Friday, January 21, 2011

Sexy Friday M*A*S*H Up: 4077th Habs at Sens Game Preview and Open Thread


Last man standing wins, as the battered and broken Habs bus down to Ottawa to take on a Sens team who just got beaten up in Philly. Bodies start hitting the floor at 7:30, live from Scotiabank Place, somewhere deep in the DMZ around Kanata. You can watch the carnage live on RDS, or Sportsnet East if you can stand it.

Who's in triage? Look, all anyone is talking about since the Habs got Buffaloed is the wounded, so let's get it out of the way: Max Pac got his chest Wizzed on but thinks he can go tonight so he'll be a game time decision. Cammy is out up to a month with a messed-up shoulder. Halpern didn't make the short trip because he got his bell rung versus Lindy's thugs on parade. Chicken is a game-time decision, still suffering from flu-like symptoms. Hal Gill's hand/wrist seem okay. PK's foot got banged up but he's in. Markov and Gorges are still done. Sens are also MASHed up, missing Jason "I always score a great looking goal against Montreal" Spezza, Pascal "No Quebecois goalie to bite the Habs ass tonight" Leclaire, and L'Artiste himself, Alexei Kovalev (broken mojo/bum knee).

New recruits: Already sporting greenhorns Yanick Weber and David Desharnais, plus Max Pac and PK, the Habs get two more call ups from the Bulldogs as Andreas Enqvist and Ryan White make the trip to Ottawa. Chocula already loves the boring, safe, defensively responsible and offensively challenged Enqvist like a son. White hits too much and offers too much energy to really be accepted by Chocula, although his glaring offensive weaknesses at least earn him "foster child" status.

Hot Lips Houlihan has nothing on these guys: Carey Price has started treating pucks like North Korea treats journalists again, allowing very few past his borders. He's 4-1-1 after the rough stretch in December. PK scored the game winner versus Calgary and played roughly three hours versus Buffalo; he and the Wiz (10 points in 9 games) carry the defence. Big Tits has looked like a player you'd want over the past two. Pleks has turned it around some (4 points in 5). Special mention to Panger-sized David Desharnais, who is making some noise in an attempt to stick with the big club. For Ottawa, Milan Michalek and the Foligno kid have 5 points in their last five.

Colder than Hawkeye and BJ's martinis: Seriously, when was the last time Gionta scored? And not to go back to early season lamentations, but don't look at Gomez's stat line over the past week (1 point in 5 games and a costly penalty in Buffalo). With Cammy suddenly not able to stay healthy, Bob Gainey's smurf spending spree of a few years back is again a concern. Alex Auld looked shell-shocked versus Calgary. The Sens are brutal right now and not even Saint Alfredsson can save them: he has one point in his last 4. The Ottawa defence is particularly culpable - Sergei Gonchar might be the worst free agent signing of the year, youngster Eric Karlsson has 2 points in 7, and Chris Phillips hasn't tallied a point in 27 games. Christ, you can almost get second assists by accident and a guy playing top four minutes hasn't scored a point in half a season?

Suicide is painless: We miss FiveforSmiting and wish SLC hadn't pulled the plug.

In war, all the humour is dark: Some sick bastard in NHL scheduling just had to put the Habs back-to-back versus the Yin and Yang of the early 2000's Habs, didn't he? Kovy and Koivu (sniff) on consecutive nights makes for an interesting comparison.

Post-game entertainment: It's Not-So-Sexy Friday night in Kanata. You might have more fun in a war-torn 1950's Korea, especially if the nurses looked like this:


91 comments:

moeman said...

Perfect preview.

"You might have more fun in a war-torn 1950's Korea"

Hey! Gatineau ain't that bad.

...sounds of helicopters...

Cowboyatheart said...

Ugh. Not good.

From HIO: "Alex Kovalev, out since Jan. 8 with a wonky knee, returns to the Ottawa lineup."

Remember what happened last time he came back from a wonky knee?

Steve said...

@10 great call on Mash

The Sens are playing for number one overall. My only advice do not pick anyone with a hyphenated name.

Go Bulldogs Go
Go Habs Go

Steve said...

Speaking of Gainy's Smurf factory, he really wanted Mex over Saku? There has to more to that story.

soperman said...

Pouliot as Klinger. HA! Phucking hilariuous.

Anonymous said...

My head is caught in the thresher in the barn. Again. Really, I mean it this time. I'm in Iowa. I don't know why I'm here. One minute I was having bouncing sex with Sarah Palin in a motel in Oklahoma, she's got 2 centimeter long nipples, then, this. Call 911, this really hurts.Go Habs though. I hope Eller picks it up Ow this really hurts.

soperman said...

@ Anonymous

You know that you can catch "stupid" from Sarah Palin.

Steve said...

This level of excitement can not be sustained.

GYGHG

Orangeman said...

Lombardi sees the 'errors' of his ways. Just like Campbell's clear conflict of interests from a few months ago, we'll never hear of this again (after Lombardi pays for his insubordination of course). It's not enough to have integrity, you must also give a clear presentation of that integrity to the public in order to be respected. The NHL does neither.

GYFHG! It's 2 Canadian teams, neither of which reside in the centre of the universe, so I doubt they'll even have it on in the war room.

iRiRi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
iRiRi said...

Just beat the stupid Sens tonight. I think we can all agree the main event is tomorrow.

P.S. I agree with Moey. Shirtless hockey players FTW!

moeman said...

iRiRi is incorrigible!

moeman said...

Memories.

Via;

http://waybackmachine.org

HabsFan29 said...

Through early evening ScotCH I see
Visions of, 6th place to be
The pains that are Cammalleri's
I realize I hate Kov-y

But FHF is painless
We've been through many changes
But I could never leave it even if I please


Outstanding work 10 and GG!

Orangeman said...

@moe: That time machine landed on by bday! Well, not technically, but the post is. Ahhhh, to be 28 again. Young, dumb and full of dim sum.

moeman said...

Nice going 29
Poetic and FHFine
Nice use of the italics
For you some FHFine pics
And may Kovy not bulge the twine
G Y F H G!

HabsFan29 said...

FINALLY a puck drop

I'm not optimistic btw. just thought i'd share that

HabsFan29 said...

Carey looks behind himself a lot

moeman said...

CHicken!

HabsFan29 said...

CHicken!!

Orangeman said...

BAWK BAWK BITCHES!

Orangeman said...

Kovy being booed in his own bldg by Habs fans. teehee.

moeman said...

PleXXXe!

Orangeman said...

Plexxxe!

HabsFan29 said...

PleXXXe!

i'm more optimistic now

moeman said...

0man, like the lowercase 'l' in leaf, it makes it just as much fun to use the uppercase 'X' in PleXXXe!

HabsFan29 said...

excellent Kovy booing

Orangeman said...

Even though it didn't go in, that was a pretty nice play on the 2-1, esp. Whiz's tip.

Orangeman said...

Oh, Tits.

HabsFan29 said...

czeCH sausage passes everywhere

HabsFan29 said...

aw crap.

moeman said...

Actual Sens fans in attendance.

Orangeman said...

Enjoy the show Habs D?

moeman said...

BB wants the 'system' back.

moeman said...

Over 80 some refs and we still get chris fucking lee?

Orangeman said...

One of those light-up ads on the boards had the word "BLOOD"

Thought process when I saw it: That's disgusting! In a game where men actually do put their bodies on the line! And in a post-Tuscon world, where we should be more concious of the language.....Oh, it says "GIVE BLOOD". That's, uh, good. Moving on.

moeman said...

Gio!

Orangeman said...

Gio!

'bout time....

Orangeman said...

Sportsnet East is saying they should have a reference to indicate how strong each hockey stick is before they call a slashing penalty. Stretch all the way you can, guys.

moeman said...

Interesting CHallenge for the cbc/hnic tomorrow. Will they re-do their disgusting anti-Habs act (showing a tie domi tribute instead of Boom Boom Geoffrion's jersey number retirement/wake) by showing colton orr warming up instead of the Bell Centre standing ovation for Saku? Time's a tickin' hnic producers...

moeman said...

PatCHes!

Orangeman said...

Ok guys, let's not take this goalie change as a chance to stop playing again.

Having said that, that's two goalie chases in a week!

iRiRi said...

Can someone please remind me why I am missing this game?

Orangeman said...

@moe: Whatever happens, the Habs celebrating a European will have Cherry hate jerking off on coach's corner. Hopefully PK will score a goal in the 1st causing his head to bust completely. One can dream...

HabsFan29 said...

jeez i left to eat and masturbate in the intermission now it's 4-1. i guess i missed... some stuff

punkster said...

Having way too much fun now. Time for a bonehead giveaway.
word: braliftic...Big Tits supporter

moeman said...

@iRiRi "Can someone please remind me why I am missing this game?"

Googling buff(er) vacuuming guys?

moeman said...

PleXXXe!

Wings!

HabsFan29 said...

pleXXXe!! wings!!!

Orangeman said...

Oh my! SeXXXy PleXXXy!

punkster said...

Pleks having way to much fun now.

bea.habs.fan said...

Wow looks like a rout.
am now waiting for the other shoe to drop

Flying Toaster said...

CHICKEN WINGS!!! (I'm at La Cage)

Wv: have another beer!
If you impsyste

HabsFan29 said...

we had a 4 goal lead in the 2nd just last week. be afraid, people!

HabsFan29 said...

*just THIS week. seems like forever

Orangeman said...

Vicious hit from behind by Neal is legit because Pk apparently got his elbow up on another hit (he didn't) according to Sportsnet guy.

HabsFan29 said...

whew. for now.

Moey said...

They need to pot 5 more, no lead is safe with les boys.

Saku's interview almost killed me, what am I going to be like tomorrow night? *dabs eyes*

bea.habs.fn said...

czech connection to start

habsbea said...

one down

bea.etc said...

make that 2

HabsFan29 said...

ok, great kill. now can we cruise to a 7-1 or 8-1 win please? for a change?

HabsFan29 said...

ok, we'll start with 6-1! Tits!

Orangeman said...

What the hell just happened?

WV: urine. For real.

Orangeman said...

Neil out to injure someone.

punkster said...

Wanted to say this for a long time.
O-fuckin-le baby!

word: weeroc (damn straight mofo!)

the Maritimer said...

Moey, I feel your pain re: Saku.

For so many years he had no help.

Orangeman said...

I don't wish any pain or injury to Neil, but at least he won't be able to cripple any Habs now.

HabsFan29 said...

oh Bulldogs, so close

HabsFan29 said...

fuck that looked ugly. hang in there travis

Orangeman said...

So another Sen takes over in the goon division.

moeman said...

White needs a nickname. TheBlanc?

moeman said...

PFK!

Orangeman said...

P F K !

HabsFan29 said...

PFK!!!

nice restrained celebration on his part

the Maritimer said...

Wow, who knew Ottawa was this bad. Poor Kovy, even when he signed with the Senaturds, he said he hoped he would end his career with Montreal. Sorry man, you'll end your career in the the Russian retirement home known as the KHL.

I did enjoy 25% of your time in Montreal.

PFK!!!

moeman said...

Can't believe they are keeping PFK! off the ASG rookie team. Weird.

Number31 said...

It's like I'm watching the Bulldogs VS the BingySens with guest appearance by the Habs/O-Sens.

bea.habs.fan said...

actually seems like an official rout.
I may be feeling a little sorry for the Sens
but happy- actually make that ecstatic - with the way we/re playing

the Maritimer said...

They don't seem to miss Cammy.

HabsFan29 said...

Double D can make some sweet passes

HabsFan29 said...

that was alright

moeman said...

Nice team win. Well coaCHed.

~~~

Bring on our well-loved and totally respected Saku Koivu!!!

the Maritimer said...

Did Chocula show any emotion tonight?

Number31 said...

Anyone else see that 10ton anvil hovering precariously over Clouston's head? I feel bad for him though 'cause he is a good coach who just wants his players to play hard and aggressive but they're all "meh whatevs".

Good work by the Bulldogs. Good on the Habs to not take them lightly either. Needed the points bad.

Number31 said...

Hey Maritimer! I actually saw Chocula pat guys on the back in a "good job" kind of way. Shocking, I know!

Orangeman said...

Now to get some sleep so I can wake up early to collect flowers for Saku. You might say that's too much, but if I wasn't collecting flowers the skipping and whistling through town would just look stupid.

Moey said...

Joe Dickhead on L'antichambre, "Koivu is like an ex-girlfriend, you forget all the bad things.'

Is it just me or would anyone else ike to see those chairs shown in the opening sequence put in the middle of the 401 on a holiday weekend. Those fuckers are a complete waste of space and airtime.

the Maritimer said...

@Number31: Amazing.

@Moey : I've never watched l'Antichambre. Just lucky I guess.

iRiRi said...

WHY, GOD, WHY?!

Number31 said...

I'd like to see the guys on L'Antichambre planted head first into each of their own comfy chairs. Asshats.