Thursday, October 07, 2010

For the next few hours, anything is possible - Leafs preview and open thread

Please excuse me while I wax poetic for a while. You know, to classy up the joint a bit. Fuck! Tits! Sorry, just slipped out. Where was I? Ah, hockey. From the frozen ponds of our youth we all have visions of hoisting Lord Stanley's chalice, yet the winds of change MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER. Man, this classy thing is harder than I thought.

OK, I am just going to get straight to the point. The hours before game 1 of the regular season are the greatest time to be a Habs fan. Or even a Leafs fan, for that matter. Though why you would be a Leafs fan is beyond me. These couple of hours are the time where anything is possible. ANYTHING. Where you can convince yourself that the Habs are going to win the Stanley Cup. If all of the following happen:
  • Vodkov comes back 100% and plays at least 70 games like the top 5 D-man he is;
  • TFS plays 60-70 games as the number one goalie he could be;
  • PFK turns in a Calder Trophy performance;
  • Squid pots 40+ goals;
  • SuperpleXXXe cements himself as one of the best two-way centres in the league;
  • We get some consistent secondary scoring from Big Tits;
  • CHicken gets stuck in Panger's trunk and is replaced by Lars Eller who goes on to score 25+ goals;
  • Gomez and Gio have consistent, 60+ point seasons;
  • SpatCHes and Hamr don't trip over their own feet;
  • Our 3rd and 4th lines don't embarrass themselves;
  • Count Chokula doesn't screw everything up;
  • All of these things continue through the playoffs;
  • The deal with the Devil comes to fruition.
If all of those things happen, the Habs will win the Stanley Cup. I believe it, and I know you do too. At least for now. These two hours are precious, people, enjoy them while they last. Because at 7 PM from the ACC on CBC, all of our dreams of Stanley Cup glory will most likely get shattered. Or they would be, if we were playing an actual team.

Your "preview" portion of this post is the following - TFS has sufficiently recovered from his flu to start, yet we are without Hamr (knee), Vodkov (knee), and Squid (NHL wheel of justice). The Leafs have an all-new team this year, so I really can't tell you much about them. Except they suck. Maybe PPP can be more informative. GYFHG.

Media whoring post-script - yours truly is on CBC Homerun at 5:10 or so, discussing Visconti's contribution to the Italian film neorealist movement. Or hockey, whichever comes up.

98 comments:

moeman said...

Post 1 on the way to ice cream!

Bill 101 said...

Clader Trophy - awarded annually to most fucking exciting player to watch in the whole fucking league - even if he breaks your heart

ahem

HabsFan29 said...

♫ you say Calder, i say Clader, let's call the whole thing off ♫

thx, fixed

Chester said...

Fuck the Leaves, fuck Tronna, fuck Ontario, fuck you Bee Burkie .. there ... whew ... I feel better.
Go Habs !

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hamr (knee), Vodkov (knee), and Squid (antisemitism).

Habsfan10 said...

Mel Gibson thinks Squid got off easy. GO YOU FUCKING HABS GO!!

HabsFan29 said...

so how many drinks should I have before I go on the air at 5:10?

trick question. I'm already drunk

HabsFan4 said...

Is summer really over?

Le Douze said...

GYFHG

moeman said...

Crazy cool pic GG and great kick-off post 29.

2hrs until the fucking puck is dropped.

G Y F H !

Le Douze said...

Oh, and GG, brilliant work as usual. If only TFS could be so reliably briliant!

L Dude - Oops I signed out. said...

I CAN'T QUIT YOU!
Holy Shit. Got home. Did the dishes. Cleaned the bathroom. Vacuumed the theatre. Waiting for supper with my apertif in hand (well it's sitting next to the keyboard right NOW). I can't fucking wait. So much pent up frustrat...energy.
Applause to FHF for putting moeman on the front page!
GG11 - Awesome as usual. I think you were robbed in the Photoshop category of the Webby's. Hope the Habs have as great a start to the season.

I just want to reiterate my vote for Our Boy Gorges as Josh's new nick name, from moeman's Under Pressure post. Word has it he'll tumble for ya.

Word. And out if I don't chat with y'all later.

LD

ezzeloharr said...

Man, hockey is a beautiful thing. Also this blog. I've missed this.

GYFHG!!!!!

Bill 101 said...

FHFexec + moeman: Thanks for the work-killing feast today.

And thanks in advance for the laughs to come.

I shall shake my envy of those troubled by which packed Mtl bar to frequent and, on behalf of the Habs-aspora, raise my murky glass of uncertain heritage to you and
OUR 2010-11 MONTREAL CANADIENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go Habs Go... ah wtf...GYFHG!!

Kmaxx said...

Let's get ready to kick some fuckin' Laffs ass boys! GYFMFHG!!!

HabsFan29 said...

@Bill101 - "Habs-aspora" is excellent. when I steal it for future use and don't acknowledge it came from you, remember it came from you

bea.habs.fan said...

goo dthing I checked the website several times today - so much to read !!!!
(wonder how long FHF can keep this up?)

great work Moeman (even when I don't know what song you're talking about I always love the lyrics)
GG I love all you do (and secretly nevy you this talent)

hyped for tonite although I'll be missing the whole thing due to bloody choir practice!!!!!
got friends to text me but they cannnot match the FHF color comments

(and to start well - no F'ing WV at 1st try)

HabsFan29 said...

wonder how long FHF can keep this up?

one day, tops

moeman said...

Thats a lot of Cialis.

HabsFan29 said...

I should contact a physician

bea.habs.fan said...

@HF29
or take full advantge of it by making some FHF groupies very happy.
as long as there are no color weirdness goign on.

WV typo: cralis

moeman said...

Or maybe a lawyer.

HabsFan29 said...

wait, there are FHF groupies? why wasn't I aware of this?

Bill 101 said...

@29 - all yours

First FHF, now Judaism..

What the fuck is happening to me?

think I'll blame Shmoulik

wv: nice silverware Mr Toews, think we'll avdat this time

bea.habs.fan said...

@HF29
why do you think all the ladies come to this site? it's full of half-naked women.

moeman said...

@29, "wait, there are FHF groupies? why wasn't I aware of this?
"


Do more parodies.

Moey said...

I'm sayin' nuthin' about kicking the laffs ass. It's a jinx I tell ya a jinx!

I'll be happy if none of our boys get injured.

moeman said...

heh, cbc/hnit starts the season promo with an image of phangoof, fucking homers.

High Glove Side said...

No Leaf shots in first period would be good

moeman said...

Tic, tic, tic.

HabsFan29 said...

LET'S DO THIS THING

HabsFan29 said...

Is this CBC's attempt to be hip?

moeman said...

heh, that and repeating how 'beautiful' Toronto is.

Moey said...

How many seconds in before Doucharek does something stupid?

moeman said...

heh, I peed in that there Wasaga BeaCH.

Ghost of the Forum said...

Woot!
Another season, nice to exchange snarky remarks with all again.

Oh, and also:
FUCK THE LEAFS.

GO YOU FUCKING HABS!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Moon River always gets me in the mood. I think the crowd fell asleep.

moeman said...

All the money in the world and all the ml$e can do is a fake lake. At least the CH lights her ice on fucking fire.

Chamby said...

Did the Laffs seriously just steal our lighting the torch thing... with a cup of water?

Bill 101 said...

wow this ultra-cheesy pre-game crap (this from a Habs fan!)is gonna allow me to get from work to 'church' before game starts

so, it's a good thing (?)

enjoy the game comrades

RiRi said...

*catches up on today's posts*

Man, you guys are a creative bunch! Keep it up!

Go Habs Go!!!

P.S. I just gagged at the sight of Doucharek.

Steve said...

Holy Fuck Batmann, the game is on CBC, fucking socialist rule!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Crowd outside is standing around with their arms folded. I think I saw someone cleaning up litter.

the Baruch said...

isn't salt (water) bad for the ice? I thought they were doing some solemn enviro-conscious thing at the beginning, which I would allow them could be pedantic, but it was just some techno-witchcraft with projections, and the autumn leaves around the boards--LAME!!

GKSLAYH!!!!!
(go kick some leaf ass you habs!!!!!)
agree with HLS no leaf shots in the first will be rockem sockem

moeman said...

Céline Dion!

moeman said...

heh, russ courtnall = traitor

GoldenGirl11 said...

Russ looks good.

moeman said...

... and people wonder why we called bob cold a leaf homer ...

al macneil = traitor

HabsFan29 said...

Bob Cole? so he's a Leaf?

GoldenGirl11 said...

DrGG is in heat watching the leaf of his youth. Almost as excited as seeing a UFO!

Ghost of the Forum said...

Why didn't Bob Cole come out in his Leaf's jersey...you know he was wearing it underneath.

Moey said...

Crap, I'm starting to yawn already.

moeman said...

acc/ml$e, steals the big flag from Ottawa, steals the crowd singing from Vancouver, steals the centre ice graphics from Montreal, at least they have rights to the empty lower bowl of biz execs selling condos.

HabsFan29 said...

FINALLY. puck dropped. i was dozing

HabsFan29 said...

PFK is all over that Calder

RiRi said...

Hockey nerves are back. This is a good thing.

HabsFan29 said...

crap

HabsFan29 said...

i don't even know who scored. who are these Leafs

Steve said...

phuking leaf shit fuck them fuck them

tits where are you playing KHL or NHL

HabsFan29 said...

double crap

RiRi said...

FUCK.

moeman said...

Boydz!

RiRi said...

BOYD!

HabsFan29 said...

NICE 3rd line goal. i like those

RiRi said...

"regarde la mollesse de Komisarek"

HabsFan29 said...

one period over. could have been worse?

Steve said...

somebody tell the Habs, saying where are your car keys to Phoofer is the same as saying your wife is a dyke

moeman said...

Hockey Night in __________ .

the Baruch said...

Switching over to RDS, can't stand that Don Cherry. When people boo Price they are booing the management who showed such contempt for the fans that they so unceremoniously trade away their playoff hero and leave us with the unsavory prospect of cheering for a team we cannot completely (yet!) believe in.

the Baruch said...

oops hockey nerfs getting my grammer all in knots 'pologeez all
GHG!!!

HabsFan29 said...

cash this one please.

GoldenGirl11 said...

This just in from LG:
"Tell the peeps over in the commentariat that I say hey from WDW at the ESPN Club. The Yankees fans around me are funny, but are giving me heebie-jeebies!!"

HabsFan29 said...

cash THIS one please

moeman said...

colby (nice name, not) thinks his jersey will keep him from getting called for head shots, not.

moeman said...

Picard+CHicken on the PP makes me miss Squid+Vodkov.

RiRi said...

At this point, I miss Hamr.

Moey said...

Can we just tie this one please????

I've got a pinched nerve in my wrist. Fuck.

HabsFan4 said...

I like Eller. I'm in Lars with him.

HabsFan4 said...

Nice save Darche.

HabsFan4 said...

The Jew got it woooooloololloooooooo!!!! Semen tov ve mazal toe ve sem....

GoldenGirl11 said...

Mazel tov!!

HabsFan29 said...

we look lazy now

HabsFan29 said...

TOUCH THE FUCKIN PUCK. finally. meh.

Steve said...

Lego we can build with, Mexican Chicken is off my menu. PFk is awesome. The Halpiern (need a nickname fast and the Jew does not feel right for this gentile) and Dusty also nice picks

HabsFan29 said...

blech

moeman said...

Losing to a bunch of slugs ain't fun.

Bring on Game 2.

the Baruch said...

coulda gone either way~ see you all next game GHG!!!!!

Number31 said...

FLU YOU LEAFS! *barf*

Oh well, I take small victories. Small as in Gionta making Phacaveman look silly.

RiRi said...

I don't know who to believe. Boone says PFK had a bad game. Gaston Terrien says he played like a veteran. Wasn't paying much attention so please, someone, enlighten me.

Steve said...

Price was okay, one soft but not bad goal, and two or three game savers. Did not win or lose the game. G man for Laffs was great.

Bill 101 said...

how unfortunate

deperate to keep the warm fuzzy alive, I take comfort in knowing that Canadian hockey have, for the first time, heard our national broadcaster announce a Habs player (Picard - who's he again?) "Smeagoling his way out of a check" in the corner

my pretty my pretty...

Steve said...

PFK was awesome, by far the best player not in net.

matt - ftc. said...

goals by boyd and halpern? nice to see our top lines contributing...looks like another year where 65-70 points will lead the team in scoring.

Ronan said...

I thought PK played a good game - didn't notice him defensively and had some great rushes.

And watching Spacek play without the Hammer is painful.

Orangeman said...

I just spent an evening, IT WAS DARK OUTSIDE, watching a hockey game with beer. I booed, I cheered, I chanted, I wished cancer on various referees and their families. With friends and strangers who did the same. Chicken wings were involved at systematic intervals.

Go Habs Go!

Go Hockey (at night with beer, as god intended) GO!!!!!!

HabsFan4 said...

Chalapern was good. I agree.

Orangeman said...

And fuck yeah I'm signing in finally because it's the real season. Also, beer. Lots and lots of beer.

Number31 said...

Eberle is stealing Taylor Hall's thunder. Giggles~!