Friday, May 21, 2010

The Midnight Skate for Friday, May 21st

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of an awesome Sexy Friday alternate version...
  • FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS WE HAVE A SERIES BITCHES. Well, for 48 hours at least. Well, less than 48. Habs 5, Fuckhead Flyers 1. Guess you'd have to call it a team effort. When Hamr (2A, +4, 1 fight) is the first star, you know you've got some unsung heroes. PFuckingK with 3A. Pyatt-Dominictrix-Laps are going to need some sort of nickname after being all over the ice and in the Flyers face AND racking up 2 goals. Jaro recaptured the "hot playoff goalie" tag from Leighton. Even The Urologist got off the schneide, albeit in garbage time. Chris Pronger is a -3 asshole. More later today;
  • Did you know there was a Canada-Russia game yesterday? Probably not. Good thing you missed it, because Canada is now coming home the seventh best hockey country in the world after a 5-2 loss in the quarters of the I;
  • The wacky tale of a Pat Hickey, his license plate, and a Facebook photo.
Don't know what a win will do to the trolls, but this is your friendly morning-ish reminder to starve 'em. So we were getting nervous we would never have the chance to post long-form video highlights after an Eastern Conference Final win. Thank fucking god we're an idiot. Roll tape.


Scott said...

First Round-3 win since '93. Add it to the list. My favourite stat is Metro's 12 faceoff wins ...out of fourt-fucking-een! And in just 8 minutes or so of ice time.

All the same, as a guy going to a Lennoxville wedding on Saturday, thank the ghosts that attending the ceremony will not stop any witnesses from seeing the last game in this amazing playoff run. GYFHIHG (Go you fucking Halakian Hoser infested etc.)

Gary said...

I posted this over at HIO, but it may be a little too harsh for there, better here anyway.

My wife was wondering after the game why I was so undeniably angry. “What's up ? Your team won.” I could not even begin to put into words the incredible amount of rage I felt.

It has taken me the best part of two hours to gather my thoughts.

We are screwed.

I hope I am wrong, but I have the strongest fear that that was out last win of the season.

We have coached ourselves into an abyss by killing any karma, team spirit or maybe even the Ghosts of the Forum themselves. We will pay for the transgressions of today's game.

Jacques Martin is not only the worst coach in the history of hockey, but may also be the worst human being of all time. He takes a player who has sat in the pressbox for almost two weeks and throws him out into the pressure cooker that is the NHL Conference Finals, when the team looks done for, and then benches him when he has a rough couple of shifts. A puck over the glass, the team came together for a fine penalty kill, no real harm. He blows a pass, and the other team gets a chance, Halak comes up with a big save. Fine, bench him. Happens all the time.

Where I take issue with is what happens for the rest of the game. MAB still looked like a PeeWee player out there. How many times in his first three shifts did the forwards have to come in a bail his sorry a$$. I watched as Cammerleri and Gomez had to work their butts off behind the goal line as MAB stood in the slot, making sure that nobody came close to his shadow. The passes to nowhere, the turn overs, the refusing to hit, to dig, to compete on any level. Whatever.

The team should come first. The Habs played well, cashed in our chances and built up a four goal lead. The first thing you learn in coaching is how to create success, out of every asset on the team. We have an asset who is set to get paid $1.4 million dollars next year at a cap friendly 900K. Where was he left when the pressure was off and we had a comfortable lead? NAILED TO THE BENCH.

Watch a NBA game when the home team has a twenty-five point lead late in the fourth quarter. You will see four players who would never get a shift in a close game out there together, learning, experiencing, because you might just need them someday. Every sport, every level, every age group, when a coach gets a chance to play everybody, that is what he does. The even invented a hockey team called the Leafs so that every backup goalie, no matter how bad he is, gets to play in the NHL.

You might as well buy O'Byrne out now. He will never be able to play for this team. Not after that game. Buy him out and let him find a coach who isn't a total tard and a team with a tolerance for learning through your mistakes. Fare well Ryan.

Now if I can just get the Habs to buy back the game worn jersey I bought two years ago when Gainey signed him to the three year deal.

Screw you Martin. You don't deserve the Habs. Go back to Florida.

Joe W. Linden (IPWT) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joe W. Linden (IPWT) said...

^ god that is A LOT of self-hate after a win. pretty sure you can file that one under "unnecessary".

Scott said...

@Gary: bugger off, the Habs won a very important game tonight. Who are you to judge?

kristin said...

Yeesh Gary, what a downer.

Gary said...

Come on, downer? I did put a bit in there about Leafs and back up goalies.

Stinky said...

I see the trolls aren't all Flyers fans. Go back to HIO buzzkill.

Number31 said...

Gary is a bit right though. I've got more grey hairs 'cause of MAB goddammit. But playing with fire is Coach Chocula's system. As is screwing young prospects.

Oh well.

I have proof Briererererere brought his purse tonight!

swarkles said...

Two things:

First I am so fucking sick of U2

Second, I hear Spacek punched Briere? Is this true and where can I find a clip/gif? I must see this.

Howard said...

I agree with Gary. Chocula is just an awful person and an awful coach when it comes to young talent. I think Subban has too much talent for Chocula to ignore but I can't say the same for O'byrne, SK and Pouliot. Somehow CHicken got out of the coop today and I think he did ok for himself. He's most effective playing with Gomez and Gio and not sitting on bench with 2 minutes of ice time. I don't think SK will ever come back. He's been ground to dust by a bitter, passive aggresive coach. Then again, I think Guy Boucher can work wonders with our youth. Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey goodbye Chocula!

Mr. natural said...

Jesus H. CHrist, good thing we won, wonder what would have been posted if we had lost!!

Look we all have our opinions and can rag about it on this site but PHuck man we are doing what we do; coming back when everyone thinks we are done and this in the conference finals yet!

I say outside the dressing room and off the ice two key factors were key to last nights victory:

1. FHF gave us the motivation to rant like motherfucking lunatics and it worked. (Man I pissed off a lot of Mom's yesterday by punching their babies in the face!).
2. We collectively sent out positive vibes and this huge energy surge altered the space-time continuum supporting the good and the just and PHucking over PHucktards.

These are indisputable scientific facts, look it up.

So let's keep it going, don't feed the Trolls and PHucktards.

As for Pyatt, Moore and Rocky they were unbelievable, and yes I think Rocky is a tried and true appellation that is suitable for Little Max.


The Pants thing is also very effective.

Oleg Petrov said...

Impressive turn by HF29 this morning as "ENRAGED LEAFS-HATING FAN #2" on the CBC local news. You could almost hear the pitchfork.

Number31 said...

Pierre et Benoit tried to find video of Spacek punching Briere to see what happened but couldn't find any. The camera was distracted by Pronger's interference on AK46. Actually...18:09 on the scoresheet was quit busy! SEVEN penalties!

soperman said...

@ Gary

You said, "Jacques Martin is not only the worst coach in the history of hockey, but may also be the worst human being of all time."

Are you fucking nuts? You certainly may say that is not a good coach, I would take exception to that comment, but I could accept that you think so. It seems unlikely that a team with the worst head coach of all time would make it to the conference finals (at least and maybe win the Stanley Cup).

But "the worst human being of all time." You don't know the man. Worst of all time? He is likely a decent man doing working hard to do his job.

Were you drunk when you posted this? It seems very likely.

moeman said...

For their fun yet aggressive play and even funner facial expressions, Pyatt, Moore and Rocky could be called the BullWinkline. Love watCHin' em pull some hockey out of their Pants!.

Chester said...

Poor Rhino, one fuck up and th th thats all folks. Kind of sad. I thought he was playing respectable D before this benching thing. Chocula is pretty quick to go with a short bench and a hot hand.

Nice bitch slapping boys.

Go Habs.

Boob gainey said...

Oh no. Jack Martin derangement syndrome has spread from Habs I/O.

What a weird obsession!

Noda said...

The Habs aren't perfect, and the world's not perfect but I'm going to enjoy this win, this weather and this long weekend! Its all about the small victories people.

I still think its a sexy Friday... lets go full on sexy Friday in the game review!


GoldenGirl11 said...

Went to sleep all giggly and excited. Woke up to HIO. Gary, get a grip, man. Go make some Kraft dinner, maybe add some ketchup or cream cheese, or vodka... well maybe you've had enough vodka, and chillax. Enjoy the win.

Kmaxx said...

@Gary - Just a bit heavy considering we won last night. I must admit however, that Chockula does confound the hell out of me at time...I mean, why bother dressing a guy and then giving him 4 shifts? Ok, so he shot a puck over the boards - who on the Habs hasn't this year! But honest to Christ - MAB had 20-odd shifts and I swear I almost shit myself each time he was on the ice - apart from the big shot on the PP - he has absolutely nothing to offer. He is fuckin' scary coming out of his own end and I believe he must have eye problems because when he shoots the puck into the other team's end, he never gets it much past their blueline - so maybe he thinks that that's as far as the ice goes...? I don't know? Something has to explain it...I know - he's just a shit player with a big shot.

So come on JM - give Rhino a decent shot at it Saturday night. And keep MAB planted on the bench!

soperman said...

It's ten-ish in Halifax and Gary is probably sleeping off a bender. My inner six year old is back and I am happy again.


Is there going to be an open thread of love today? I can put away my inner six year old for that.

Steve said...

The uroligist might as well be wearing an orange jersey in his own end. The pee smell fucks him up and he makes a perfect pass every time to another orange sweater. PFK needs some support on the rush, he goes but no one to give to, WTF. Otherwise an exceptional game, to bad about the Rino and little tits, we will need them both for Chicago a team with wings and talent diarrhea.

b said...

Sun, blue skies, day after a big win, conference finals, anybody wanna put on their sweater and play road hockey?

lawyergirl77 said...

Yo, I can't stand the urologist as much as the next non-visually-impaired person...

... and God only knows that I love this team in spite of Count Chocula, NOT because of him.

But to say that our karma is fucked because Rhino was nailed to the bench in the 3rd is ridiculous and smacks of someone's Paxil prescription running out.

After all, that was better than what happened to Darche a few games ago when his TOI was 00:00.

Fucking up young talent is something at which the Habs have EXCELLED for a few years now. Chocks is no different.

Rhino will regroup. He's a good kid. The game is just too fast for him right now, but he'll improve. Hopefully with a CH on his CHest.

In the meantime, I'll be happy to see a win that was the result of the ENTIRE TEAM playing balls-out and taking it to these Philly Motherfuckers.

Gary, honey, have you considered the beneficial aspects of a drinking and/or meth habit?

Boob Gainey said...

What a great game by the Habs. Non stop speed and hustle.

Hamrlik, Moore, Laps, Pyatt, Subban - all outstanding. Even Metro and AK46 had good games.

I'm curious to see who shows up for Philly on Saturday: their tired 4 man D and AHL keeper of last night, or their airtight 4-man D and Conn Smythe candidate keeper of game 1.

Mr. natural said...

@LG77 and others.

AS a newbie to this site ( I wandered for years looking for something to fill the void in my life, now I've found it)I feel pretty well up to speed wwith everything, but would like to know the following:

1. What is the root of the meth storyline?
2. Sounds yummy can I get some?


PHuck the PHucken PHucktards!

Don said...

What a friggin game last night. This is the team we saw take out the Caps and Pens. It took us two games to get our shit together but boy, do we have it together now!

Phlyers tried to do their best impression of the BSB's but ya know what? You're just a bunch of fucking poor losers, blow me assholes.

I have it on good authority that MAB has pictures of Jacky boy blowing him which is why he's getting ice time despite looking like a fucking rookie out there. Nut up Jacky boy, bench the prick and put O'B back out there for the sake of the team.

I have a man crush on Laps.....

Steve said...

Mad Max is awesome, I have not seen that kind of crazy face since Darcy Tucker's toot days. How about shinny for a nick name, he plays like a shinny water bug on a calm pond. He gets under the Flyers skin like the shiny stuff in sci fi movies, and he has the Jack Nicholson face from the Shinning when he is at the top of his trash.

Moey said...

It's understandable why O'Byrne gets limited ice time, I mean for God sake he gets a delay of game penalty 27 seconds in. Martin has no patience for dopey penalties.

soperman said...

Once again, great game. I am very very happy with this team. And they are a team, not everyone is a star - they play their roles. My only complaint would be that the Urologist is being force to play Rhino's role. Count Chocula must have his reasons. Say what you will about the Count but I think they made it this far because of his system, not in spite of his system. How many teams get to the conference finals with a bad coach?

But my current rant is directed at the CBC, our tax-supported bastion of Canadian culture. And it is not about their Hab-hating announcers.

It is Donald S. Cherry and his xenophobic rants. Last night he complained about the "left wing" paper's "European Union" story because of the 3 / 4 starting goalies in the conference finals being from Europe. Apparently it is un-Canadian. Really Donald S. Cherry? And then he goes balistic when they cut to an interview with Jaro Halak. Suck it up, Cherry, and retire. It is not unpatriotic to like a non-Canadian player. The bulk of Canadians have ancestors from other countries and many are from Europe. Our taxes are supporting bigotry and nasty hyper-patriotism? That is the only un-Canadian thing here.

kevincrumbs said...

I dislike JM also but he's a bit damned if he does, damned if he doesn't with Rhino last night. Rhino pulls a stupid fucking move less than a minute in and if he puts him out there late in the game while preserving a lead, everyone piles on JM for putting a "liability" out there and potentially coughing up goals.

I see where Gary is coming from and I agree that Rhino should get more chances after his bone headed mistake but perhaps what JM saw is that Rhino was given an opportunity to play and came out flat and unprepared.

Anonymous said...

@gary: shut the fuck up

@4HF: looks like the rally yesterday payed off, ill tell you what '10 deserves a spot on that 3 stars list cuz that mother fucker had me ready to butt fuck a nun as long as she was wearing orange. i can't wait for sexy friday any longer bring on the ladies!

kevincrumbs said...

Also, what gripes my cookies is that every fucking media outlet out there had already handed this series to the Flyers. Now today I have to read all this crap about how no one thought they could win last night and how the invincible now look human. Excuse me, really? How the fuck can a 7 seed ever look invincible is beyond me. I'd also like to think Flyer fans would've learned something from coming back 3-0 in a series to not take anything for granted, especially after two fucking home wins.

Thank God the team itself doesn't panic and isn't as bi-polar as the fan base. Yeesh.

lehab said...

DLP LINE...Dominatrix-Lap-Pie

john said...

Wasn't Rhino's fault. These things happen. Against the Flyers we need him out there if not for his talent (debatable) at least for his size.

Halak is back baby! Lets hope he can keep it up in the next game.

A-cup sucks, Count Chocula should keep him out of the line up.

We're going to win this series, you gotta have faith!


Darksyde said...

This forum needs The Return of that AWESOME Laps gif from the Pens series...and/or a new one made.

I swear, his grin makes me think he wants to eat babies.

swarkles said...

This one? :D

LJ said...

Dear Gary, go fuck yourself.

Dear "anyone that agrees with Gary", go fuck yourself.

Your Friend,


Gary said...

@ Lawyergirl77 ,

No drinking for me last night,every game that I started with a beer ended in a loss. Nice of you to recognize that I probably needed alcohol. Yes I am that superstitious about games. It has been thirty years since I have had anything stronger than a muscle relaxant,so maybe meth is the answer...

wv I should probably take the time to ressess my thoughts before I post. Or not.

Darksyde said...

Thanks, Swarkles! 

Anonymous said...

Fuck you Gary.

And fuck you to all the Martin haters. Go fucking root for the Flyers. See how you'll like Laviolette. No? How about Bylsma or Boudreau. You take your pick.

Sheesh. Some folks are never happy.

DJ Cole Slaw said...

Glad you all feel good about last night! It's about time your Habs played some hockey. No one thought we were going to sweep, so this is no shocker to anyone. Look orward to the split tomorrow. Better watch out for Jeff Carter...

Anonymous said...

so i made it official this way no other anon' mother fuckers can hold me down or hate on my hatin' fuckin mother fuckers. GYFB!!!!!!!!

@10 how about another call to arms?

Anonymous said...

Take a look at this video i got and tailored for us Habs fans. It makes me laugh everytime i watch it.

Jaybird said...

@crumbs&kmaxx - Bang on!
@steve - hilarious
@anonymous - I'm still a Martin hater so fuck me.
@natural - I think 29 came up with the meth thing? We all smoke it now.

Wow though.

This is the first day I hate reading posts at FHF. You guys are telling Gary to go fuck himself? This isn't the Pensblog guys. Everyone has an opinion if he's upset about something let him gripe about it. I see a ton of new names posting here and that is absolutely awesome for the site but a lot are new hotheaded dicks that aren't needed either.

Gary made some valid points just bad timing considering we are all high on meth right now. Let's not cannibalize our own people. That's shitty.

Huge fucking win last night biiiitCHes! W00t w00t! Fuck the Flyers forever! All the goal scorers should have a free rape of Bobby Clarke while his mom watches.

*Ricky from TrailerParkBoys voice: Fuck Bobby Clarke, fuck Daniel "phantom head-jerk" Carcillo, Fuck Mike "I look like a 40 year old mechanic" Richards, fuck the gap in Prongers teeth, fuck Kimmo "I got tough when Pronger got here" Timonen, fuck Claude "first Frenchman with Irish beard" Giroux, fuck Scott "YOUPPI!" Hartnell the hobo, fuck Danica "Paul Macartney but somehow gayer" Briere, fuck Simon "waiting for an injury" Gagne, especially fuck Jeff Carters foot.

Id say fuck Leighton but his confidence is shattered, and to think people were comparing him to Halak. HA!

Scott Hartnell is Youppi. That is all.

Not Geoff Molson said...

@ Jaybird

What did Youppi ever do to you to be compared to Hartnell?

Hartnell's the philly phanatic in human form...

Anonymous said...

Lol @ all you JM haters, he's doing better than any coach has in 13 years. MTL is in the conf. finals against all odds. Maybe there's something behind his philosophy. Maybe he doesn't bench players to punish them. Maybe, just maybe he believes that when a rookie makes a couple gaffs that it will make him nervous and lose confidence. A game with that kind of importance is no place to let a rookie who isnt totally confident run free, if he messes up further he'll lose all confidence. Maybe he sits them and says hey, don't sweat it. Either way, whether I'm right or wrong, JM is the coach behind a team that has conducted two of the most incredible upsets of all-time. I'd say he's doing something right. Who are you guys? A bunch of opinionated fans that don't know wtf you're talking about.

Jaybird said...

@ NGM - They look identical! See your point though.

@ anon - We are the guys who know that Muller is the fucking brick that holds the building up.

HabScot said...

@Gary and anyone else suggesting that the Habs should have used yesterday's game to get some experience for the less-experienced guys, even if they were making mistakes....

Are you out of your fucking minds????

Yeah sure, 4-0 lead, yada yada. IN A GAME WE HAD TO WIN. Against a team that showed last series a dangerous ability to come from behind in their opponent's building. The last thing we needed was any glimmer of hope for those fuckers. in fact, we had some serious vengeance to be looking for, and to be at 4-0 and say, well, lets take some risks, even 4-3 is good enough. No way. We should have been going for 5 and 6 and as many as we could.

wv stsin ... and stsin the net!