A New Hope

That's right, we're invoking the Holy Trilogy. Jump back on that bandwagon, all you bandwagon jumpers, the Evil Philadelphic Empire and their eviler leader, Darth Bobby, are blowing up.

Not so long ago, in a part of the NHL not all that far away...

HABS WARS

Episode IV - A NEW HOPE

It is a period of playoff war.
Rebel Canadiens, inspired by
a huge fan base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Philadelphic Empire.

During the battle, Hab
spies managed to steal secret
plans to the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the MICHEAL
LEIGHTON, an armored crease
dweller with enough quickness
to destroy an entire city's hopes.

Pursued by the Empire's
sinister agents, Princess
Martine relaxes at home solo,
custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her
players and restore
Tradition to the Habs' galaxy....

Princess Martine: [in a holo message] General Kirk Kenobi: Years ago, you served one of my many predecessors in the '93 Wars; now the same organization begs you to help it in its struggle against the Evil Empire. I regret that I am unable to present the fan's request to you in person; but I'm afraid to speak to the players during the game and I'm afraid my mission to bring the Cup back to Montreal has failed. I've placed information vital to the survival of the Canadiens into the memory systems of this R2 unit. The players will know how to retrieve it; I just don't know how to communicate with them. You must see that puck is safely delivered behind LEIGHTON. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Kirk Kenobi; you're our only hope.

Kirk: I have something here for you. The fans wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but Uncle George wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Kirk on some damn fool idealistic crusade for the Cup like the fans wanted.
Squid Skywalker: What is it?
Kirk: Easton's lightest composite. This is the weapon of a Habs Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a wood stick; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the Habs Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Hockey World. Before the dark times... before the Empire.
Squid: How did the Tradition die?
Kirk: A young, ugly skater named Darth Bobby, who was a hero of mine until he turned to evil, tried to help the Empire hunt down and destroy the Habs Knights in the 70s. He betrayed and murdered skilled hockey. Now the Tradition is all but extinct. Bobby was seduced by the dark side of the Hockey Force.

Squid: So. You'll get your reward for two rounds and you're just leaving, then?
Jar Solo: That's right, yeah. Got some old debts in Bratislava I gotta pay off with this stuff. Even if I didn't, you don't think I'd be fool enough to stick around here, do you? With Carey Price still around? Why don't you come with us? You're pretty good in a fight. We could use you.
Squid: Come on. Why don't you take a look around; look at all those towels. You know what's about to happen, what they're up against. They could use a good goalie like you, you're turning your back on the fans.
Jar Solo: What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? One more game in that crease and I'm a dead man. Besides, attacking that MICHEAL LEIGHTON is not my idea of courage. It's more like, suicide.
Squid: [angry] Okay. Take care of yourself Jar. I guess that's what you're best at isn't it?
Jar Solo: [as Squid walks away] Hey, Squid. May the Force be with you.
What're you lookin' at? I know what I'm doin'. Got us through two rounds already, didn't I?

Darth Bobby: I've been waiting for you, Kirk. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master.
Kirk: Only a master of evil, Bobby.

Darth Bobby: [zeroing in on Squid's knees] I have you now!
[one of Bobby's Storm troopers, Scott Hartnell, is stoned by Jar Solo]
Darth Bobby: What?
Jar Solo: YAHOOO!
[the Millenium Glovehand appears]
Rhino: Look out!
[Jar fires out his glove again, a second storm trooper, Mike Richards, collides with Hartnell, sending him careening away]
Jar Solo: You're all clear, kid, now let's *blow* this thing and go home!
[the Millenium Glovehand leads the remaining rebel Canadiens to the offensive zone; Squid fires, the puck dives down behind the goal line as the MICHEAL LEIGHTON explodes]

Back on the Tradition bandwagon? Tell us about your favorite Habs/Star Wars memories in the comments.