Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Imagine the season opener in an alternative universe where things worked out a little differently. During an 8-game losing streak last March, the Habs sack Count Chokula and the Goat, immediately promoting Guy Boucher to the big club. His free-wheeling style turns the Habs around, and led by Price (thanks to Boucher's skills at communicating with young players), they go all the way to the Conference Finals. During the playoffs, the Molsons have secret backroom dealings with the most promising young GM around, one Stevie Yzerman, and sign him to a 3-year deal after he promises to become bilingual by 2015. In the off-season, Scott Gomez has his right hand mangled in an accident with a Cuisinart while preparing fajitas for a dinner party, losing his ability to grip a stick. His retirement frees up the cap space to swing a Vinny trade, re-sign Dominic Moore and sign backup goalie Dan Ellis after the Little Tits trade. They face the sad sack Lightning in their home opener with semi-nude starlets sitting in the stands. Habs win 6-1, and Tampa tumbles to the bottom of the league by November before they are relocated to Houston prior to the 2011-2012 season.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda happened. Alas, Stevie Y and Guy are working their magic down South, and the Tampa Habs are dangerous and predicted by most to make the playoffs. Welcome to the Habs home opener, in our universe.
Details, details - 7:30 P.M. start at the Bell, though I'm guessing actual puck drop around 8. Lightning won their season opener and the Habs are 1-1, in case you can't keep track of two games so far.
'stie calice - Vinny, Marty, now Simon Gagné and Guy Boucher. Think there will be motivation pour eux autres? J'ai peur.
Early season stats may or may not be misleading - Habs PK 100%, Habs PP 0%. Wherefore art thou Markov?
Please Hamr, hurt 'em - Hamr makes his return to the lineup, shoving Alex Picard to the pressbox. Allegedly he will be playing with Rhino though, not SpatCHes. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
It's a mitzvah - Your Habs goal-scoring leader is Squid, your points leader is Jeff Halpern. Mazel Tov to all!
Pre-game reading - Raw Charge is probably the leading Lightning blog, for whatever that's worth.
Post-game entertainment and adult entertainment - as the game draws to a close, don't forget to vote for the 3 stars, a new task assigned to YOU, the Habs fan this year. Take that task seriously! Vote for the backup goalie who cheered on his team admirably. After you've finished that, sit back and enjoy this video of Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive for 2010, Minka Kelly. I have no idea why I'm posting this, except I feel it's our duty at FHF to chronicle these very important awards that affect us all.