Thursday, January 22, 2009

When Nothing in the Universe Makes Sense: Devils 5-Habs 2




I have no idea what in the world happened last night in New Jersey. It reminded 

me of a great line spoken by comedian Lewis Black who after having heard someone 

say something truly idiotic, says "that's when the left side of my brain looked at the right

side of my brain and said, 'it's pretty dark in here' ".


In congruence with the massive confusion felt over what the Habs have done in the past few

days please allow me to turn the reins over to two people who may shed some light on the state 

of affairs.


HF4: Mr. President, can you...


President Obama: Yes! Obama here!


HF4: Mr. President, you are here with former Liberal leader Stéphane

Dion.


President Obama: Yes, yes. Here I am, I mean I am here, Barack 

Hussein, here, I am, I, with Mr. Dion.


S.D.: Do you mean to say that the President Obama is going to be 

here former one day?


HF4: Could you repeat that? 


S.D.: Well you said he was here with the former leader, you mean 

a before I am a former leader, not now, now I'm not the leader, 

only before, that's when I am the leader.


President Obama: Are you feelin' ok?


HF4: Gentlemen, let's just move straight to the game. Mr. President, 

what did you think about the game?


President Obama: I mean, the chief justice told me the game was at 6.

So I'm like, cool, this is cool, I'll just run down, have myself my

pick-up game, drink my gatorade and watch the game. So I do that and


HF4: But the game was at 7.


President Obama: Yup. It was at 7. So I missed the first period.


HF4: Mr. Dion, did you expect the Canadiens to have such a hard

even with Martin Brodeur out with an injury?


S.D: Oh, for sure, Brodeur is great goalie, and if he play today,

today if he play, he be the best in the world, but it's impossible,

because he's not playing today, so Montreal don't know, so he can't.


President Obama: Sir, any relation to Dan Quayle?


S.D.: I don't really eat quail, it's not time for the hunt, you know,

not today, today we can't hunt, so you ask me about the quail today or

in the summer? Today?


HF4: Mr. Dion, why is Carey Price playing when he's going to be

risking an injury. Did you find his play a bit rusty last night?


S.D: Look, for sure, if he play like this in November, he be bad,

but its not possible, because it's now January, so it's not an injury

you know like that.


President Obama: Anyway, so I call up the chief justice on the phone,

and I tell him that he gave me some bad info. And so he tells me to 

leave the gym and rush home for the second. He tells me he knows

this great shortcut and I'm like, alright, you know best. So the 

driver follows these directions and now we're drivin' around in 

circles. We're totally lost with the judges false directions.


HF4: And so you missed the second period.


President Obama: Voilà.


S.D: Same thing happen to me many year ago. I suppose to see 

my friend in Westmount. He tell me, take Dorchester all the 

way down. So I think when I drive, it's not possible. Today, 

today, this is René-Lévesque, not Dorchester, so when do you 

want me to take Dorchester, before when it was called that? When

did you invite me to your home, before? When it called Dorchester?


HF4: Folks, the game. I want to know if you think the Canadiens 

losing back to back games will affect them going into the all-star

break.


President Obama: Listen, I Barack Hussein Obama,...


HF4: Yes, Mr. President, what do you think?


President Obama: CAN I FINISH A DAMN SENTENCE IN THIS MUTHERFUCKER?


S.D: You can finish it now, but you started it before, so it's like

you already finished before and now you are starting it again.


HF4: Go ahead Mr. President, I won't interrupt you.


President Obama: Look, what you want me to say! I did it all backwards!

I finally got home and saw the third, then I watched the second that 

Michelle had taped on the RVP and then I saw the second, so from my 

perspective, they finished strong. But that Kovalev went to bed 

before it all started.


HF4: Any last words?


S.D.: Good morning!


President Obama: Habs Go Habs! 

4 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

despite the whacky formatting, i am dying of laughter here

that whole Dorchester-RL thing is KILLING me

Hab Van said...

Very fucked up how verbal stumblings of political leaders reflect this week's Lost.

that is all.

gillis said...

Very nice, I like.

lawyergirl77 said...

4 - Holy fuck that was messed up.

In a good way.

And why is it that when I was reading that, Obama sounded like Samuel L. Jackson and Dion sounded like Jaro?

Wait a minute, that seems about right...