Ah, the All-Star break. A time when 1% of the league gathers for a useless 14-11 game and some photo ops, and the other 99% of the league does something else (hookers and blow). With all the Habs but TFS having a week off after tonight, we thought we'd provide a couple of handy suggestions as to how they should spend their time.
PatCHes - chest protector shopping
The Mexican - mentally prepare for traditional second half points explosion; alternative - meeting with financial planners
MOEmaN - dig up more dirt on CHokula to regain top 6 forward status
Tits - studying for kindergarten equivalency degree
Tommy Pyatt - actually get in some ice time
Hal Gill - potluck dinner preparation
PFK - attend Homer Simpson Showboating Academy for additional ideas to really piss Don Cherry off
Entire defensive corps - knee-strengthening exercises, and lots of 'em
Alex Auld - get kick-ass head tattoo
CHokula - sign up for "Get in Touch With Your Emotions" seminar at the Holiday Inn by the airport
CoaCH Kirk - resumé writing workshop
PleXXXe - beach time. You've earned it. Like you earned an ASG invite you didn't get, because the ASG is biased against two-way players.
OK let's set up the Phucktards with a little help from some other All-Star Games from around the world of sports.
Waiting for defense in an NBA ASG - 7:30 PM start in Philly, on Versus for all you 'Mericans. The Flyers are probably the best team in the league right now, and these are arguably the two hottest teams in the league in 2011. Flyers have gone 9-2-0 in January, while the Habs went 6-1-3 over the same span. This is the fourth and final meeting between the teams, the Flyers holding a 2-1 edge. A win would tie the Habs' point total with the Bs, though the Bs would have one game in hand.
Like the WNBA ASG; you really don't want to watch, but you can't turn away from the giant freaks - I expect some Broad Street Hockey drop-ins tonight. Play nice everyone!
Hot like Pete Rose barreling into
As useless as the Pro Bowl - given the teams' respective January records, it's no surprise that neither team has any really bad players right now. I just wanted to write that the Pro Bowl is useless.
If you get injured in an ASG you're either Ted Williams,
Post-game adult entertainment - All-Star Porn Girls! (really very completely totally NSFW)
Are you an all-star commentor? Prove it.