Sunday, October 31, 2010

FHF Double Feature: Habs 3/1 Isles 1/Cats 3

In the first of two premieres, the Montreal Canadiens presented a feel-good story: ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT GOALIE.

Alex the Bald finally made his much-anticipated debut, and had a tour-de-force performance as "The Goaltender Who Just Stands There And Lets The Puck Hit Him". In his first live, public show since January 29, Alex showed the rust one would expect, but also how much preparation he put into his new ongoing role. Thus far, his door opening skills have been impectable. This script called for only a little more than that, and could not have played more into Auld's strengths: consistently in the right position but not called upon to make many reflex saves. While it was a successful debut, there is also no question that Auld is the understudy to Carey's leading role. Alex just doesn't have the smooth yet snappy moves of the younger and handsomer leading man Price.

Starring again in a supporting role was Benoit Pouliot, once more playing well off set up man Jeff Halpern. Also keeping themselves firmly in the spotlight were SuperPleXXX, the Squid and Big Tits with what used to be a staple of Canadiens' presentations, the now-rarely seen "power-play goal".

Trying to steal just a bit of their thunder were the likes of Gomez/Gio/Moen. I won't give away the ending of the next feature, but more on them later.

All in all, a feel-good crowd-pleaser featuring great chemistry and timing built around a sassy lead performance, it recalls up haunting images and Oscar-worthy performances.

In an even-more anticipated debut, Andrei Markov finally returned to the show in RETURN OF THE MARKOV. Not content to allow the Russian his moment in the spotlight, though, it was clear early on that Czech Tomas Vokoun was intent on stealing the limelight. While Markov received over 23 minutes of screen time, he was denied 1:25 of prime exposure while the Habs enjoyed a 5-3 advantage. Vokoun, though, was definitely the star, turnning aside 39 of his former club's shots.

But lets get to an exciting sub-plot: TFS(tm) versus hotshot David Booth. Carey once again played the Habs hero, twice comin up with large saves off turnovers. But the Jaro-That-We-Should-Have-Traded decided to up the suspense level by needlessly tripping David Booth after young Booth got a step on the Old Man on the D. Handed a free pass, Booth donned the black hat and played the villain to a "T", blowing a shot past our hero, Carey.

Despite a performance that could graciously be described as "tired" for 40 minutes, the Canadiens almost wrote another feel-good, come-from-behind story. Veteran character-actor Mathieu Darche stole the puck - and a few more hearts - in the second, and offered Canadiens fans their only chance to stand and cheer in what was ultimately a tear-jerker. Much was expected of the Gomez-Gio line both given its pedigree and paycheck, but was again disappointing insofar as it was another PG-13 performance - not enough offensive material for this reviewer's taste. That is a script that has already become all too repetitive to Canadiens fans.

Hopefully Gio/Gomez and the Canadiens generally can come up with a new script - one that includes a lot more offensive material - by the time the next show starts on Tuesday.


HabsFan29 said...

one thumbs up, one thumbs down for the weekend

that giant Auld woman will be the death of us all!

moeman said...

Not as offensive as I'd hope but stellar reviews nonetheless. Amazauld pic is freaky, good.

ezzeloharr said...

Wow - great writing and amazing photoshop. I love this blog. Thank you!

orangeman is being smashed by no-good teenagers said...

Sorry, I didn't actually read these reviews because I'm on my way out to get free booze.

But I love those posters. I'm a fan of propaganda art, and an arm of that is 60s 70s sci-fi art. I don't have time here to give you my dissertation, just follow me here.

I'm about to go out in my costume as a drunk ridig a bike in his winter coat that was in a box sent from Asia a month ago. Very avant-guard.

Kidding aside, I don't want to distract from the awesomeness of the theme and pics of the post. Brillance.

orangeman is going pantless to scare the desensitized children said...

Plus all the guy heads on lady bodies makes me want to invite the FHF and GG out to the bars I've been going to.

Viva Montreal! Viva la Differance!

GoldenGirl11 said...

How many lawyers does it take to please the 50 ft woman?

I have no idea what the answer is but it's crying out for the line "and 1 to screw her in court".

No offense to lawyers of course.


less photshop, more strippers please

Fishfeet said...

Great pics, the 50ft woman is scary delightful.

The Panthers game was a mixture of pleasure and pain. Well mostly pain. But we got to see some very hot Markov/Subban action on that very last powerplay, where they did everything but score. But then again, it was only PG-13.

Still, I'm hopeful Markov will get his groove back, the old CH will get his PP aligned, and we'll all be whispering "was it good for you too" to the rest of the division.

Steve said...

Home Depot Center

The home of do it yourself hockey projects.

The Tits project, difficult because the instruction manual is indecipherable.

Chicken Bits project, all the parts are there but they dont work together.

TFS project - item came fully assembled, but does not always work to potential.

Mexican Project - suffering from Garvoski grout, needs a good chiseling or move to warmer waters.

PP project - must work without urologist. To many marshmallow shooters, need more nail guns. Only a single squid with a laser viewfinder.

The biggest challenge is that Choucula has an aversion for new fangled power tools. He want to build a log cabin, no plastic, no lego, only seasoned timbers.

soperman said...

It was really great to see the game, especially with pretty good seats closeish to the offensive zone. They should have won, a bit of bad luck. Yes, they did make some mistakes but they played well enough to recover.


@GG ...remember? FHF = strippers and hockey? or used to anyway...

ti-cul said...

does you mom know you're here?

the Maritimer said...

Well, in defence of VTHABSFAN, I kinda miss the strippers and lesbians that used to frequent this site as well. It was usually tastefully done.

GG11's photoshops are excellent there is no doubt, but it's not quite the same. I guess with the many female posters/hockey fans posting here now, things had to change.

At least you can still say fuck...I think.

the Maritimer said...

@GG11, I wasn't implying that the site was no longer fun or sexy since you took over picture duties.
It's just different...

I'm not sure what to make of your intelligence/gender comment, nothing in my post mentioned anything about people being smart or otherwise. I agree your photoshop renderings match the storylines being presented, but the old stripper/pregame analysis by 29 or whoever was what made this site truly unique, I think.

However, despite the change I will continue to read and enjoy this site for the insight offered by all the regular posters...such as it is.

BTW, the bone thing, I get it but that's not really my thing. But if you want to do some of your magic involving penises instead of T&A, for the ladies, feel free. I won't be offended. It can't be worse than putting guys heads on female bodies.

Steve said...

What we have here is a failure to communicate. Until I read the comments I did not even know whats up. No matter how brilliant, how topical, how complex, some things are just better plain spoken.