It has been 17 years since the Habs won a Cup. That means if they don't win this spring, next year there will be fully grown, adult Canadiens fans who can drink liquor and fornicate but have never witnessed a Stanley Cup parade proceed along the usual route. And you need to be able to do all three to call yourself a true Montrealer.
I'll let that reality sink in for a monment - sspecially for you old people like HF29 who grew up hanging off of light poles on Ste Catherine Street every spring.
So what's it going to take to return Lord Stanley's mug to its rightful and favorite home? It's going to take a number of key guys playing waaaay over their (usual) heads - just like in 1993. As a favour to the current Habs lineup, who may not have obsessed about that '93 team quite as much as I may have, here is FHF's guide to what each of our key players need to recreate if there is a Parade to be Planned:
Captain Kirk = Squid meaning he has to score in the clutch and bring both heart and leadership
Vinnie D.= Gomez meaning he has to play like a true #1 centre and lead the playoffs in scoring
Keaner = Little Giant meaning he has to skate like the wind (okay, that would be more than what Mikey did), hit anything that moves, play aggressive and constantly hound the puck carrier. Keane actually had 13 assists, but we'll take 10 goals from Gio instead
Bellows = CHicken meaning he has to use his size and natural scoring ability to prove the Habs didn't tradeRuss Courtnall Gui! for nothing
LeClair = Big Tits meaning he's got to show some break-out scoring ability - although I must admit I as surprised to learn that Johnny only scored 4 goals in the playoffs. I remember it more as 50.
I'll let that reality sink in for a monment - sspecially for you old people like HF29 who grew up hanging off of light poles on Ste Catherine Street every spring.
So what's it going to take to return Lord Stanley's mug to its rightful and favorite home? It's going to take a number of key guys playing waaaay over their (usual) heads - just like in 1993. As a favour to the current Habs lineup, who may not have obsessed about that '93 team quite as much as I may have, here is FHF's guide to what each of our key players need to recreate if there is a Parade to be Planned:
Captain Kirk = Squid meaning he has to score in the clutch and bring both heart and leadership
Vinnie D.= Gomez meaning he has to play like a true #1 centre and lead the playoffs in scoring
Keaner = Little Giant meaning he has to skate like the wind (okay, that would be more than what Mikey did), hit anything that moves, play aggressive and constantly hound the puck carrier. Keane actually had 13 assists, but we'll take 10 goals from Gio instead
Bellows = CHicken meaning he has to use his size and natural scoring ability to prove the Habs didn't trade
LeClair = Big Tits meaning he's got to show some break-out scoring ability - although I must admit I as surprised to learn that Johnny only scored 4 goals in the playoffs. I remember it more as 50.
DiPietro = Moore meaning someone has to score unexpectedly and The Goat's first trade acquisition seems a likely candidate
Desjardins = Markov meaning he's got to lead the blueliners, play Norris-like defence and score a hat trick in the finals
Desjardins = Markov meaning he's got to lead the blueliners, play Norris-like defence and score a hat trick in the finals
Odelin = Gilliweed meaning the heretofore nicknamed "HMS" has to be the unsung defensive rock and bring a physical presence to the blueline
Haller = Urologist meaning he'll be forgotten in 8 months, but needs to be the unsung offensive hero on the blueline in the next 8 weeks
Roy = Jaro meaning "your 2010 Conn Smythe winner". Realistically, it's the only way any of this is gonna happen
Roy = Jaro meaning "your 2010 Conn Smythe winner". Realistically, it's the only way any of this is gonna happen
Racicot = Big Fat Whale meaning he'll play 18 minutes when Jaro has to take a dump.
There it is. That's all these Habs need to pull off a monumental upset in the first round (just like 17 years ago), Then, if last night is any indication, all the lower seeds will do the Habs a favour and knock off the other contenders. After the Caps, it will be smooth sailing into the finals.
I wonder who will tell Jacques which stick to measure.
Yes, yes I am delusional. I do think the Canadiens have a shot, especially if Phoenix can beat Detroit. But ask me again after the first when Alex already has a hat trick.
314 comments:
1 – 200 of 314 Newer› Newest»I BELIEVE PANGER. I FUCKING BELIEVE!!!
/4th meth hit of the day
That big hillbilly only scored 4 goals? Did seem like 50.... Oh wait, that was AFTER they traded him. Well done 33!!
Still amazed at the SI cover to mark the Habs 24th Stanley Cup. A picture of Mattieu Schneider and the minuscule text "Montreal upends Los Angeles to win the Stanley Cup". The pic looks more like it should've read "Matt Schneider decides to play on Yom Kippur despite Bubby's urging to go to Kol Nidre or break her heart like her son already did by marrying that shikse".
Speaking of '93, TSN's top 10 this morning was playoff overtimes. Hands up anyone who thinks that even a single Habs '93 OT win made the list.
Wait, where are all the commen6s about my spyeling mistakes? I did post ont the right website, correct?
I should have added the link to the 93 playoff scoring. Schneider only played half the games - was he hurt? Or was it because of the Great Kevin Haller?
The Big Hillbilly only got four goals cause he was too busy crushing people. Ya like Big Tits will be doing that ... sure ... you betcha he will. It's hard to tell if that guy is awake.
On the plus side, I saw a "History Will Be Made" last night of St. Patrick's glove save from the circle versus the Rangers.
In hindsight, why the fuck was he 15 feet out of the net and 10 feet to the right?
Can I say, I loved that '93 team? The playoffs started with me and my Nordiques fan roommate trash-talking through exams and ended with me back home in Muskoka (aka Leafs Country) enjoying every minute of Gretzky/Gilmour/KerryFraser and the oh-so-glorious Finals.
In order for this truly to be the '93 team, though, we have to lose the first two games to the Caps.
*shudder*
Then again, seeing as everyone is expecting us to get swept (or almost), I guess that the pressure would be off at that point. Setting the stage for 10 OT wins in a row.
Right?
RIGHT??!!
Pass the Kool-Aid, Panger. And 29, you'd better save me some of that meth.
Oh, and I still cry when I think about being in the Forum for Game 5. Not only because I can't believe I was there, but also because I want to curse the ravages of time for making some of the memories start to get blurry at the edges. sniffle.
Roy = Jaro
is where the plan tarts to fall apart.
Hopefully Pierre Gervais has perfected his new titanium shoulderpads 'cause we are in for the other of all crushings. Chris was right on the Pantscast about how we have to run and gun. Kudos to 4 and 29 for that, they should put you guys on after Abe on CJAD.
WV: subablua! the sound of running into a speeding Ovechkin.
Away les maudits Habs!
I have to say, this is my very favouritest time of the year. Right before the puck has dropped on the post season. You may know in your head that there's no chance, but you can still feebly pluck at the heartstrings of hope.
Go Hockey.
Go Pants.
Go you fucking Habs.
Who will be Paul "Rocky" DiPietro?
Aw...looking back, it's hard to imagine all that stuff actually happened. What an amazing run that was, and it shows you really have to have all the ducks in a row like they've never lined up before.
I'm starting to believe, a little bit.
@JT
I believe when I see KM behind the bench. When I see JM, however, I don't see playoff success, I see a guy on a book jacket like "BBQing across America: You Wouldn't Believe What You Can Cook on the Engine of your Car" or "Fly fishing with Bears: When to laugh at his jokes and when to play dead".
I'm most concerned with who plays Gilbert Dionne and claims goals that weren't his. I'm guessing Sergei.
Go Pants. Go ghosts.
Go you fucking Habs go.
Anyone else think Leclair looks a little like Gino Odjick on that pic?
Oh, and GO YOU FUCKING HABS!
@Hadulf: I just realized that it was Leclaire. I was sure it was Odjick, which didn't make sense.
And to think in '93 I thought, meh, I've seen better finals. I never thought for a moment that we were in for a 17 year drought.
A true fan has hope, like maybe Jaro or Pricey can pull a rabbit out of their arses and win this series kind of hope. Delusional is thinking that we're better than the Caps.
Go Habs....make it a series, at least try to get to game 6!!
WV - prentand, I'm going to prentand that it's 1993 again, only unlike GG, my jeans are long gone. Maybe I'll just watch sans panties.
Go pants(ies)!!!!!
@GG11: Hmmm...I think if JM were to be on a book jacket it would be more along the lines of "Shorty: the Little Mobster Who Couldn't" or "Dressing For Moderate Regular Season Success."
wv: Parkingl. I hope some Hab plans on parkingl himself in front of Theo tonight. The bigger the ass, the better. I'm talking to you, Laps.
1993, more fun for slagging the leaf fan than 1967.
@fez - I'm with you.
Right now we are doing better than Det/SJ/NJ & Pens!
whoa! head rush.
the waiting is killing me.
I'm down to pretending to work and offering mental sacrifices to Forum ghosts.
GO GO GO
(SNIF I wasn't anywhere near this continent in 93 - no internet = no hockey back then).
My Stanley memories goes back to 86. My first year in Montreal - what a welcome)
Two hours before puck drop: Let the pregaming begin. Beer #1.
First things first, let's get good and drunk!
No cbc/hnic! No bob cole!!
Mcsplooge all over the face of the nation!
Jaro and his kabilara are going to be all up in OV's face.
Geez Panger I LOVE YOU for this post.
Habs, You Really Got 'WE'
Based on.
Little Girl, you really got them goin'
You got them so they don't know what they're reportin'
Yeah, Pleks, you really got them now
You got them now prove them wrong tonight
Yeah, FHF, you really got me Wow!
You so got me with that Pants!cast show
Oh yeah, merci 29, I know HF4s real name now
Vodkov wants it on explicit iTunes for FHFers in Moscow
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Win
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Fucking Win
Habs, You Really Got "WE', Now Win You Fuckers
See, don't ever set me free
I always wanna it to be 1993
Cuphead33, your post really got me rememberin' now
Gretzky and McSorley still can't sleep at night
Yeah, OV, 'WE' really got you now
Beating the SouthEast teams 19 times is what you're good at doin', now
Oh yeah, José, 'WE' really got you now
Hope you had fun with les danseuses last night
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Win
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Fucking Win
Habs, You Really Got "WE', Now Win You Fuckers
Oh no... (stop that pessimism!) Oh yeah!
GG, don't ever work for free !
Your mad pic skillz cannot be denied
LG, you really got me hon
Can't believe your were just 5 that 93 Stanley Cup night !
Yeah, cbc, you really got me happy now
You got it so bob cole won't fuck up what my Habs are doin', now
Oh yeah, tsn, you got the Habs' game now
You got McSplooge so horned up Gord can't sleep at night
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Win
Habs, You Really Got 'WE', Now Fucking Win
Habs, You Really Got "WE', Now Win You Fuckers
What great memories of '93! Time to get some din dins and get ready for MCsplooge. Would we have it any other way?
wv really! ovitusia: forgetting to cover Ovetchkin. NOT!
@moe Bravo!
other Kinks candidates:
Give the poeple what they want
I've got your number
It ain't over , till it's over
Dancing in the street
or
Conspiracy
Do you wish to be a man
I believed you
Brainwashed
ultimately
Have another drink
Thnx B101.
Also, beverage of CHoice this evening is an end-of-semester gift from a Prof.
I recall watching game 1 in 93 against the nodicks..HABS up 2-0 late in the 3rd when he says"nice to see them get one to make it interesting..boom..boom..OT..I say to him, THERE THAT FUCKIN Interesting enuff for ya? I EVEN MISSED THE SABRES series because I was in the woods playing soldier..but what a year 93 93 93 10 10 10?
ooh.. prof with good taste it appears.
Go Habs Go!!!
killer moe. nice 'n rocking. getting fired up. that Chimay looks amazing
my beverage for the evening. I like that it has "Canadian" in it, though not spelled correctly
Tastes even better. I got the corked, really fucking tall bottle and nearly took my eye out popping it! Kinda like when I fiddled with my first girlfriend's blouse.
I'm so nervous for this game that I might pass out before gametime.
Dear Habs, please do as you usually do and play to the level of your opponent. Also, please play like you actually care. Thanks.
Go Habs Go!!!
wv: corra - as in if they don't drop the puck soon, I'm going to have a corra-nary!
ReeRee, breath deep.
@moe - I'm trying! Unfortunately, I think it's only gonna get worse as the game goes on...
*goes to look for a paper bag*
AHHHHHHH.....AHHHHHHHH...too...much...tension.
Like fez said, this is the best part of the playoffs. That moment where it's anyone's game. All equal(ish). Anything's possible. Like Friday afternoon before a long weekend. Let's hope we don't go to bed feeling like it's Sunday night.
One bit of advice from my couch.... Don't. Come. Out. Sluggish!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty fucking excited for the game. Huryy up and finish, Cornation Street... Sabres/Bruins is gonna be a killah series.
@ReeRee, if you are looking for paper bags, check with a leaf fan friend.
GG if there is one thing I think we can count on, it's the Habs coming out sluggish.
DROP THE FUCKING PUCK
TSN's intro: "a team in need of a miracle". Fuck you TSN
Ok but come out sluggish with energy you fuckers!!!!!!!
@moe - As if I'd be friends with a leaf fan! Pff!
29 knows, you can here the CotU tsn script writers splooging in there pants (not the same as Pants!) whilst penning Duthie's into. Fucktards.
I'm sensing this is gonna be an ice cream kinda night!
Nice intro by TSN....calling the Habs a team in desperate need of a miracle. How uplifting. Show 'em boys!!!!!
Allez-les cullottes!
Go you fucking HABS!
Lotta pink happening on RDS tonight.
15 yr old currently stomping on signed ovechkin sweater. Trying to squish heads. Very tough on 65' tv.
What's the name of the arena the Caps play in?
Bandwagon, right?
wow, very minimum pre-game. dropping the puck at 7:10. GO YOU FUCKING PANTS
So I've decided I'm done with RDS. I've watched the Als win the Grey Cup and the Saints win the SuperBowl on TSN. It seems like the right choice!
Anyone else see Ovie during the anthem? He looks antsy...
Playoffs bitCHes!!!
Bon match!
So much for staying out of the box.
GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK
the fix is in
The Caps will be in Jaro's blue paint all series.
At least it guarantees MAB off the ice for 2 minutes.
mcsplooge praising a Hab. the world is upside down
i hate the playoffs... i always want to fucking puke.
Shades of Anaheim Cup hockey, Caps won't see too many penalties go against them.
After seeing that 'penalty' I believe the Habs will have to work that much harder to win this game/series.
McSplooge: "I don't think Bergeron is the right D to cover Ovechkin"
Gee, ya think?!?
Pee Air should call the anti-chambers at RDS because they think Uro is made for being paired with Vodkov.
Jesus, time for that first drink.
Wow, how can professional hockey players do what they just did in their own zone there? That was embarrassing.
PP!
Did I hear that right? First fucking shot?
SKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE
MAB, dammit!
shut up pee-air and your 5 year old chants
At least Jaro isn't sluggish. eesh.
11-3 shots. about right.
There's something positive I want to say about a certain little Slovak, but I wouldn't want to jinx anything.
damn right good call splooge
CASH IN
SQUID FUCK YEAH!!
S Q U I D !!!!!!
Squid!!!
KIRKIE!!!!!!!!
FUCK YEAH!!!!
I MEAN SQUID!!!!!
Sweet pinCH by Big Tits at the blue line!
Jose 5-hole.
Biron or Brodeur would have had that!
Damn you, Chicken!
heh, tsn's fat binder lets phlegmiller know that the Caps are the only team to win after giving up the first goal. CotU fact-CHeckers must've been given bonuses for digging up that kind of shit-laden corn.
desperate PK. i like it
Holy crap, heroic PK.
Watching on VS. First time I've seen those 'History will be made' commercials.
Nooooooooow I get it.
ack
crap
urgh. After that PK you do that? Assholes.
WV: naconpo. The Habs are a bunch of naconpos.
Ah well.
Man...Sergei looks so rusty... THANKS A LOT CHOCULA (jerk)
My lord, that's the longest goal announcement I've ever heard and Montreal does it in two languages. Maybe they have to do it in two languages in Washington, too. English and redneck.
5 minutesn ago I decided to take a drink everytime the VS guys say "small forwards" in reference to Montreal. I'm on my way to the hospital with alcohol poisoning.
well if you told me at the start of the game we'd get outshot like that and be tied after 1, i would have taken it
O-man, had you seen tsn's opening pre-show you'd be strapped to an IV by now.
1-1, could be worse, a lot worse.
Go you sluggish fucking Habs!
I would've taken a 1-1 tie after one period too but this doesn't look good for the Habs. I just can't see where the offense is going to come from.
Jaro is ON but will it be enough? Oh, the anxiety!
hope the boys come out banging in the 2nd. they'd better.
wv: get rim
awesome.
Jaro must feel like the lone duck in a shooting gallery.
Wonder if tsn will mention how many playoff games the Caps lost to get bounced last year. No?
Ovie is trying too hard.
Impossible for the Habs to have a forecheck or any significant amount of time in the Caps zone.
The Habs look completely disinterested in any offence and pretty incompetent at any defence.
Okay, not a bad sequence there with Darche Vader, a Caps turnover and a Max backhander.
I see Jaro has polished his horseshoe extra shiny tonight.
Habs in 5!!!!!
As I type that, the 4th line puts on some pressure.
Great, too many men on the ice. Great coaching, JM.
Crap. crap. crap.
PA guy at the Verizon Center is so laughably horrible.
Holy shit! Offensive pressure!
Good sequence but I wish AK had driven to the net with some effort instead of seeming surprised when a rebound came to him.
How many Habs does it take to score a goal? Apparently 18 'cause 5 don't cut it...
Enjoy it while it lasts Theo. You're crap at the Bell Center.
Hey Pleks, how 'bout you put your money where your mouth is?
The VS guys really are idiots. "Save of the game so far by Theo! Unbelievable!"
WV: stoog. Too easy.
Much better over the past five minutes.
There's that crap Washington D
Spacek is a MONSTER!
Well hey, the warm up is over I see!
WE NEED TO HABITALIZE ON THE PUCK POSSESSION!!!!!
Spacek is a MONSTER!
Where the fuck did this come from? What did they do during the TV timeout? Get high on Speed?
Wow, GG!! Top comment thus far tonight! Cheers.
Who are these guys and what have they done with our beloved Habs?
Methinks it was meth
I must confess, 15 year old's comment.
But I did give birth to him so I guess I get minimal credit for the whole human being through the vagina without an epidural thing. Sorry.
SCORE!!!!!!!!
got home for the 2nd.
it's a real uptempo game.
even the urologist is playing well.
surpringly, I wish mcGuire would shut up
There's something fucky with the comments tonight. Sorry for the double MONSTER post.
McSplooge kills me with the "Tommy Pyatt" handle...
Max's line looks great this period, as evidenced by drawing a penalty.
Not to sound too optimistic, but with how they're playing now they might actually do something with this PP.
A goal would have been nice...
Much, much better second period. Squid looks sharp, which is a nice change.
GO YOU FUCKING HABS!
much better period. still 1-1 tho. not sure what that says
How can Caps fans cheer the crap display their team put on during the 2nd half of the 2nd period?
Fuck it, put Darch, Moore and Laps on the PP.
tsn'ers aren't sounding too happy. Nice!
SOGs not as off kilter, 27-20 for the C(r)aps.
hope.
there I said it
TSN soooo hesitant to say the Habs had all the momentum in the second half of the second... Assholes.
God the TSN panel is really painful.
backstrom and the right side and how that's where they're goign to score from blabla.
have they checked the score?
Habs actually outshot the Caps in the 2nd. Meth works. Either that or Muller cattle prodded them.
Zap. Zap. Zap.
notice how the only pro-Habs comment is from the ex-caoch.
guess we now know who has the most recent experience in actual hockey games
Yup, tsn got the Habs games that cbc/hnic did not want but the hate is still palpable.
WV = evoll as in the fucktard-neanderthalish tsn has yet to evoll from the sludge, go figure
McTavish seems to know what he's talking about. I'm pretty sure the others were kicking him under the table before cutting to a commercial.
''hangin' around'? WTF?
A team that's still hanging around....fuck off you fuckers.
McTavis, actually, is apparently the only one there that picked the Habs to win this series.
Ah ha! RDS has found Eric Belanger. Time to interview.
I hope that assanine comment comes back to bite him in the ass
WV helation is felt by all given that 2nd half of period
Another golden fact nugget for the tsn'ers!
crap crap crap crap crap
: (
Ugh.
FFFFUUUCCCKKKK
okay we can come back into this
(epitomy of bad luck, WTF McGuire?)
Damn you "K-Nuble".
oh Tommy
Oh, Pyatt. Probably too much open net for you to shoot at.
Awww Pyatt...that could have been your fist playoff goal... :(
Heh. Ovie skating around like a blue arsed fly, no goals. I love it.
According to VS Theo is the story of the game. And they won't shut up about it. Going on 4 straight minutes talking about him now...
LOLZ. Versus guys claiming that Theo had a year similar to his Hart Trophy winning season in 2002 this year.
Jesus, we all know the Caps are great and much better than the Habs but can you try not to suck up to them EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. MOMENT.
Mex!
MexiCAN!!
TAKE THAT, VERSUS!
Scotty!!
HOLY SHIT!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woohoo
mexican alaskan''''''
Jaro i love you
Quietest Phlegmiller goal call ever. (I think Gord said fuck at the end of the comment)
Oh, that was OK. Let's back to Theo.
Great forecheck by Max and Darche Vader.
OH CMON THIS IS RIGGED
Moen...
Count Chokula with a hint of emotion there for a sec
seriously boarding?
VS guys think that was a good call. Of course, they also thought the Backstrom's clear and obvious elbow earlier was a 'good hockey hit'. So, yeah.
Mcsplooge all over Gill
what next?
That was one shitty looking PP for the Caps.
Didn't one of the Caps guys do that to Gorges on an earlier icing with no call? OH HI, TIM PEEL!
This team is showing their playoff experience.
GO HABS!
hzombie
Well, I started playing Hearts in another window last period when the Habs suddenly started playing well. Then I stopped during intermission and the start of the 3rd and the Caps scored. I opened it up again and POW! the game is tied. Then my last WV was rEARTS.
So, yeah. Hearts.
there's been comments on the sea of red in the building.
not that hard to do when you wont let CHabs fan buy tickets
Pleky's going to need more painkillers.
is that an actual jM time out?
somebody pinch me
Gomer, great game tonight but please don't give the puck away in your own zone to Ovechkin.
cbc/hnic didn't want this series?
is it just me or have they multiplied commercial breaks by a factor of 10?
good coach move. And Hammer gets off.
hzombie
well no matter what the eventual result, this was a good game and at least we'll all get ice cream soon.
wait, what?
meth-laced ice cream!!!
tsn'ers itCHin for a Habs penalty?
. . .
that's good use of ellipsis moe
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