Friday, October 08, 2010
Game 1: Get Your Own Pre-Game Ceremony, Thieves of Already Created and Now Well Established Pre-Game Ceremonies! Leafs 3-Habs 2
Let's talk 3D. I'm tempted to make this about the 3D that played for the Habs. I'm tempted to say that Carey's flu left him seeing the action in 3D...
Instead, I'd like to say how the Leafs found every possible dimension to make fools of themselves.
Put on those 3D glasses and read my words. They'll feel so different I promise you. They'll feel penetrating. Let me penetrate you with my words.
P.K. was the best D on the ice. It's a bit nuts to think about what the man can do at this age... or at least that's what I was told. I didn't watch the game. Why? Why you ask? Because I was an emotional wreck after that pregame video about how ice is made.
The geniuses who run the Leafs marketing department thought it fitting to tell Canadians (people who live in Canada) how to make ice. Supposedly, you just take water and when it gets cold enough, it turns into ice. But that wasn't the tear-jerker. What did me in was them telling me that this "water" can be found all over our great land. Turns out it's everywhere! Wow.
And then, as I was regaining consciousness, they bring out Russ Courtnall. That's right, Russ and his 12 career goals were there. That's when I started convulsing. It dawned on me that what i just saw was the equivalent of the Montreal Canadiens honoring Todd Ewen before a game. Todd Fucking Ewen.
But Todd Ewen's jersey would be hanging from the rafters if he was a Leaf.
But that's not enough. The mensa gang over at MLSE find it fitting to TOTALLY plagiarize the Canadiens' pre-game ceremony they put together during last year's playoffs. But there's a twist: the kneel at centre ice child ignitor didn't set the arena on fire, he drowned it in water by pouring a cup of water at the centre ice circle. To do it is one thing, but to do it in front of the team that actually created it is like the Russians inviting Neil Armstrong to a "Boris was the First Man to Walk on the Moon"party.
Next week the Leafs are going to have a ceremony honouring Lanny MacDonald for mapping the genome sequence.
Who could watch the game after that? Of course, the story on this page would now include a recap of the game had the Habs won, buy the Habs lost, so the post begins and ends with the comments about this imbecile ceremony.