to be the whiny fanbase that thinks the refs and Bettman are out to screw the Canadiens, but holy fuck are there some questionable decisions being made in this series. And frankly, it's not just Habs fans talking about this. Every fanbase is feeling wronged over something in this playoffs. The officiating in the NHL right now is fucking atrocious, and borderline criminal in some cases, and often appears horribly biased in favour of certain teams. If you think the Habs have had it bad so far, take a look at the Detroit/San Jose series, where the Wings (second least penalized team in the regular season) are facing twice as many powerplays as the Sharks (8th most penalized team regular season). The discrepancy between regular season and playoffs is startling.

Whether it's intentional or not, it looks like the refs are trying to fuck teams over. Especially when Crosby's stick slashes a Hab every third shift with no call. Or when a major scrum somehow ends with Montreal's top two penalty killing defencemen in the box. I know Hal Gill was already there, and deservedly so, but it seems convenient that Gorges was the only Hab to get the hook when everyone on the ice was doing the same thing he was, especially given the fact that Gorges claims he was told either he or Hamr were going off and the refs just happened to pick the guy who hasn't been running on fumes since March. Or when the two star guys who started it for Pittsburgh get to start the third period on fresh ice and on the powerplay. Am I bitter? Fuck yeah, I'm bitter. This is certainly not the first time someone has complained that calls go in the Pens favour (see Rangers, NY. Or Flyers, Philadelphia. Or Red Wings, Detroit in last year's final. Or Capitals, Washington (ironic, but still.) The perception that Sid and the Pens are protected by Bettman is partly sour grapes but there's enough "how the fuck did they get away with that" moments from opposing fanbases to make you wonder.

The Part Where I Concede that the Better Team Probably Still Won, and Will Probably Win Out:

Granted, Montreal was going to be up against it versus the Pens without Crosby and Co. getting the majority of the calls. Bad refereeing or not, the Habs didn't deserve anything out of this game. Sure, talk about hitting a couple of posts, talk about Fleury making a few spectacular looking saves, but there was very little menace from the Canadiens in this one. Was there any point during that game you thought the Habs were really taking it to the Pens and were going to get a goal? Me neither. Everyone worried about Crosby, Malkin and the rest, but forgot that the Pens defensive work is vastly superior to the Caps, and the Canadiens didn't exactly light up Washington's porous D. If the "opportunistic scoring" dries up, this thing is over in five.


habsss said...

I missed the first and I thought the Habs were terrible in the 2nd and 3rd. It felt like the Carolina game all over again.

Habs can still win this but I hope they don't make me mostly give up on them before they step up like in the Caps series

wv "kaine": I wish we had Evander "Kaine" on our team to KO that dirty fucker Matt Cooke

sleza said...

I really hope Habs will win this series.

And I'm voting for Omsk to be the Kostitsyn's new address from those options... ♥ Kazan

Shawn C. said...

I still think the Gill penalty was crap also. Crosby was on the ice for a 2+ minute shift. Gill 1 handed him into the board, Fagboy spins hugs Gill and falls down on his back. Crosby was totally gassed, barely had the legs to stand and seized the opportunity to do what he does best. When his hockey career is over he can fall back on his drama, perhaps Days of Our Lives will have a spot open for him...

moeman said...

Whodathought Sid would turn out to be such a WATB.

Go you fucking Habs!

Tyg said...

The Habs need to acquire some more offensive talent during the summer. The only one who scores consistently under pressure is Squid, and when he's off his mojo, we've got no strong backup. It was only ever one line or the other during the regular season, never both firing at the same time.

Fuck the Pens being the better team. If the Habs had actually sustained offensive pressure, there's no way that would have ever been posted. The Pens were beatable last night, and did not do well against the Habs in 5 on 5 play, despite all their supposed greatness. It was the Habs to lose, and they damned well did.

I hope to fuck they realize that this morning and wake the fuck up. I'm looking at you AK and CHicken. Also, CHicken on the PP? Someone bitchslap JM please? Muller? Pearn? I'm begging.

RiRi said...

What the Habs need to do this summer is trade the Tits. Count Chocula, for some reason, is never playing Sergei again and Andrei has too many issues so let's just get it over with.

Sergei is wasting away in the pressbox. Friggin' Darche Vader had zero TOI last night. That's just disrespectful. To him and SK. Sergei couldn't have done that much harm with a few minutes, no? He can kill penalties and provides a little offence.

Also, when Andrei is "on", he looks great out there. Strong on the puck, speed, great shot but how many games has he actually put all of these qualities together and done something? Maybe 10, this season. Not helpful.

Package them and get Pleks another decent winger.

Docciavelli said...

Fuck the Pens being the better team. If the Habs had actually sustained offensive pressure, there's no way that would have ever been posted.

And yet, the Habs didn't sustain offensive pressure--hence, they're not the better team.

Please, take off the tin foil hats and stop lowering yourselves to the level of Philly, the Rags, and bitter, self-entitled Wings fans. I guess it's bound to happen to anyone Crosby's team beats, but really, you're embarrassing yourselves. Not that you're not good at that already.

The Gill call was a penalty against a skill player every single day this season whether it's against Crosby, Semin, Savard, Vanek, whoever. Maybe those guys get calls someone like Moen or Cooke can't draw. It's not a conspiracy against the Habs or in favor of Crosby, it's just that a bunch of bitter little bitches like Wings and Flyer fans can't handle getting beat by the best player in the world.

Let's also not talk about the fact that the officials didn't call a Montreal penalty in Game 2 until 6 secs. left in the second period. That might make you look like fucking homers, eh?

Whatever. Suck it.

habsss said...

Someone's still bitter...

Habsfan10 said...

@ Docciavelli:

Um, I said the Gill call was deserved. I also said the better team won. I also referenced the Rangers, Flyers, and Red Wings and (tongue in cheek) tinfoil hats, because, whether you like it or not, all those franchises feel cheated over a number of calls that, under ordinary circumstances, could go either way but always seem to go the Pens way. You might disagree. That's your perogative. Read the fucking post with a little more care and you'll see my real issue is with the arbitrary nature of who did and didn't get punished for the scrum THAT CROSBY FUCKING STARTED at the end of the second. You know, the one that lead to what was the game winner. Scored by the 6'4 Russian guy who dropped his gloves but received no penalty. We will see how tolerant you are of suspect calls when Pat Kane decapitates Fleury in Game 1 and scores the winner in overtime of the Finals.

Glad you brought up the rioting. It's been, like, a day since someone mentioned it. I guess you'll go back to eating your Primanti Bros sandwich in your Steelers armchair under your Big Ben Rapelesburger throw blanket and wash it down with some Iron City before heading over to the steel mill with the rest of the Yinzers to talk Penguins, at least until they get eliminated or the Steelers start training camp. (Hey, look! I can paint an entire fanbase with one brush too!)

Anonymous said...

To quote Burke (vomit):


Fuck the Pens.

lawyergirl77 said...

Never understood why fans post whiny, taunting rants in opposing team message boards/blogs.

Dude, you're not gonna change our minds. News Flash - everyone is going to see something shitty/conspiracy-worthy in the reffing because of how crap it is.

For the proper way to post: see the Caps fans that posted here during the last series, Cornelius Hardenburgh's excellent posts (and he's pulling fer the hated Broons fer Chrissakes), PPP/eyebeleaf (ditto for the Leaves of Maple) and Senators Lost Cojones.

There are others too, but I can't remember them right now... mea culpa peeps. If 29 ever buys us ice cream, I'll pony up for the extra scoops.

I read opposing team blogs too - it's funny. But posting there is just a whole 'nother level of attention whore that I can do without, thankyouverramuch.

Bottom line: Go enjoy your whine somewhere else unless you can bring the funny.

Anonymous said...

I don't see how any team that has practically been handed a new life three times over now while on the verge of complete bankruptcy and shitiness, can be upset by other teams complaining about their good luck. The fact of the matter is the pens are a lucky franchise that has more lives than a fucking back alley cat. The league is frothing at the mouth trying to increase the appeal of this game through their superstars Crosby and Ovechkin and you would have to be bat shit nuts not to think they want them in the playoffs as long as possible. Penguin fans have nothing to bitch about with all their top round picks and referee favoritism. Fact is you undeserving bastards will probably go down the shitter again and be saved by another Canadien should be. Soak up your tears, shut the fuck up and at least win with some grace knowing that either all of you fans were born with a rabbits feet up your asses or God feels so sorry for all yinz being born in Pittsburgh that he has graced you with so many comebacks. I guess when you win with all of these advantages it really doesn't feel like winning at all. I guess not having any long term fans that stuck with the team through all the crappy years must make your conversations pretty dull so you come here to experience what it really feels like to cheer for a team that doesn’t just get pushed into the finals. Go fuck yourselves and your sense of privilege.

Zack said...

I think it is funny that no matter what sport it is (assuming there are refs involved), the losing team claims the refs were against them. I go to West Virginia U and there were people complaining that the refs handed Duke the a 20-point blowout.

I like reading the opposing team's boards not to troll, rather; I like to get the other fan base's perspective to escape the "Crosby is the greatest thing since sliced bread" mentality. Sure, I like Crosby and all he has done for the team, but I am sure that Montreal, Philadelphia, or even Washington would be defending Crosby's antics to the end of the earth if he was a member of their respective club.

I feel that the worst part of the officiating isn't the specific calls; rather, it is the inconsistency that the calls are made. Hal Gill was over Crosby most of the game-sometimes legally and sometimes illegally. The problem is that the refs randomly decide when they are going to make a call--and that gets really freaking annoying. Especially as a player, you are doing the same thing the entire game and then with 30 seconds left in the second period, they decide to call a penalty.

Its a good series so far and it is only 2-1. We should just be happy that the officiating is not as bad as it could be (I would take too few penalties over too many penalties any day of the week.) Looking forward to tomorrow night.

Tyg said...

She shoots, she scores. I do love troll catching. LMFAO

If the Pens can't score more than a lousy fucking goal against JM's entirely predictable system, they're in a shitstorm of hurt. The Habs shot themselves in the foot last night, which is typical for this team. Doesn't make the Pens better IMO.

Yeah, and I still hate that fucker Crosby, but at least I'm consistent. I've hated him long before the NHL and his legion of bandwagonning groupies ever even heard of the little shit, and I have no particular team affiliation in the QMJHL, thank you very much.

Yeah the Gill penalty was deserved. Do I give a shit? No. And if every single team's fanbase that is not a Sid worshipper points out the obvious - that questionable calls go in the Pens favour more often than not - boo fucking hoo.

Anonymous said...

look refs suck all the time, proof being the chant in every stadium through out the league. We caught a bad break but we lost the game not the refs. Maybe there is a little favoritism but i doubt the refs grew up pens fans or get paid more to go against the pens opponents. Lets pull together and try and even the series up, lets not forget how happy we all were when we beat the caps this playoff is a gift so lets not ruin all the positives that come from it. Go Habs Go!

lawyergirl77 said...

@Zack - thanks for being the voice of reason and not trolling!

I agree - it's absolutely a good series (not the blowout that some people were predicting) and officiating is absolutely in the eye of the beholder.

Again, I'll echo HF10 by saying that we're not pissed about Gill's call - we're pissed about the non-call at the end of the second on Sid and Geno.

I can point to ref fuckups that favoured the Habs in the last series - the forgotten slash/too many men penalty comes to mind. I can also say that sometimes the Habs do get the benefit of the doubt as was the case when the Caps' goal was waived off in game 7 due to interference on Halak. (called because Knuble was apparently warned after game 2). I know that there is an ebb an flow to a process that has a shitload of room for human error.

What's getting me are the ways in which inconsistencies often favour the Pens. Happens in the regular season too. Why don't the Pens ever get called on their blatant interference?? Beats me.

Luck just seems to bounce their way endlessly... and while a good team makes their luck, the amount that has been shovelled their way since they won Sid in the draft makes me think less of hard work and more of voodoo sacrifices and/or surreptitious exchanges of unmarked envelopes full of cash.

habsss said...

Lawyergirll77 pretty much read my mind

RiRi said...

Amen, LG!

Boob Gainey said...

Gill should not have been penalized.

Crybaby had the puck at the time so it isn't interference.

lawyergirl77 said...

@boob - he wasn't penalized for interference, IIRC. He was sent off for holding. Although I still say it was a soft (if not downright iffy) and inconsistent call given what had come before, I can see how it was made. And accept it. Sorta.

I really do think that Watson + partner were warned to shape up after the penalty fest that was game 2 of the DET/SJ series... which had a chilling effect on their ability to find their whistles at times.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Waldorf: YOU SUCK!
Statler: WHAT HE SAID!

GoldenGirl11 said...

On a whole other topic, why do people still have baby on board signs in their car windows? Is that a free pass to drive 20 km under the speed limit? Or "yes officer I know I was speeding but the baby was crying. The sign is in the window". If I get a sign that says "premenstual mother of 4 on board" can I get out of a arrest for stabbing someone? Geez. Join this century.

Tyg said...

@GG If I were a cop I'd let you off the hook with that sign. If you try it, and it works, let me know, will ya? I'll get a copy.

Boob Gainey said...


Ask your husband.

A Baby on Board sign announces: "I'm fertile".

More subtle than wearing a "MILF" t-shirt.

Bill 101 said...

Refs notwithstanding, it's really hard for Jaro to win 0-0. I've tried a bunch of formulae, even bringing in the square root of negative 46, to no avail. My hopes, however, remain non-imaginary.

GoldenGirl11 said...

At $12 a pre natal visit a "baby on board" sign makes him drive as fast as he can the other way. With so few gynos in town potential patients pop up anywhere. Even at red lights.

opens window, smiles, waves like a lunatic and yells over traffic noise

moeman said...

Boob knows but MILF tees are fun (at least to CHeck out the wearer of said tee).

I need another rum+mangotini.

gillis said...

FHF gut feeling about our chances of beating the Pens (May 5) - meh.

Exactly what I was thiking...

HabsFan29 said...

Statler and Waldorf would be better refs than anything the NHL has

GoldenGirl11 said...


Works for me.

Joshua said...

Yeah, but the Habs got some dicey calls in game 2 and they got away with a shitload of stuff early on.

The penalty that Squid scored on was total bullshit, and they could have called a dive on the first one (Fedotenko's interference). The Habs got away with a couple of obvious holds when a power play could have maybe meant something (i.e., before the Pens were frustrated and beaten by Halak).

The reffing in the playoffs has just kind of sucked like usual. I don't think any one team has benefited from it when you tally up all the pro and con ref flubs.

gillis said...

I know I'm a bit late but, docciaveli... go fuck yourself.

hfotwc said...

@ gg, with a "premenstual mother of 4 on board" sign on your car window, one would have to be right out of their fucking mind to come anywhere near you.

hfotwc said...

oh yeah and
fuck docciaveli
fuck cindy crybaby
fuck fuckface cooke
and fuck mario... no i can't...
but fuck titsburg

go habs go

Anonymous said...


Refs suck for everyone. We all get jobbed. Suck it up and get to a point where it wont matter. Thats all ANY team can hope for.

Otherwise a cheerful tinfoil tip o' the cap to some of the greatest fans around from a long time lurker/admirer of your little shop of horrors. (pre series...long b4)

A pens fan.

But I guess thats obvious right?

Anonymous said...

In all fairness the rest of the writeup was fair and I think mostly accurate. In response I think you guys came out with great speed through the neutral zone with many multiple shot looks that were good. In the first period that is. It went away mostly later on. You had my attention for sure in the 1st though.

I should have included that.

Even the whiny bitchy part was kinda funny, in that EVERYONE does the same thing.


HAR HAR Buttmans little scheme has us ALL chattering!

Rubs hands together and snickers...

Shawn Carpenter said...

[a href=""]Pittsburgh Penguins Top Secret Training Facility[/a]

Shawn Carpenter said...

Sorry for the double post. My HTML skills = fail.

Pittsburgh Penguins Top Secret Training Facility

Anonymous said...

Here you go Shawn. From The Diver:

With hopes for your game 4 effort!

b said...

The curious problem with Gary B is that he serves at the pleasure of the owners, and he seeks out owners who now less about hockey than he does. Hotlanta, Phoenix, Tampa, Miyammie, etc. The last expansion was the beginning of disaster. Unfortunately, franchises will have to fold to restore order to the universe. With the officials, the move to 2 refs halved the pool. The sometimes bad old guys are or have retired. So we are left with half trained not good enough to be sometimes bad inconsistent nincompoops. At least Kerry Fraser was consistent. What's a slash these days? If one of those carbon fiber sticks looses its gel coat and pops it's a slash, otherwise its a poke check. The handling of the altercation after the end of the second was silly stupid. Either apply the rules and toss the bunch (as in both teams guys on the ice, minus goalies) or toss nobody. With no suspension for a hit from behind in Game 2, what can we expect. But until we have owners, excuse me "Governors" who know something about the game, Bettman will be there being a blowhard. He's like an insurance salesman selling the "game." You know you always knew that Clarence Campbell knew how to skate. Even if you didn't agree he was no bullshit. Bettman always hitting the softballs the media serves up. Wait until the Caps steroids indictments get served up and Bettman has to talk to Congress.

Anonymous said...

What Buttman drives us all to at some point in time It happens to all of us.

Enjoy Game 4

Pens Fan

Number31 said...

Tinfoil hats used to get great reception...

But you don't need a tinfoil hat to know those two officals were the ones with the most questionable calls during every game they were given. Whatever. Crosby can whine all he wants. They're also complaining about the way Gill plays defence, which is what helped them win a cup last year.

It's currently vewy vewy quiet in Philly.

Anonymous said...

Did you not see the first period? Habs should have been up 2 - zip!

Anonymous said...


I totally agree even though you may argue my team was the recipient of the slanted calls.

In general less is more.

Less BS, interference, and blowing whistles from the striped window licker brigade and the short bus crew is better for all concerned.

Let em play, let em scrap, and let em fight.

This is a mans game not some sissified American Gladiator show on Ice.

But you all would know that, seeing as how you have what 27 in the rafters?

Respect the game.

Pens Fan (YA the hated Filthadelpias are on the ropes. Even if it has to be the stupid sucky Bruins doing it)

Anonymous said...

Can't fucking count.



Pens Fan ( I only have to count to 3 and then 4 after this year)


Bill 101 said...

Broons win partly because of a Chara blast which hurts Pronger

I'm sooo confused...

Number31 said...

Know what I miss? Bench clearing brawls. Unfortunately that would mean too many men on the ice these days. Oh New NHL, you're such a killjoy.

Baruch said...

Do not be deterred dear Habs. these are only mere birds who enjoy flopping to their bellies on the ice.